‘Where’s Lisa?’ Serena asked, wondering where her friend had got to. Ordinarily, Lisa would have been bouncing around her, greeting her with great enthusiasm.
‘Oh, sorry, mate, she’s just having a nap. She didn’t get any sleep last night and she finally got the baby off about an hour ago so she’s taking advantage. She wanted me to wake her up. Let me get her.’
‘No, don’t!’ Serena told him, stopping him. ‘Let her sleep. How’s Tess?’
‘Oh, she’s gorgeous but, boy, does she have a pair of lungs on her. Hope you’ve brought earplugs with you,’ he grinned. ‘Come and take a load off while the girls sleep, Serena. You’ll soon see. You need to rest when you can in this house.’
He wasn’t wrong. By eight o’clock, Lisa had emerged from her bedroom, appalled she’d missed her friends’ arrival. Lisa looked incredibly dishevelled – her hair all rumpled, no make-up and wearing some crumpled old nightie, but she still looked as pretty as she ever had. Prettier, perhaps, despite the lack of sleep, with her Australian suntan and post-baby glow.
Tess had woken for a feed at around nine, before obligingly going to sleep in Serena’s arms (she’d managed to place her back in her Moses basket without waking her up), and the four of them had enjoyed a civilised evening on the veranda, eating a takeaway, Will and Serena marvelling at the late-night warmth. They’d had so much to catch up on that it was late by the time they all got to bed – nearly midnight. Serena had just been drifting off when Tess began to cry. She was definitely a creature of the night.
Will and Serena lay there all night, listening to the hushed, desperate sounds of their friends trying to get the baby to go off again. They drifted into sleep intermittently, but were repeatedly woken by her sharp cries.
The next morning everyone sat around the breakfast table looking sorry for themselves.
‘Colic, the doctor says,’ Lisa told Serena gloomily as she held the baby in her arms. It was boiling so Tess was just wearing a nappy. ‘Doctor says it might last three months. I honestly think I’ll have died of sleep-deprivation by then.’ There was a loud noise and everyone looked at the baby appalled, as poo erupted from the nappy and seeped down Tess’s legs and all down Lisa’s nightie.
‘Oh, grand,’ said Lisa, about to get up.
‘Let me do it,’ Serena said, taking Tess from her friend. ‘You go and shower.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Of course.’
Later, sitting in the shade on the veranda as the men mucked about in the pool and Tess slept in her Moses basket, Lisa looked at her friend.
‘How are you feeling now?’ she asked. ‘You know, about the whole baby thing. You’ve had a flippin’ rough time of it. I was a bit worried about you coming to stay. I hope it’s not too painful, being around a baby.’
‘It’s been horrendous,’ Serena told her. ‘A strain on us as a couple, as well. But this trip has been so healing. And you needn’t worry. It’s just wonderful to have this time with Tess, but also to be able to hand her back.’
‘It’s not all it’s cracked up to be, you know. I love that baby to bits, but it’s like we’re trying to survive some kind of hurricane that’s hit the house.’
‘It’ll get easier,’ Serena assured her friend. ‘It’s a big change. You’ll be loving it within a month or two, I bet.’
Lisa smiled weakly. ‘Yeah, well, we’ll see, hey. But it’s tough . . . Really tough.’
‘You’re doing great,’ Serena said, recognising Lisa was in dire need of some reassurance. ‘You’re a brilliant mum. A natural.’
‘I’m so glad you’re here, pet,’ Lisa said, squeezing her hand.
By the time it came for them to leave, Serena realised that – rather than being painful – staying with Lisa, Todd and Tess had been a cure of sorts. It had made Serena realise that having a baby wasn’t a bed of roses. Of course, if she’d had a choice, she’d still have rather had one than not, but she’d seen first-hand that it wasn’t necessarily all it was cracked up to be, as Lisa had said. And, at last, for Serena and Will it was no longer the be-all and end-all.
They arrived back from Australia just before Christmas to find Luna in a state of high excitement.
