“None of us have the answers. When I thought I’d lost Liz all those years ago, my heart was ripped in two. Then, when I thought I’d lost you too…” Her voice trailed off, and she began to weep. “Even your father couldn’t console me. I understand the pain you’re feeling. I’ve been there, and I’m here for you. I don’t want to sound cliché, honey, but we’ll just have to take it one day at a time.”
“I can’t, Mom! I don’t even want to talk.”
“But, baby, grieving people need to talk. Don’t keep it all bottled up. Just remember, I’ve been where you are. Nobody understands your grief and mourning and loss more than I do. Even though I got you back in the end, at one point, I was the grieving mother who’d lost her two daughters.” She gently touched my back. “I’m here for you. You can talk to me and pour your heart out to me. I will listen for as long as it takes.”
“Thanks, Mom,” I whispered. “The emptiness is overwhelming. Losing your soulmate is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Time will never heal the pain. Every time I think about what happened, it’s like reliving the worst day of my life over and over again. I know I said this before, but I’m living in a fog, so thick I can’t seem to get out of it. I try to take a few steps ahead so I can be the strong person everyone expects me to be, but then the grief and loss drags me right back to that open, bleeding wound, the minute my life was forever changed. Victor’s gone, but he’ll never be forgotten in my heart.”
My mom softly squeezed my hand. “There’s no easy way around grief. I wish I could tell you it’s going to be easy. I wish I could take my little girl’s pain away. Unfortunately, I can’t do either of those things. The first few months are going to be very difficult, but you must go through it and not around it.”
“What’s that supposed to mean, Mom?”
“Helen Keller once said, ‘The only way to get to the other side is to go through the door.’”
“Hmm. I think I get it,” I said. “I have to grieve if I’m ever going to find the courage to move on. I have to find hope and stay strong.” I hugged my mom, pondering her wise words.
“Nobody gets over death,” my mom said. “Instead of telling yourself everything’s going to be okay, tell yourself that you’re going to survive.”
* * *
I got dressed and went to the mass that was held in Victor’s honor. I felt like I’d never get over him and would live with that horrific, tragic loss every day for the rest of my life. I managed to speak a few words at the funeral, but everything was a blur; what I did say felt robotic and ridiculous.
After weeks of mourning, I finally came out to face the world.
The whole place had turned upside down, and entire countries had foolishly made allegiances with Ethano and his Immortal Court. I knew it would only be a matter of time before Ethano and his new cohorts stormed the castle and came for me; besides the fact that he had a personal vendetta to settle, Tastia was one of the last remaining countries that had refused to give in to him. My soldiers gallantly fought him every day, but I knew they couldn’t hold him off forever, as his forces were growing by the hour. He even had the audacity to promise to spare everyone in our kingdom if they would willingly deliver me over to him. I feared people might turn on me when he promised ridiculous, high sums of gold for my capture.
In the middle of the night, I tiptoed into the library. With a wave of my hand, I watched yellow balls of light emerge, then shoot off into flames, lighting every candle in the room. I smiled, remembering that Victor had taught me that little trick. I was only in the library because I needed more information, and I lived in a Googleless world. Perhaps Victor’s library holds the answers to some of my questions, I reasoned. If I could find a copy of the book Ethano had at that ceremony, maybe I can figure out what had him so excited—so excited that he decided to spare my life. What did he think he needed me for in the first place?
I spent the entire night going through the library, and while I found many ancient books that were quite intriguing, I couldn’t find anything of value for my situation. I looked down at the ruby ring on my finger and watched it sparkle in the torchlight. Again I wondered how I’d ever go on without Victor. Even my ring looked lonely for his.
I walked over to the wall, where there was huge painting hanging on the wall. It had always been Victor’s favorite, a picture of me, standing in the garden, painted by his very own skillful hand. As I stared at it, the memories came crashing back…
“Stay still,” Victor said, dipping his brush into the paint. “I’m almost done.”
It was late evening, and birds chirped and sang in perfect harmony. A soft breeze blew over me, and I could hear the leaves swaying in the wind as I sat on the steps. They were covered in green ivy and white flowers, the perfect complement to my white dress, and I hadn’t bothered to put on any shoes, as I wanted to feel the grass beneath my feet.
“I didn’t realize you were such an artist,” I complimented. “You never cease to amaze me.”
He stopped painting. “This is going to be a—”
“A masterpiece?” I interrupted, batting my eyelashes at him.
The wind whipped his shaggy hair across his brow. “Not that I wish to brag, but I do believe I’ve perfectly captured your spirit, your essence on my canvas.”
I stood to try and look at it.
“No peeking, Sarah!” He chuckled.
I playfully frowned. “Bummer. You know patience isn’t one of my strong suits.”
His palette knife glinted in the sun. “I just want it to be a surprise for you.”
All concentration drained from his mind and into that oil painting. I could literally feel him concentrating all his energies into one focus. I loved how his eyes narrowed, his brows lifted, and his mouth pursed. I couldn’t help but smile at the serious look on his face as he tried to make sure every detail was perfect.
