He pulls back to watch as he runs his hands along my side—each touch meticulous and deliberate. When he stops, I can’t resist. I pull his mouth to mine. I don't know what I’m supposed to do, but I know that I want to touch him. With that thought, I break the kiss, but he shifts his assault. His lips quickly move to trail kisses along my chin and neck, grazing a spot just under my ear.
In the distance, there is a shuffling of noises, which I can’t register. Assuming he’s heard it, too, I think he’s about to pull away, when he dips his head and rakes his teeth across my collarbone.
"Oh shit." Wes's tone is mocking as he stumbles into the small opening.
Theo releases me, but I’m thankful when he doesn't drop his arms just yet. Instead, he leans toward the side Wes is on to cover me from his wandering eyes. My whole body suddenly feels weak and drained.
“Get the hell out of here, Wes!” Theo yells.
“Yeah. Ugh, yup. I’ll just . . . I’ll tell Becks you’ll be out in a minute.”
I watch Theo’s chest rise and fall rapidly and wonder if he notices how our moment has affected me too. When we’re alone again, he leans down and presses his forehead to mine. He closes his eyes. "Why couldn't we do that five years ago?" His question is full of emotion.
Not trusting myself to speak, I raise my hand to run my thumb along his bottom lip and take a breath. I can see a fire in his eyes before he takes in a deep breath and steps away from me. The muscles along his chest flex as he pushes off the stone wall.
I take a moment to collect myself and shift my eyes to the arms of his sleeves, noticing how they’re pulled tightly against his biceps. He really is muscular, I tell myself as I think back to Luca’s comment and when he said that Theo was trouble.
I’ll admit, the simple black T-shirts and ripped jeans are a lot different than what I was used to seeing him in—which was mostly Polos and a lot of Calvin Klein. I won't lie, this new edgy look is growing on me. It’s hot and oddly suits him.
At the sound of faint wisps of music, filling the silence surrounding us, Theo’s expression suddenly grows distant and serious as he looks out at the tree line.
"We should go," he says after a minute, sighing. His back is now facing me, as he turns to look out over the side of the cliff. "This was . . . um, fun. Thank you."
Thank you?
Nodding, I bite my lip—not knowing what the hell is happening or why he suddenly seems so far away. "Wait . . . um." I nearly choke at how awkward this has become. " Did I . . . did I do something wrong?"
"What?" He turns around. "Why would you think that?"
I wrinkle my brow up at him and tilt my head. Umm, maybe because we just kissed for the first time, ever—just two seconds ago—and you're already running away, I want to say but I don't. Instead, I shrug off his question and move to go around him.
"Brielle, wait. What just happened?" he calls behind me as I work my way back down the tree line.
"Nothing, Theo," I snap, pausing when I reach the brush. I look back at him, then to the bonfire. Luca's slumped frame, catches my attention as Becks hands him another beer.
With the next step I take, I'll be in the clearing.
"Look, you didn't do anything wrong," he says, his chest brushing the back of my arm as he moves to stand behind me. "I just don't want you to think that the kiss has changed anything. I really did mean what I said before. You deserve better than me."
I turn to my side, hoping that I’ll see some trace of hesitation, but there isn't any to be found. What the hell is he talking about? I deserve better than him? Why is he pushing me away, again?
I force myself to look away; this constant whiplash of emotions he provokes is tiring.
"Right." I half laugh when I think about everything that’s happened. God, compared to what he's used to, he probably thinks I’m pathetic.
"Brielle, talk to me."
"I think I should probably go and check on Luca." I keep my back to him, then step into the clearing. "Have a good night, Theo."
chapter fifteen
BRIELLE
Ouch!" Luca winces as I replace the makeshift ice pack, which I made out of two beers wrapped in a towel, with a cold one. "He really got me good. Is it still bleeding?"
I roll my eyes, knowing all too well that he’s enjoying this a little more than he should be. Luca has always been a poor patient. Whether it be a paper cut or the flu, he’s notorious for milking his injuries. Flipping my hair to the side, I peel back the corner of the pack in order to get a good look at it. It stopped bleeding thirty minutes ago.
