Matthew sank down into a chair, swiping at the blood on his nose. He lowered his head. “Tell her I’ll add funds to her dowry as compensation for what I did.”
James seized him by his shirt and jerked him to stand. “The last thing I want is for you to treat my sister like a common trollop. You ought to find a single shred of honor and marry her. Grant her that respect at least.”
He didn’t know how James could even consider it. He wasn’t fit to be a husband to any woman just now. “No woman deserves to be bound to a man like me. Better that you should call me out and put a bullet through my brain.”
“No,” his friend answered. “I won’t reward you with death. You ought to spend the rest of your miserable life groveling to my sister. You should atone for your sins, not find an eternal escape from them.” He stepped back. “I’ll expect you to call upon her with an offer.”
Matthew’s mouth twisted. “So you intend to punish her with a lifetime of unhappiness?” He couldn’t imagine what James hoped to accomplish by wedding the pair of them. Lily believed there was something left of the man he had been, when they were hardly more than strangers now. She should try to find happiness with someone else.
“You should have thought of that before you claimed her virtue.” James flexed his hands. “I saved your wretched life and brought you back from India because you were my friend. But you were never that, were you? Not if you betrayed my sister.”
I was. I’ve always been your friend. They had been close, despite their ten year age difference. Their mothers had been good friends, paying calls on one another frequently. Sometimes when Matthew had visited with his mother, James had toddled after him, eagerly trying to engage him in playing with tin soldiers. He’d been the little brother Matthew had always wanted, and even now, he would protect James without a second thought.
He could say nothing to allay his friend’s anger, for words wouldn’t heal the invisible wounds he’d caused. His body ached, not only from James’s blows, but from the darkness that shadowed his mood. “You should have left me there to die.”
James paused at the doorway. “Yes. I should have.”
Three days later
Lily had nearly reached the front door when her sister Rose stopped her. “What are you doing?”
She adjusted the basket over her arm. “Nothing.”
“I don’t believe you.” Her sister took slow, halting steps. “You’re trying to sneak out, aren’t you? You’re going to see him again.” But instead of being angry, Rose gave a conspiratorial smile. “What’s in the basket?”
“Just some food.”
She’d asked Cook to prepare a basket filled with Matthew’s favorite foods—in particular, strawberry tarts. They had shared some on their wedding night. A flush came over her face, remembering the way he had tasted the sliced strawberries and then kissed her until her knees went weak.
“I’m going with you,” Rose said. “That way, James won’t suspect anything. If he asks, we’re going to pay a call on Evangeline.” She caught sight of her lady’s maid and ordered, “Hattie, please fetch my bonnet and shawl. I am going with my sister to pay calls.”
“Shall I come with you?” the maid offered.
“No, thank you. I will take a footman with us.” After Hattie departed, Rose leaned in closer. “How were you planning to travel?”
Lily kept her voice low, not knowing if she could trust any of the servants. “In our carriage, if I can manage it. But James is being overprotective. He’s forbidden me to see Matthew.”
Her sister’s face turned serious. “And what do you want, Lily? You waited for this man for two years. Is he worth it?”
The weight of uncertainty bore down upon her. “I don’t know. I want to believe that he will remember what we shared and love me again. But. . .nothing is the same as it was.”
“And if he doesn’t?”
Lily didn’t want to consider that. For so long, she had shaped her life around Matthew. Without him, it was as if someone had torn away the foundation of herself. An emptiness stretched out before her, one she didn’t want to face. “I don’t know.”
Rose walked with her to the front door. “My advice is to begin again, as friends. Treat him as you would a stranger, and perhaps, in time, his memories will return.”
It was reasonable enough, but Lily admitted, “How? He doesn’t even want to see me.” She winced when she thought of him ordering her to leave.
“A man who has endured great suffering needs a reason to smile again, don’t you think?” Her sister nodded toward the basket. “Your idea of bringing him food is a good one. But you should find a way to distract him from the past.” Rose turned her attention toward their cat, Moses. He had sired four new kittens with their other cat, Geranium, a few months ago.
