“He just told us he was leaving,” Lily said. “With hardly any warning at all. All he said was that he wanted to expand our interests in India.”
“James wanted to prove his worth,” Matthew continued. “He told me he wanted to rebuild the family’s wealth by reaching beyond England.”
“But you don’t really believe that,” Lily said, resting her hands on her knees. “I think he was running away.” Her brother had no reason to pursue wealth, but she’d sensed that he was restless and eager to cast off the chains of the earldom. And he hadn’t wanted to face his father’s death.
“I agree. And that’s part of the reason why I followed him. I suspected if he left England alone, he would never return.”
She reached for Matthew’s hand, and his fingers closed around hers. “I am grateful you did.”
“He was like a younger brother to me,” Matthew admitted. “I thought I could watch over him and bring him back to your family.”
His expression was pensive, and she wondered if he was ready to talk about what he had endured. “Will you tell me more about what happened when you arrived in India?”
Matthew kept her hand in his, but his gaze fixed upon the wall. She didn’t press him, but simply held his hand and let him say anything at all. He took a breath and finally began. “I knew the East India Company was trading cotton and spices. There were profits in that. But one of the sailors was talking of rubies and sapphires. He convinced James to go out on his own in search of the gemstones, even though I warned him not to trust the man.”
He shook his head. “The man was always shadowing us. I should have listened to my instincts. I still believe someone hired him to harm us, though I can’t prove it.”
Matthew’s face turned somber, and his face tightened. “The sailor led us all the way toward the northern border of India. He wanted to separate us from the others.”
Lily reached out to take his other hand, for Matthew’s voice had grown quiet. “Was that how you were captured?”
He nodded. “I thought at first that the sailor meant to ransom us or use us as leverage against the English soldiers in India. But he sold us to a group of rebels.”
Deep inside, she felt the chill of his words. A part of her didn’t want to hear any more, but he needed to let go of the memories and share his burden.
“Go on,” Lily murmured.
Matthew released her hands and stood, as if he could no longer be still. He drank the entire glass of brandy before he crossed the room and went to stand by the window. The drapes were closed, and his form cast a shadow over them.
“They took James first. I don’t know what they did to him or what they said. But all I could think of was finding a way to get us out.”
He moved toward the table, poured himself a second glass, and broke off a bit of cheese. “They kept me separated from James, and I had no water for two days. I thought I was going to die in chains. They had dug out part of a sand dune, and we were kept in the darkness. It felt as if we were buried alive.
“When they brought James back, they took me in his place. We were not allowed to speak to one another. But I don’t think he could have spoken if he’d wanted to. I don’t know what was done to him, and I never asked.”
He ate the cheese and rested his palms upon the table, looking down. “Those weeks were the worst I’ve ever endured.”
Lily drank her own glass of brandy, steeling herself for the worst. She wanted to go to him, to wrap her arms around his waist and hear the truth. But she forced herself to stay back, to let him continue.
“The sailor who led us into captivity brought a woman to talk to me. She was beautiful and soft-spoken, but I could understand her English perfectly. Her name was Nisha Amat, and she seemed to know who I was.” He paused. “She knew my title, and she spoke of my family members. When I asked her how she knew them, she said James had told her.”
He shrugged. “It’s possible he did. But she kept speaking of her husband and child, and she claimed they were taken by the British army. There was such. . .hatred in her voice. I knew she was lying, for what army would have any use for a child?
“I told her that, but it only enraged her.” He lifted his gaze to Lily’s. “She had a kind of madness in her that I’d never seen before. It was as if all her anger transformed into the purest evil. They deprived us of food and water, and offered it if we would betray one another. As the days passed into weeks, I started to lose my grasp on what was real and what was not. I tried to think of you and our life in England, but as they broke my bones and burned my skin, I realized I was never going to leave India alive. Nisha had no interest in answers—only torture.”
He turned away and said, “She wanted both of us dead, but only after we suffered as much as she had. I don’t know who took her husband and child, but she blamed the British.”
“It’s over now,” Lily whispered. “She’s gone, and you will never see her again.”
He faced her, and his expression had a hard cast to it. “That’s not the worst of it, Lily.” He paused a moment and said, “One night, she brought in a child.”
Lily felt the tears rise to her eyes before they spilled over. The pain and guilt in his voice was agonizing. She didn’t want to hear it, but she knew he needed to release the nightmares that haunted him.
“They blindfolded me, and I heard the little girl crying. Nisha told me they had taken her from a British family. If I would tell her where her own lost child was, she would return this girl to her parents. And if I refused to talk, the child would suffer instead.”
His hands clenched into fists. “My mind was so broken, I couldn’t even make up lies. I could say nothing at all, and they tortured an innocent child. I still hear her screams when I try to sleep at night.” He lowered his head and admitted, “It’s my fault she died.”
Lily stood from the chair and went to stand by him. Matthew’s face was haunted, grim lines of emotional pain carved into his face. She drew her arms around his neck and murmured, “There was nothing you could do.”
“She wasn’t even English, I learned later. They took a child from one of their enemies and used her to torment me.”
