Is he talking to me? Neutrino wasn’t sure if it was meant as a question or if Creet was simply thinking out loud. Either way, Neutrino had no idea what to say to him.
“Still,” Creet continued, obviously he wasn’t expecting a response, “I can’t bring myself to admit it to them. I just don’t want to see them hurt anymore… but they will. I’m just borrowin’ time ‘til I have no choice.”
Neutrino watched this strong, beast of a man crying helplessly over a spoon. He had no words to console Creet, no advice to offer. Only a sacrifice he wasn’t sure he had the strength to make, and a choice that could at least give Creet hope, if nothing else.
I have to try.
“Tonight, at Naruk’s, she tried to sweet talk me. When that didn’t work, she threatened to exile me to the surface if I didn’t attempt to return to Venthall,” Creet looked up from the spoon and uselessly wiped again at his face.
“That’s not much of a choice, is it?” Creet chuckled without any mirth.
“You don’t know how terrified I am of the Slipstream.” The brief smile on Creet’s face evaporated, and he stared at Neutrino with a desperation that he had so far kept well hidden.
“What did you tell her?”
“I said nothing. I have until the second sun rises to make my decision. But I already know what I’m going to do,” Neutrino felt Creet watching him intensely, but he could not meet his gaze, “I’m going into the Slipstream. Not for Naruk, or the others, or the threat of certain death by ylmax…well, maybe a little bit because of that... But mostly because of you. And your family. You’ve been nicer to me than anyone I’ve ever known and you don’t even know anything about me.”
“It really was no big deal. You were stranded, I’m sure anyone would have done the same…”
“Don’t do that,” Neutrino cut him off, looking him straight in the eyes. “It is a big deal to me and not everyone would have done what you have.” Neutrino paused, debating how much he should say. He was normally very reserved around other people. Sharing pieces of himself had never produced any favorable results. But Neutrino suspected Creet was different. He had already showed Neutrino his weakest side. Surely Neutrino could explain a little.
“I’m alone Creet. Any friends I might have had quickly abandoned me once they realized how pathetic a Messenger I am. My own mother barely talks to me. I’ve known you less than a day, and already you’ve been a better friend to me than anyone I’ve ever known. Isn’t that ridiculous?” Neutrino tried to laugh at his own situation, but it came out as more of a depressed sigh and grimace. He could feel wetness gathering in his eyes and he fought desperately to hold it in. He had no reason to cry, not like Creet did.
“Even if I told you I wouldn’t do it, that I wouldn’t travel the Slipstream again, you would still stick by me, wouldn’t you? You would still defend me even as I let you starve to death? There aren’t many people like that.” Neutrino paused, and they both stared up at the ceiling, the floor, the spoon, anything but one another.
“I am literally the worst Messenger to ever attend the SEMS Academy. I’m absolutely hopeless. I should have quit a long time ago; I don’t know why I didn’t. Too lazy I guess. The chances of me making it back to Venthall are slim and none.” Neutrino paused and looked at him, “But I’m going to try. I’m going to try to deserve this kindness you’ve showed me. At least if I die out in space, I can live with myself.”
Neutrino looked away towards the dark ground and tried to hold himself together. He couldn’t make sense of what he was feeling. He was still terrified, but almost relieved to have made a decision, to have determined the course of his fate. When he felt Creet’s large hand wrap around the back of his neck and shoulder in a comforting, almost fatherly gesture, he lost the battle with his emotions and a few silent tears tracked down his cheeks.
11. Arnasi’s Only Hope
Neutrino looked at the scraggly, scrawny reflection of himself in the bathroom mirror and tried to believe that he could be a hero. It was very difficult, considering this was a community bathroom and all of the big burly miners with biceps the size of boulders were milling around behind him, brushing their teeth, combing their hair, etc. He looked about the size of Temur or Marusit next to them. Even his face was unremarkable. He had a slightly pointy nose and a visage that frequently gave the impression he was being underfed. He did have nice hair but he usually cut it pretty short. It was all well and good to have soft brown hair if you’re a girl, but for a guy that gets ridiculed constantly, it’s just more fuel for the fire. Right now it was a little longer than usual, hanging around his ears.
