Just Like Me

by Dani Hall

  “Lisa.” My voice was scratchy from crying the day before. “Lisa it’s time to get up.” She shifted in her bed, looking at our alarm clock. “Where were you yesterday?” I croaked.

  “I spent the weekend at Ben’s parents’ house.” She grumbled. “They were gone all day yesterday and Ben kept me in bed all day. I’m so sore.”

  “Ugh.” I said, wrinkling my nose. “I didn’t want to hear that.”

  “I haven’t seen you in forever.” She said, sitting up. “What all happened this weekend? Wait…have you been crying?”

  “After this class, I’m heading to the gym. You down?”

  “The gym? Since when do you work out? Kale, what’s going on?”

  “Since the world thinks I’m a size fat.” I muttered, finally rolling out of bed. “I apparently am not in shape. Everything’s fine. But I’d appreciate it if you came to the gym with me.”

  Chapter Forty-Three

  My first class went ok. I had forgotten that I had a paper due Friday, but I’d get around to it. I had finally convinced Lisa to go to the gym. I was running on the treadmill while she biked at a speed of zero on a stationary cycle.

  “You still need to tell me what went down this weekend.”

  “Just normal media crap. And Taylor…”

  “Taylor and you obviously had some more kissing action that went down. And then a fight? I’ll kick that boy’s ass.”

  “Zach! And, well, yea, I guess. No, we didn’t fight.” I cringed, glancing around to see if anyone was eavesdropping.

  “So, are you going to tell me what went down?”

  “I don’t think I can in here.”

  “Ok, then I’ll change the subject.” She tapped a finger to her chin in mock consideration and then turned abruptly towards me. “Would you bang him?”

  “Lisa.” I whispered, glancing around. It was way too hot to wear a hoodie in that gym. I was out in the open with no protection of my identity.

  “What?”

  “People are staring.”

  “So? Everyone thinks you’re already banging. Set the record straight.”

  ”Lisa.” I pressed a button and increased my speed.

  “You’re taking this size thing out of hand. You know Marilyn Monroe was like huge or something?”

  “That’s a lie.”

  “But she wasn’t a zero! Kale, honestly, you’re not built to be a size zero.”

  “That’s not an excuse.” I was breathing hard now, feeling my sneakers slap against the rotating rubber of the treadmill.

  “Of course it is. I mean, you didn’t eat breakfast this morning.”

  “I wasn’t hungry.”

  “You’re going to develop one of those eating disorders like all those other celebrities have.” She warned. I shook my head.

  “No, I’m just going to start eating healthier. Working out. I have to keep a good light in the media. Maybe they’ll be nicer if I lose weight, you know?”

  “Did Taylor say you needed to lose weight?”

  “Zach said I needed to ignore what they said.”

  “So why don’t you do that instead?”

  “Because, Lisa.”

  “You know, everyone knows who you are now. So if you continue talking about ‘Zach’ then people are going to think you’re cheating on Taylor.”

  I pressed a button, making the speed climb higher on the treadmill. Almost every piece of equipment in the gym had a neat little T.V. screen attached, but I wasn’t in the mood for any more gossip.

  “Fine. Whatever. You never answered my question.” Lisa snapped.

  “I don’t know.” My words were jumping now as my body moved faster along the treadmill. “I haven’t thought about it.”

  “Now you’re lying.”

  “Ok, I’ve thought about it. But he says he likes me because I treat him the same as anyone else. If he was anyone else, I don’t know what I’d do. I’d probably be just as confused.”

  “But you want to.” I gave her a look. “I’m not asking for right or wrong here, I’m just curious.” I sighed.

  “See, it’s not just that simple with me.”

  “That’s your problem.” She muttered, taking a breakfast bar out of her pocket. She started munching on it.

  “You know that probably has more calories in it than you’ve burned?”

  “You think I care?” She mumbled. With a mouth full of granola it sounded more like “You thee I cah?” She swallowed. “I’m not done with my assessment of you. You’re always over thinking things. Will it be bad for Tay-“

  “Zach!” I corrected quickly.