She embraced him, resting her cheek against his pounding heart. “It wasn’t your fault, Matthew.”
“I still blame myself. Though I know Nisha was truly a madwoman, I wish I could have saved that girl.”
Lily understood his pain, but there were no words that could change what happened. Instead, she held him close and let him take comfort in her arms. “How did you finally escape her?”
“James got out and brought back help to save me.” His mouth twisted in a wry smile. “It’s ironic, really. I left England because I wanted to protect him and bring him home to you. But in the end, he had to free me from captivity.”
Lily traced the lines of his face, past the scar, framing his cheeks with her hands. “But you are both home now. And I am glad of it.” She raised up on tiptoes to kiss him softly. Though she did not know if revealing the past would help him, she could only hope that sharing the burden would do him good. It would take time to overcome the harsh memories of India—but she loved him still.
“How are you feeling?” she asked.
He drew back to look at her. “You were right, Lily. It did help to talk about it. And despite all that has happened, I hope you don’t think less of me.”
She shook her head slowly. “I understand you better, Matthew. And it doesn’t change the way I feel about you. If anything, I admire your courage. You survived at the hands of a murderer.”
“I don’t think I can ever forget what happened,” he murmured. “Those memories will remain with me for the rest of my life.”
“But I will be with you,” she whispered. “And we will face them down together.” The words were a promise she believed in. Her pulse pounded, but she wanted Matthew to know that her heart still belonged to him.
The library was dark, except for the fire in the hearth. His eyes wer
e filled with desire and a hunger only she could sate. “I want that more than anything, Lily.” He kissed her wrist and ventured, “If you will have me.”
Both of them had changed over the years, but she wanted to believe she could heal the scars of his past. Her pulse thrummed in her veins, and she reached out to touch his face. He caught her hand, closing his eyes as if drinking in her touch.
And she was utterly lost to this man.
“Help me take off this wet riding habit,” she whispered.
His expression grew heated, but he moved his hands to the buttons lining her back. One by one, he flicked them open. When he had undone five of them, he turned her to face the other way, lowering his mouth to her bared skin. With each button, he traced a path down her back with his lips. Shivers erupted over her flesh, and she understood what she had begun. There was no turning back now.
When her gown hung open, she faced him. Matthew helped her lift it away, leaving her in her corset, chemise, and petticoats. He lowered his mouth to her throat, kissing a path along her neckline.
“Help me,” she whispered, untying her petticoats and turning her back for him to unlace the corset. Her body felt alive with need, and she remembered well what it was to lie beneath him, to take him inside her. It felt like that hurried wedding night, when she had first given herself to him.
No, it had not been a true wedding, but they had spoken vows to one another. And she could not let him leave for India without those promises. In her heart, he had been her husband, and he had sworn to love her.
After she had stepped out of her numerous petticoats, Matthew slid the laces from her corset. She felt herself trembling with anticipation, until at last, she stood in her chemise and pantalettes.
“Your turn,” she whispered, sliding the coat from his shoulders. His face was rigid with desire, and when she unbuttoned his waistcoat, he lowered her chemise to her waist, baring her breasts.
She felt herself flush but made no effort to hide herself from his view. Around her throat, she wore the silver chain with the gold signet ring.
Matthew slid his fingers beneath the chain, before he reached to her nape to unfasten the clasp. He removed the ring from the chain and held it for a moment. She was caught up beneath his spell when he held the ring between his fingers and traced the heavy gold over the curve of her breast. Slowly, he circled her nipple with the ring, and her areola tightened with the pressure of the metal. An ache rose between her legs, echoing the sensation.
Matthew removed his shirt, pulling her closer until her breasts touched his bare chest. Softness against hard lines, her cool skin against his warm flesh. Between her legs, she yearned for this man, needing his touch.
“Do you want to know what the black silk was for?” he asked. “Shall I show you?”
She felt a rush of nerves but nodded. Matthew took her by the hand and led her over to the chaise longue. Then he removed the rest of her clothing until she stood naked before him. His gaze lingered over her, as if he were memorizing every curve and line.
“You’re even more beautiful than I remembered.” He guided her to sit upon the chaise longue and picked up the black length of silk. Then he blindfolded her with it. “When you cannot see, the sensations are stronger.”
He was right. Without her vision to guide her, she was only aware of the chaise longue beneath her body and his hands beside her face. Her skin prickled, her breasts straining in the chill of the air. Matthew traced his hands across her shoulders, and without warning, his mouth encircled her nipple.
A sharp spear of pleasure caught her unawares, and she grew wet between her legs. A moan escaped her, and she reached for Matthew, clutching his hair as he feasted upon one nipple, then the other. The scalding sensation of his tongue caressing her, coupled with the gentle suction, made her go breathless with desire.
“I remember this.” She shuddered as a sudden arc of pleasure washed over her. “It feels so good.”
