by Dyanne Davis
The man had a face that scared small children and some adults. His wife’s wasn’t much better, but there was something about the two of them, especially when they were in the presence of each other that changed all of that. They were in love and love transformed them.
Toreas held Jared’s most recent try between the tips of her fingers. He really was pretty good. “I like this,” she said, looking at him.
“I thought you would. Like I said, all heroes and heroines don’t have to be good looking or tall. Look at me. I prefer a short, mouthy, opinionated woman. Who’d thunk it?” He laughed and tried to kiss her but Toreas held up her hand.
“Here, read mine.”
He touched her and she burned. The craving for him touching her soul and making her his. It didn’t matter that he was a foot shorter, or bald and fifty pounds overweight with a more than noticeable paunch. No, the only thing that mattered to her was the look in his eyes. He adored her and in return she adored him. He’d laid claim to her love and her soul had followed suit.
Jared shook his head. “I have to admit I’m impressed. But I do think the fact that we’ve been officially dating now for over a month has something to do with the change in your writing. I’m influencing you.” He grinned. “And you’re influencing me. You’re loosening up. Now are you really going to put this in your book, or is this just for my benefit?”
“This is just for you. I see your point, Jared. When love happens it doesn’t matter if the people are short, bald, stupid or fat.” Toreas hunched her shoulder. “But still, it isn’t done that way. Women want to lose themselves in the possibility of what ifs.”
“I think we need to change their perception of love.”
“You mean give them rose-colored glasses?”
Jared smiled at her. “No, I mean take away the tinted lenses and learn to appreciate true beauty. After all, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.”
“Tell me, Jared, what do you see when you look at me?”
“Are you fishing?”
“Yes.”
“There is no need. I see a passionate and beautiful woman with eyes that make me weak in the knees and lips that taste of fresh strawberries.” He grinned. “When I’ve tasted more, I can better tell you what the rest of you tastes like. Don’t you want to know if you taste like strawberries all over?”
“Maybe, Jared, in time.”
“When? When I fill out that damn questionnaire?”
At this Toreas didn’t get angry, just gave him a look. “When I think enough time has passed, and when I’m ready.”
Jared was gazing down at Toreas, at her nipples, pebbled and pushing hard against the rough material of yet another overly large and ugly shirt. “Baby, you’re ready, you just don’t want to admit it.”
For the next hour or so Jared and Toreas kissed and teased and wrote in between. And all would have been fine if Toreas hadn’t whispered to him as he was leaving.
“Jared, no one has ever defended my honor the way that you have, well, no one who wasn’t my brother or my father. Thank you,” she’d whispered and kissed him lightly. “I know it was hard leaving the station and Derrick, but I do appreciate that you did it for me.” She hugged him close. “Your leaving is what brought us together, what made us possible. I have to admit that I didn’t know if I should believe you,” she said shyly. “I kept checking your old time to see if you were really gone.” And then she’d done the unthinkable: She’d looked into his eyes and uttered the words that had killed him.
“I trust you, Jared. I trust you enough that I’m ready to share our secret with the rest of the chapter.”
She’d kissed him then like she never wanted to let him go, and that time it had been Jared who’d pulled away. The guilt had overwhelmed him and he was praying all the way home that she’d forgive him. Now here it was two weeks later and every time Jared had been with Toreas since that night, it’d only gotten harder. He’d made more excuses in the last two weeks to cut his visit and their dates short than she’d done in their entire relationship. The guilt was eating Jared alive; he had to tell her. She trusted him, just what he’d wanted, but now the fact that she did was killing him. Tonight after the meeting he would tell her.
Several hours later Jared walked into the meeting room at the library where their group met for their meetings and took his usual place next to Toreas. He blinked as he stared at her. Damn, she really was changing. He watched as her eyes lit up when she looked at him and he groaned. This was going to be harder than he thought. She had on form-fitting slacks and a pretty blouse. Her hair was no longer in the afro that she’d worn since he’d met her but straight and shiny, emphasizing the jet black coloring. She had a sassy cut that suited her face almost as well as the afro he loved. It was obvious she’d hot combed her hair for the news they were going to share with the group. Later he’d have to tell her that she shouldn’t have bothered. He still preferred her afro. His gaze remained on her and he smiled.
“Jared, I finished my book. I’m going to enter the contest. Would you like to skip the restaurant and come over and help me celebrate?”
Her smile was huge as she whispered to him. He smiled back at her. He’d received the message loud and clear. Her eyes were sparkling and she looked beautiful. Tonight she was ready to make love to him. His stomach lurched. He sure hoped she’d want to after he revealed his secret. He could only pray that she would still give him that look of adoration. And that she would still trust him.
“Jared, what’s wrong? Why aren’t you answering me? Don’t you want to come and help me celebrate?”
“Yes, of course I want to, but there’s something important I have to tell you so let’s not stay for the entire meeting tonight. I want to tell you this as soon as possible.”
Jared saw Toreas smile at him and wondered if he’d actually said the words out loud or merely thought them. He couldn’t be sure but if he’d said them, he had probably raised her suspicions.