  “Right.” She rolled her eyes. “Will it be bad for Zach? Will it hurt him? Will I regret it later? Will the media find out? Who cares? What do you want? What does Kale freaking Delaney want to do?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “You see, you act like you don’t know. But really all those questions are whirling around…you do want to bang him, but you have a conscious.”

  “I don’t want to bang him!”

  “See, now we’re back to the lying.” She had stopped cycling completely and now was just sitting on the bike cushion, munching on her bar. I was tempted to turn the speed up a notch. “I know you, Kale Delaney. You’re so worried about everyone else that you’re not even paying attention to what you want. My advice? Stop thinking. Just do it.”

  “Regrettable word choice.” I muttered, turning the speed down a slight bit. She laughed. “It’s too early to think about any of it anyway.” I grumbled.

  Chapter Forty-Four

  The days passed and I started running farther, going to the gym twice a day. I tried to drag Lisa with me when I could. I had convinced her to come with me Thursday night, she wasn’t too happy about it. Taylor had been so slammed with rehearsals that he hadn’t had a chance to swing by.

  “I have a paper.” She whined, slumping down into the same stationary cycle.

  “You won’t do it until Monday.” I started on the treadmill with a brisk walk.

  “It’s due Tuesday.”

  “I know. You won’t do it until Monday. Stop whining, this is good for you.”

  She flicked on the T.V. screen, a romantic comedy I recognized played across the screen. I bumped up the speed and started to jog.

  “Ripping your muscles apart and making yourself sick from working so hard? Yea, that sounds perfectly healthy.”

  “It is.”

  “How much weight have you lost in the past few days?”

  “A couple pounds.” I answered, proud. If I just kept this pace up I could keep those few pounds off and hopefully keep the media off my back. I turned the speed up another notch.

  “But that’s not including the muscle you’ve built.”

  “So?”

  I had gotten to where I could run twenty minutes in the morning and thirty at night. I was going to try to reach forty minutes of running tonight.

  “Let’s see what the media is saying about you tonight.” She said, a sing-song tone to her voice.

  “No, let’s not.” I said, trying to reach out before she hit the channel button.

  “Oh come on. If you’re so smart and think you can keep the media off your back, you have nothing to worry about.”

  A commercial about some keyboard cleaning device was playing. Lisa watched, interested.

  “I always get crumbs in my keyboard!” She exclaimed. “Should I buy it?”

  “I swear, you’d fall for anything that’s $19.95 on T.V.”

  Finally Star Gaze came on, reviewing what all they’d be covering in the next hour.

  “But first-“ A new host said that I didn’t recognize. “Is Kale Delaney, Taylor Jett’s girlfriend, losing weight at an unhealthy rate?”

  A video of me on the treadmill came on the screen; I recognized the outfit from what I was wearing yesterday.

  “Apparently Kale has been hitting the gym non-stop, running twice a day for the past week for over an hour. When we asked local cafete
ria workers what her diet looked like, they commented that they hardly ever saw her head towards the dinner plates. She almost always was heading for the salad bar.”

  “Ugh!!!” I yelled, slowing down on the treadmill. “Are you freaking kidding me?” I was out of breath so my incredulousness was toned down a few notches. Lisa watched the program with mild interest.

  “You had chicken last night.” She noted.

  “I know! I’m not starving myself!”

  “Local students are worried that Delaney may be forming some sort of eating disorder-“

  “See!” Lisa shouted. “I told you!”

  “University student Chris Tanning, who is a very close friend with Delaney, had a few words on the subject.”

  A video of Chris popped up; he put on a worried frown for cameras.

  “Kale has always been conscious of her weight. This whole celebrity thing has thrown her way out of proportion. I’m sure she’ll need to be sent to a rehab facility soon. She really just needs to say goodbye to Taylor Jett.”

  “Turn it off!” I yelled. Lisa turned the T.V. off. I ignored the curious looks around the gym.

