Just Like Me

by Dani Hall

  “Jealous, much?” I teased, hoping to lighten his mood. But he was concentrating on posts we had shared.

  I should probably be mad he was looking at that stuff, but I wasn’t. I didn’t have anything to hide. Most girls took pictures down that were ugly or made them look fat. I posted every picture I had. If someone judges me by the way I look in a picture…then maybe I shouldn’t be friends with them at all.

  “Chrissie was on set during one of my movies.” Taylor finally breaking the silence, minimizing my page. “She was recording a song for the set and wanted to get a feel for the atmosphere. I saw her, liked the way she looked, so I struck up a conversation with her.” He drummed his fingers on my desk. “It was innocent enough, at first. We dated; let paparazzi take pictures of us together. But then she wanted to get serious. She wanted to move in together, maybe shoot a movie together. It was happening too fast. Those are the two things I won’t do with a girl if I’m not serious. And I’m never serious.” He cringed and watched my expression. “I mean, I’m never…sometimes I…”

  I rolled my eyes and waved him off. He hesitated, but continued. “Moving in is big. And shooting a movie with someone…that movie is going to stick around for a long time. It’s better to shoot movies with someone you don’t know, that way when you look back and watch it you’re not regretting everything about the relationship. A relationship shouldn’t be in a movie, a movie should just be a fun memory to look back on. Anyway, she wanted that stuff and I didn’t. I kind of blew her off. Stopped calling her, stopping hanging out with her. I never really said it ended, so she kept hanging on. I finally started dating my costar to get it through her head that we were over. She couldn’t get over it, and she wrote that song ‘I’m Still Alive’ and put it out there as her new single. We don’t really talk any more, and Veronica and I didn’t last long. She had really wanted to date a props guy on set and I just wanted to get Chrissie off my back.”

  He glanced down at his hands and even though he wasn’t looking at me, I nodded. I considered some of the lyrics in Chrissie Fast’s song.

  I’m always broken,

  From the words that are unspoken.

  “That makes sense, some of the song lyrics, I guess.”

  He nodded.

  “So, tell me about Chris.” He demanded. His composure was much more relaxed.

  I sighed, taking time to observe my bedspread. Taylor didn’t budge, his eyes fixed on me as he relaxed his hands behind his head.

  “Chris…I met Chris my junior year in high-school. We were in the same history class together. He had been dating a girl then, so I just moved him out of my mind completely. Senior year came around…and he had broken up with her. So…I started falling for him. We had a lot of the same classes, and I started hanging out with this group he was in. We were pretty tight. We were always hanging out after school and stuff.”

  “Was Lisa in this group?”

  “No…Lisa and I…we had had a fight…and were kind of taking a break from each other.”

  “Really?”

  “Yea. So, I fell hard for Chris. He was always grinning, smiling. He would hold my hand during class or hug me afterward, tell me I was beautiful. I’d never had that, not really. When prom came around, I got nervous, I really wanted to go with him. I worked up the nerve to ask him, but by the time …” I bit my lip, remembering the heart break. “He had asked another girl. I…I was devastated. You’d think after that I would have moved on, but I didn’t. I was hopeful because his prom date was a bust. She had cried the whole time over an ex. It came out later that Chris had really liked her, but got over her fast after that. I didn’t even dance with anyone at my senior prom. That’s pretty sad, I guess. But Chris came back to me after that, kept holding my hand, hugging me, making me feel like I had a chance. He played harder for me than he had before, but it still was strictly platonic. We all went to the beach together and Chris insisted on taking pictures together, he even asked me to a play that was going on later in the summer. I was ecstatic. I thought that was it, I thought I would finally get what I wanted. That he finally realized…that he finally was ready for a relationship with me. But…”

  “But?”

  “But the beach trip ended. We went to the play together and he kissed me. I was on cloud nine. I didn’t hear from him for days, and I finally messaged him, fed up that he hadn’t brought up dating or anything. I was angry at that point. I messaged and asked him if he knew that I liked him. He said yes. He knew. He didn’t say anything else about it.”

