Arnell felt like she was sinking in a cesspool of quicksand. “You’re supposed to be my mother, damn it!”
Esther slumped back against the wall in the hallway. Suddenly, grimacing, she clutched her chest and began to slide slowly down the wall to the floor. Only Melvina rushed to Esther as she pretended to struggle to catch her breath. There were no sharp pains in her chest—her heart was beating just fine, but she cried out in pain anyway. The pain she was experiencing was in her mind. For the first time in her life, she was scared that she really could lose Arnell. Admittedly, she had seduced James to get back at Arnell for taking Trena out of the house, but never in a million years would she have thought that she’d have to face her past and Arnell all in the same day. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. It just wasn’t.
Thirty-Nine
There was something so pathetically sad and ironic about Esther having sex with James, that Arnell simply wasn’t amazed. Oh, it threw her for a moment and it disgusted her totally, but it was just so ironic that Esther’s deeds of the past and present would come full circle and smack Esther in the face and give Arnell a helping hand in ending her relationship with both Esther and James. She almost wanted to laugh, but couldn’t; she was hurting too bad. Besides, Kesley Hayden laughed enough for himself and her as Big Walt roughly jostled him through the kitchen and out the back door of the mansion. Kesley Hayden may not have gotten his money, but he did topple Esther. She had fallen hard from her throne and certainly wasn’t so high and mighty with the back of her head kissing the floor. Only Melvina, forever loyal to Esther, hurried off to find Esther’s tiny white pills which she quickly returned with. She stuck one under Esther’s tongue. Arnell lifted not one finger to help. She didn’t care if Esther lived or died.
Arnell turned to leave. James caught her by the arm.
“Please give me a chance to explain,” he said.
Arnell cut her eyes down at James’s hand on her arm. She glared at his hand and then at him. James released her. She began walking away just as Melvina helped Esther to her feet and into her suite. Esther instantly recovered.
“Arnell, please,” James said. “You have got to hear my side of this.”
Inside her suite, Esther and Melvina stood at the door, listening to Arnell and James.
Arnell turned back. “There is nothing in the world you can say that will make me understand how you ended up in my mother’s bed.”
“It meant nothing to me, Arnell. It was not what I wanted.”
Scowling, Esther balled up her fist. Bastard! Then she realized that Melvina was taking in everything she did and said, “Get out!”
Melvina scooted out of the suite and hurried back to her kitchen.
“Then how is it that you got it in the first place?” Arnell flipped her hand. “Forget it! I don’t need to know.” She started again for the front door.
“Goddamn it, Arnell, you have got to listen to me! Please!”
Arnell stopped walking but she stood with her back to James. She had told herself she wasn’t going to listen, yet she was morbidly curious about how and when Esther and James had come together as lovers, and at the same time, she realized how perfect this was. She wouldn’t have to tell the secrets of her life to James, they were hers to keep forever. There would never be another man she’d let get that close to her again.
“I’ve been tearing myself up inside trying to make sense of what happened,” James said. “Yes, I got your messages, every last one of them. There were times when I was even sitting by the telephone when you called, but I was too ashamed to answer. For God sake, I had slept with my future mother-in-law! Arnell, I couldn’t look myself in the mirror. I certainly couldn’t look you in the eye, much less talk to you. I was disgusted with what I had done. Sure, I could blame it all on Esther, and maybe I should. She seduced me with all the wiles of Jezebel. My father would cane me if he knew I was so weak of flesh that I could not control my wanton desire for the mother of the woman I love . . .”
Esther smirked smugly. That’s right, you wanted me just as much as I wanted you.
“. . . Yes, I could blame it all on Esther. She was doing things to me that made me forget who we were to each other. But in truth, I must share in the blame. I let myself be seduced when I knew better. I knew the minute the seduction started that it was wrong and I didn’t stop it. I’m guilty of that and much more, but I realized upon opening my eyes that I loved only you and wanted only you. The sex that I indulged in with Esther was evil, and I pray God forgive me for it.”
