Nathan wanted to growl. She sounded like a guilty teenager talking to her angry father.
“I have some good news. I got exactly the idea I need to make the Carter proposal work.” She sounded timid, as if she wasn’t sure she should be telling him. What the hell was that? “Yes, it’s pretty great. I’m excited. All I have to do now is—”
A long pause. Nathan forced himself to unclench his teeth. The guy interrupted in the middle of Kim telling him about one of the most important parts of her life?
“Really? You did? That’s terrific.”
He stopped pretending to read. Stopped pretending he wasn’t listening. Glared at her back. The asshole had manipulated the conversation so that now she had to congratulate him? How much time had he given her achievement? Three seconds?
“No, it’s really not like that.” She moved into the living room, her steps heavy, head down. “No. Yes, I, um, I do, too.”
Nathan froze, black hatred boiling in his chest. Yes, he had admitted he needed practice living slow and being cool. But did Dale just tell Kim he loved her? Was that what she was answering? I do, too?
No. No way. Kim couldn’t fall for that creep. Not when he beat her down like that. And she wouldn’t have let Nathan into her bed if she was in love with someone else.
Steady.
“Okay, well, I’m glad you did. Right. Have a great rest of the trip. I’ll see you when you get back. What? Oh, no, of course you can. Yes. Bye!”
Nathan put down the paper, took a sip of coffee. One look at her perplexed face and he knew there was no way he could sit here and pretend that her happiness wasn’t more important than his. “Dale?”
“Yeah.” She went to the counter, drank the glass of orange juice she’d poured earlier. “He’s in Japan.”
“Ah.” Sip of coffee. Trying to keep this casual. “And how is Mr. Dale?”
“Busy.”
“You disappear when he talks to you.”
She looked annoyed. “Yeah, well, I didn’t think it would be that comfy for either of us if I talked to him in here.”
“That’s not what I meant. You disappear. You wilt. You shut down. Your voice drops. You lose your spark.” Nathan was angry, and sounded it.
She put her glass down on the counter with a sharp thud. “That’s ridiculous.”
“Like a girl in the principal’s office.”
Her eyes flashed fire. “You are absolutely out of line—”
“There.” He got up from his chair, pointing triumphantly. “Right there. It’s all back now. With him, you’re not Kim, you’re anemia personified.”
Her eyes narrowed dangerously. “Excuse me?”
“You’re not the hot woman I saw on the dance floor and you’re sure as hell not the woman I was in bed with last night. What the hell do you see in this guy? Why do you want someone who beats you down like that?”
“He does not beat me down. He’s a sweet man who—”
“Isn’t even happy for you about one of the most important things in your life right now.” Her angry expression faltered, all the encouragement Nathan needed. “He didn’t even react.”
“You couldn’t hear what he said.”
“I could hear you turn into a pale imitation of yourself for a guy who wants you only for his ego trip.”
“And what do you want women for? An orgasm or two, and then thanks and buh-bye?”
How could she still think that after last night? “I listen to you. I want to get to know you as you. I really care about your successes and your—”
“Oh, right, the perfect man.” She lifted her arms, let them slap down on her thighs. “And I should go out with someone like you who—”
“Yes.” He stood up. “Yes, you should.”
For an incredulous second she froze, blinking up at him.
Maybe he’d made a mistake, but it was too late to turn back, and then, suddenly, he didn’t want to. No more bullshit. No more games. “Have you kissed him yet?”
“That’s none of your business.” She took a step back, nearly to the wall.
“I take it that’s a yes.” Nathan moved opposite her. “How was that?”
“None of your business.”
“Was it anything like when you kissed me last night?”
She tried to back away farther; the wall stopped her. She started looking panicked. “Last night was fun, Nathan, but we need to forget—”
“Was it like this?” He pulled her close and found her mouth, held nothing back, indulging the wild heat and chemistry that sprang to life between them in an instant.