  “I felt ashamed. I felt like I still hadn’t gotten that closure I needed. So I posted a rant up on my social media page, pretty much calling him out on everything. He messaged me later apologizing for leading me on for so long. He said he was moving on to college and thought we were better as friends. I couldn’t take it, I couldn’t take the rejection. I had spent a year thinking I was going to spend the rest of my life with him.” I shook my head. “I couldn’t breathe after that. I had thought I loved him, had imagined a life with him. I should have realized though…he was never interested in me. No one ever is.”

  “That’s not true.” Taylor murmured gently.

  “Yea it is…” I felt the tears coming then. I felt them flooding up. I willed them not to come. I willed them to stay in place. I kept counting in my head and thinking about how embarrassed I would be if Taylor saw me crying. For goodness sake, I hardly knew him.

  And it was working, I wasn’t crying, until Taylor climbed up in the bed with me. And then they started coming. Dear God, why is it when I start I just can’t stop? I cried into his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me against him. The awkward shield I kept in place fell crashing to the ground. My need to stay away and keep my distance just shattered as he held me. This whole time I had convinced myself to be strong. That I didn’t need anyone to hold me, to tell me it would be ok. I didn’t need someone to touch me, I would be ok on my own, I could survive. And then there was this moment…in his arms…and I knew what it was like to feel whole again.

  “I…I know…th-that it doesn’t sound that…bad…” I tried to calm myself down, easing the words out. “B-but it…was…hard.” He shushed me quietly, rocking me slowly back and forth, very gently. I finally got myself to stop this embarrassing act and sniffed until my thoughts were clear.

  “I’m guessing you’ve been holding that against every other guy that’s tried to get close to you. But, Kale…I’m here to tell you that you’re wanted. Kale, I want to care for you.” He slowly loosened his grip on me until he could look me in the eyes. “Let me care for you.” I nodded, rubbing at my nose.

  “I’m s-sorry.” I whispered. “I just…”

  “It’s ok, it takes time.” He hugged me, briefly, before letting go all together.

  We both sat in silence for a while, a small distance between us on the bed. I kept looking at him, the way his eyes were worried. And I wondered again why he would come all the way here, would he really have held me like that if he just wanted publicity? I was starting to think not.

  “I want to go kick his ass. And I would-“ He added with a nod toward me. “If I wasn’t sure a camera would be lurking around a corner.”

  “Well…it’d be publicity. Taylor Jett kicks the mess out of the Just Like Me competition winner’s ex.”

  “Sounds like a decent headline.” He smiled at the thought. “But instead of referring to you as the competition winner…I’d prefer that they put you were my girlfriend.”

  “For publicity?”

  “Well, no.” He said, an amused expression on his face. “Because that’s what I want you to be.”

  “What?” I asked, trying for clarity.

  “My girlfriend, Kale. That’s what I want you to be. I care about you, as I’ve stated, what, a million times since I got here?” He winced.

  And that would be perfect time to hear Lisa’s key turning in the lock. Taylor was quickly off the bed and in my desk chair by the time our door ope
ned.

  “God, the coffee house was taking forever today. But I got you an iced mocha-“ She froze, at first seeing the tear stained face that I wore. But then she almost dropped the coffee when her eyes met Taylor Jett.

  “Thanks. But you know, I’m more of a vanilla latte kind of guy.” He said as Lisa’s mouth dropped pretty much to the floor. I fell back on to the bed laughing.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Lisa kept fidgeting in her chair, messing with her hair and adjusting her clothes as Taylor sat lazily in my desk chair.

  “And the premier for Zombie Grave is going to be in November?” She asked for the third time, pulling at her pink shirt. I called that shirt the cleavage shirt, and now she kept glancing nervously at me.

  “Yeapp.” He popped his p.

  “That’s great.” She was visibly shaking as she tried to appear calm. Taylor gave me a sideways glance. I shrugged.