"I think you'll live." I smile softly. The baby-blue of his eyes darken as I lean back and sit on the ground in front of him. "You know, this could have all been avoided, right?"
"Yeah, well, he started it." A playful smirk presses his lips, and I feel myself smiling along with him. "There's just something about the guy that bothers me; we'll never see eye to eye. He’s already trying to worm his way back into the group."
I drop my eyes to the ground, my fingers playing with the damp towel from his old ice pack. Well, tonight couldn’t have turned out any worse. I half laugh at the thought. Then again, Mason would have loved it. The drama. The fight. This is the type of stuff my brother lived for.
He'd never admit it—that would imply that he cared more than what a typical guy is supposed to—but I knew him better than that. Blame the high-altitude or the beer, but The D.O. always has a way of making people go crazy. I scrunch my face and shake my head.
"Did I miss something? When did you and Theo start hating each other?" I look up at him. "I feel like you've had it out for Theo ever since—"
"It's more than that. Things with Theo are . . . complicated," he answers automatically, dropping the hand he was using to hold the ice pack and sits up. "Let's not talk about it, please."
"Well, it can't be too complicated if you threw it out there in front of everyone," I feel the need to add. “Luca, Theo didn’t even tell us that he was home. I doubt he’s going to want to rejoin the group.”
“So, his showing up everywhere is, what? A coincidence?”
“Yes. Maybe?” I shrug. “I don’t know.”
“Exactly.”
I sit back, letting his words sink in before bursting out loud in a fit of laughter. "Luca, where is this coming from? Are you. . .? I don't know, jealous?" I genuinely ask.
"Jealous? Of Theo? Hell no! But his money, good looks, and overall easiness to life, which he seems to think he deserves? Yes!"
I squint my eyes. So he is jealous. "Look, Theo is Theo.” I reach out and touch his arm. “Him being back isn’t going to change anything, especially not between the three of us. You and Becks are like family to me.”
"But what if I don’t want to be just. . .” Luca’s eyebrows knit into a line. “I just don't want to see you get hurt."
What?
How could that happen?
"Why would Theo hurt me?" I ask, my breath hinged.
"Because anyone with eyes could see the way he acted around you back then. Hell. Even the fight that got Mason killed only got started because that guy at the bar made the mistake of hitting on you. He’s just bad news, Brielle."
"Wow." I half laugh when nothing else comes to mind.
I choose to overlook the fact that he basically accused Theo of being the reason my brother is dead, which he couldn't be more wrong about.
“I- I’m sorry. That came out a little harsh.”
When I don’t answer, Luca shakes his head. His right hand moves to the back of my arm, as he pulls me to my knees. I glance around at the crowd around us and find several people watching us, including Theo, Becks, and Wes.
I watch Theo roll his eyes before leaning into Katrina to whisper something in her ear. I wonder if it’s an apology for his actions during the game—and everything that happened since.
Katrina lets out a soft moan and pulls him closer and kisses his cheek. I guess that’s a no. Who's running now? I silently scold The
o, remembering how earlier he accused me of doing the same thing with Luca. God, he’s such a player. Why did I ever think things would be different with me?
"Brielle?" I feel Luca's breath, hot on my cheek, as his fingers slip under my chin, and he draws my face gently around so that our eyes meet.
I suck in my bottom lip and hold my breath when I realize how close we are.
What is he doing?
No, don’t do this. Not now!
Friends Luca—we’re just friends.
"Brielle? Did you hear me?"
I lift my chin out of his grasp and lean back. "S-Sorry," I whisper quietly. "What did you say?"
"Nothing," he offers after a minute. His eyes sweep over to Theo and Katrina before he leans back and replaces the ice pack over the top of his cheek.
Before I have a chance to think about it, I reach out and take his hand. I half expected him to pull away, but instead he folds his fingers around mine. His thumb rubs the soft skin along my wrist. I wish he can my mind and see just how much he means to me, but what if he can’t accept it? I feel like I’ve let his feelings for me hang between us—unanswered—for so long that no matter what I say, it’ll never be enough.
