Ciara, my parents, Sexton and Shay I actually didn’t think capable of murder.
Maybe my father was a gross degenerate, but a murderer? No. Not his own son. Never. I refused to believe it. He had ordered Shay’s death but that was an honour killing, that was different.
“I spent a whole week scouring that city. Either she’s gone, or she’s hiding.” Ciara had used a payphone to call her sister and therefore, I’d gone to the city with little information except that I knew she was probably staying somewhere near the payphone she’d used. I located the payphone and the only place in the near vicinity I thought she might stay was a cheap B&B. Every other hotel in the area would have required the use of her credit card. Anyway, I staked the B&B and eventually, I saw her pop her head out of one of the windows upstairs. She was hiding but she was safe, which was the main thing.
Now she was safe, I could start putting my plan of attack in place…
“You should hire a private detective.”
I gave him a look of disgust. “Teddy, please.”
I acted well. I think I fooled him…
“She’s gone, I feel it.” But only for the time being…
“You did sort of keep her on a tight leash.”
“I know.” I was protecting her…
“Anyway,” he sighed, “why come here to tell me that?”
“I need your services. I’ve made a few decisions.”
“Oh, yes?”
“I’m selling everything. Everything apart from Pernox.”
“What?”
“No point in dragging all this out.”
“Dragging what out?”
“Me, staying here… waiting… until she turns up with another guy in tow and laughs in my face, rubbing my nose in it. She’s probably out there right now, screwing some young fuck. She’s better off but still, I won’t stay and watch.”
He laughed, shaking his head. “You’re a nutcase, Dante. You’ve given up.”
“No I haven’t. I’ve tried. I hear her message. She’s done with me.”
“You don’t know that. She might just be trying to get her head together.”
“We both know that’s bullshit.”
I needed to know if Teddy was a gigantic fuck, hiding behind his stately profession, his good looks and apparent good manners.
I tapped my shoe against the tiled floor, restless, out of control. I had given myself a deadline to finally nail the fucking bastard who shot my staff – and I wasn’t going to fail. Not this time.
“You don’t need me to sort all that out for you. You can get any solicitor off the street.”
“I need something special organising for Pernox.”
“Yeah? What’s going on with that place now?”
“It’s doing really great. Ciara’s ideas for the place have really paid off. I’m sure some of the women would prefer her to be their teacher but Georgiana, Tara and Amber are doing really well. They’ve even employed some experienced, older dommes.”
“Equality and all that.”
“Experience more than anything.” I had to chuckle, thinking of Pernox, and how all our new members seemed to leave the building just that bit more confident, every time they’d enjoyed a so-called spa treatment or two.
“So, what do you want me to put in place regarding Pernox?”
“If she turns up, let her have it. It’s hers. I’m okay with it. She deserves some severance pay after all I’ve put her through.”
Teddy regarded me with confusion. “Why’ve you gone so cold? If you just wait patiently, she’ll probably come home, telling you about some trip she needed to take.”
“I don’t think so.” I left my chair and paced the room. “She’s done this to hurt me, I know it.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do.” Keep it up…
“She might be frightened. She probably thinks the bad guys are still coming after you. Which isn’t far off the mark, am I right? Seeing as though your gunman said he was hired?”
I stood behind the chair I’d just been sat in, my knuckles white as I gripped the back of it. “If that’s the case, that she feels better off without me, she’s probably right. After everything that’s happened, I don’t know if I’m safe anymore. It’s only a matter of time before the British government picks its moment and drags me in, forcing me to sign a binding deal to spill everything. That’s why I have to sell everything and go, now before they find something in my past to blackmail me with.”
“That’s nonsense.”
“You know it isn’t.” I stared at him, hard. “You said yourself, they know the fixer exists. They probably imagine I’m him but have yet to prove it. All it would take is for Roman to confirm it then they’d have grounds to pull me in. That’s all it would take.”
“I don’t get how all of this could fall apart so easily.”
“My team was so strong, the best people I could find. Without them, I’m virtually blind.”
“But you’re not so bad yourself? Right?”
“Right. And yet, I still didn’t have a clue what was going on right under my nose but since Ciara and I began sleeping together, I guess I’ve seemed happier… more lenient. Maybe it’s good if she goes because someone saw I was happy and decided to take advantage of that. I don’t think we can be happy, I don’t. People are always going to come after me and I need to have my head in the game.”
“You’re running away.”
“Wouldn’t you, if you were me?”
“Maybe, but I’m not you. I wouldn’t get myself into your situation in the first place.”
“You mean cornered?”
“I mean, committing illegal acts, working illegally. I have kids, a wife, and even when she’s my ex-wife, I won’t do anything to put her in danger… and making enemies puts all those loved ones around you in danger, right?”
“You see my point.”
“I do, but,” Teddy shook his head at me, “maybe it’s time to quit your job, rather than quit her. You have a choice, you always have a choice.”
“Listen, Teddy,” I sighed, feeling downtrodden, “I cannot rest while I know there are fucking evil cunts out there, plotting shit… I won’t stop, not while I’m in the position to thwart them. This is who I am. It’s not like I can switch this off. This is me. If Ciara can’t handle it, then I’m done too.”
