Sarah was afraid her cheeks still looked tear-stained, even though she had washed her face and attempted to soothe the red skin with some powder from her compact. She had gotten out of the habit of wearing makeup all summer since it was so hot and she always felt swollen. Between that, her wild, wavy hair growing at record pace due to pregnancy hormones, and her bohemian maternity sundress, she felt like a wayward hippie. I look like I belong in the cast of Hair, she mused. "I'm fine," she lied. "I just woke up from a nap."
"We're doing a complete run through of Act 1 tonight," she shared. "I hope I have my choreography down!"
"I'm sure you'll do great. Xavier's not giving you any trouble about missing practice for the wedding, is he?"
"Oh, no, of course not. I have such a tiny role, no one will even miss me," she laughed. But she knew one person would miss her: Landon. And she would miss him too.
Sarah steered her trusty red Toyota two towns over to the charming main street area where the community theater was located. It was an old brick building, somewhat boxy in shape, but it served its purpose. Concrete steps led to two huge crimson doors which matched the color of the velvet curtains and seats inside. She pulled into a parking space. "Can you get a ride home, or do I need to come back and get you?" she asked.
"Landon may be able to run me home. I know you probably want to get to bed early since our flight is at seven." She scanned the parking lot. "I see his car. Let me just run in and talk to him real quick, okay? If you don't mind waiting, I can come back out and tell you."
"Sure, that's fine," Sarah agreed. She doubted she was going to be able to sleep until James came home, and who knew when that would be. And even then, she might be seething too angrily to sleep.
She watched her daughter climb the steps to the theater. She looks like an honest-to-god woman, Sarah sighed. Not at all like a little girl anymore. She had grown so much during her first year of school. How is it you can see your kid every day and not really notice all the gradual changes, and then all of the sudden you're staring at an adult?
She heard a car door slam next to her and glanced over to see Garrett Stone making eye contact with her. Her heart suddenly fluttering, she stepped out of the car. "Well, if it isn't The Navigator!" she smiled, happy for the distraction.
His 6'3" frame ducked as he narrowly avoided hitting his flame-colored head on the doorframe. "A lovely surprise, Dr. McAllister!" he grinned.
He remembered my new last name, Sarah thought. His eyes traveled down to the bump protruding from her paisley sundress. "Oh, my! Well, this is an even more delightful surprise," he said, his tenor voice smooth as butter.
Sarah nearly blushed. For a split second, she'd either forgotten she was pregnant or forgotten he didn't already know. She wasn't sure which more accurately described the situation, but it was certainly a moment of temporary embarrassment.
"You look lovely," he said, realizing she was having difficulty forming words on her lips.
"Thank you, Garrett. I'm only about halfway so I’ve still got a long way to go," she offered.
He inched closer to her as she was talking. "I'm sorry, it's like a gravitational pull," he laughed. "Can I touch you?"
She shrugged, "I guess," not really knowing what else to say. Saying "no" to Garrett had never been her strong suit, right up until the end. He reached for her, his large palms outstretched so that he could span them across the width of her abdomen. She watched his eyes close as he pressed gently.
"It's a girl," he guessed.
"Oh, I didn't know you had those kinds of powers," Sarah teased him, rolling her eyes.
"I don't," he retorted, "but it's just the vibe I get. I get vibes sometimes, don't you?" He knew very well that she did. They had spoken of it extensively "back in the day."
She nodded and tried not to be hypnotized by his magical green eyes. She wasn't sure if her attraction toward him had been renewed, or if the fact that she had once used him as a distraction from thinking about James made him all the more enticing.
"How is your husband?" he asked, reading her mind once again.
"Oh, he’s fine. We're leaving tomorrow for Seattle. My brother is getting married," she revealed.
"Oh, wunderbar!" he exclaimed. "That's great to hear. Say hello to my hometown for me! Any room for me to stow away in your suitcase?"