“Luca, I—”
I chicken out.
"I mean, you . . . you've got to stop blaming Theo for Mason's death," I say. The outer edges of my eyes, beginning to well up with tears when I think back to that terrible night. "I don't blame him, and neither should you."
His grip on my wrist tightens slightly, but his words are soft. "Hey, don't cry.” He sighs, releasing me, then tosses the ice pack down to his side. His right hand moves to brush the top of my cheek as a lone tear slips from my eye. "
"Okay, what the hell are you two doing?"
Luca drops his hand, sucking a breath in between clenched teeth, as we both turn to look up at our friend. A very drunk Becks is swaying beside us. Her eyes are glossy, and her hair is a mess. I push my eyes past her and see Wes is watching us. His grin is stretched from ear to ear as he dances alone to the music.
"Come on guys. This is a party for God's sake," she’s shouting as she falls to the ground beside me and pulls me into a hug. Her slender arms wrap around my neck while she pushes her nose to my ear and whispers, "Did you finally tell him that you just want to be friends?" But she's drunk so she ends up yelling it instead.
Oh my God.
That’s just. . . that’s perfect.
"O-Okay, Becks . . . m- maybe we should find you some water."
"No water. Just beer." She hiccups, pulling back from my arms and taking my face between her hands. "Oh. My. God. Can you believe how fucking hot Wes is?"
"Here we go. Okay," Luca stands, brushing the back of his jeans. "On that note . . . I'll go grab that water for you." He motions to Becks. "Brielle, you want anything while I'm up?"
"No, thank you."
He nods, then turns to walk away.
"Ugh, I thought he'd never leave," Becks grumbles loudly, leaning back against the log. "You're welcome for saving you by the way. P.S. . . . it was Wes’s idea."
She turns around and throws Wes a small wave. Then blows him a kiss, which he stumbles to grab before shoving it deep into his pocket.
"Becks, I didn't need saving," I groan, when my eyes flint behind Wes's broad shoulders, and I see Katrina is now sitting on Theo's lap. A low burn heats my cheeks as I bite back some very heated words. On top of everything else tonight—guilt—is not something I wanted to add to my life. I can’t believe I let Theo kiss me.
"Luca and I were just talking about Mason."
"Mason? Why were you talking about him?"
I squeeze my eyes shut and try not to let my emotions get the best of me. She's drunk, I remind myself. She doesn't know what she's talking about.
"Nothing," I finally say, then force myself to ask how she and Wes are getting along—if only because I know talking about him makes her happy.
"We're doing great!" She smiles, clapping wildly. "Come dance with us. We both know Luca will still be crying over this tomorrow; the guy is a man-child."
"Be nice." I laugh trying to sound normal, but I see the array of emotions cross Becks's face—she worried for me. It’s the same look she gave me the day we found out when Theo first left—worry that I won’t be able to move on. I shake my head and smile when I can see the wheels in her head start to turn. "Thanks, but . . . I shouldn't."
"What? Why?"
"It's . . . complicated." I shrug. Never have I ever used a word so much in a single night. I can’t help laughing silently to myself.
Becks holds her finger up to me and works at swallowing something. Oh God, if she pukes on me, I'm definitely going home. "Please tell me it isn't because of the slut, Katia," she finally answers after managing to calm the alcohol-ridden bile currently working its way up the back of her throat. "God, she’s a clingy one."
I bite back a laugh. "You mean, Katrina." I smile, but Becks just waves me off.
"Whatever. All I know is that the girl whines more than Luca, and that's saying something." Becks shakes her head. "And I'm not the only one she's been annoying; Theo's been pissed at her all night."
I whip my head to the side, surprised by her answer, only to find Katrina sloppily kissing the side of Theo's neck. Yeah, he really looks upset. I roll my eyes. Becks must be drunker than I thought."
I can see that." I crinkle my nose. "Anyway, I should really get back to Lu—"
"Luca needs to stop playing to your weakness." She leans forward and takes a hold of my hands. "He'll be fine for a few minutes. Trust me."