He continued to suckle at her, and she cried out when his hand moved between her legs. She could see nothing, and the exquisite torment of his fingers touching her was deeply arousing. “You’re like silk here,” he said, brushing his thumb over a sensitive place. Then he slid one of his fingers into her wetness and sucked hard against her breast. She nearly came off the chaise longue, as a sudden bolt of ecstasy rippled through her. He continued his wicked torment, sliding his fingers in and out as he kissed one breast, then the other.
“Take off your trousers,” she pleaded. “I want to feel your body upon mine.”
“Soon,” he promised. “We were so rushed on our first night together. I want to savor you right now.”
Lily felt as if liquid heat were pulsing through her veins, her body arching involuntarily. His hands moved beneath her bottom, and he lifted her hips. For a moment, she could not tell what was happening. His hands remained beneath her, but she did not know what he would do next.
Then she felt the warmth of his breath between her legs. His cheeks abraded her thighs, and her mind went wild at the thought of what he would do.
“Do you want me, Lily?” he murmured. The gentle vibration of his voice was nearly her undoing.
“More than anything. Touch me, Matthew. Kiss me. Anything.”
He seemed to guess what she wanted, and he lowered his mouth to kiss her intimately. She gasped, her fingers digging into the chaise longue, and sensations roared through her. She quaked as he worked the nodule above her entrance, his tongue exerting a gentle pressure. Deep inside, her body rose to his call, her body straining for the release she wanted.
“Please don’t stop,” she begged, when he started to kiss her inner thigh. He didn’t listen, but kissed the other thigh, drawing his tongue away from what she wanted. She was trembling hard, seeking the rush that she had known before.
And when he took her again, suckling between her legs, she felt a shimmering pressure building higher and higher, echoing throughout her body as the release took her hard. She was shaking at the force of it, helpless to do anything but ride out the storm.
Matthew kissed her lower stomach, then removed her blindfold. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust, but she stared into his brown eyes, treasuring this man.
“Take me,” she said. “I want your body inside mine.”
He removed his trousers and underclothing, moving atop her, though he was careful not to put his full weight on her. He raised her right leg to wrap around him, and poised his shaft at her entrance. “Are you certain, Lily?”
In answer, she moved her hands to his hips and pulled him within her. He slid easily, though it was tight after being without him for so long. There was no pain, only a slight stretching that felt as if he were coming home.
His face held wonder, as he sheathed himself. It was gentle at first, but her body welcomed his slow thrusts. He slid easily, and as he sank into her depths, she felt another pleasure building.
She guided his mouth back to her breasts, and she reveled in the feeling of his tongue caressing her nipple while he sank and withdrew. The chaise longue was narrow, and she closed her legs, crossing her ankles when he was embedded deep.
He hissed, his face taut. “God, Lily, I can feel your tightness. Don’t move.”
She loved pleasuring him in this way, and as she squeezed his length, his breathing grew harsher. “I need to go faster, Lily.”
He gripped her hips, then pulled her to the edge of the chaise longue. He was half kneeling, but he managed to thrust deeply, sending a savage thrill of pleasure deep within her center. She was quivering now, meeting his hips with her own as he penetrated and withdrew.
She hadn’t known it was possible to feel such mindless lust, but she gripped him with her legs, as he drove inside her.
Without really knowing why, she touched her own breasts, stroking the nipples, and it elevated her sensations, until she was keening for this man.
Matthew continued to thrust until she broke free of all else and shattered against him. She cou
ld hardly think or speak as her body erupted with a rush of tremors and her body milked his hard length.
He ground himself within her until she heard him groan, and his body released, his strokes penetrating in rhythm until he collapsed atop her.
Their skin was slick with sweat, and she could not tell where her body began and his left off. She hardly cared at all, but it felt as if the man she loved had finally returned to her. Emotion welled up so deeply, she struggled not to cry.
But he saw her tears anyway and wiped them with his thumbs. “I’m so sorry, Lily. I lost myself.”
He started to pull away, but she refused to let him go. Her voice cracked in a sob, and she admitted, “I’m not crying because you hurt me. I’m crying because I missed you so badly. I love you, Matthew. Don’t ever leave me again.” She traced the lines of his back, feeling the scars there, and then moved until his body was fully embedded within hers.
“I won’t,” he swore. For long moments, they lay together, their heartbeats returning to a slower pace. “Am I getting heavy?”
Small aftershocks caused her body to arch against him, but she welcomed the pleasurable sensations. “I love feeling your body upon mine.” She kissed him softly and added, “Thank you for telling me about what happened to you.”
He framed her face and looked into her eyes. “I am not the same man after what happened in India. It changed me, Lily.”
“You survived,” she said softly. “And it’s the only thing that matters.”
“Will you marry me, Lily?” he asked. “I need you by my side.” He slid his hands down to her shoulders and then to her waist.
She smiled and kissed him. “I do want to marry you. More than anything else.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
The sky had darkened into evening, and Matthew lay with Lily sleeping atop him. Her skin was rosy, her body utterly pliant against his. He caressed her bare spine, and decided he would buy a new ring for her, a betrothal ring that would suit her.
What the Earl Needs Now (The Earls Next Door Book 2) Page 20