“I thought you wanted me to tell everyone about us?”
“I do…and we will…it’s just that what I have to tell you tonight is more important. I really need to talk to you, okay?” Jared could see the questioning in her eyes, the fears. He smiled, answering the unasked question. “We’re okay, Toreas, don’t worry and don’t imagine anything. Just wait until I have a chance to tell you things that I need to.
“You’re making this sound so mysterious but if you want to be alone I’m more than ready for that and, Jared, this time I’ve prepared.”
Toreas grinned while Jared sucked in his breath and smiled at her in return. The last thing Jared felt like doing was smiling. He had a lot of atoning to do.
Taking a seat next to Toreas was the hardest thing Jared had ever had to do. He was aware deceiving her had gone on for too long. Now all he wanted to do was tell her and get it over with. He tried not to focus on her but that was an impossible task. Hell, she’d let him know then and there that they were finally going to make love. Damn, he should just go for it, make love to her and then tell her. Jared groaned. He’d deceived her long enough. He would not take this last gift from her without her knowing everything. He sighed and groaned again.
He could barely keep his mind focused on the meeting or the guest speaker. His thoughts kept straying to what he would say to Toreas.
Jared could tell she was having as hard a time as he on keeping her mind on the business at hand. She kept looking at him as if she knew a secret and was finally ready to let him in on it.
The feelings that flooded his entire being he had never experienced before. Now he knew for sure he’d never loved Gina. He’d never felt like this. The very idea that a woman would ever make him go weak in the knees was unthinkable. But this short, annoying romance writer had done exactly that. She’d won his heart.
The speaker was done and Jared had barely heard her. He couldn’t wait until he could escape with Toreas. Then all the lies would cease.
“Jared, I caught your show last night
. It was very good. Even that segment at the end, the one with the woman who came in here pushing a microphone in our faces. Even she did good last night.”
He felt Toreas turn toward him. He glanced at her. She hadn’t moved but yet she had. She was waiting for him to answer Liz.
“Thanks,” was all he said.
“We heard from Suburban East that you had them on the show. They thought you were terrific,” Becca chimed in.
Jared rubbed his hand roughly over his face. One more hour and this would have been over. I would have been the one to tell her.
The change in her was subtle but he noticed. She was no longer stealing glances at him, smiling with a promise in her eyes and on her lips. Only inches apart and he no longer felt her heat.
Toreas sat as still as she possibly could. Stupid, stupid, stupid, she scolded herself. Her eyes skimmed over her new outfit.
She now regretted the money she’d spent on the clothes. Sure, she’d bought them at Wal-Mart, the only place she afford, but they were new and they fit. She’d done this for a man who’d lied to her yet again.
Toreas was having a difficult time keeping the tears from her eyes. She heard Jared whispering to her but she tuned him out.
He touched the underside of her arm and she snatched away from him so viciously that she knocked both of their satchels from the table.
She picked them up and looked into his golden brown eyes. “Stay away from me,” she hissed at him before returning to her upright position.
She could barely wait for the meeting to end. Her feet took the steps two at a time. She had to get away from him.
He was calling her name but she ignored him as she hurried to her car. She wanted to run but didn’t want him to know she felt hurt or betrayed.
“Toreas, wait, let me explain.”
He was directly behind her now. She felt the weight of her bag leave her arms and head for the ground. In that instant she was aware of what she was about to do.
She attempted an uppercut to the jaw only to have him capture her arm. Then with the right she tried a hammer fist. She looked at him in surprise.
“Kelle’s been teaching me too.”
If she weren’t so furious, she would have found the whole thing hilarious. The thought vanished almost as quickly as it came.
Jared was standing closer to her than before. To top it off, Kelle had taught Jared how to deflect her punches. She was doubly betrayed.
For a moment she felt a bit like a woman in an historical who runs away screaming from the man she loves only to have him tower over her and kiss her, overpowering her with his love.
Well, Jared was towering over her but he was making no move to kiss her. Luckily for him, she thought. Toreas closed her eyes for a scant moment as she flexed the fingers of both hands.
“Toreas, you need to give me a chance to explain.”
“What you mean is I need to give you time to think of another lie.” Toreas blinked away the tears that threatened to come. “Jared, I should have known all long that you were lying, that this was all a part of some story you were probably doing. You must really think I’m stupid.”
“As a matter of fact at this moment I do think you’re behaving as though you’re stupid. How could you even begin to believe that nonsense, that I’m working on a story by being with you. We’re dating. We’ve been dating for three months now. We’re a couple, Toreas, we’re in a relationship. This is not how a relationship work, not one of us jumping to conclusions and not allowing the other a chance to explain.”
“Now you’re a relationship expert?”
“Well, I’m more of one than you are. At least I’ve had a relationship in the last decade. And by that, yes, I mean I’ve had a physical relationship and I’ve never had to beg for it. Do you think I’ve been putting up with your nonsense just to get into your pants? Listen, if all I wanted from you were sex I could have had that long ago and don’t give me that look. I could have. We haven’t made love because I’ve respected your wishes. I’ve taken it slow so you would trust me. I wanted you to know this was more than sex for me.”
