“Are you sore?”
“I slept in a sitting position last night. Not all of us slept in my bed.”
“I forgot about that,” Quinn said, digging his fingers in. “You should get a good night’s sleep tonight.”
“Not if we don’t get answers.”
“I’m working on it,” Quinn said, his voice low. “Jessica had to be in that room. The blood would suggest something happened to her in close proximity to the balcony. So … what are our options?”
“Well, Jessica could’ve left the group earlier,” Rowan suggested, moaning slightly as she shifted closer to Quinn so he could have easier access to her knotted muscles. “That feels heavenly.”
Quinn smirked. “I guess I know the way to your heart, huh? You like a massage.”
“Who doesn’t like a massage?”
“Good point,” Quinn said. “I happen to love a good massage. You can file that away for later, though, because I’m not going to get one tonight unless I make an appointment at the spa.”
“Are employees allowed to visit the spa?”
“I am. You are.”
“I really need to look closer at that contract,” Rowan murmured.
“That would probably be a good idea,” Quinn said. “If Jessica left the group early, that means she would’ve taken someone with her.”
“Not necessarily,” Rowan countered. “Perhaps she left the group because she was drunk and wanted to lay down. The other girls were messed up enough not to register her departure, which means they wouldn’t have noticed if one of the guys followed her. She could’ve already been back in the room – or at least opening it – when he approached.”
“And what? Do you think one of the engineers forced his way in and wanted sex from her?”
“It’s as good a theory as anything else,” Rowan answered. “Maybe the engineer thought she liked him more than she did. He probably didn’t think he’d need to drug her. When she fought him off, though, it’s possible that he lost his temper and struck her.
“Maybe she had a head wound or something,” she continued. “Maybe she was already dead in the room and he panicked and dumped her overboard. The blood on the bottom of the balcony could’ve come from her hitting her head on the way down. She might’ve already been dead, though.”
“That theory fits the facts in existence,” Quinn said. “It still leaves me with questions, though.”
“Like?”
“Like why did Jessica go back to the room alone? Why didn’t one of her friends go with her? What is wrong with those girls that they barely seem to be worried and are much more interested in partying?”
“You seem fixated on the girls,” Rowan noted. “How come?”
“Because I don’t like their reactions and I think there’s more to it than just being young and foolish,” Quinn answered, not missing a beat. “There’s something odd about the way they interact with one another.”
“I’m not sure it’s as odd as you think,” Rowan offered. “I was that age once. It feels like a lifetime ago, but it was only ten years. When you’re eighteen, it’s as if your emotions aren’t fully functioning yet. I cringe when I think back to some of the things I did when I was that age.”
“Are you saying you weren’t always such a rule follower?” Quinn’s eyes twinkled. “Were you a bad girl?”
Rowan scowled. “I’m not talking about misbehaving. I’m talking about interacting with others. I didn’t always know that I was hurting the feelings of others.
“If you must know, I kind of kept to myself in high school,” she continued. “I was convinced I was going crazy because of the death omens and I purposely kept my distance from others. I didn’t want to take photos of anyone because it made me feel guilty. The same went for having my photo taken with others. I simply avoided others to make things easier.
“I was always worried and sick to my stomach,” she explained. “My father thought I was developing an ulcer … or a mental problem. He didn’t understand what I was going through and that only made me feel more alienated.”
Quinn dug his fingers deeper into Rowan’s tense neck, sympathy washing over him. “I guess I never considered that. You must’ve been lonely.”
“I’ve learned to live with loneliness. It’s part of my life. It probably always will be.”
“I don’t believe that, but that’s a conversation for another time,” Quinn said.
“You’re right,” Rowan conceded. “Other people thought I was being snooty and mean when I didn’t want to go to parties or talk to them. I never realized that was the persona I was putting out, and by the time I did realize it, I was beyond being able to fix it.
“I think these girls are possibly the same way,” she continued. “They’re friends, but they obviously don’t boast friendships that will last a lifetime. Eventually they’ll go off to college and start learning about making real friends.”
“You’re basically saying they’re not bad people,” Quinn mused. “You think they’re ignorant, not malicious.”
“I think Hayley and Kara are ignorant. I think there’s a malicious side to Kylie. I don’t believe it’s because she wants to be mean just for the sake of being mean, though. I think she has a competitive edge.”
“That’s why she hates you.”
“Exactly.” Rowan bobbed her head. “She wants you and sees me as competition.”
“Which is ridiculous because Kylie isn’t even in the game,” Quinn said, giving Rowan’s neck one more hard rub before taking a step back. The intoxicating mix of her perfume and warm skin was beginning to go to his head at a time when he needed to be focused. “I still don’t like their reaction, but I guess I can hardly rule them sociopaths without further proof.”
“Hardly,” Rowan agreed.
“We’re pretty much at a standstill until I can interview the engineers, and we’re still at least an hour away from that,” Quinn said, checking his watch. “I guess that means we have time for us.”
Rowan stilled, her cheeks flushing as a tingly sensation washed over her body. “I’m sorry but … what?”