  “I told you so.” She said as she stretched towards the ceiling. “I’m gonna head back to the dorm. I can’t watch you waste away.” She overdramatically put the back of her hand up to her forehead.

  “Shut up.”

  “And her temper’s getting worse too. Ok, saggy pants. I’m out of here. If I see Chris, I’ll make sure to punch him for you.”

  I didn’t say anything, but bumped the speed back up to what I’d had before my segment had come onto the T.V.

  I had lost track of time, running on that treadmill. I hadn’t paid attention to the time for a while. My thoughts were whirling. How could I make the media think I wasn’t going over the top? It was just a few pounds, really nothing. I was eating. I hadn’t even remembered seeing cameras recording me yesterday on the treadmill. I was doing what they wanted!

  I thought about the glamorous actresses rocking their size zero bodies. I thought about Veronica as she slithered her snake-like body against Taylor. I thought about the scene I’d chosen to miss where Kara would have stuck her size zero tongue down my boyfriend’s throat.

  Out of the corner of my eye I saw a guy in a toboggan talking to the desk administrator. He seemed to be having a heated discussion with the desk guy. I didn’t pay much attention to the toboggan guy, just turned the speed up a little higher.

  I paid little attention as the guy strode quickly into the gym and looked around. I assumed he was seeking out some expensive equipment. I looked back toward my own machine and reached out to press the button to increase my speed.

  “Kale!” I heard, suddenly a voice beside me. I tripped up a bit, but quickly caught myself. A hand came out and yanked the emergency cord, bringing the treadmill to a stop. My legs wobbled, unadjusted to the sudden stop. I gripped onto the treadmill, trying to get a hold of my dizzy thoughts.

  I felt arms wrap around me and yank me down onto sturdy ground. The hands steadied me as they simultaneously whirled me around.

  “What do you think you’re doing?” When my vision cleared I realized Taylor was toboggan guy. Oh. He had what appeared to be bruises on his face; dirt seemed to be encrusted into his chin.

  “What happened to you?” I gasped.

  “It’s makeup. It was what I was doing for the murder scene today.” He wrapped an arm around my waist, almost dragging me out of the gym.

  “Taylor I wasn’t finish-“

  “Did you realize how long you’d been running on that thing?”

  “I…I hadn’t been paying attention-”

  “Over an hour, Kale.”

  “It’s not that big a deal.” I said, trying to lower my voice as we crossed the street toward my dorm. I’m pretty sure it looked like he was trying to kidnap me. But no one stopped us.

  “It is a big deal,” He noticed me lowering my voice, so he lowered his.

  “It’s not-”

  “Just hold off with your comments until we get up to your room.” He muttered quickly. We took the steps up to the dorm. Walking through, Taylor didn’t stop at the secretary’s desk.

  “Zach Coffee. Against my religion to have an I.D. 312B, Kale Delaney, thanks.” It sounded like one long word as he said it.

  He just kept going until we reached the elevator. He punched the button and the doors automatically opened. The secretary looked abashed as we climbed on. My legs finally had adjusted to solid ground again, so I was able to support myself when the elevator opened and we began walking towards my dorm.

  “Taylor…”

  “Just hold on.” He was mad. He was really mad as he pounded on our dorm room door. Lisa opened the door, her eyes widening when she saw Taylor.

  He walked into the room, ripping off the hat. He whirled on me as I shut the door behind us. I felt like a puppy that just ruined her master’s shoes.

  “I told you to ignore the media. I told you they would make something up when you were doing everything right. Why in the world didn’t you tell me you’ve been working yourself mad all week?” He thundered. “Running day and night. For what? For the media to have an excuse to blast you on air?”

  “I wasn’t running day and night.”

  “Over an hour, Kale.”

  “I just thought if I lost a few pounds the media-“

  “The media isn’t going to leave us alone. This is going to be an everyday thing. The media is going to find something to shit about even if they have to accuse you of dying your hair or wearing arches because your feet are uneven. They will pick out ridiculous aspects about you. I told you that.”