“You almost ready, Neutrino?” Creet was just putting his shirt on after finishing shaving. Neutrino almost wondered why he bothered at all, his chin and cheeks continued to show a bit of a shadow. He looked up at Creet’s wavy black hair, deep set dark eyes and broad shoulders. He wished he were more like Creet. Even in this sea of large, rough miners Creet was easily the biggest.
If I were that big I’d probably feel a lot braver right now. Of course, that was a ridiculous thing to hope for. As Messengers went, Neutrino may have been a bit on the slender side but he was still well-toned and athletic, which was the perfect body type for his chosen occupation. At least he had that going for him.
“Yeah, I’m ready.” He pulled his uniform over his undershirt and handed Creet back the things he had borrowed. They walked out with Temur and Marusit into the alley and back towards the apartment to get Selia. After Creet thanked the neighbor who had been looking after her, they all headed back to the gathering room together. As they passed through the main hall, Neutrino learned how Selia had known the suns had already set the day before. There was a giant sun clock along the far wall that showed the movements of the suns from dawn to dusk. One giant orb had risen from a gap in the wall and was now slowly creeping upwards; the other was just barely beginning to show itself over the simulated horizon. The orbs seemed to reflect light in the same way the light shown down in the center of the gathering space, the effect of which made the main hall seem almost like true daytime, rather than an underground dwelling.
Neutrino had very little time to admire its beauty, however, because Creet and the others were moving very quickly towards the gathering space. A herald had already moved between the streets at the rise of the first sun announcing the Council meeting, and now, everyone was anxious to find out what was going to happen. Only Creet seemed to walk a little lighter than the others, no doubt because he already knew Neutrino’s decision. Naruk and the other Council members were already seated and waiting for them. Most of the community had already entered and found places as well. From somewhere in the distance a loud gong rang out signaling the rise of the second sun. Naruk rang the small chime to call everyone to order, although she didn’t need to, no one was talking.
“Good morning, everyone. Last night I gave Neutrino a choice: either return to Venthall with our plea for assistance, or be banished to the surface,” she said. Very few people reacted to the statement. Neutrino figured one of the other elders had probably already let loose her plan.
“What have you decided, Neutrino?” Naruk said with the kind of arrogant smirk a cranky old teacher has when she’s caught a child in a lie. He burned to tell her he wasn’t going. She spoke so smugly, like she already knew his decision. He hated to let her win. But he looked over at Creet who was smiling hopefully at him, and Neutrino knew he couldn’t let him down.
“I’ll go.”
The crowd burst with relief. Everyone began talking and Naruk had to bang on the chime again to silence them. Neutrino almost wanted to tell them not to get too excited, that he really was terrible and this probably wouldn’t work anyway. But he figured there was no reason to dampen what little hope they had, even if it was unfounded.
“I’m glad to see you have some sense after all,” Naruk smirked up at him. “So, let’s get you to the Slipstream Port and on your way as soon as possible. We’ll send Lylia with you to set the
Slipstream for your departure.” Lylia stepped forward and stood next to Neutrino. She looked quite pleased and actually semi-smiled at him. He forgot for a moment that he hated her and smiled back. Naruk kept talking and others joined them on the center floor, including Creet, but Neutrino heard very little of it until, “Fortunately there is a root of the Dark Stair that leads directly into the Port, so you should be able to avoid the ylmax all together.”
“Wait a minute, that’s not exactly… I mean we can’t just go into the Port.”
“Why not?” Elder Prim asked crossly.
This was going to be embarrassing.
Neutrino tried to pretend Lylia wasn’t standing right next to him anymore but he could feel her sharp eyes digging a hole in his head.
“I have to go back to Creet’s first; I left my gloves there.”