  “Taylor came up because he was worried about Chris.” I told Lisa, sipping on the iced mocha she had brought up. Taylor held his hand out, and I passed it to him. ”Careful, there isn’t an extra shot of sugar-free vanilla.” I warned. He rolled his eyes.

  “However will I survive?” He took a sip and his face puckered. “God, I can taste the fat.” He teased.

  “Did you want me to run down and grab you something? I can…” Lisa was pretty much bouncing in her chair, eager to please Taylor.

  “No, no. This is fine.” He glanced at me again, taking another swallow. He glanced at the cup, a look of surprise on his face. “Huh, not that bad, actually.”

  “Well, we don’t have our own personal barista, but it’s good all the same.”

  “You have your own personal barista?” Lisa chimed, leaning toward Taylor.

  “Well…”

  “Oh my God! That’s incredible!”

  “I don’t really have-“

  “Time to get coffee, yea I know. With the premier coming out and the new movie you’re shooting for-“ Man, Lisa probably shouldn’t have ordered an extra-large espresso. Her nerves were already on edge.

  “Well, yea, I don’t have time, but I think Kale was just joking. I don’t really have a barista.”

  “Oh.” Lisa’s face crumpled in disappointment at guessing wrong. Taylor held the coffee back out to me, and I took it. He took a moment to whisper, just so I could hear, “Do we need to take her batteries out?”

  He gave a quick stretch before standing up. “Is there a bathroom on this floor?”

  “Yea, but it’s just for the girls. You’ll have to go to the guest one on the first floor.”

  “Alright.” He heaved himself out of the chair and walked for the door. “You lock me out and you’re dead.” He said, winking at me. “I know where you live.”

  “Oh! We would never do that.” Lisa chirped.

  Taylor raised his eyebrows at me and then raised his hood before exiting the dorm room. Lisa looked at me and I felt like I could have potentially counted down her blast-off.

  “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME HE WAS HERE?” She thundered, gripping hard onto her chair. “I just made a complete fool of myself in front of Taylor Jett! The Taylor Jett!”

  “I didn’t know he was coming!” I countered defensively.

  “Yea, it’s all ‘no big deal’ with you! Just share your freaking coffee with him! Did you even realize that?? You were freaking sharing your coffee with Taylor Jett! Girls would give a fortune just to have the straw with his DNA!”

  I looked down at my coffee, confused. “He’s just a guy, Lisa. Like you and me. Remember the competition? Just like me?”

  “But he’s not just like us! He’s a superstar, Kale! And he’s in. Our. Dorm!!!”

  “Well…he’s in the bathroom right now…”

  She huffed and turned around, logging into her social media.

  “Lisa, what are you doing?” She started furiously typing away at her keyboard. “Lisa you can’t post that he’s in here.”

  “But why not?” She whined. “I want to take a picture with him. Can I? Pleeeeease Kale?”

  “Lisa, please calm down. It’s just a guy. It’s really no big deal. I don’t care if you take a picture; just don’t post it until after he’s off campus. And you have to ask him if it’s ok.”

  “So, are ya’ll like…dating now? For real?”

  “No. We’re not. He just…stopped by.”

  “Bull shit. Why would he stop by if he isn’t into you?”

  “For publicity. He gets cameras on campus, visiting me, that’s publicity.”

  “He’s wearing a hoodie and glasses like you did, you dork. No one can tell who he is.”

  I guess I didn’t think about that one.

  “I’m not even sure if Taylor’s truly interested.”

  “Well…I’ll head out to my next class and you can talk to him. Ask him if he’s interested in you or the publicity you bring.”

  “Yea, ok.”

  Lisa grabbed her purse and books for her next class, the door opened before she had gotten all her stuff gathered.

  “And I don’t care if he is Taylor Jett, if he’s the reason you’ve been crying, he’s getting an ass whooping from me.”

  Taylor walked in the room past Lisa, ignoring her comment. He waltzed over to the desk chair and sat down.