  “I know.”

  “You can’t just go run yourself to death because of some shit they made up. Because they said you may have an eating disorder now, are you going to run out and start eating everything in sight?”

  I was surprised that Lisa wasn’t hyperventilating as she sat on her bed. But I saw concern on her face. Taylor turned to look at her.

  “Don’t you think this is ridiculous?” He asked her. She nodded.

  “You don’t want to end up with one of those disorders, Kale.”

  “I’m not!” Geez, was no one on my side?

  “You’re letting them get inside your head.” He put one hand on my shoulder, putting his other hand softly up to my face. “You’re letting them get to you, Kale. You can’t do it. If you let them in, you’ll never find peace. You’ll never be able to live your life if you’re hurt by everything the media says. They piss me off too, but you don’t see me doing steroids for better muscles.”

  “I thought maybe you’d like me better this way. With Veronica and Kara, they’re tiny.”

  “And I’m not with them, am I? I’m with you. We’re together. Us, right here. You’re my girlfriend and I love you like this. I don’t like this.” He said, taking his hand down my side. “I don’t want to feel ribs. That’s gross. I’m not dating a skeleton. I don’t want to think you’re killing yourself every day because you think I like this. I don’t. They’re clothes hangers. That’s all they are. You aren’t a clothes hanger, and I love that about you.”

  I sighed and Taylor led me over to the bed and sat down with me. Lisa watched curiously.

  “Now, we’re going to see your Mom tomorrow night.” He said, draping an arm around my shoulder. “And if I have to cancel my set tomorrow and go with you into the cafeteria and make sure you eat some goddamn pancakes, I will cancel my set tomorrow and go with you to make sure you eat some goddamn pancakes.”

  Both Lisa and I laughed. I leaned into Taylor’s shoulder and he rubbed my arm gently.

  “Sound good?”

  “I can’t believe you flew all the way out here.”

  As he talked I began picking fake gravel out of his chin. “Well, I don’t think you would have listened to me over the phone. If I had to, I would have dragged you off that treadmill, brought you back to your room, and chained you to your bed.”
>
  “Sounds kinky.” Lisa’s eyes widened as the words flew out of her mouth. She slapped a hand to her lips as red colored her cheeks. Taylor glanced up at her and laughed. He looked back at me.

  “You know, I think I like her.”

  Chapter Forty-Five

  I convinced Taylor to fly back to South Carolina. Lisa promised up and down that she’d make sure I had at least two pancakes. I rolled my eyes.

  “Want me to walk you out?” I asked as he got up and stretched. He nodded and we made our way out of the dorm and down the hall. I pressed the button for the elevator while Taylor whistled and examined his fingernails. He had put his toboggan back on and was placing sunglasses on his face. The elevator arrived and we both got on. Taylor pressed the first floor button. I looked up when I felt his gaze on me.

  “Ever made out in an elevator?”

  I stared at him blankly, unsure what to say.

  “What?”

  “You know…” He gestured around. I shook my head, giving him an ‘are you serious’ expression. “Just asking.” He shrugged.

  The elevator doors finally opened and we walked out into the lobby near the secretary.

  “Zach Coffee. 312B. Kale Delaney. Signing out.” Taylor yelled over his shoulder as he moved me past her desk. The secretary glared and rolled her eyes. Taylor pushed open a door for me and I stepped outside. I was about to head down the steps when I froze. Chris Tanning was standing at the bottom of the staircase having some form of conversation. Taylor stopped and looked at me. He gave me a confused expression.

  “Kale?”

  He followed my gaze down the steps. His whole demeanor changed when he saw that it was Chris at the bottom of the steps. His relaxed body went rigid all over. Tension shot through him and his facial features immediately turned heated. I watched, stunned as Taylor took advancing steps down to the bottom. Chris’s friends caught sight of Taylor and quickly dispersed. When Taylor reached him, Chris looked up at Taylor, an annoyed expression on his face.

  “Chris Tanning.” Taylor stated.