“You’re going to be fine in civilian life, Johnny. I’m really proud of you for the way you have adapted to your handicap.”
“But it’s not a handicap, you see. Now if I’d died out there in the cold, that would have been a handicap. But this? This is a minor inconvenience. Except for getting girls, maybe. Do you think they’ll mind I only have one arm?”
“A girl who loves you will never notice it,” Nellie said.
“What about you? Do you notice it?” he asked.
“Me? Uh, well, I know about it. I . . . I even helped make the decision to amputate. I do see it when I look at you. But what I’m really seeing is how well you have recovered.”
“But could you love a one-armed man?”
Nellie suddenly realized the conversation was moving into dangerous territory. “If I loved you,” she said carefully, “the missing arm wouldn’t make any difference.”
“But could you love me?” he repeated. “Could you forget I had been your patient? Could you love me, just for me? Without checking my scar?”
“It’s not going to happen, Johnny. You are going back to New York. You are going to receive a hero’s welcome when you get home. Your friends and family will be there to greet you, and maybe a special young lady in the crowd will notice only your eyes and your quirky smile.”
“What if that’s not what I want?” he demanded. “You’re the one I dream about. You’re my angel of mercy. I don’t have to go home to find someone new. I could stay here with you.”
Nellie looked away from the unbearable longing on his face and knew there was only one way to shut this discussion down without making him feel ugly and repulsive. What she was about to say would be a lie, but it would put an end to the discussion.
“I’m married, Johnny.”
“No!”
“I’m sorry. My husband is in one of the Ohio regiments, and I haven’t seen him in over a year. But we’re still married, and I’m not free to have this kind of conversation with you.”
“You never told me!”
“I just did. I’ve been your nurse, doing for you what I would do for any of my patients. I didn’t realize until now you might be seeing the situation differently. I’m sorry,” she repeated. And then, lest he spot the tears that were beginning to form behind her lids, she reached out, briskly shook his one good hand, and walked away.
ggg
24
Changing Scenery
At the new Chestnut Hill Hospital in northeast Philadelphia, the central yard housed the administrative offices, along with a parade ground, a chapel, a library, the kitchen and dining hall, and barracks and quarters for the hospital staff. A wide corridor, with tracks for an innovative tram system, encircled the central area. And off that corridor, forty-seven wards branched out like the spokes of a wheel. Each ward had its own running water, flushable toilets, and anywhere from fifty to one hundred beds. The entire hospital could accommodate nearly four thousand patients, but none were far removed from the central service areas. The tram delivered meals, fresh linens, and medical supplies to each ward in a few minutes, and the staff was never far from assistance, should it be needed.
Large windows admitted sunlight during the day, and gas lights illuminated the wards in bad weather and at night. The surrounding yards provided a peaceful and invigorating exercise area for those men who were ambulatory. The air was fresh, the accommodations clean and well-furnished, and the rations plentiful. The women of Philadelphia worked tirelessly as volunteers, providing assistance to the staff of some two hundred doctors and nurses. It was the best possible destination for Nellie’s patients, and she was happy she had agreed to accompany them. Clean sheets, nourishing meals, comfortable mattresses, and smiling faces kept the patients happy. And when they were content in their surroundings, their recovery periods were shorter.
Nellie threw herself into her new job. Nursing was a way to reach out to another human being. She pressed a cool hand against a fevered brow or offered a word of encouragement to someone who was feeling down. She was there with a cheerful smile to celebrate each small triumph. She made an extra cup of tea for a patient in need of comfort. She listened to endless stories of family and friends back home, always suggesting by her interest and enthusiasm that the patient would be going home soon. She let sunshine and fresh air into the wards whenever possible and encouraged the ambulatory patients to join her in walks around the gardens.
Not surprisingly, her wards saw quick turnovers, as patients developed the confidence to help with their own recoveries. Nellie inaugurated a small ritual farewell party for each man who was headed home, and those who remained discovered in the custom a renewed hope for their own farewells. Nellie herself was content. She took pleasure in her successes, while trying not to think too far ahead. The end of the war might mean the end of her career, but for the moment, she was where she needed to be, and that was enough.
The restful interlude into which she settled was interrupted in a way she never expected. It was an ordinary day in early February, and she was sitting at her desk, trying to finish her record-keeping. The young man who approached her was an ordinary young man, too, or so she thought.