She pushed weakly at his shoulders, but he knew her real strength and persisted, seducing her with his lips over and over until she relaxed her arms and clutched at him. Almost beyond reason, he leaned her back against the wall, shoved his thigh between her legs, kissing her until she made a whimper of arousal and surrender that hardened his cock as if it was programmed to respond to that sound.
“When he kissed you was it like that?”
“No,” she whispered.
Vicious joy. No. Then a flood of masculine triumph, a primitive need to restake his claim. Nathan pulled her away from the wall, twisted her around, put a hand to the back of her neck and bent her over the table, loosening his hold for a second to make sure she wasn’t struggling. No. She lay there, cheek to the smooth wood, breathing heavily.
If he thought he was hard before, he’d just redefined the word. Two seconds to put his hands to the waistband of her sweats and yank them down. Two more for the panties. Her ass taunted him, firm and golden, fuzzed with tiny blond hairs like a ripe peach.
He groaned and dropped to his knees, buried his face between her legs, tasting and tonguing, hands on his fly, unsnapping, unzipping, shoving his jeans off, rolling the condom on.
Back on his feet, he took hold of that gorgeous ass, one hand on either cheek squeezing the firm muscle, spreading them wide, taking his fill of the view between before he guided his cock home and watched himself disappearing inside her an inch at a time, pushing deeper, pulling out, pushing deeper yet, nearly coming just from the sight.
She was tight, not quite ready, and the friction was unbelievable. If he was hurting her, she gave no sign.
“Yes-s-s-s,” she breathed.
Oh, man. He had to stop his movement, regain control.
Five-four-three-two-one.
He thrust again, slow and hard, letting her know who was boss.
“Oh, yes-s-s-s.”
Again he stopped, panting with the effort not to come. Who was he kidding? She was the boss. He was the junior apprentice, about to shoot inside her prematurely like an inexperienced teenager.
“Give it to me, Nathan.”
Her whisper undid him. He gritted his teeth, braced his legs and gave it to her for as long as he could stand it, thrusting hard, his balls slapping on her thighs; she cried out in pleasure-pain, urging him on, goading him, her beautiful face pink with pleasure.
Finally she propped herself up on her forearms and took control, pushing her ass at him, breasts swinging, arm muscles contracting, hair a wild sexy mess.
There was no way he could hold back. He came in a long burst of pleasure that seemed to come from deeper inside him than anything ever had.
Then she was touching herself and the sight was so hot he stayed hard, keeping his in-and-out rhythm until she came, watching her back muscles contract as she arched, feeling her vaginal muscles pulsing around his penis.
Oh, man. He wiped perspiration from his forehead. So much for playing it cool; she was too hot and he wanted her too badly, loved her too deeply to stand by while she wasted herself on a jerk who didn’t deserve her. Nathan had been that kind of jerk, so he could recognize them. But he had a hell of a lot more to offer her than Tokyo Dale.
He pulled gently out of her, hating to break the contact, and helped her straighten. “You okay?”
“I’m fine.” She didn’t sound fine.
“Want more juice? Wat
er? Coffee?”
She shook her head, biting her lip, and he had the sudden shocking realization that she was about to cry.
“Kim.” He took her into his arms, horrified at what he’d done. “God, I’m so sorry.”
“No, no.” She burrowed against him, thank God. “It’s not your fault. I wanted you. I’m just…”
“Confused? Overwhelmed?” He stroked her hair gently. “Sore?”
She gave the hint of a giggle against his chest. “All of the above. Nathan…I think we should stay away from each other.”
“Why?”
Her face creased into a sad smile that nearly broke his heart. “I’m not really sure.”
He kissed her soft mouth—gentle, nonthreatening kisses. The kind of kisses a man gives to a woman he loves.
“I have an idea.”
“Mmm?” Her arms crept around him. He’d never felt anything so sweet. If this was how she planned to stay away from him, he could handle it.
“Let’s not stay away from each other. And not try to define this.”