‘Can I come round tonight?’ she asked on the phone, just hours after they’d returned. They were feeling enormously jetlagged and travel weary, but Luna was clearly desperate to see them so they agreed and decided to delay their unpacking and all hopes of an early night. Will nipped to the local shop to buy some ingredients for supper and a bottle of wine, while Serena stacked up the pile of unread post, turned up the heating and dashed around putting on lamps.
‘Oh my goodness, look at you both! So tanned and healthy-looking. How was it? Did you have a great time? Isn’t it freezing here?’ Luna greeted them both with kisses, which left red lip-shaped marks on their cheeks, and the entire room was suffused in her signature scent, a perfume that would be overpowering on most people, but that Luna was somehow able to get away with.
‘It was wonderful,’ Serena told her. ‘It went in a flash and yet it seems ages since we left. Let me show you the photos,’ she continued, grabbing her phone and Luna sat down next to Serena on the sofa and made all the right noises about the Great Ocean Road, the Sydney Opera House and Serena cuddling koalas. Eventually, supper was served.
‘Food’s up,’ said Will and they gathered around the kitchen table for Thai chicken curry with rice and a green salad. Even under time pressure, Will seemed able to produce the most delicious meals.
‘So, guys, I can’t hold back any longer. I simply have to tell you the exciting news,’ Luna announced as they tucked in.
‘What is it?’ smiled Serena. She imagined Luna must have found herself a new man at last.
‘I’ve met this woman,’ she explained, and Serena wondered if her sister had suddenly turned gay in the last month.
‘Oh yes?’
‘She’s at the refuge. She’s incredible. So inspiring. Anyway, she was in a terrible relationship but she has this amazing job. She advises people about surrogacy. So we got chatting and it came to me, out of the blue, just sitting there listening to her. I mean this with all my heart. Serena. Will. Let me be your surrogate.’
If she’d expected them to jump for joy and agree immediately, she’d have been mistaken. Will and Serena sat, shocked, at the table, forks poised in mid-air. They had just been on their watershed holiday and had finally come to terms with their situation after years of trying to conceive. And now Luna was offering them this?
‘But Luna, do you know what you’re saying here? You’d have to hand over the baby!’ Serena said, her head instantly spinning.
‘I know all that but it doesn’t bother me in the least. I never wanted kids myself anyway. You know that. And the baby would be yours. I’ve learnt all about it. I remember you saying there’s nothing wrong with either of you reproductively; it’s just the getting pregnant that seems to be the trouble. So the baby would be genetically yours, and I’d just host the pregnancy. Okay, so it might involve a bit of sickness – and I don’t much like being sick – but that would be the worst of it. Well, that and actually pushing the baby out, I suppose. But, hey, there are bound to be some pretty good painkillers, right?’
Serena was astonished. Luna was absolutely sincere. She was genuinely offering to do this for them.
‘But what if you’ve got an autoimmune disorder too? We’re identical twins, after all. I know the doctor can’t be sure now that that’s the problem, but still . . .’
‘I got tested while you were away and luckily I haven’t. That’s how serious I am about this,’ Luna told them. ‘I really am.’
‘Luna, this is amazing of you. So incredibly generous. But, as you know, the whole reason we went on the trip to Australia was because we’ve finally come to terms with never having children. We’ll need to talk about it, think it through really carefully. Will?’ she asked, turning to him, her eyes wide with fear and excitement.
‘Luna, this is ex
ceptionally kind of you. We’ll certainly think about the offer, of course. But, as Serena says, we’d just accepted our situation, found some peace at last. To be honest, I’m nervous about allowing ourselves any further hope.’
‘I totally understand,’ replied Luna, her eyes bright. ‘After all you’ve been through, you’d be mad to agree without finding out all the facts and thinking it all over. But look, the offer’s there. And can I give you Zara’s number so you can get some more information about it all? She said I could give it to you.’
‘Of course,’ said Will and he took the number from Luna and put it in his back pocket. ‘And now, it looks like you’re in need of a top-up,’ he said, filling Luna’s glass with wine.
‘Thank you,’ she said, and he and Serena toasted Luna.
‘There’s no rush,’ Luna said. ‘And I won’t change my mind. Just think about it . . .’