She smiled. There were times she wished she could simply have a torrid, one-night stand with him again. She wanted to ride that gargantuan cock of his one more time, no strings attached. She had a feeling he would be in favor of such an activity. It was so tempting to ask him what he was doing after practice. But then she had Abby to worry about, if Abby still needed a ride home...
As if on cue, Abby shuffled down the theater stairs and headed toward them. "Hey, Garrett," she acknowledged him. "Xavier is looking for you."
"Oh, I'm sure he is," Garrett answered. He turned to Sarah and placed a soft kiss against her cheek. She felt his scruffy unshaven face scratch against her skin. "Call me sometime."
She nodded and then joined Abby in watching his long, agile limbs carry him into the theater. "What was that all about?" her daughter asked.
"Oh, nothing, just catching up," Sarah replied. "So, what's the story for tonight?"
"Landon can bring me home, so you're off the hook. Go get some rest, okay, Mom? Tomorrow is going to be a long day."
She appreciated her daughter's nurturing side coming out. She couldn’t prevent her mind from drifting to what might have happened if Abby hadn't come bounding out of the theater at the moment she did. She might still be standing in the parking lot, her lips locked onto Garrett's. "Okay, sweetie, thank
you. I'll see you later tonight."
"Be careful on your way home!" Abby called as she headed back up the steps.
Sarah stood there for a minute, feeling Garrett's scratchy kiss still blazing on her cheek. Yes, a few minutes more of alone time, and I might have dragged him back into the Green Room for an encore performance of our first time together...
***
Sarah was still awake when James sneaked into the house. She had finished packing her things separately from his. Her suitcase and Abby’s suitcase both sat in the foyer, ready for an early morning departure.
“Why aren’t you asleep?” he asked. He looked dishevelled and distraught, with dark purple circles under his eyes.
“It’s one AM,” Sarah noted. “What makes you think I can sleep when my husband is gallivanting around the greater District of Columbia area with another woman?”
He seemed taken aback and stood staring at her for a moment, his face tightly clenched with a storm of emotions brewing that she couldn’t fully identify. “So it’s going to be like that,” he finally spoke.
“Yeah, it is going to be like that,” she said coldly, rising to her feet and walking toward him. “You are not abiding by our agreement, you missed our appointment this morning, and you’ve been a perfect asshole to me about it.”
“Look,” James said, “I had to take care of some things before I left. I’m sorry I missed the appointment – that was work related.”
“You had to finish up your work during the appointment so that you could see her tonight.” Sarah couldn’t bring her lips to form the syllables of her name.
James stood his ground but didn’t respond. His arms were at his side, chest puffed out, jaw set. He didn’t appear willing to back down or admit any wrongdoing. This whole time he’s not given a flying fuck what I want. He just weathers the storms of my protests and then does what he wants. That changes tonight, she decided.
Her eyes were stinging from all the tears she’d shed; her body was weak and trembling. But she was determined to take a stand. She had spoken to both of her most trusted advisors, her mother and Rachel, and they were behind her 100%. It was time for him to choose.
“I’m going to bed,” he announced, as if he thought sleep could absolve him from his promises. As if by tomorrow she would forget what he had done.
“No, you
’re not,” Sarah demanded. “We’re going to get this straightened out before we leave tomorrow. Why was it so imperative for you to see her tonight?”
He scoffed. “As if it’s any of your business. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Do you love her?” she asked, her voice slightly squeaking on the last word.
He didn’t respond right away, and that was really the only answer she needed. She knew she shouldn’t be upset for him to admit it; that’s the whole point of polyamory, isn’t it? she thought. Her brain hurt from the struggle of trying to make it alright with him loving another woman. Maybe I can’t share him. Maybe I shared him with Maggie so long that I just want him for myself now.
She mentally reviewed all the tools Dr. McCarty had given them for arguing, for ironing out their differences, and for resolving conflict. She remembered their relationship plan and how seeing Vanessa tonight was in direct violation of it. And she remembered that there was a veto provision in the agreement. They each had the power to veto extramarital partners they felt threatened the marriage. It was time to invoke her veto rights.