Two of the babies were following their father, and the sight of them made Lily smile. Moses nudged against her legs, seeking affection, and she leaned down to rub his ears. “No one loves you, do they, Moses? You are so neglected.”
But she was beginning to see what Rose was suggesting. Matthew needed something to bring him back to the world, and was there anyone who didn’t love kittens? She picked up a gray and white kitten and held him close. “Do you really think I should give him one of the kittens?”
Her sister considered it. “Possibly. Unless kittens make him sneeze.”
Lily cuddled the feline, who rewarded her by sinking claws into her glove. She winced and extricated the animal, gently placing him in the basket with her food. “Well, I suppose we’ll try it. At worst, I’ll just bring the kitten back again.” She followed her sister toward the front door, only to be interrupted by their brother.
James cleared his throat and stood at the doorway like an angry sentry. “And just where do you think you are going?” He folded his arms across his chest and raised an eyebrow.
Rose sent their brother a bright smile. “We are going to pay a call upon Evangeline. Lily decided to bring her a kitten.”
His gaze narrowed. “Is that so? Perhaps I should accompany you.”
No, don’t, she pleaded inwardly. But her sister gave James a critical eye. “I wouldn’t, James. Evangeline doesn’t want to see you.”
His expression held a hint of embarrassment. “And how would you know that?”
“Because when she found out you had returned, she said she would rather be devoured by eels than see you again. At least, I’m fairly certain that’s what she said.”
Lily bit back a smile. Sometimes her sister had quicker wits than anyone gave her credit for. There had been a time when their friend, Evangeline, had worshipped James from afar, but it had ended badly.
Her brother had the graces to look guilty, but he offered, “I imagine she’s forgiven me after two years.”
“It’s doubtful,” Lily added. “Women do hold grudges, you know.” But James stepped aside and allowed them to leave. His expression revealed that he wasn’t quite certain whether to believe them.
Rose climbed into the carriage with the help of their footman, and Lily followed, setting her basket down at their feet. With the door still open, her sister asked James, “Is there anything you’d like us to say to Evangeline on your behalf? Perhaps we should offer your apologies on being such a cowardly donkey’s posterior?”
James let out a sigh and shook his head. “Whatever happened to sisters taking their brother’s side? Are we not family?”
“Not in this instance,” Rose said. “You abandoned Evangeline when she was in love with you and left for India without a goodbye. She despises the ground you walk on.”
Thankfully, he appeared uneasy at the prospect of paying a call. “I suppose you are right. Give her my good wishes.”
“She wouldn’t accept them, even if I did.” But Rose inclined her head with a warm smile. “But I will tell her you are sorry.”
With that, the footman closed the door, and their brother waved them on. Lily studied her sister. “You are an accomplished liar, Rose.
I’m not sure that’s such a good thing.”
Her sister reached for the kitten and tucked the feline into her lap. “It worked this time. But next time, we may not be so fortunate. Even if you do regain Lord Arnsbury’s friendship, you should know that our brother believes Matthew ought to marry you for what he did.”
Lily sobered at that. “I know.” With a rueful smile, she added, “I had always intended to marry Matthew after he returned. But I believed he would want to wed me. . .not because he was forced into it.”
“I can try to reason with James. But this should be your decision. And if you don’t want to wed him, after all is said and done, you can come live in Ireland with Iain and me.”
Her sister’s suggestion was reassuring, though Lily had no desire to leave the country. It was only an offer of freedom, a chance to escape her troubles.
“Not yet,” she said. “Not until I’ve done what I can to help Matthew recover.”
It might not be enough, she understood. She didn’t want to even imagine what he had suffered when he’d been a captive. But she would not turn away from him when he needed her.
The carriage pulled to a stop in front of the Arnsbury townhouse, and nerves gathered in her stomach. “Thank you for coming with me, Rose.”