“When you’re dead, how do you think she will feel? Eh? Hmm? Answer that. That’s the way you’re heading… same way as Daltrey. The difference is, at this very moment you have a choice to turn away and be someone better.”
“I do this for Daltrey.”
“No you don’t. Maybe in the beginning, but now you do it for you, because you can’t stand to sit still on your own once in a while. You’ll never find peace unless you’re willing to try to change.”
I held my forehand and begged him, “How the hell do I change? How the hell? Are you inside my head, having seen the things I have? Have you been to Hell and back? Have you?”
“No.”
“Then, please, just accept this is my choice.”
“You could’ve called to ask me about Pernox, or sent a messenger even. But you’re here and you know why you’re here, because you have nobody else to turn to, do you?”
I shook my head slightly.
“I’m just trying to be the voice of reason before you leave. Before you give up on her and everything she could give you.”
“I’m beyond saving,” I protested, “we both know that.
“You’re not, that’s the thing, you just haven’t the wisdom to see the only person who can save you, is yourself.”
He silenced me and a whorl of emotions hit me, chewing up my insides.
I couldn’t tell Teddy that I was fairly certain someone had set Shay up to take the blame for the twelve murders. I thought back and a memory hit…
It was when we called her from Vegas and said we needed to talk to her when we got back… and she told Ciara a pack of lies on th
e phone about the night of Daltrey’s shooting… said that we were together that night, that Sexton was the one who told us about it all. She said something about Sexton but I hadn’t yet employed Sexton back then…
When people are in a state of fight or flight, they sometimes say stuff absentmindedly… just to carry a conversation or because… if she was terrified and knew something was coming, she wouldn’t have been able to recall real facts and maybe all she could think about was backing out… because she did know something, but couldn’t tell me. Maybe she knew exactly who my enemy was.
If it was Teddy, then it had to be that I ended him. Nobody else. A life for a life. For Daltrey.
I had to run from everything now, just while I got my head together. I had to make it seem like I’d disappeared, so I could go beneath ground and make everyone think I was gone. Then surely the fuck who’d done this would make their move on Ciara – and I’d be ready to swoop in when things got messy.
Everything in me warned that some absolutely awful revelation loomed… and somehow… I knew I wouldn’t survive it. But still, what would be, would be… and even if I couldn’t save myself, I’d save her at least. The murderer out of the picture, at least she could live the rest of her life without looking over her shoulder.
I had to cut my losses and run.
I was doing this to save Ciara.
I didn’t matter anymore.
Only she did.
And she would only get hurt with me around.
She’d done the right thing running.
Teddy took out a piece of paper and began scribbling on it. “So you want to give her total ownership of Pernox? But what if she doesn’t come back?”
“Yes. She can have it. Eventually, she has to come back, right?”
“You’re as stubborn as a mule, you know?”
I looked him in the eye. “I fucked up. I know that. I didn’t protect her, I controlled her. I lost control over a decade ago and I never got it back. You don’t know what she’s like, though. She’s the most loving person you’ll ever know. For her to leave me like this, to deliberately evade me, it tells me she’s done with me. She’s done with this life. Quite frankly, I don’t blame her. I’ll never be free of what I am. I live for the job, you know that.”
“You must live for it. I’m your best friend and it’s been over ten years since we went out for a pint together.”
He let that hang in the air and I remained silently reminded that for more than a decade, I had checked out on real life… and potentially…
But I couldn’t think about that.
“So when she comes back and finds herself lumbered with Pernox, what do you think she’ll do?”
“Hopefully sell it, use the money to buy her airfare out of here, and live in peace.”
“You could sell it right now and leave the money with me. I’ll make sure she gets the cash when she turns up looking for you. Unless you’re merely leaving Pernox behind to trap her in the same way you feel trapped?”
What are you, my psychiatrist now?
I didn’t want to admit it but he was right. I was trapped – knowing I’d never find anyone else as good as Ciara – not for as long as I lived. I hoped the time would come one day when we could be together again but right now she was probably feasting on her newfound freedom.
“Will you do it for me? Be caretaker while I’m away? Put it all in her name?”
“I’ll arrange it.” He raised an eyebrow. “So, you’re just going to sell the clothing company, then… go?”
“I’ve always fancied LA. A fresh start, maybe.”
He eyed me, knowingly. “You’re going to set up again?”
“Why not?”
Keep the bollocks falling…
He didn’t seem to suspect I was spinning him a bunch of lies.
Good.
How could he imagine I was done with this?
I needed to know the bloody truth, once and for all.
“I could think of a dozen reasons why not.”
“I could think of a dozen reasons to the contrary.”
I took a slim notebook out of my inside pocket and counted how many headlines had hit the news lately – catastrophes I could have prevented.
Build the bollocks high so he can’t see above them…
“In June alone, five former clients went bankrupt after their secrets came out. That’s nothing compared to the amount of sackings I’ve witnessed of people formerly on my books. Not to mention a couple of other things. If I’d been up and running when the referendum happened, we wouldn’t be facing Brexit right now.”