“Well, Neutrino, I’m sure we have time for you to stop at his apartment and pick up your things,” Naruk’s voice was sickly sweet with sarcasm.
“No, you don’t understand. They’re not at his apartment; they’re in his kitchen above ground.” He heard Lylia sigh sharply at his side and an audible groan of frustration rose from the crowd.
“I was afraid you were going to say that,” Naruk stopped to think for a moment, “Can’t you use an extra set of gloves from the Port?”
“No, Mistress. The gloves contain the controls for the thrusters, they’re very sensitive. It would take me time to calibrate a new pair of gloves, time that I don’t have considering how much I will have to use the thrusters to maneuver in the breaks of the Slipstream.”
“Is this true, Lylia?”
“Unfortunately.” Neutrino risked a sideways glance at her. She even looks good angry.
“Well, we’ll just have to send you to Creet’s first,” Naruk concluded after a moment’s consideration, “Then you’ll have to make your way down the street to the Port and pray that the ylmax won’t be around since it’s daytime.”
“I thought the ylmax couldn’t come out in the daylight?”
“They can, they usually don’t because they don’t like it. It seems to hurt their eyes,” Naruk replied.
“Can’t we go back down the Stair?” Neutrino asked hopefully.
“No, it would take hours to make the trip through the separate roots; there is no path between them. You would have to come all the way back to the Under City which would mean wasting an entire day since I don’t dare send you at night, with nothing to deter any ylmax that may be around. Who knows how long it will take Central to send us help, we don’t have a moment to lose.”
“Mistress, I suggest sending a separate team directly to the Port,” an Elder to her left added, “They could secure the Port and prepare the Slipstream, just in case speed becomes a necessity.”
“A wise precaution Elder Lea,” Naruk looked at the line of volunteers, “Lylia, Mux, Anthia, and Gullis will go to the Port. Creet, Neutrino, and everyone else will go to Creet’s first.”
“Naruk, shouldn’t we send Neutrino directly to the Port where he would be safer?” Elder Prim interjected.
“Excuse me, but I think I should go to Creet’s,” Neutrino interrupted, “Just to make sure, you know, that they get everything.” Even to Neutrino’s ears, that sounded like a lame reason. He really just wanted to stay with Creet. Even if the other way was supposed to be less dangerous, it was no guarantee. Who knew what the ylmax were doing now that all of their food had been destroyed? The Port could be swarming with them, and he just felt safer staying with Creet.
“All right, Neutrino,” Naruk consented. Then she addressed all of them, “We will meet in the main hall before the suns reach the first quarter mark. All of you have until then to prepare yourselves. This meeting is adjourned.”
12. Farewell, Friend
Neutrino quickly learned that going up the Dark Stair was far worse than going down. Every muscle in his legs screamed out in pain and exhaustion. It didn’t help that his body was still somewhat sore from the day before, (had it really been only a day? Or was it two? Neutrino was terrible with stellar time changes). He tried to strengthen himself by thinking about all of the Arnasians who had cheered them on as the sun clock in the main hall rang out the first quarter mark and they started up the Stair. The sun clock really was an ingenious invention. He wondered exactly how it worked. The Arnasians were much more than just a bunch of lowly miners. They lived simply, but the tools they had designed to make their lives better were ingenious. They had built not one but two excellent cities in a very short period of time. The only thing they seemed to have neglected was providing a method for growing food underground. Maybe they would begin developing one now if they survived. Neutrino cringed as he recalled once again that everything depended on him. The computer tile Naruk had given him just before he left was safely tucked inside data pocket on the front of his suit. It was a small, barely perceptible thing, but the weight of it seemed like Creet was sitting on his chest. It was more pressure than he had ever felt before and he didn’t think he was ready for it.