“Us,” Quinn repeated. “I want to know what I said this afternoon to upset you.”
“You didn’t say anything to upset me.” Rowan made a big show of forcing her eyes to the dance floor. “I’m totally fine.”
“You’re a terrible liar,” Quinn said, resting his thumb under her chin and forcing her gaze to him. “Tell me.”
“I … .”
“I know I said something, Rowan,” Quinn said. “I would like to know what it is. If we’re going to do something here … well … then we need to communicate. I know I’m not the most talkative man in the world, but you’re the one pulling away. I need to know why.”
Rowan licked her lips, uncertain. “That’s just it. I don’t think we should do something here.”
Quinn’s heart sank but he made sure to keep his expression neutral. “Why not?”
“You said it yourself,” Rowan replied. “You don’t want a relationship.”
“You said the same thing.”
“And I meant it,” Rowan said. “The difference is, I admit that I might’ve been wrong. I’m attracted to you. Lying would be immature and a waste of time … so I admit it. I guess I would be open to seeing how things go, but … .”
“But what?”
“But you just want something casual,” Rowan answered. She decided it would be better to get things out of the way rather than drag them out. That would cast a pall over her time on the ship for days – maybe even weeks. That was the last thing she wanted. “You said it yourself. I’m a rule follower. I’ve never done casual and I’m pretty sure I’m not capable of it.”
“So … what? Do you want me to propose or something?” Quinn’s expression was unreadable. “I find you entertaining and attractive, but I’m not willing to go that far.”
Instead of smiling, which Quinn hoped she would do, Rowan scowled.
“I’m hardly pres
suring you into marriage,” Rowan said. “I don’t want to be some … fling, though. I don’t want you to hop into bed with me and then take off after getting what you want.”
Quinn narrowed his eyes. “And what is it that you think I want?”
“You said it earlier. You want a fling. You said you weren’t interested in a relationship and only wanted a brief thing.”
“When did I say that?” Quinn protested. “I don’t remember saying that.”
“You said it on the deck. I asked why you were suddenly so flirty even though you didn’t want a relationship. You said you still didn’t want a relationship but were open to a fling.”
“I honestly don’t remember saying that, but you obviously heard it,” Quinn said, rubbing his chin. “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. That wasn’t my intention.”
Rowan studied his face for a moment. She could practically feel the discomfort rolling off of him. “You don’t want a relationship, though, do you?”
“You don’t want one either.” Quinn practically exploded. He caught himself from overreacting before they drew too much attention from the guests, though. “You don’t want a relationship. You said it yourself.”
“I guess I still don’t want a relationship,” Rowan conceded. “I wasn’t lying when I said it before.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“I don’t want to be completely shut off from the possibility of a relationship,” Rowan replied. “I can’t go into something knowing that there’s an expiration date … or that there’s no room for growth. That’s exactly what you’re offering.”
“Technically I haven’t offered anything yet.”
“That’s true, too,” Rowan said, her lower lip quivering. He grew colder by the moment, which made her heart hurt with almost every breath. “I don’t want to press you for more than you’re willing to give. In truth, if we start something casual, I can already tell that I’ll fall for you. That’s not what you want and when you walk away I’ll be crushed.”
“You should probably let me decide what I want.” Quinn crossed his arms over his chest, defiant. “That’s generally how it’s done in polite circles.”
“You’ve already decided what you want. You want a fling.”
“I … .” Quinn worked his jaw, unsure how to answer. “I don’t know what I want.”
“I don’t know what I want either,” Rowan said, her voice gentle. “I do know that I don’t want to be restricted before we even start, though. I’ll end up miserable in the process.”
“That’s the last thing I want.”
“I know it is. That’s why I’m ending this before it even begins. I’m saving both of us from hurt … and guilt … and regret.”
Quinn wasn’t sure any of those things would happen. He also couldn’t muster the strength to argue with her when he feared she might very well be right. “I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything,” Rowan said. “We didn’t do anything but some mindless flirting. Everything is fine. We can … be friends.”
Quinn’s eyebrows flew up his forehead. “You want to be friends?”
“I don’t want to be enemies.”
Quinn was convinced they had another option, but he was equally convinced now wasn’t the time to broach it. He needed time to think and his emotions were already bubbling toward the surface. “I’ll take what you said under consideration.”
“That would be great.”
“For now, though, I have to question the engineers. Can you watch the girls until they go back to their room?”
Rowan nodded, her green eyes heavy with sadness. “I’ll take care of it.”
“Good.” Quinn took a step away from her and then swiveled quickly and lowered his voice to a whisper so only she could hear. “I’m not saying I agree with this. I’m not saying I disagree either. I’m going to think about it and then we’ll talk again.”
“I’m sure we can arrange that.”
“Great. I’m not ready to give up completely.”
Rowan’s heart caught in her throat. “No one is giving up. We’re just choosing a different avenue to move forward.”
“For now,” Quinn clarified. “When this is over, though, we’re going to revisit it.”