“Sarah, of course I love her. I’ve been seeing her for several months, and we’ve been intimate. We have a lot in common and we’ve shared some deeply personal things with each other. The reason I needed to see her tonight is that she was asking for more time with me – a second night a week – and I really wanted to discuss it with her before coming to you with the request.”
She was shaking, every nerve in her body on fire with fear: pure, unadulterated fear. “I can’t do this anymore, James. I’m very pregnant, very emotional, and I’m tired of sharing you. It seems like you give her all your energy and passion, and there is nothing left over for me at the end of the day.”
His eyes illuminated with fury and self-defense. “What the hell, Sarah? You are the one who brought ‘poly’ into my vocabulary. I didn’t even know what it was before you. I let you fuck Pawel every time he’s here and I’ve never been the slightest bit jealous. I thought you were all open-minded and more highly evolved than I am. Hell, you always lorded that over me when I was with Maggie!”
There was a name she hadn’t heard from his lips in a long time. Tears began to roll down her face as the realization of her hypocrisy attacked her from the inside out. “Maybe it’s because you lied to me in the beginning. Maybe it’s because you’re still lying to me now about her,” she fought back. “The point is that poly is supposed to be transparent, and you’ve been anything but. I feel like she is driving a wedge between us.” She borrowed the phrase Pawel had used.
“Is she? Or is it that you just can’t handle sharing me? It’s a double standard!”
She felt like a poison dart had just pierced her heart; the toxins spread from her core throughout her extremities. He’s not backing down, she realized. And not once has he professed that I’m his priority.
“Maybe I will be able to handle you having a poly relationship that I’m in on from the beginning. Maybe at some point when I’ve had this baby and I’m not this huge, fat cow with my hormones all out of whack, not even knowing if I can carry to term…but right now – with Vanessa – it’s not working for me.”
“So what are you saying?”
She stepped closer to him, close enough to smell him, to wrap her arms around his waist if she wanted to. She was close enough to see the striations of blue in his irises, as well as the red cracks in the whites of his eyes. She put her head on his chest and pressed her stomach into him. He responded by putting his arms around her and kissing the top of her head.
She hoped that this gesture of affection would bring him to his senses, calm his defensiveness, and remind him of their commitment and agreement. “I want you to stop seeing her,” she whispered against his firm pectoral muscles. “Please?”
He stepped back and peered down at her, his eyes brimming with tears. He very slowly shook his head as he gave her the answer she didn’t want to hear: “I don’t think I can promise that.”
***
Chapter Eighteen
End of Summer
Abby was not expecting the water to be so cold. But then she remembered the dream she’d had a few weeks prior when she’d stood on the beach and the waves rushing over her feet practically numbed her skin. Wow, this is literally a dream come true, she realized. I didn’t even know I’d be going to the beach when I had that dream.
She wasn’t sure whose idea it was to do the cast party at Assateague Island. She wasn’t even sure how they had been able to secure a big enough campsite during the busy season. Those were questions her mother had asked before giving her permission to go.
“Permission?” Abby had balked. “I’m nineteen years old. I don’t need your permission.” She had laughed. She didn’t want to be disrespectful, but sometimes her mother forgot that she was an adult.
“I know, I know,” her mother answered, nearing exasperation. “Fine, have a great time and be careful!”
“Be careful of what?” Abby teased her.
“Sharks, jellyfish stings, horse bites, ticks, handsy boys,” she enumerated. Abby wondered if “handsy boys” included Landon. Or even Garrett.
She had invited Landon in to meet her mother one night after he dropped her off after a show. Conveniently, he lived only minutes away. “Yes, he still lives with his parents,” Abby had told her mother. “Yes, he’s in college. He goes to your school.” And then: “No, we’re not dating. We’re just friends.”
“He seems like a nice young man,” Sarah had remarked.
“He is,” Abby agreed.