“Oh, Nathan.” She sighed. “You mean do whatever we feel like regardless of the consequences?”
He cringed. “Do you have to put it like that?”
“I’m sorry. I have to figure some stuff out. And it’s really hard to do when you’re…”
“Jumping you every chance I get?”
She shrugged. “Yeah.”
He nodded. Another lesson in patience for Nathan. If staying away from her was what it would take to win her, then even though it might kill him, he’d do it.
He let go of her, feeling as if she’d be pulled away from him by invisible hands the second she was no longer secured against him. But he also understood that though he wanted her in his arms more than anything else, he wanted her there only by her own choice.
DREAM DANCE STEAK WAS one of the most expensive restaurants in Milwaukee. Kim sat numbly opposite Dale while he paid the waiter what must be an appallingly high amount, and thought about how she’d rather be on Lake Michigan’s shore eating food without plates or forks, drinking wine without glasses and having nothing to wipe her mouth with. How she’d rather be anywhere but here. How she’d told Dale she didn’t want to eat out, that they needed to talk, and he’d argued back that they had a reservation and there was nothing they couldn’t talk about over a good dinner.
Except the fact that she didn’t want to see him again.
Not hard to see why she’d resisted her feelings for Nathan for so long. He wasn’t exactly Mr. Constancy when it came to women. And yet…she believed they’d shared something in the kitchen that went beyond wild sex. She sensed that he’d been struggling to let her know he cared. As soon as she’d had time to be alone and examine her own feelings, those feelings had felt safer coming out of hiding. She was in love with him. Against her better judgment, against everything she’d experienced with guys like him in the past. Whether this was a good thing or yet another colossal mistake that would end with her heart crushed like a bug, she had no idea.
One thing was for sure, though. It hadn’t just been Nathan’s competitive ego talking when he said Dale was domineering. What she’d thought was her nerves on other dates revealed itself clearly as some weird submissive pall he cast over her. Worse, Nathan had caught on in twenty seconds, listening to one side of the call from Tokyo, that Dale wanted her around only to reflect his own magnificence, that he wasn’t really interested in getting to know her at all, while Kim was only just figuring it out.
“This was such a lovely time, Kimmy.”
She gritted her teeth. “Thanks for dinner, Dale. It was delicious. And sorry, but I’d rather be called Kim.”
“Not Kimmy? I like it. It suits you.” He smiled as if her objection was not only wrong, but on its way to being overruled.
“Not Kimmy. Just Kim.” She wasn’t smiling in any way whatsoever. Tonight her fantasy man of the past seemed only pudgy and overbearing.
“Is everything okay?” He pocketed the signed receipt their waiter brought back. “You’re not yourself tonight.”
She wanted to say, No, Dale, the problem is that I am myself.
Of course she didn’t. Because that wouldn’t have been like the herself he wanted her to be. However, if she was sitting across from Nathan, she’d be able to say it in a heartbeat. And he’d take it in stride and answer seriously.
“I’m okay. Shall we?” Finally. The dinner had taken approximately a month to finish. A different woman would have insisted they skip it. She could be that different woman with Nathan.
“A stroll in the moonlight is exactly what you need.” He patted her hand. “Fresh air will do you good.”
He was right. Fresh air was exactly what she needed. And the biggest, most wonderful breath of fresh air, as far as she was concerned, was Nathan.
Outside, they started walking to the car, which wasn’t much of a stroll, but she’d take it.
“Dale, I need to say something.”
“Of course, Kimmy.”
She resisted punching his soft gut. Just barely. “I don’t think this is going to work out between us.”
“What?” He stopped walking, clearly aghast. The streetlight glinted off his glasses. “What do you mean?”
“I mean I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you, but I don’t think I want us to move forward as a couple.”
His brows dropped like anvils. “It’s that roommate.”
Bingo. “That’s only part of it.”
His face darkened further. “You’re sleeping with him, aren’t you?”
