by Dyanne Davis
She could hear her father’s answer as clearly as if he were standing there. “God doesn’t answer foolish prayers.”
“Why are my dreams foolish?”
“Because they don’t edify the kingdom.”
Damn, damn and double damn. She was tired of that phrase. Most normal people didn’t have an idea what it meant. Then again, most normal people didn’t have voices in their heads constantly talking to them.
Toreas laughed out loud then, because she’d found a group of people who heard voices. All writers were constantly having conversations with their characters. That aspect of course was normal. The characters weren’t critics. It was the critics she’d had enough of.
She was tired of hearing those voices telling her she was doing wrong. She knew that. She wasn’t stupid. She wanted to do wrong.
Only thing was, she had no one with whom to do wrong with. Even God couldn’t think what she’d done with Fred was sinning; surely it wasn’t even fornicating. Heck, if she couldn’t remember it, maybe it never happened.
Toreas laughed once more. Didn’t she get the chance to commit at least one big, delicious sin, enjoy it totally and completely and then be forgiven for it?
For the next ten days she stayed in her apartment, not answering the phone or going near her computer. There were tons of emails all wanting her to explain her actions. So she avoided all links with the outside world. She couldn’t write and the callers only wanted to yell at her. Via email or phone, yelling was yelling.
Maybe it was time she resigned from her chapter. Forget writing, become a missionary. That would please her father, wouldn’t it?
She gave herself every conceivable reason for not going to her writers’ group. Her head ached, she didn’t feel like going out, maybe she was coming down with something and was contagious. None of the excuses worked. She wasn’t a quitter. She would go and face the music.
Having made the decision to go, Toreas went to her car and drove to the meeting before she could find an excuse that she would accept. She took in a deep breath before entering the room, allowing it to fill every cell. Then she expelled it and entered.
Glancing around the room, she quickly found an empty seat and sat down and waited. There was a definite chill in the room. Kelle was not looking at her, neither was Liz. Toreas sat quietly looking at nothing but her own notepad, hoping to not draw attention to herself.
She looked up and focused on Becca when she began to speak. Scowling, Becca glanced in Toreas’s direction.
“We’ve received a letter from ARW. They’ve taken out an ad saying that American Romance Writers does not condone violence of any sort.”
Toreas sat stunned. All eyes were on her and she knew it. “They’re also having their attorneys check whether a member can be suspended for committing such an act.”
Toreas rolled her eyes. She didn’t believe it. Thanks a lot, God. This was one mess where I could have used Your help. Sure, I said I was thinking of resigning, but I didn’t mean it. These women are my family.
Her eyes on Becca, Toreas couldn’t help thinking how her life had become parallel to a romance novel. If this were mere fiction, however, the door would open and Jared would enter.
Her head did a quick turn in the direction of the door and she watched the knob in anticipation. Nothing. She could breathe again. The last thing she needed was to see him. She took in a breath and waited. When the door handle still didn’t turn she wondered if she was finally catching a break. Could it be possible that her prayers were going to be answered?
For once it seemed God was on her side. Maybe her life was not going according to any pre-written script. She could exhale, thankful that this was her life and not some story she’d wandered into accidentally.
Her attention returned to Becca. This she could handle. This was something she could argue and plead. This was real. Toreas almost felt relief hearing she was about to be kicked out of ARW and her local chapter. It meant her life wasn’t just some random scene.
A minor disturbance sounded outside the room. Her eyes went to the door handle, all at once knowing what was about to happen. It was becoming apparent to Toreas that God was having fun with her. The door opened and Jared Stone strode into the room as though he owned it and the women in it.
“Mr. Stone,” Becca began. “You’re not allowed to disrupt our meeting.”
“I’m joining.” He walked toward Toreas and stopped directly in front of her. “Ms. Rose has been selling me on what a good, forgiving group of women you are. Isn’t that right, Toreas?”
Toreas didn’t answer him. How could she with all eyes on her? The only thing she wanted was what had gotten her in trouble in the first place. She wanted to slug Jared.
Okay, so ARW didn’t believe in violence, her chapter didn’t believe in violence, God didn’t believe in violence and neither did her father.
But none of them were her. Right this moment Toreas believed in it with all her might. But for now, all she could do was sit like a bump on a log watching as Jared reached into his wallet and walked toward Becca.
“You have no legitimate reason to keep me out, so here’s my money.”
Toreas watched as Jared smiled at Becca. Toreas absolutely hated the man, now more than ever. She wished that Becca would kick him out on his wonderfully firm behind. Instead, what she heard was anything but that.
“You have to join ARW,” Becca informed Jared.
“Not a problem,” he answered. “Sign me up.”
Toreas watched him, noting the smug, arrogant look on his face. Why was he here? Evidently to torture her or maybe he was her punishment for sinning.
If Jared had wanted to make an entrance and disrupt the meeting he had managed to do just that. At least she could be grateful that there was someone sitting on either side of her. The only chairs left were stacked against the back wall.