“I can’t wait.”
18
Eighteen
Rowan slept heavily, her dreams pleasant and sensual, as if she was wrapped in a warm cocoon and would never be chilly again. She almost didn’t want to wake up.
She watched the girls until her eyes drooped. She thought she was going to fall asleep on her feet, but they finally retired to their room. They were alone, which was a bonus, so Rowan left them to unconsciousness. She was so tired she stripped out of her shorts and shirt and climbed into bed wearing only a tank top and panties. Despite the emotional upheaval revolving around her discussion with Quinn, slumber claimed her almost as soon as her head hit the pillow.
Rowan knew she was asleep. She often recognized she was in a dreaming state. That didn’t stop her from enjoying the warmth Dream Quinn’s closeness provided in her subconscious. She snuggled closer and sighed before her dream shifted to total darkness. Strangely enough, she still felt warm and happy when she woke the next morning. It took her a second to realize she wasn’t alone in her bed, and when she turned her head she found Quinn sleeping beside her.
He hadn’t gone so far as to climb under the sheets with her. He was bare-chested and wearing nothing but his boxer shorts as he lightly snored beneath the comforter, though. His face looked angelic in sleep. That didn’t mean Rowan didn’t curse him like the devil under her breath.
“What the … ?”
“Good morning, Trixie,” Quinn murmured, moving his arm around her waist. “How did you sleep?”
Rowan was flabbergasted. “Are you kidding me?”
“It’s too early for kidding,” Quinn replied, never opening his eyes. “I really am interested in how you slept.”
“I cannot believe you!” Rowan’s voice bordered on screechy as she hopped out of bed, desperate to put distance between them. It took her a moment to realize what she was wearing – or really, the lack of what she was wearing – and she cringed and immediately climbed back under the sheets to cover herself. “This is … beyond an invasion!”
“Shh.” Quinn patted her arm. “It’s quiet time. You’re going to make people think we’re having our first fight if you’re not careful. It’s early enough that the morning shift hasn’t left for work yet.”
“What?”
Rowan’s tone finally penetrated Quinn’s muddled mind and he couldn’t help but smile when he saw the color in her cheeks and fire in her eyes. “Good morning.”
“It is most certainly not a good morning,” Rowan snapped, her agitation taking control of her mouth. “This is an invasion of privacy. How did you even get in here?”
“I have a master key.”
“I know that, but … you said you would knock next time. You promised.”
“Yes, well, I changed my mind,” Quinn said, rolling to his back as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. “If I knocked, you would’ve sent me away.”
Rowan recognized that as the truth but that didn’t stop her from being horrified. “So you just let yourself into my room and crawled into bed with me? That’s a violation.”
“It’s not as if I touched you without consent or anything.”
“You were spooned up behind me.”
“That was instinct.”
“You still touched me.”
Quinn heaved out a heavy sigh. “I guess that’s true. I’m sorry if I overstepped my bounds.”
Rowan recognized the weariness invading his eyes and felt a momentary jolt of sympathy. It didn’t last long. “We talked about this last night. We agreed that it wasn’t a good idea.”
“We didn’t agree to anything of the sort,” Quinn countered. “You issued an edict and I didn’t put up much of an argument. I realized after the fact tha
t it was a mistake.”
“What was a mistake? Are you saying that not arguing with me was a mistake?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” Quinn said, stretching his arms over his head and grunting lightly. “I only got a few hours of sleep, but they were good hours. Do you know you murmur when you’re dreaming? It’s like the world’s best white noise.”
Rowan was practically apoplectic. “Get out of my room.”
“I will in a few minutes,” Quinn said. “I want to talk to you first.”
“About what? Is it about invading my personal space without asking? Is it about climbing in bed with me while I was sleeping? Is it about groping me when I was unconscious?”
“There was no groping. Trust me. If I started groping, you would’ve woken up.”
“It’s still not okay!” Rowan slammed her foot against the mattress. Since she couldn’t get a lot of leverage given the way the sheet fit over her feet, there wasn’t a lot of effort behind the movement.
“You’re cute when you’re angry,” Quinn said. “Has anyone ever told you that?”
“Not anyone who illegally entered my room and climbed into bed with me.”
“I’m sorry about that,” Quinn said. He looked as if he genuinely meant it. “It wasn’t my original plan. My original plan was to question the engineers and get to your room in a timely fashion to fill you in.
“Unfortunately, the interrogation took a lot longer than I expected and when I got here I realized you’d probably been asleep for hours,” he continued. “I considered going back to my room even though I wanted to see you but that seemed like a long walk. I considered knocking, but I didn’t want to wake you up because I knew you needed sleep.”
“So you opened my door and climbed into bed with me?”
“So I opened the door and watched you sleep for five minutes,” Quinn replied. “Then I realized that was creepy and made a choice.”
“To climb into bed with me.”
“It was the most appealing option I had,” Quinn said. “I wanted to talk to you without the risk of running into anyone else.”
Welcoming Seas (A Rowan Gray Mystery Book 1) Page 15