“Excuse me, Miss. Can you tell me where I might find Doctor Andrew Hopkins?”
Nellie looked up, thinking it odd a private was asking for the Surgeon General of the hospital. “Perhaps I could help you,” she suggested.
“No, thank you,” the man said. “I don’t mean to be rude, but my orders are to speak to Doctor Hopkins directly. I should have introduced myself. I’m Private George W. Earnest, of the Anderson Troop Cavalry. I’m carrying special orders from General William S. Rosecrans.”
“I see. Well, then, if you’ll follow me, I’ll take you to the administration building. I’d send you on your own, but our layout here can be a bit confusing to first-time visitors.”
“Thank you. I really didn’t know where to start.”
“While we walk, why don’t you tell me a bit more about who you are and what you need, so I can be sure you get to the right office. You said you were with a cavalry unit?” Nellie was still regarding him with a hint of suspicion.
“Yes. We are now attached to the Hundred Sixtieth Pennsylvania Volunteers, but the old name sticks. The Anderson Troop Cavalry was organized as a special unit assigned to General Anderson’s Headquarters in Kentucky. Now we serve with General Buell, and some of us are attached to General Rosecrans’s staff. We are escorts, bodyguards, dispatch carriers—whatever the general needs. I’m part of an investigative unit, sent to learn as much as we can about the existing medical facilities here in the eastern theater.”
“So you’re on some sort of inspection to see if we’re operating efficiently?”
“No. I’m not here to judge, I’m here to learn. The major war effort is shifting toward the Mississippi River, and the Union has no adequate medical facilities in the west. General Rosecrans has made the establishment of new military hospitals one of his priorities. Our unit is gathering ideas from established hospitals to guide his efforts. I’ve been assigned to the hospitals of Philadelphia because my family lives in the area. Actually, I’d have volunteered sooner if I had known the nursing staff was this attractive.”
Nellie opened her mouth but no words came out. He was a hopeless flatterer, but a charmer. Another nurse might have been tempted to flirt with him, but Nellie just wanted him off her hands.
“Well, here’s Doctor Hopkins’s office. Perhaps if you explain your needs to his aide, he’ll be able to help more than I.”
Nellie almost stumbled in her haste to withdraw. Whatever is wrong with me? she wondered as she returned to her own ward, where several of the younger nurses were clustered in the doorway, heads together. “What’s going on here?” she said. “Why aren’t you about your duties?”
“Who was that handsome soldier you had in tow?” Maggie Johnson asked, giggling.
“An official visitor. Why?” Nellie was unreasonably irritated
at their questions.
“Well, we don’t often see someone that healthy-looking around here,” Maggie replied. “Is he staying?”
“I have no idea, and it’s none of our business. Now get back to work, all of you. If you are looking for men, there’s a whole ward full, just waiting for you.”
Nellie hoped that would be the end of the incident, but within the hour the young nurse sought her out again. “He’s back!”
“Who’s back?” Nellie asked, although her heart was already beating a bit faster.
“That handsome young private, of course! He’s got Doctor Hopkins with him, and they are asking for you.”
“Thank you, Maggie. Now please, quit hovering. I’m sure it’s a small business matter. I don’t need you drooling at him over my shoulder.”
Pouting a bit, Maggie returned to the ward while Nellie made her way to the hall where the two men were waiting.
“Nellie, I’d like you to meet Private George W. Earnest, here on a special assignment. Private, this is Miss Nellie Chase, the nurse you were asking about.”
“We’ve met,” Nellie and George said, both of them looking startled at hearing their voices in unison.
“Really?” The doctor cocked his head at them. “When was that?”
“Just now,” they both answered, and Nellie was horrified to hear herself giggle.
“Miss Nellie was the first person I met when I arrived, but I didn’t think to ask her name. She kindly showed me to your office and then disappeared.”
“You said you were looking for Doctor Hopkins. You didn’t say you were. . . .”
Doctor Hopkins made an attempt to explain. “Private Earnest had orders to report to me with his papers. General Rosecrans has asked our hospital’s full cooperation during his visit. On a personal note, someone in Annapolis recommended you as an ideal guide during his stay here.”
Nellie tried to clear her thoughts. “Someone in Annapolis?”
“Doctor John McDonald, of the Highlander Regiment. You’ll remember him, I think?”
“Oh, of course. He’s the one who sent me here.” Nellie and George were smiling at each other. Somehow, identifying a mutual acquaintance had made both of them relax a bit. “How is he?” Nellie asked.