“Does it look like me?” I was dying to know.
“Well, my dear, nothing could be quite as beautiful as the real thing in your case, but I did manage to bring out the light in your beautiful brown eyes, and the sunlight highlights every gorgeous strand of hair.”
“Aren’t you the sweetest? How much longer are you going to make me wait?” I asked.
“I just finished the final touches.”
“Ooh! Show me!” I squealed with excitement.
He stepped back to look at his work, then down at his trusty brush that was resting next to his colorful palette. “You may look at it now,” he finally said. He grinned as I met his gaze, smiling.
I walked over and gazed at the portrait, admiring every single detail he’d so efficiently captured. Tears welled up in my eyes. “It’s lovely…and perfect—just perfect. You’re such a gifted artist. Thank you, Victor.”
“An artist is only as good as his muse, my love, and you are my inspiration.” He wrapped his arms around me and lowered his mouth on mine, offering me a smoldering kiss.
“Let’s go for a walk while the painting dries,” I said looping my arm in his.
“Would you like to watch the sunset with me?”
“I’d love that.”
We walked down the cobblestone path to our favorite spot, a glorious green hill overlooking valleys and a river.
Victor wrapped his arms around me as we watched the colors fade across the sky.“I’ve seen this a million times, yet I never tire of it,” he said. “I feel the same way about you.”
I blushed, as he was always such a charmer. “It’s beautiful, and having you here with me just makes it all the better. I’ve never been this happy, Victor. It’s like living in a dream.”
“If somebody had told me ages ago that I’d be happy and in love once again, I would never have believed them.”
“Love’s funny,” I said with a knowing laugh. “It strikes when you least expect it.”
“I couldn’t agree more.”
“I still can’t believe we beat Ethano. He tried to kill us, but we survived.”
; “Love can conquer all,” he said.
Then, just as suddenly as the beautiful nostalgia had transported me, I was jolted back to the present, staring at my wedding ring, Victor’s perfect token of affection. I knew I’d never forget that kiss in the garden. I could still taste him, feel his touch, and smell his manly scent. I couldn’t help but wonder why fate had chosen to deliver me such a cruel blow. I’d met the man of my dreams and had the most perfect year, only to have him snatched out of my life forever.
And what about this world? Do I really want to be stuck here without Victor? The dream doesn’t feel like a dream anymore. As much as I cherished the memories, they were horrendously painful. My mom and dad wanted to go back home, to the world I used to live in, and I couldn’t blame them, but Liz had no intention of leaving. I wasn’t sure what to do, and it was exhausting and daunting just to think about it. All I really wanted was to hold Victor in my arms again. I just wanted my life back, the one I’d shared with the man of my dreams—my own personal fairytale.
Disgruntled, I left the library and walked back to the main part of the castle. As I was walking back to my room, I saw candlelight flickering under the door of one of the great rooms used for entertaining. I opened the door and was shocked to find my sister awake.
“Sarah,” she whispered.
“Hi, Liz.”
“I couldn’t sleep. I’ve been pacing around the castle.”
“Liz, I’m so sorry I’ve been so distant, shutting you and everyone else out,” I apologized. “It’s just…well, the pain has been so overwhelming.”
“I can’t begin to imagine.”
“I’m still fighting through all these feelings, from sadness to anger.”
“You have the right to be angry at Ethano. Hell, I’m furious!” she wailed, her voice echoing through the huge room.
“That’s the Liz I’ve always known and loved!”
“If it helps any, I feel the same—sad and angry—and my emotions are flying all over the place. I don’t know how to help you through this, and I’m so, so sorry it happened.”
I wrapped my arms around her in a hug. “You gave me the space I needed to be alone with my thoughts, and I…well, enough about me. How are you doing, besides all the pacing? Any news about Charles?”
“No, but I’m sure he’s in hiding or looking for King Taggert. If I had my bond, I’d know, but Ethano stole that from me.”
“I’m sorry, sis.”
“It’s okay. Mom and Dad have been there for me. I don’t know what I’d do without them.”
“I know. They’ve been my rock as well—especially Mom.” I glanced up at another portrait Victor had painted of me; he’d only painted two, and I treasured them both.
“Stunning,” Liz said. “The artist captured you beautifully.”
I smiled as a tear rolled down my face. “Yes. He did everything beautifully.”
Liz hugged me as emotions overwhelmed me. She didn’t know what to say, so she silently comforted me the best way she knew how.
“I loved him, Liz. I loved him so much.”
“I know,” she whispered in my ear. “I knew that even when you were running from him and wouldn’t admit it to yourself.”
“How am I going to ever live without him?”
She wiped a tear from my eye. “Just like Mom says, one day at a time.”
“No matter what anyone says, he was a good man.”
“I know. I saw him turn his life around for you, and he’s done so many wonderful things over the last year. You truly touched his life.”