“You’re welcome. I will stay here and have the coachman take me to pay a call upon Evangeline. I can keep my word to James, and you’ll have time to be with the earl.” She handed over the kitten, her gaze thoughtful. “I’ll return for you in a couple of hours. Good luck, Lily. You’ll need it.”
Lily gathered the basket in one arm and tucked the kitten inside to keep the animal safe. And when she left the carriage, she prayed that she wasn’t making a terrible mistake.
Lily waited for a quarter of an hour in the drawing room before Lady Arnsbury arrived to greet her. “Thank goodness you’ve come.” The matron offered her hands and squeezed Lily’s. Her face held nothing but worry, and behind her, Lily saw Dr. Fraser and his wife.
Although the Scottish doctor had been born into a simple life, he had inherited his uncle’s title of Viscount Falsham. Lady Falsham’s brown hair had lines of silver in it, but she still held a classic, delicate beauty. “Matthew has worsened since you left,” she said quietly.
A numb feeling settled in Lily’s stomach. She should have come yesterday, despite her doubts. “What can I do to help?”
The doctor chose a seat nearby, steepling his hands together. “I’ve treated men like Lord Arnsbury before, Lady Lily. But the healing process is no’ so verra easy.” He exchanged a look with his wife, who had gone pale. “He’s like a man come back from the battlefield. His mind has closed off all that he doesna wish to remember.”
Even me, Lily thought. She reached down to the basket, suddenly feeling foolish. A man who had suffered from torture didn’t need a basket of strawberry tarts or a kitten. Those were gifts for a child, not a grown man. Her cheeks reddened, and she wished she hadn’t brought them.
“Perhaps I shouldn’t have come,” she ventured. “Especially if he is suffering so badly. I might cause him to remember something he wishes to forget.”
“But your presence does seem to bring him back to reality,” Lady Arnsbury pointed out. “I think he needs to see you, even if he does not understand the reasons.” Her face faltered, and a flush rose over her cheeks. “I know he was. . .not himself the other day. But I will accompany you now.”
It was an understatement, given the shattered teacup and Matthew’s response to it. But Lily said nothing at all. She was here to help him and would do all that was necessary.
“I will also join you both,” Lady Falsham offered.
Lily thought about leaving the basket behind, but was rather worried that the kitten would wander away. The lid was latched, but the animal might begin meowing. She picked it up, feeling the sway of the kitten’s movement inside.
“Will you remain downstairs for a moment?” Lily asked the two women. “I will call out if I have need of you.” She wanted a moment alone with Matthew to determine his mood.
The ladies agreed, and Lily went up the stairs, praying she could help the man she loved.
With her heart in her throat, she knocked at his door.
CHAPTER FOUR
Matthew sat in the wingback chair, his eyesight blurring, his shoulders aching. He was caught in a haze of sleeplessness, and he didn’t remember when he’d eaten last. Nor did he care. The black pit of his existence surrounded him, the darkness pushing away everything, save an endless sea of weariness.
His bedroom door swung open, and he jerked at the noise. There she stood, a vision in white. Lily’s golden brown hair was combed back to a knot at her nape, and she carried a basket in one arm. Her cheeks were flushed, as if she had hurried on her way to see him. And in spite of his melancholy, he was glad to see her. She disrupted the darkness, pushing back the shadows.
“May I come in?”
“You’re already inside,” he pointed out. “A few steps more won’t matter.”
She smiled at that, and something stirred within him. Her hazel eyes warmed to him, and she cracked the door behind her. “How are you today?”
“Alive. And quite disgruntled at the world and everyone in it.” He didn’t bother hiding the truth from her, and Lily didn’t seem to mind. In a way, it felt good to be brutally honest with someone.
“Are you angry with me?”
He stared at her for a long moment. “No, not angry. But I do know that I’m behaving like an ill-tempered dragon.”