Evil! Esther was beside herself. She began to pace. That was the best goddamn sex you ever had. How dare you damn me to hell when you fucked me harder than I fucked you.
“Oh, sure, God may well forgive you, James, it’s me that won’t,” Arnell said, turning her hand over. She looked at the diamond she had been so happy to receive as James’s promise to love only her.
Esther was pleased. Good. He wasn’t good enough for you anyway.
“Arnell, we can get through this. We can’t let this break us up.”
Again, Esther smirked. Oh, it’s breaking you up, buddy. Deal with it.
Arnell slipped the diamond off her finger.
“Please, don’t take off the ring,” James said.
Arnell studied the ring. It was beautiful. “I never told you, but this ring fell into a toilet full of shit. Isn’t that ironic?”
James paused. He didn’t know if Arnell meant that literally or not. “Arnell, we don’t have to let this break us up.”
“James, we were broken up even before we came together. Neither one of us knew that then, but our whole relationship has been mired in shit from the moment I met you.” Arnell held the diamond out to him. “To tell you the truth, I should have never accepted this ring. I’m sorry. And believe me, that apology, I truly owe you.”
“I don’t want the ring.”
Esther wished that she could go out into the hall. Give the damn ring to me! I’ll pawn it.
“Take it,” Arnell insisted.
“I want you to be my wife.”
She dropped the ring to the floor at James’s feet.
James didn’t let the ring he’d paid so much for pull his attention away from Arnell.
“Arnell, please give me another chance. We can go to counseling. We could use my father. He—”
“I be damn. Not if he was the last minister on earth.” Arnell pivoted and started walking away. Oops. She forgot something.
“What is that supposed to mean?” James asked.
“And, Mother,” Arnell called, “I know you’re listening. You and I? We’re through also.”
Esther stepped quickly out into the hall. “Are we, sweetie?”
James picked up his sparkling diamond from the burgundy scalloped carpet. He stared into its maze of faceted brilliance.
“Without a doubt,” Arnell answered.
“Are you absolutely sure about that?” Esther asked, pushing, trying to give Arnell every opportunity to rethink what she was doing.
Arnell began walking away.
“Well, since you’re sure,” Esther said, raising her voice, “James, how would you like to hear about Arnell’s life as a prostitute?”
Arnell stopped dead in her tracks. The bitch was leaving her with not a shred of dignity. Just as Esther had betrayed her father and Kesley Hayden, Esther was betraying her—her stupid, stupid child. But hadn’t Esther deceived her all of her life? This was but one more incident in a slew of betrayals. Turning and facing Esther, Arnell saw not her mother before her, but the devil herself, hell-bent on destroying her. No wonder she had always felt like a motherless child. No wonder at times she questioned why she was even born, and sometimes wondered if she killed the woman that gave her life, if she would cease to be or would she be reborn.
Forty
While James stood slack-jawed, Esther’s vicious tongue spun a tale of Arnell as a promiscuous teenager who couldn’t wait to prostitute herself at the age of sixteen
with the landlord when Esther wasn’t home. Arnell had gasped time and again, calling Esther a liar and pointing an accusatory finger at her for forcing her to do what no true, loving mother would ever ask of a daughter. After a while when she saw how useless it was to keep trying to defend and explain herself, Arnell stood silent and let Esther spin her vicious lies. After all, what did she have to lose? It was over between her and James, and she was done with Esther. The only reason she stayed and listened to Esther’s lies was so that she’d know, firsthand, how far Esther would go to decimate her character. And looking at James’s stunned expression, she couldn’t tell whether he believed the absolute worst about her or not.
James was crestfallen as he meandered around Esther’s suite. “I can’t believe this.”
“Believe it,” Esther said, pleased with herself for getting a measure of satisfaction. She wasn’t about to let Arnell walk out on her without suffering, without knowing what it was to lose the one she loved.
“All this time,” James said, looking at Arnell, “you were a prostitute, in this house, and I never had a clue?”