She and thirty other women all held one collective breath as he circled the room, then finally headed in the direction of the stacked chairs.
She closed her eyes for a moment against his image. He was a sight to behold. He walked slowly, moving with long graceful strides toward the stacked chairs. He lifted the top one off with ease before turning and looking in Toreas’s direction. As his eyes found hers, she saw all the women looking first at Jared, then at her.
Where the heck did he think he was going to put that chair? She watched him walking purposefully toward her. He was going to do it. He sat directly behind her and there was nothing she could do. He was a bona fide member.
Not attracted to him. Wasn’t that what she’d told him? Every nerve in her body was singing from his nearness. She still remembered when he’d held her hands tightly in his, telling her that he didn’t want her. It had been all she could do not to kiss him. She’d sure wanted to.
Jared stretched, his long legs bumping into Toreas’s chair. It was an accident but he was glad to be sitting behind her. He’d unnerved her with his presence but of course she’d never show it.
She was angry with him. He could tell from the stillness with which she held her body. What did she have to be angry about? He was the one out of work.
He kicked her chair again, this time deliberately. He wondered if she even knew he was no longer on the show. After Derrick had aired his doctored-up conversation with her, Jared had slugged him and walked out.
Romance writers had ruined his life twice, first with Gina, and now it was their fault he no longer had a job. Correction, it was the fault of Toreas Rose.
He moved his chair even closer, wanting to tantalize his senses with a hint of her perfume. Nothing. He couldn’t believe she didn’t wear something so essential.
He was trying to pay at least partial attention to what was being said, but Toreas was proving to be as much of a distraction for him as he’d intended to be for her.
Yeah, it was her fault that he’d slugged his friend and quit his job. It was her fault for making him want her, not just her body, but her respect. And
it was her fault that he sat behind her, wanting her, and hating that she didn’t want him.
The moment he began to believe that this mess was really Toreas’s fault he’d believe again in the Easter bunny.
Jared could keep neither his mind or his eyes off her. Every time she moved the slightest bit, his eyes followed her.
He was trying to envision what she was hiding behind yet another baggy and this time god-awful-ugly outfit. The woman needed help all right, in more ways than one. She needed a fashion consultant.
The women began moving around, startling Jared out of his daydreams. At first he thought the meeting was over but that couldn’t be. He’d only been in the room, what? He looked at his watch. About twenty minutes.
“Jared, you’re in group two. You’re a new member so you shouldn’t give your opinions until after at least sitting in on several critiques.”
He looked up into smiling eyes. At least they were friendly and the woman wasn’t glaring at him. He should have been paying attention but knew it wouldn’t matter. The women would forgive him. They always did,
“And where might group two be?” he asked her, smiling at her in a way that he knew she would take to mean something else. He was thinking of using his considerable charm on all the women. Why be shy? He knew the women found him appealing.
“Group two’s over here at this table with me.”
Jared glanced around the room to find the table Toreas was now sitting at. He would have to work this with finesse and all his charm.
He smiled up into the pleasant blue eyes and lowered his voice seductively. He pointed toward Toreas’s table. “Do you mind if I sit over there? If I stay here, you beautiful ladies will prove too much of a distraction.”
The woman giggled and asked someone else from Toreas’s table to switch with Jared. There, that was easy. He took the vacated seat, dismissing the idea of asking the woman seated next to Toreas to move. He was already pushing it.
He watched Toreas’s frantic gestures to the other women. It appeared she had given them something and now wanted it back. It’s her work, he thought with lightning speed. She’s being critiqued and she doesn’t want me to read it.
But the women were refusing. In fact, the one to his right handed him a copy and Jared smiled while reading her name badge. “Thanks, Dianne.” He read Toreas’s chapter in between watching her reactions.
She was trying to appear nonchalant but not pulling it off. She was staring off into space. Then he noticed her pretending to read. He could tell she was pretending because every time he looked up she was staring at him.
He listened to the different comments the women gave on her chapter. He was going to be a good boy, not say a word. Some of the things they said made no sense to him. They were little things, he thought, picky things, and he wondered why they even mentioned them.
He was given another chapter from one of the writers and again he sat and listened to the comments. He watched the woman’s eyes as she bravely tried to mask her feelings as her friends ripped into her work.
He wondered why they, not they, but Toreas, had gotten so upset with his critiques. It seemed to him they did the same thing to each other that he’d done. At least he’d never pretended to be helping. Some of the comments were downright mean.
Jared was given a third chapter to read from someone else. He was beginning to notice a pattern here. All the women wrote the same.
“Your stories are the same,” he blurted out.
“You’re not supposed to give your opinion.” Toreas glared at him, then down at the chapter in front of her. “Besides, they’re all very different.”
“Page two, boy meets girl.” He returned her look. “Your words might be different but the premise is the same. No variation. I know exactly what’s going to happen in each story.”
“You can’t know that. We don’t even know what’s going to happen yet and we’re the writers.”
“Maybe that’s why you can’t see it. You’re too involved. Why can’t they meet on page three, or in the middle of the book?”