And he was the reason she was even at this cast party slash camp out. She had never connected with anyone in the cast except for him, and she assumed everyone thought they were “an item.” Landon didn’t seem to mind the misconception.
They’d had a conversation about it early on, a few nights after she told him she was gay. “But how do you know you don’t like guys?” he had inquired.
“Trust me,” Abby had responded, “I know. I had a boyfriend my junior year. What a disaster.”
“Disaster how?” he pressed.
“Well, simply put, he was an asshole.”
“Wait, weren’t Bree and Mia assholes too?” His brown eyes projected a mix of mirth and sincerity.
She playfully punched him in the upper arm. “Touché.”
She appreciated having someone she could talk to about her relationships and not feel judged. His joking around with her about it cemented the fact that he accepted the situation. Abby felt lucky to finally have an ally her own age. Maddy was supportive too, but she was back in Kansas for the summer, and the two had only snapchatted and texted periodically. Sam the R.A. had also texted to check in. I’ve never been the type to have a ton of close friends, Abby reflected. I’m definitely the quality over quantity type. She knew that her mother was too. Landon is a quality find if there ever was one.
She had been texting with her sister Emma, who had finally gotten a phone for her birthday. In accordance with her father’s wishes, she didn’t say anything about her private life. Mostly she and Emma commiserated about the entity known as Bobbi, who was soon to become their stepmother. I think I might move out, Emma had announced. Can I move in with you? Abby was glad for the opportunity to bond with Emma, who had been harder to get to know than her younger sister, Elise. She’d spoken with Elise on the phone twice during the summer, and each time the little girl professed her excitement for her sister to return to Colorado for the fall semester.
Colorado was on her mind as she looked out over the vast ocean. It struck her as strange that her life had been divided by these two dichotomous landscapes: the mountains and the water. In Maryland, she spent summers near all sorts of bodies of water: The Potomac River, the Chesapeake Bay, the Atlantic Ocean. Travel must be planned around bridges when one lives on the edge of the continent. In Colorado, it was planned around mountains. Or through them, she thought of the precarious road out of North Cheyenne Cañon that tun
nels right through walls of granite. Interesting that these transportation obstacles are also the pinnacle of natural beauty. She smiled as she revelled in her profound thought and didn’t notice Landon sneaking up on her, tiptoeing through the sand.
“You seem to be off in your own little world,” he observed. “You okay?”
His voice made her jump, but then she turned and saw his eager smile. He was wearing loose khaki shorts and a plain olive green t-shirt. His hair reflected the sun in golden highlights as it blew around his face. “I’m just thinking about going back to school,” she admitted.
“Bummer! Geez, Abby, we only have a few more weeks of summer break left. Can’t you just enjoy them like a regular person?” He laughed, always enjoying an opportunity to tease her.
It was a legitimate question. Why do I always have to be three steps ahead instead of living in the moment? she wondered. That was one of the things she loved about Mia. Mia was spontaneous and hated to plan. It challenged Abby, but kept her on her toes. And flying by the seat of her pants was exhilarating. She wondered what Landon would think if she told him she’d had a threesome with Mia and Marcus.
Just then she saw a dorsal fin followed by a sleek, dark gray body leap out of the water. Then it disappeared beneath the surface with hardly a splash. “Oh my god! A dolphin!” As soon as the words left her lips, she saw another one emerge and sink back below the rippled water, followed by two more.
“Dolphins!” Landon corrected her. For a moment they stood next to each other, their eyes peeled on the water in that area. She felt him brush up against her, his arm damp from the cool surf.
“That’s got to be the coolest thing ever,” she sighed.
There is something to be said about sharing an experience -- one of beauty or one of crisis -- alongside another person. Either way, a mix of emotions is transferred between bodies so that they seem to circulate in each other’s blood. A bond is formed. And so, with no words needed, the two stood on the beach while the sunlight sparkled on the horizon, intermittently broken by cresting dolphins.
The Mountains Trilogy (Boxed Set) Page 96