“No.” Splitting hairs to spare his feelings. She had, but she wasn’t. All week long, Nathan had honored her request to stay away from her, though there had been several times she’d nearly weakened and gone into his bedroom. Begging. On her knees.
“Bullshit.”
“What?”
“Bullshit you’re not sleeping with him. You’ve been sleeping with him all along. What kind of idiot do you think I am?”
She didn’t think it would be a good idea to treat that as anything but a rhetorical question. “No, I haven’t been, Dale.”
“I know his type.”
That stopped her. “You’ve never met him.”
“I had him looked into.”
“Looked into?” Her mouth dropped open. “You had Nathan investigated?”
“I had my suspicions, Kim. I’m not going to be played for a fool again.”
Any sympathy she might have had over the “again” part of that line was washed away by a flood of outrage that he’d hired someone to pry into Nathan’s life and hers. And yes, also some guilt. She had slept with Nathan while Dale trusted that he and Kim were building toward a committed relationship.
Except if he’d really trusted, he wouldn’t have hired a detective.
“The guy has a track record a mile long. Women all over the place. He’ll get tired of you in about a week and it’s on to the next one. It’s been his pattern. And not many of the women had very nice things to say about his methods. There one minute, gone the next.” Dale stuck his face close to hers. “You think you’ll be any different?”
Boom. There it was. Every fear, every piece of baggage, every ghost that still haunted her, and every bit of her difficulty trusting.
“I don’t know.” She could barely hold back tears. “But it doesn’t change the fact that I don’t think you and I are—”
“Yeah, yeah, so you said. Come on, I’ll drive you home.”
The ride back to her apartment was the most horrible, silent, miserable time she’d ever spent in a car. She practically leaped out of the vehicle when they reached her building, and Dale certainly made no move to get out and walk her to the door. When she attempted to apologize through the passenger window, he rolled it up and drove away.
Oh, for—
Fine. Go. Good riddance.
Inside, she took the elevator up, nervously twisting her keys. She’d need to tell Nathan what she’d done
tonight. He would be happy. He’d been down on Dale from the beginning, down on the whole idea of her dating. And instinct—which, thanks to Marie, she’d been trying hard to listen to—told her it wasn’t only out of concern for her welfare. Maybe he really did care for her?
He’d been keeping up with his efforts to stay what she’d dubbed Nathan the Man. His thesis was moving forward again; he hadn’t missed any appointments; he’d been drinking substantially less, keeping his room and their common areas tidy, helping with the cleaning—an amazing transformation.
She’d changed, too. Around him she was able to be the kind of bold, sexy woman she’d never thought she could be. Maybe—she was really dreaming now—maybe they could establish a wonderful and healthy relationship, the kind she’d always dreamed of but had never been able to manage. Maybe if she got the Carter bid or, if worse came to worst, she took the Soka job, and he got a good position with an architectural firm, they could find a nicer place to live. Together. If he really cared about her…
She was giddy with optimism by the time she got to their apartment door. It wasn’t that late. Not ten yet. Maybe he’d want to go out dancing again. Maybe he’d want to stay in and dance horizontally, nyuck, nyuck. She pushed the door open quietly, hoping he was on the couch and she could jump him.
No. In his room, then?
No.
Kitchen?
No.
A note was on the table. “Out partying with Steve and Kent, back late, possibly not until tomorrow.”
The hand holding the note started shaking. Kim sank into a nearby chair and read it again, her heart in free fall.
She knew what happened when he was out with Kent and Steve. The beers would pour in. The inhibitions would leak out. The women would be there, young, wild and willing. Steve would encourage him. So would Kent. Nathan wouldn’t want to look like a wimp in front of his friends. Plus, he thought Kim was out with Dale tonight; why should he behave himself?
Possibly not until tomorrow.
Immediately, an image of her mother came to her, sitting up late at night all alone, pretending nothing was wrong, that it was fine her husband wasn’t there again, that she knew where he was and with whom, and it was all on the up-and-up.
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