  “I…I…”

  “Have to go…” I finished for Lisa, who was struggling to put one foot in front of another.

  “Yea. Umm…can I take a picture with you?” She asked Taylor. He nodded.

  “Sure, but I don’t have my pretty lip gloss on, so can it wait?” Lisa nodded, clearly confused at the lip gloss statement. She finally closed the door behind her while Taylor shook his head. I knew she was humiliated after that statement, but if Taylor heard her, he made no comment about it.

  “Your best friend seems a little messed up. Has she been partaking in any extra-curricular activities? Like, oh I don’t know…drugs?”

  “I think you’re the one who caused her to OD just then.”

  “Huh.” He glanced up at me. “You alright?”

  “Yea, I was just…trying to figure you out.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, I mean, did you come up here today because of publicity?”

  “No. I’m off today from the film; I wanted to come see you.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you think I’m hot and you can’t get enough of me.”

  “Right…but is it because it’ll look good on the T.V.?”

  “No. It’s because I wanted to see you, really. The way your friend just acted? Like she was on drugs? All girls act like that around me. They can’t put a sentence together. You can, and it’s nice. I’m actually having a real conversation, that’s a first.”

  “Ok…so…you like being my friend?”

  “Yea, I like being your friend.” He mimicked. “And as I stated earlier, I’d like the word ‘girl’ attached to the front of that.”

  “Meaning…?”

  “Meaning I’d like to take you out to restaurants and movies and fight with you and then make-up.” He motioned toward the bed. “And kiss you; I’d really like to kiss you.”

  “Yea, and this whole thing sounds like the fakest fairytale I’ve ever heard of. Girl wins contest, girl goes on a date with guy, guy falls in love even though he’s famous. This whole thing isn’t believable.”

  “Whoa now, love is a strong word.” He said jokingly, holding up his hands to me. “I can’t believe you think I’m lying.”

  “I think…you might like the publicity more than you like me. I don’t think you really like me all that much.”

  “Ouch. But I do. And admit it; you love the idea that I could be your boyfriend. Not because of the fame, but because of my awesome personality. And my abs, you adore my abs.”

  “I do not!”

  “Of course you do, from the way you were blushing in those pictures yesterday?” He let out a low whistle. “You so want my abs.”

  “
I…don’t know what to say to that.”

  “Because it’s true. Look, you’re blushing now.”

  “I don’t want to be part of some freaky Just Like Me contest experiment. I want to be me; I want to be Kale Delaney. Not Taylor Jett’s girlfriend, I’m not interested in fame. If I were your girlfriend I don’t think anyone would get it. I don’t think I’d ever be left alone.”

  “So you don’t want to?”

  “I’m just not sure if it’s a good idea.”

  “But…” He motioned toward his stomach. “I have abs.” He repeated. I rolled my eyes.

  “Yes, you have established that. But girls don’t adore you just because you have great abs.”

  “Have you seen my abs?” He asked, raising an eyebrow at me. “I mean, girls want to bake cookies on these suckers.”

  “I’m sure they do.”

  “Look,” For a split-second I was mortified that he may lift his shirt up. But instead, he dug into his pocket and pulled his phone out. “I’m about to call Jerry. I call him about whether or not I should do something, whether it will be good or bad for my publicity. I should do what he says, right? For publicity purposes?” He didn’t wait for an answer as he dialed and put the phone on speaker; the eerie ring rang throughout the dorm.

  “Taylor?”

  “Hey, Jerry.”

  “Taylor, should I be worried that you called me?”

  “Nope, not at all.”

  “Am I on speaker?”

  “No, this shit phone is acting weird. Listen, Jerry,” He shifted in his seat. “I’ve been thinking about it…and…well, I’m going to ask this Kale girl to go out with me.”

  There was a silence.

  “Taylor, you know I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

  I looked up, surprised.

  “I know you don’t, but I really like her…so…I asked her out and she is drooling. So, we’ve set a time, it’s official. No cameras, nothing like that. Just a date between us.”