The other people in Neutrino’s group all seemed to be having a much easier time with the stair than he was. There were five of them all together including Creet; two other men, Aru and Bengor, and two women, Illiet and Zaku. Creet was leading with Neutrino in second, the rest of the crew followed behind talking about some local gossip that meant nothing to him. Illiet was directly behind Neutrino. She kept on giving him little pushes whenever he slowed down at all. It was quite irritating.
Eventually they arrived at one of the larger landings and Creet called for a break. Neutrino didn’t know if it was just for his benefit or not, but at that moment he didn’t care. He was the only one out of breath and he almost felt like he was going to throw up even though there was very little in his stomach, as he had taken only a very small portion at breakfast to keep his strength up. He slid down the nearest wall and tried to catch his breath.
“You all right there, Neutrino?” Creet asked with a concerned look.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine in a minute,” Neutrino replied, although he thought that if he never got up again that would be okay too. He wondered if Creet would mind terribly carrying him the rest of the way.
“I always thought it would be fun to be a Slipstream Messenger,” it took Neutrino a minute to realize that Aru was speaking to him, “But I didn’t have the right build for it.” Aru smiled and patted his large stomach.
“It’s not all that great really,” Neutrino said between breaths.
“What do you mean? Soaring through space, nothing but you and the stars; it must be incredible!”
“Some people think so. I find it quite nauseating actually.”
“Why?” Zaku asked seriously.
“Why?” Neutrino laughed, “How about the constant fear of floating out into space until you finally die of starvation? If you’re smart you’ll disengage your air shield and end it quickly. Or there’s the possibility of crashing into a ship or stellar body, or another Messenger if the beacons fail. More than a few Messengers have gone that way. Your whole body is tense the entire time because if you lose focus for just a minute it could all be over. Not to mention that the velocities reached usually give me a headache or a nosebleed and someday I’ll probably be dead because of it. Did you know that Slipstream Messengers have the shortest life span of any occupation? Not only because of accidents but also because the stress of travelling the Slipstream severely weakens the body? No, of course not. They don’t publicize that, it would ruin their image. Exciting? Fun? No thank you. When I get back to Venthall, if I get back to Venthall, I’m quitting.”
Neutrino had never admitted that much of his fears to anyone; he found that he felt somewhat freer by it. When he looked up from his hands however, he saw five concerned faces staring back at him.
Maybe I scared them. He hadn’t meant to unload on them, but everything happening was just too much. It was making him a little more volatile than he would have thought possible. Normally he was o
nly a mess on the inside, always displaying an outward calm. Neutrino felt a little sorry for them, but he couldn’t think of anything he could say to allay their fears.
Oh well, maybe they finally understand my dim chances of getting back to Venthall at all.
“We better get a move on, we’ve rested long enough,” Creet reached out his hand to help Neutrino up and flashed him a reassuring smile. They continued in silence for what seemed like forever until suddenly they arrived at Creet’s door. Creet crept up cautiously and put his ear against it. For several seconds he listened quietly for some sign of movement, and then he turned to the rest of them.
“It seems clear, but we best go quietly just in case. Neutrino, you go last.” Neutrino nodded and moved out of the way. The others all took out their blast guns, which, according to Creet, were not very effective against the ylmax, but it was all they had so they brought them anyway. Creet unlatched the lock as quietly as he could and slowly opened the large wooden door. It creaked and groaned slightly.
Neutrino watched the others creep slowly out the door and after only a brief hesitation he followed them. Everything was quiet and still although at least one ylmax had obviously been there. The place was a mess. The table and most of the chairs were broken and much of the food had been ravaged, but the house seemed deserted now.
Creet and the others snuck around the main room checking the area and eventually posted themselves down the front hall and by the main entrance while Neutrino began searching for his gloves. It was quite difficult considering the mess. He moved the debris as stealthily as he could and searched under it. He soon located his left glove underneath some scraps of bread and roast bird. It seemed unscathed by the recent destruction, although it didn’t smell all that great. He shook it out and put it on, then began looking for his right glove.
Slipstream Messenger (Neutrino Book 1) Page 7