Arnell tried to still her shaking hands by balling up her fists. She didn’t answer James because her voice might sound shaky and really, she saw no need to answer.
“I’m sorry, sweetie, I thought James should know the truth. You let him think you were scandalized because we slept together, so I figured he should be let off the hook.”
James moved anxiously about the room.
“You are a pathetically sad liar,” Arnell said to Esther. “I almost feel sorry for you.”
“Sweetie,” Esther said in a syrupy-sweet voice, “I know you’re mad at me for telling on you, but I thought it was for the best.”
“You are so full of shit! You do nothing for the best of anyone but yourself. Weeks ago when we had dinner with Tony, I had planned on telling James about my life, but you faked that heart attack to stop me.”
“I remember that,” James said, “and I asked you later at the hospital what was going on between you and your mother. Why didn’t you tell me then?”
Arnell looked steadily at Esther. “Because I wasn’t as brave as I should have been. I was afraid to lose you, yet I wanted to tell you to put a stop to her blackmailing me. Every time I tried to pull out of the business, she kept reining me back in with threats to expose me.”
“Don’t use me as an excuse, Arnell,” Esther said. “When I wasn’t around, you could have told James a million times over about your secret life.”
“Perhaps, but you know as well as I that it wasn’t such an easy thing to do.”
“So I’ve made it easy for you. I’ve told James for you, and believe it or not, James, I’ve been kind. There is so much more you would definitely find interesting—if you get my meaning.”
Arnell angrily flounced around the room. “You got something more to tell? Goddamn it, tell it! You have James’s undivided attention. Personally, I don’t care anymore. Do you understand that, Esther? I don’t give a good goddamn about anything you have to say. You can no longer make me dance to your music. You can no longer use or abuse me.” Arnell felt her heart racing, she felt like her lungs were about to burst. “You can’t hurt me anymore.”
“We’ll see about that,” Esther said, not the least bit outwardly perturbed.
James stood slump-shouldered, looking at Arnell.
Arnell’s anger was burning her up. Her face was flushed. “Oh, we will see. I suggest you unblock your damn ears and let what I’ve told you bore into your thick, conniving little skull. Yes, we’re through. You can bet your manipulative ass on that. You’re out of my life—for good.”
“Sweetie, you will always need your mother.”
“Not the mother that you are.” Arnell advanced on Esther. “Hell, how did you become the mother, the woman that you are? You have no soul, no conscience. Was it what Slick did to you?”
“Who the hell is Slick?” James asked.
“Fuck Slick,” Esther said, “I hope he’s rotting six feet under.”
“God,” Arnell said, “if Slick is the reason you’re this heartless, this vicious, I hate him too. He is just as responsible as you are for making my life a living hell.”
“Sweetie,” Esther said, hoping to dispel some of Arnell’s anger, “I know you might not believe me right now, but I love you with all my heart.”
“You don’t have a heart.”
“Being bitter isn’t good for you,” Esther said.
“Being your daughter has never been good for me.” Arnell raised her trembling right hand. “I swear before God you are dead to me.”
Stone-faced, Esther stared at Arnell. She grew angrier the farther Arnell pulled away. “Everything I’ve ever done has been with you in mind. Melvina’s right, you are an ungrateful child.”
Arnell’s hands wouldn’t stop shaking. “No, Esther, you’re an ungrateful, mean-spirited, nightmare of a mother who emotionally and psychologically abused her child. You never cared about me. You used me to get what you wanted. You only cared about the almighty dollar. As long as I helped you rake in the dollars, I was your ‘sweetie,’ your baby. But when I started rebelling, wanting out, and that’s been since day one, you threatened me. Woman, you ruined my life, but I won’t let you ruin my future. You got that? I will not let you ruin the rest of my life. I’ll put my hands around your neck and choke you first.”
Cool as an autumn breeze, Esther blew out a ring of smoke. “It’s a sin to kill your mother, isn’t it James?”