“You have a strong reason for being ill-tempered.” She sat down and put the basket upon a side table. “But I did promise to love you in sickness and in health.” Her mood was different this time, as if she was no longer afraid of him. Still, she kept her distance. For a moment, she studied his bedroom. “It is rather dark in here. Do you prefer it that way, or shall I open the drapes?”
“I don’t care what you do.” He lacked the desire or the energy to move just now. But his curiosity was piqued by the basket. He thought he heard a rustling noise. “What did you bring me?”
“Strawberry tarts,” she said. She pulled aside the drapes, and the sunlight pierced his eyes. Matthew shielded his face, and in the meantime, he heard the rustling noise again. What on earth was it?
He tensed, his hands tightening upon the armrests. His gaze shifted to the breakfast tray he’d ignored earlier and the silver cloche upon it. Had a mouse managed to get inside the basket? He started to ease his hand toward the cloche, wondering if he could trap the mouse beneath the tray cover.
“You seem a little better today,” she offered. “At least, you haven’t demanded that I leave you.”
“Yet,” he emphasized.
“I feel certain you might, perhaps within the next minute.” She raised an eyebrow at him. “But I will take the risk.”
Those hazel eyes studied him, as if she were trying to understand him better. “I’ve been thinking a great deal since I left you last. And you’re right. . .we cannot simply pick up where we left off. You’ve changed, and you are not the same man anymore.”
“Neither of us is the same,” he agreed. “And our reasons for the. . .unconventional marriage are no longer valid. I cannot undo what happened in the past, but I can give you back your future.”
Her expression dimmed, but she gave a nod. “I thought you might say that. But what you need is someone to help you out of the darkness. You need a friend.” She extended her hand to him, but he didn’t take it. “Let me help you, Matthew.”
A tightness filled up the emptiness within him. He was so weary of living. She might want to be his friend, but he had nothing left to give.
“I won’t ask that of you.” He kept his voice frosted, needing her to go away. Didn’t she understand that the man she had once loved was gone? He wasn’t that man anymore, and he refused to try. He eyed the door and added, “Now would be a good time for you to leave.”
But instead of rising from the chair,
she reached for the basket.
“Wait,” he warned her. “Something is moving within that basket. And I highly doubt my strawberry tarts are. . .alive.”
“Oh, that.” Her demeanor turned guilty. “I brought you something else, along with the tarts. It may not have been a very good idea. But I’ll show you nonetheless.”
She went over to the basket and unlatched it. A moment later, he spied a gray and white kitten emerging, covered in strawberries and crumbs. When Lily saw her ruined tarts, her expression grew pained. “Oh dear.”
Matthew got up and went to inspect the animal. The kitten was just large enough to fit in his hand, and he picked it up. The feline stared at him with wide eyes. Its fur was matted with sticky strawberries, and he brushed off the crumbs.
“I suppose you won’t be having a strawberry tart.” She winced. “I thought I had wrapped the tarts safely in napkins, but the kitten managed to get into them.”
Matthew eyed Lily. “And what are you expecting me to do with him?”
A hint of a smile slid over her lips. “Well, I didn’t intend for you to eat him, that’s for certain.” She reached out for the kitten. “I suppose I should wash him off. He’ll be quite cross with me.”
“Isn’t he too young to be separated from his mother?”
“He’s a few months old, so he’ll be fine,” Lily said. “At least, I think he’s a boy.”
Matthew couldn’t help but ask, “Why did you bring me a kitten?”
Lily shrugged and thought a moment. “Because you’re unhappy. You’ve endured so much, and I thought you needed something to lift your spirits.” She lifted her gaze to his. “He might help you to live in the present instead of dwelling in the past. And besides, I can’t think of anyone who doesn’t like kittens.”
Lily brought the kitten over to a basin. She poured water inside it and gently washed the strawberry filling from the kitten’s fur. The animal squirmed while she cleaned him, letting out a high-pitched squawk. When she was finished, the kitten appeared indignant.
What the Earl Needs Now (The Earls Next Door Book 2) Page 4