She squeezes my hands and pulls me up with her. I twist around, hoping I'll find Luca, but he's across the pit talking to that Penny girl I met the first night at the club. Her long, red hair is pulled up into a messy bun, and she’s leaning into his side.
"Come on." Becks starts dancing in front of me. "You know you want to."
I fight my smile and watch Becks as she breaks out her weird robot moves. "Fine," I relent after she pulls out the mime tricks. "But only until Luca gets back."
"Oh please, like he wouldn't get a rise out of watching you dance," she squeals, pulling me with her toward the pit. “I’m talking a full six inch rise. Well, it’s Luca . . . so maybe four.”
"Becks." I playfully swat her arm.
"What? I was talking about his mood." She laughs along with me, her arms pushing me out as we dance to the beat of the music. "But I'm sure that would rise too." She winks at me.
I shake my head. "That's so wrong."
"But so true."
By the time the third song kicks on, I can feel myself relaxing as I give into the music. It doesn't take long before Wes decides to join us, and I find myself dancing more on my own than with Becks. I don't mind; I've become used to Becks leaving me in order to chase after a guy. Or two.
"Here," I hear a voice behind me and I spin around.
“Blake? What are you doing here?” It’s Ethan’s friend, the one Theo almost punched a panini out of his hand the other night at Haze.
He extends his right hand as he offers me the drink. "I thought you might be thirsty after the way you've been dancing." He smiles and bites at his lip nervously.
I look down at the drink and see that it's unopened, then glance back up at him. "Thank you.” I smile before reaching out and taking the drink. The cool feel of the bottle against my palm is a welcome relief, as I twist off the cap and take a sip. "How did you know I love the black cherry flavor?" I tease while eyeing the label of my Mikes Hard Lemonade.
"Don't all gorgeous girls like you crave something sweet?"
I half laugh at his attempt to compliment me. My body sways to the beat as I watch him squirm in front of me. Maybe it’s this new relaxed mood I’m in, but I like seeing him like this—on edge and nervous. Even though I can’t see anything ever happening between us, right about now I can use the distraction of a nice, cute guy.
"That was cute." I smile back at him.
"I can be cute sometimes." He smiles, sucking his bottom lip and bites it again. "Why do I feel like I'm going to get into trouble talking to you?"
I feel my cheeks burn from his question as I tilt my head to the side and see Becks watching us. She motions me on with her hands as Wes gives me a giant thumbs up. The two glide by, connected at the hip, and I roll my eyes, thoroughly embarrassed, when I see Blake notice.
"Um, sorry about that." I reach out and rest my hand on his arm, laughing as I work to recover. "They’re a little enthusiastic."
Blake’s eyes shift between me and my hand; a handsome smile tugs his lips. "Hey, I'm perfectly fine with that."
I avert my attention and shift nervously. My mind spins with all the reasons why I shouldn't be talking to him; Theo being the first and foremost. I close my eyes and push him from my thoughts. How I still let him creep back in even now, while I'm talking to Blake, baffles and confuses me all at the same time.
I lift my eyes and immediately find the dark green of Theo's staring back at me. I look away.
"Do you, ugh. . . want to . . . dance?" I ask after a minute and reach out for him to take my hand.
Blake takes no time to think about it and twists me around. "I'd like to take you out on a date," he whispers into my ear when he pulls me into his arms. "But I'll start with a dance."
chapter sixteen
THEO
I can feel my blood boiling as I stare out in front of me and watch the asshole from the other night dance with Brielle. His grubby, little hands press into the soft curves of her waist as he holds her to him like she's already his. Too bad she's already taken, I silently say, not sure who I’m saying this more to. . . him or me.
I clench my fists against my sides and work to control my temper. Where the hell is Luca anyway, and why the fuck isn't he kicking this guy’s ass? When I told her she deserved better than me, I didn't say it for her to ring the damn dinner bell and toss herself to the wolves. I mean—
"Fuck." I jump as Katrina's boney ass digs into my leg again. That's it. I wipe my neck of her slobber, then push her up off my lap.
With You: With you, I am who I want to be. Page 12