“My God, Arnell,” James said, ignoring Esther’s question. “Why didn’t you tell me about this when we first started seeing each other?”
“What would your response have been, James, if I had said, ‘by the way, I’m a prostitute and my mother is a scorpion queen running a brothel?’”
“I . . . I would—”
“You would have kept walking. In fact, you would have stopped using my editing service. You would have avoided me at all cost, that is, unless you wanted to have sex with me.”
“That’s how men are,” Esther said. “Sex is their god.”
“Arnell, I was never like that.”
“Oh, no?” Esther asked, raising her brow. “Then how did we end up in bed?”
Arnell wished she could slap that self-satisfied smirk off Esther’s face. The woman had no concept of the magnitude of the wrong she had done.
“You set a trap.” James pulled his shoulders back. “Stupidly, I dove in and lowered myself to the level of a snake’s belly.”
That self-satisfied smirk Arnell had just seen on Esther’s face flashed from a hurt look to a disgusting sneer as she glared at James.
“But that’s not how I met or first made love to Arnell.” James went and stood a foot in front of Arnell. “We started seeing each other and fell in love. I still love you, Arnell. I know the kind of heart you have. I know the kind of person you are. You’re nothing like your mother . . .”
Esther scoffed by flipping her hand at James.
“. . . You’ve been telling me all along that Esther manipulated you all your life. I believe that now. I didn’t believe it completely before, but you never told me all that she had done to you. I don’t believe for a minute that you prostituted yourself of your own free will at such a young age. In my heart, I know that’s not you. If this house is a brothel, and your mother is the madam, then I know what the truth is.”
Arnell was hearing James’s words, but she couldn’t believe—didn’t want to hope—that he was prepared to forgive her.
“Arnell, I’m not so sanctimonious that I can’t see we’ve both made regretful mistakes. Neither one of us is perfect and neither one of us can throw stones. I’m asking you to, please, forgive me for what I did with your mother.”
Esther was pleasantly surprised. James was proving to be much more of a man than she thought he could be. How come he couldn’t want her the way he wanted Arnell?
Arnell was stunned. “But, James, I—”
> “Arnell, I was caught in your mother’s web, just as you’ve been all your life . . .”
“That’s right,” Esther said, “blame me. It’s all my fault.”
“. . . I can only imagine what it’s been like for you.” James continued, “In all fairness, you don’t owe me an apology, your mother does. She owes us both one.”
“Hell will freeze over first,” Esther said, lighting her fifth cigarette. She needed to do something to make sure that Arnell and James stayed apart. “Hey, Mr. Magnanimous, you seem to be so forgiving of Arnell at my expense, are you willing to forgive her for fucking your father?”
Arnell felt like a vat of acid was dumped into the pit of her stomach. The pain was awful. She clutched her stomach.
“What the fu—” James rushed at Esther sitting on the love seat. He towered above her. “Do you ever quit?”
Esther took a long, slow drag on her cigarette.
“What kind of woman are you? Were you sent up from the bowels of hell to destroy good people? My father is a minister! He’s a good man.”
“He’s a man who likes to fuck prostitutes,” Esther said coldly. “Don’t believe me? Ask Arnell. In fact, ask the Right Reverend Stanton yourself. I’m sure, being a minister and all, he won’t lie to you.”
James turned away from Esther. To Arnell, James looked like he had just come face to face with the grotesque, foul-smelling, fire-spitting demon of the damned. His shocked eyes were wide, his forehead was deeply creased, his mouth was open, his face was drained of his golden bronze complexion. He was red and blotchy.
Quivering to the very core of her being, Arnell knew there was no turning back. “It’s true. Your father—”
James grabbed Arnell by her shoulders and violently shook her, making her head whip back and forth. “You’re lying! Goddamn it, you’re lying!”
“Oh, no, she’s telling the truth,” Esther quipped.
Arnell tried to pry James’s hands off her, but again James shook her. “How could you fuck my father? He’s my father! Goddamn it, he’s my father!”
The Honey Well Page 25