“He was there to reorganize his regiment’s medical staff for their move into Mississippi, so he was a bit harassed. But he couldn’t have been more enthusiastic about your talents. He fairly insisted I look you up so I could profit from your knowledge of how a hospital functions.”
Sensing the conversation was slipping out of his control, Doctor Hopkins made one final attempt to regain their attention. “Miss Chase, can you spare the time to show Private Earnest around for the next several days? He needs to understand how we operate, how our wards are arranged, what measures we take to ensure a clean and healthy environment for the patients, things of that nature.”
“I’d be happy to,” she said, hoping she was not sounding too enthusiastic—which, of course, she was.
“Well, then, I’ll leave the two of you to work out the details,” the doctor said as he walked away. Nellie and George did not notice his departure.
“It’s fairly late in the day,” Nellie said, “but we can start wherever you like.”
“How about we start first thing in the morning? I’d like to spend an entire day following you around and seeing how the hospital operates. After that, I’ll have a better idea of what I need to look at in detail.”
“Certainly. I didn’t mean you had to start right this minute. I’m sure you have other business to take care of.” Nellie was flustered again.
“I’d really like us to be friends before I get started. Please. Have dinner with me tonight. I’m staying at the railroad hotel. They appear to have an elegant dining room, but I’d feel awkward eating there all by myself.”
“Oh! I couldn’t. I live here at the hospital and take my meals in the dining hall. That way I’m always available if someone needs me. I can’t leave for the evening.”
“You make this job sound like a prison sentence. All the more reason why you should let me take you to dinner. You need to get away once in a while.”
“But, what would everyone think?” Nellie was grasping at straws.
“I assure you, my intentions are honorable.”
“I didn’t think you were trying to . . . uh. . . .”
“We’ll have a lovely meal, and I’ll escort you back here before it’s time for ‘lights out’. No more excuses. I’ll be waiting when you get off duty—at six, is it?”
They did indeed have a lovely dinner. George wisely kept the conversation light, exploring Nellie’s likes and dislikes. “Are you a dog person or a cat person?” he asked.
“Oh, cats, definitely! It’s hard to have a pet at all when you work in a hospital, but once in a while, a stray kitten comes my way, and I can never resist.”
“Why would you prefer a cat over a dog?” he asked, teasing her. “Dogs obey your commands, they are loyal, they’ll follow you anywhere. Cats ignore you.”
“Cats are loyal and obedient, too, but you have to earn their trust. They don’t blindly leap up and lick the face of anyone who pats them on the head.”
“Rather like yourself,” he said. “I keep having the feeling I’m on some sort of probation here. How does one go about earning a cat’s trust?”
“By not being too forward. By letting the cat come to you. By respecting her wishes. By trying to understand her language.”
“Oh, come on,” he said. “Cats meow. They don’t have a language.”
“Oh, but they do, once you get to know them. A cat who trusts you will ask for attention by making this strange sound in the back of her throat. It’s sort of like a purr, but vocalized. And it means, ‘I like you and I trust you enough to tell you what I need.’ They greet you in the morning with a cute little chirp, and sometimes you can carry on a long conversation with a cat who is making understanding little comments.” Nellie laughed at herself. “You must think I have an over-active imagination.”
“I think you’ve had some lucky cats.”
Nellie looked pensive for a moment, and then shook her head decisively. “I’ve vowed not to adopt another cat until I can be sure I can spend the rest of its life taking care of it.”
George realized she might be speaking of a man as well as a cat, but he did not pursue the question.
Nellie also had a bit of probing to do. “Why are you staying in a hotel during your visit? Didn’t you say you were from Philadelphia?”
George drew a deep breath before answering. “My parents do, indeed, live in Philadelphia, but we have a problem at the moment. They would be embarrassed to have me staying there.”
“Why?”
“They are Quakers.”
“Oh.” Nellie was not sure what to say.
“And the answer to your unspoken question is, no, I’m not a Quaker any longer.”
“I didn’t mean to pry.”
“Don’t misunderstand. I love my parents and I respect their religious beliefs. I just can’t share their principles when it comes to a matter of civil war. I tried to stay out of the war for a while because I knew they wanted me to, but it felt wrong to keep on working as a bookkeeper while all my friends were fighting for their county.”
Beyond All Price Page 35