‘We will,’ Serena told her. ‘We will.’ She tried to take a mouthful of food, but found her appetite lost. She could hardly believe it. One last chance? she wondered. She had no idea what Will was thinking, but she knew this was an offer she was going to find hard to refuse.
27.
SEPTEMBER 2015
Serena was sulking, not that Will had noticed. He was too busy preparing for the morning’s service.
‘I’m not going to church today,’ Serena told him as she lay in bed while Will dressed, slipping his dog collar over his black clerical shirt.
‘Okey dokey. I’ll probably nip into the pub for a sharpener after the service. Could you put the chicken in at about twelve?’
‘Sure,’ she replied, curt, but Will dashed off, oblivious.
‘See you later!’ he called.
Serena lay back on the goose-down pillows and thought about the previous evening. She recalled she’d left the party in reasonable spirits, but she’d woken this morning remembering Will talking about her behind her back and felt quite put out about it now that she had time to dwell. But it was no good moping: she would have to confront him.
Fortunately, it was just the two of them for lunch as Max had taken Ashna to meet his family and Pete was helping Jake Hardy move a few more bits and pieces out of the farmhouse and into the local B & B.
They chatted about this and that over the roast, but as Serena dished out raspberries for their pudding she tackled Will about the conversation she’d overheard.
‘I don’t know who it was, but you were moaning about me to someone. Saying I was obsessed about the house being cursed,’ Serena said, hurt.
‘I’m sorry,’ Will said, instantly contrite. ‘That was bad of me. If it makes it any better, I was just letting off steam to Alice. But, Serena, it’s just that I’m worried about you. I want you to be able to put everything that happened behind you now and start afresh. I can’t bear you to fixate on something so superstitious when we need to be starting again.’
‘But what if it’s true, Will? The curse. I’ve asked the Colonel about it. He’s going to look into it all for me.’
‘Why are you wasting his time, Serena? It’s all just nonsense!’ Will was agitated now, his patience wearing thin.
‘Have you given up, Will? Is that it? We must never give up,’ she told him, her cheeks an angry red. ‘I’m still hoping. And you should be too.’
‘Serena, there is no hope.’ There. He’d said it. Will looked at her, no longer cross – instead sad but stern. It was about time he said it aloud, perhaps as much to convince himself as Serena.
Serena threw the raspberries at him and stormed out of the house, slamming the front door behind her.
Seething inwardly, Serena went for a walk or perhaps a stomp. She made her way down the high street, her face like thunder. Bob the butcher called out to her but she just waved briefly and carried on, hoping the exercise would dispel her anger. It didn’t, so she decided to pause at the pub before heading home. She peered around the black stable door. Thankfully it wasn’t very busy, just a few Sunday drinkers idling the afternoon away and no one she knew very well.
‘You alright, love?’ asked Tanya, spotting Serena at the bar. ‘What can I get you?’
‘A brandy, please,’ Serena told her.
‘Right you are. Here we go. That’s three pounds twenty.’ Serena rummaged in her pockets and handed over a five-pound note, then waited for the change.
She’d just found herself a discreet corner booth when her mobile began to ring. She thought it would be Will, but it was a number she didn’t recognise.
‘Hello?’
‘Serena. It’s Freddie!’
‘Freddie! I can’t believe it!’
‘I’ve been trying to get hold of you for a while, Serena. In the end I tracked down your mum and she gave me your mobile.’
‘But why are you calling? Is everything okay? Are the family alright?’ asked Serena. She sipped her brandy. It warmed her heart and the heady mix of alcohol and an emotional day made her feel instantly tipsy.
‘They’re all well, thanks. Mum’s started taking in rescue dogs so the farmhouse is more chaotic than ever. Dad’s fine – had a health scare a year ago but he’s okay now. And the girls are the same as ever – Amber and Ebs have got six kids between them now and you’ll never guess what – Little Jane is a doctor!’
‘No way! That teeny little kid, so sweet and unassuming. What kind of doctor?’
‘A cardiologist no less! She’s the success of the family. Surprised everyone, I think . . . And your family?’ asked Freddie carefully. ‘I didn’t speak to your mum for long, but she did tell me about your father – I’m so sorry. He was such a gentleman.’