“That’s not the way it’s done.”
“Why not?” Jared turned from Toreas to the woman who’d answered him.
“The reader wants to know immediately who the hero is or she’ll stop reading. They expect a certain thing.”
Jared turned back toward Toreas. “Do you really believe this diverse group of intelligent women you told me about would not be able to read a book if it’s not plotted out like every other book they’ve ever read?”
“You’re twisting our words, Jared. There is a certain order to things. A certain way the editors want them. They tell us the readers want this, and that’s what we do.”
He looked around the room. “So you’re all a bunch of automated robots and you don’t give your readers credit for having an attention span longer than that of a two-year-old?” He smiled at her then.
“And you ladies think I’m the one who was condescending to you and your readership. Aren’t any of you brave enough to venture out, try something new, something that’s not the norm?”
Toreas was glaring at him. “Jared, you’re not a writer and you’re not a romance reader, so you know absolutely nothing about what we do.”
“Well, To…re…as.” He purposefully caressed her name. “I know all of your stories are boring and they lack any realism.”
“That’s why they’re called fiction, Jared. They’re not supposed to be real.” She lowered her voice after being shushed by several women from other tables.
Oh, he was enjoying this. “I don’t see a woman falling for a man the moment she looks at him. But maybe you can help me out on this. Has it ever happened to you?”
He watched as Toreas stared down at the paper, determined not to look at him. “Have any of you ever had a one night stand simply for the sake of research?”
Jared looked slowly around the table at the open mouths and shocked expressions on the women’s faces. Toreas was blushing prettily as he had known she would be.
“I’m sorry, ladies. That was perhaps a little crass of me. Let me put this a different way. Let’s say you have your character, your heroine, right? Let’s say you have her sleep with a man for research. How would she go about it?”
“That depends. Is your heroine a virgin?”
“Ah, at last, a woman brave enough to speak up.” Jared smiled at the woman. No, she’s not a virgin.”
“Then why would she need to do that?”
“She feels she needs to, because, though she’s not a virgin, she’s also not very experienced.”
“That’s pretty weak. For one thing she should need better motivation than that. Is there any other motivation? Like could she secretly be in love with the man?”
For a moment Jared smiled, resisting the temptation to turn in Toreas’s direction. “Let’s say she’s not in love with the guy. In fact she can’t stand him.” This time he did glance briefly at Toreas before continuing. “Her motivation is simply that she wants to know what it’s like to sleep with a jerk.”
This time he was gentleman enough not to look at Toreas. He didn’t have to. But she deserved this. He knew she didn’t dare leave. That would be giving away her secret.
Dianne answered him this time. “That’s dumb. We would never write about such a weak or stupid woman.”
“That’s my point exactly. Why can’t the woman be weak or stupid?”
“That’s not romance, Jared. It doesn’t sell.”
“Why? Don’t stupid people fall in love and marry and have stupid kids?”
“I don’t necessarily see the heroine as stupid if she decided to see what she’s…”
“What she’s been missing,” Jared finished for Toreas. “Would you ever proposition a man for sex, Ms. Rose?” This time he didn’t look away but then again neither did she.
“Mr. Stone, this is a critique session. It’s not a time for confessions.” Toreas looked down her nose at him. “By the way, you don’
t happen to look like a member of any clergy that I’m familiar with.”
“I’m sorry if I offended you, Ms. Rose. Of course I’m sure your friends know you would never do anything like that. Look at the way you’re dressed. You’re much too proper for that.”
He watched as Toreas’s blush became deeper. “Besides, I think you would be much too considerate a person to ever judge another human being on what you think their morals are. And you’d have to be making a judgment to assume a man would go along with such a proposal.”
He listened to the women laughing. He turned from one to the other, glancing briefly back at Toreas. “Why are you ladies laughing?”
“A man turn down sex? You’ve got to be kidding.” This time it was the woman across from him, but he could tell they were all of the same opinion.
“Is that what all of you think about men?” A big resounding “yes,” brought more shushing from the other tables.
Jared’s mouth was now the one open in surprise. “Let me get this straight. You women think your readers have absolutely no attention span, that they have to have a formula to read by, and that men are big stupid bodies waiting around for sex.”
This time the laughter was so loud that the other women didn’t shush them but asked what they were talking about.
“Well,” Toreas began, “our newest member thinks we don’t have much regard for our readers, or for men, neither of which is true. Just some men.” She looked toward Jared and their eyes connected for a long moment before he answered.
“I know I’m not supposed to voice an opinion at this meeting, but I had a legitimate question that led to a discussion,” Jared said as sweetly as he knew how. He looked back at Toreas.
“If the rest of you ladies would like in on this maybe you can be of some help to me.” Jared smiled as the women readjusted their seats in order to face him.
“I can answer that question you had before about why I hate romance novels. They’re all the same.”
There was a loud roaring, all the women clamoring at once. If he weren’t now a member they undoubtedly would have kicked him out again.