He frowned. “Seriously?”
“I always was serious, about this anyway.”
“What else has happened since you got shafted? Anything big? Anything… scandalous.”
“Only, you know, a couple of brand names whose family image recently got tarnished when it emerged they have an open relationship.”
“You worked for them?” He looked loath to say their actual names.
“Now their secret’s out, all their fans are feeling disenfranchised of the truth of the matter and their brand will go down in popularity and the whole celebrity culture is yet again hit with controversy and with public opinion so low, eyes will turn on other couples in the limelight. It’s about trends, it always is. Shepherds and sheep. Madness and sanity. People need something good to talk about down the pub whereas the media merely wanna print what’s current in their book. You know what it’s like… it’s an epidemic, like with the MP expenses’ scandal. Right now a bunch of scared celebs, both here and stateside, will be desperate to close their secrets off. I’ll never be short of work. The papers, the bloggers, the tweeps… the universe, will be scouring for anymore of the same, right as we speak.”
“I doubt you will ever be short on work, but you will be short on Ciara.”
Would you stop it… I thought it, but didn’t say it.
He was right.
However, he hadn’t been there in Ireland, in that magical place – trying to figure out why Ciara left her homeland behind for London – all alone and still a teenager.
Then, one dark night as I lay alone in a hotel room in Edinburgh, I suddenly realised the similarities between Shay and Ciara. I must have picked Ciara because she reminded me of someone. I was messed up. Big time. It was a sickening realisation that I’d gone looking for the friend I’d lost. Ciara had been my replacement for Shay. I never frequented domme houses to recruit for Pernox. Why would I? I went looking for another woman to spar with. Another Shay.
I still didn’t know who to trust, but I wouldn’t be making the same mistakes again.
“Do you not see that one day, you will die because of this job. You’ll die because you chose the riskiest job and you know it.”
“I’ve thought of nothing else but death for the past ten years.”
He rose from his chair, so angry. It mystified me how passionate he was about saving me. Flailing his arms, he admonished, “You’re a fool, knowingly putting yourself in the line of fire. It doesn’t matter how good you are, there will always be people out for revenge. For financial gain. You could just buy a house in the country, grow vegetables, be happy for a change. You could do anything with your money, go anywhere. You could make a public appeal for Ciara, say she’s missing or something… say she’s your fiancée… get the public behind you. Please, do anything but go back to that life. Please.”
I ignored his words and coldly asked, “Will you arrange it all for me? I’ve practically sold Import Clothes already. I’ve been slowly palming it off to shareholders for years.”
I had already spent so much of my own cash on making the fixing business what it was. I wasn’t a limitless entity and some of my personal losses over the years had been difficult to paper over. Losses on things like following the lives of everyone Daltrey ever knew, in case one of them made a mistake and re-offended or something. Nothing like that had ever happened… all trails ran cold a long, long time a
go.
“I’ll arrange it all,” he said, and Teddy walked round the desk to shake my hand. “How do we keep in touch?”
“I’m leaving for the states immediately. Email or phone until then. After that, I will be unreachable. I don’t intend on coming back.”
He shook his head. “I can’t believe how arrogant you’re being. For all you know, she got kidnapped or something. You don’t know!”
“She’s not a stupid girl. She’s evaded me, hasn’t she? Me. She left me. On the phone to her sister, she sounded fine. She sounded free. She has merely done this to spite me. Do not underestimate her. She’s clever.”
He looked at me, shaking his head over and over again. “This is really about your ego, isn’t it? Bruised, I’d hazard. I really thought you’d changed. I really did.”
He circled back round to his desk chair and sat inside it, head bowed, scribbling on his notepaper once more. Ignoring me, I thought, because he was disgusted with me.
I left the room, certain he was convinced of me leaving the country. He didn’t need to know I was going dark and I was going all out to catch the fucker who’d ruined all our lives.
Twenty-Seven
Ciara
I MET TEDDY AT HIS hotel, the Radisson. We sat in the bar and he told me all about Dante’s reasons for leaving – all excuses. As far as I could tell, Dante wouldn’t give up his job – and was pissed off that I expected him to. Damn right I expected him to.
Then Teddy had a shock for me I wasn’t expecting:
“He’s asked me to move Pernox over to you. I’m in the process of doing it right now.”
“But I don’t want it,” I said immediately, and something sparked in Teddy’s brown eyes.
“I thought you would say that, but listen–”
“It’s just another trap, Teddy.” He winced and I asked, “What, what else?”
He looked around us. “Only old mates call me Teddy, or women at Pernox. In the real world people call me Edward.”
“Oh, a reputation to protect have we?”
“Kinda.”
“Okay, Edward,” I said, but it sounded so formal!
“So, listen. I know you probably don’t want to say yes. I understand. However think of it like this. Pernox is worth well in excess of a million pounds. You don’t have to keep it. Sell it. Do what you like. He even used the term severance. It’s what you’re due. I think you should just take it.”
The Fix (Nightlong Series Book 2) Page 26