‘Yes,’ agreed Serena. ‘Yes, he was.’ She decided not to mention Luna. She wasn’t sure where she’d begin. Instead: ‘Freddie, why did you want me?’
‘To apologise. I know, I know. It was a long time ago. But I’ve been eaten up with guilt for so long now that I just knew I had to call you. Serena, I’ve made some mistakes in my life, but sleeping with your sister was, without a doubt, the most stupid thing I’ve ever done. And I know I apologised at the time, but understandably you didn’t want to hear it.’
Serena took another warming sip. ‘But why now? I mean, it really was an age ago, Freddie.’
‘Because now I know how it feels, Serena. I was given a healthy dose of karma. After we broke up, I went back to Majorca for a bit, then went off travelling. I felt like such a shit, so I made myself do the kind of travelling that’s a bit tough – building an orphanage, helping to rehabilitate orangutans, trekking through the Himalayas. I think I was trying to prove I wasn’t a complete bastard. Anyway, I met girls here and there, had a few flings, but nothing serious. Every woman I met made me feel emptier and lonelier than if I was on my own. They just couldn’t match up to you.’
Serena tried not to feel too triumphant about this. ‘So then what happened?’ she asked.
‘Then, eventually, I fell in love again, with a Spanish girl. I got married, had a gorgeous little baby boy. I was the happiest I’d been since . . . us. And then, last year, Valentina ran off with one of my friends. One of my best friends. And she took our little boy with her. He’s just turned three. Now I’m lucky if I see Mateo once a month. I need to sort out better access, but it will never be the same again. I thought I had it all. But it was temporary. So fleeting. She broke my heart. And after that, I knew I had to speak to you. To tell you how sorry I am. That I know now how it feels.’ There was a pause.
‘Of course I forgive you, Freddie. You did break my heart and you did behave like a bastard. But it was a long time ago.’
‘Oh, Serena, I’m so relieved. I thought you’d put the phone down on me and I’d have to spend the rest of my life feeling guilty.’
‘Don’t think any more about it, it’s water under the bridge. But, Freddie, did you honestly call just to apologise for something that happened so long ago?’
‘Well, no . . . There was something else. Serena, I keep thinking about you lately. Keep wondering how thin
gs might have turned out if I hadn’t been such an idiot. I just wondered . . . Would you like to meet up? I’m in London right now. I don’t know what your circumstances are, but . . .’
Listening to Freddie, hearing his melodious voice, it was strange. As if, all at once, the intervening years had never happened. She was eighteen again, in Deia, listening to Malcolm strumming ‘Layla’ on his guitar on a humid summer’s night, while Freddie wrapped his arms around her and nuzzled into her long blonde hair.
She came back to the present with a start.
‘Freddie, I’m in a relationship,’ she told him.
28.
MARCH 2014
In the end, they decided to give the surrogacy one shot. Zara was a convincing advocate of the process. They met her at a coffee shop and she ran them through everything. They saw a lawyer, of course, who was clearly sceptical about the arrangement while more than content to take his fee. It probably did seem a bit mad to anyone other than the three of them and Zara, but Will and Serena had decided to give it just one chance – one last chance.
Stephanie certainly couldn’t understand it. ‘So how will it all work?’ she asked, wrinkling her nose with distaste.
‘It’s quite simple really. Luna will be a host surrogate, which means she’ll carry the baby, but genetically he or she will be ours: Will and I will create the embryo. Once the baby is six weeks old, Luna will give her consent for a parental order to be made in our favour so we’ll make that application to the court, which might take a little while. There may need to be a hearing or two but once that’s all sorted, the baby will be legally, as well as genetically, ours.’
‘Well, it all sounds very unusual, but I’m sure you know what you’re doing,’ Stephanie said, making it clear she thought the exact opposite. Serena supposed it was going to be a difficult subject to explain to her friends. ‘Isn’t it dreadfully expensive?’
‘It’s not cheap, that’s for sure. That’s why we’re only going to try it the once. We’re using the rest of the money Dad left me. Look, Mum, you’ll see,’ Serena said, refusing to be put off. ‘As soon as you’ve got your grandchild in your arms, you’ll forget all about how he or she got here. That’s what Zara keeps telling us.’
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