“And the trust, Jared, do you still want that?”
“Yes, Toreas, I not only want it I demand it. If we’re going to have a relationship I demand that you trust me.”
“After what you’ve done, you want me to trust you?”
“Do I even get a trial, Toreas? Or are you just going to execute me because of all the horrible things you think I’ve done? Listen, if you’re that damn determined not to have a life then I don’t think I want to be with you anyway. You’re still an uptight, snooty little morals policewoman who thinks she’s better than anyone else. You think it makes you sanctimonious to not make love when you’re hornier than hell. You’re a liar. You lie to yourself and you lie to me. And I don’t call you on that do I?” He was scowling. “This is your call. You tell me what it is you want.”
A couple of seconds was all that it would take for her to regain her focus. That much she knew, she’d used the technique her entire life to blot out hurt, anger, disappointment and pain. She used it now and as always, it worked.
“Excuse me, Jared,” Toreas said in a voice so calm that she amazed herself. There was not a trace of emotion anywhere. No, that she would keep buried until later. What she wanted was not to be made a fool of once again, not to have everyone in the chapter know that Jared was still more than likely taking potshot at the writers. She groaned. “What I want, Jared, is for you to get out of my sight, my chapter and my life. Leave me alone.”
As Jared moved away she retrieved her bag, opened the door to her car, got in and drove away. And she did it all without looking at him.
So what would come next? she wondered. If this were merely fiction, it would be time for the dark moment, when everything looks as if it’s within my reach only to be snatched away.
For the last few months her life had been going according to some script that someone somewhere in the universe must have written.
If this were a story Toreas wouldn’t be surprised to find Jared waiting for her when she reached home. Only she wasn’t ready to play this part. Besides, she knew Jared was not going to come to her crawling on his hands and knees. That was not his way and she knew it. But just in case, maybe she’d find someplace to go and maybe she’d stay for a couple of hours. She’d almost had that elusive something that she’d sought. It had been within reach. But how could any relationship survive on lies? She frowned into the darkness of her car. Jared had called her a liar. But her lying about her desires didn’t come close to his lie to her.
But a lie is a lie. Damn him, she thought as Jared’s voice droned in her head. Would she now have to hear Jared’s voice in her head as one of her internal critics.
Jared looked at Toreas’s car. He wasn’t in the mood to chase after her, not tonight. Besides, they would only end up where they had begun. He was angry with himself for deceiving her. He loved her and, damn it, she loved him. He clenched his teeth. Loving this woman was going to cause harm to one of them, he was sure. By now he thought he had to have an ulcer. His stomach was burning like crazy. Of course he’d known what he was doing was wrong and of course he’d known Toreas would be pissed, but still he hadn’t been prepared for the ice in her eyes, for her to write him off without giving him a chance to explain. He wasn’t prepared for her to take away her trust.
He looked back toward the building at the rest of the women coming out. Someone called out to him asking if he was going to the restaurant.
He waved a hand and shouted back, “No.” He couldn’t sit with the women tonight. They were happy about his new approach to romance writers. If he had to name the one thing he was proud of, it was that.
Toreas paced in front of her door for over an hour when she finally returned home. She was annoyed that she was still waiting for Jared to ring her bell so she could buzz him up and slam the door in his face. He never showed.
Doesn’t he understand the way this thing i
s supposed to work? Toreas fumed silently. You’d think the least he could do since he had the gall to join the group was to read a few novels.
Then he would at least know he should be at her house groveling, begging her to forgive him for lying to her, for sponging off her for over a month, for breaking bread under false pretenses. For making her believe in him and in them, for starting a relationship with her while deceiving her. For dating her for over three months without saying a word. As angry as she was with Jared, she wanted him there explaining and she wanted him to have a darn good explanation.
She glared at the door in anger. It was obvious Jared wasn’t going to show. Now Toreas was angry for a different reason. Tonight had been the night she was going to give in to her desires. She’d thought it time to take the lid off the cookie jar. She thought about the package of condoms she’d bought and tucked into the side table next to her bed. She was ready. A shiver raced down her spine. She was more than ready.
Toreas replayed the evening in her mind. The strange look in Jared’s eyes when she’d told him to come over, the slight sadness and worry that she’d spotted. Could it have anything at all to do with this mess? Then she remembered his words: “I have something important to tell you.”
What was it he’d wanted to say? She glanced toward the phone, wishing now she’d given him a chance to explain. He’d promised to tell her something important. Darn him anyway. She stalked through her apartment snapping off the lights. He should be here begging me to forgive him.
Anger was burning in him so hot that he needed something cold to douse the fire. Jared grabbed a cold beer and downed it, hoping to douse the fiery anger that burned in his gut. No such luck.
He crumpled the can and reached for another, wondering how many more it would take to cool the fires of his anger. It sure as hell would take a lot more than two to cool his passion.