“You’re so sweet. I’m sorry you have to put up with me. I’m a nutcase, caught on some emotional rollercoaster. One minute I’m fine, then I’m numb, and then I’m in tears. You know I never get weepy like this, right?”
She laughed. “Heh, it’s okay to cry. Just let it out.” She patted me softly on the back, and I knew she meant every word.
Tears streamed down my face. “There’s just this huge void in my life. I feel lost and alone, and I do nothing but cry and wander around aimlessly from room to room in this lonely castle. I can still hear his voice in my head, feel his touch. I can’t stop loving him. I simply haven’t the strength. I went through all of his clothes, and I can still smell him. It’s as if he’s right there in the room and nothing has changed…but it has—and for the worst.”
Footsteps echoed outside the door, and our mother walked in. She rushed over, and we all embraced each other tightly.
I held my mom and sister and asked, “Am I ever gonna get through this?”
“In time,” my mom said. “In time, honey.”
I threw my arms around my mom. “I loved him, Mom.”
She wiped a tear off my cheek. “I know, baby.”
“He was murdered right in front of me. I watched the love of my life die, and there wasn’t anything I could do about it.” I squeezed her hand. “Do you know how that feels?”
“How, honey?”
“Remember back in California when we were at the beach and I got sucked under by that huge wave?”
She nodded. “Mm-hmm.”
“Well, it’s like that. The force of the wave pushed me down, spinning me around in total darkness, like I was helplessly caught in some washing machine rinse cycle. I was tossed, turned, and rolled beneath the surface of the water, and I couldn’t figure out which way was up. It’s like I’m stuck underwater, and I can’t breathe.”
My mom rubbed my back and held me, then finally broke the pained silence. “Honey, you’ve got to come back with us. I can’t leave you here like this.”
“We have to get you out of the country,” Liz said. “Ethano’s closer than ever to breaking through.”
“Why is this Ethano so bent on capturing you?” my mom asked.
I had never filled my mom in on all the details, not wanting to worry her. “Because he’s sick, Mom,” I said. “He wants revenge.”
“But he’s already got the title and power he wanted. Why doesn’t he just let it go?”
“He’s a madman,” Liz said. “There’s no making sense of a psycho.”
“I don’t want to run from him,” I said. “I need to face him.”
“You stand no chance against a man like that,” Liz said. “He’ll only drag you back to his lair.”
“Honey,” my mom said, “even one of the men from the Council thinks it best that we all leave through the portal.”
“Mom, I can’t,” Liz said. “Charles is out there, and I have to find him.”
I gripped my mom’s hand. “You and Dad go on back. It’s not safe here. If Ethano captures you, he might kill you in the blink of an eye, just to hurt me.” I took a moment to regain my composure, then continued. “I have the ring, so I can come back and visit you anytime. I still have the necklace that will get me past the guardians.”
My mother’s gaze shifted between me and Liz, and she shook her head. “No. That simply will not do. Both of you need to come home, or I’ll be worried sick. I thought I lost you once, and I can’t bear to wonder if I’ve lost you again.”
“Mom,” Liz said gently, “we can’t leave just yet, if at all.”
“Mom, my life is here,” I said.
“What life? Victor has passed away, and there’s no reason for you to stay. Come back home, to the real world.”
I blinked, shocked that she just expected me to give it all up. “There are plenty of reasons for me to stay, Mom. My people need me.”
“How are you going to help them if Ethano captures you? He’s closer than ever to breaking through the castle walls. We need to leave immediately.”
“I know, and that’s why I’m going to arrange that you and Dad are taken to the portal first thing in the morning,” I said.
My mother sighed heavily. “I suppose I can go, as long as I know you’re safe. Promise me you do not plan to stay in this death trap of a castle.”
“I won’t,” I assured her. “My soldiers are going to hide me out somewhere while we
gather troops to fight and take back what is ours.” The plan was still being discussed, but I knew I needed to leave soon.
It was difficult for my mother to accept that I wasn’t coming with her, but I could not desert my kingdom, Victor’s legacy. All of my emotions came running out of me, and I hugged my family tightly until the wee hours of the morning. They were my rock, my support, and I loved them, even when we had a difference of opinion.
Chapter 8
I was sad to see them go, but I knew it was the right thing to do to convince my parents to go back through the portal. Ethano would never be able to touch them. They were safe, and I could breathe a sigh of relief. I considered that it might have been better for me to go with them, but I just couldn’t bear to leave. I loved Tastia and its people dearly. Besides that, part of me was bent on revenge. I focused my attention on becoming stronger, eager for the day when I could make Ethano pay.
Weeks passed, and I continued to mourn for Victor. Every breath and movement took effort. Some days, the pain was so overwhelming that I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t function, and couldn’t control the tears. No one understood what I was going through, but everyone tried to be of some comfort on the rough days, and I appreciated that. On other days, I felt like I could manage. I hardly ate and woke up in a sweat, left over from my nightmares. I knew I’d never get over the loss of my husband, and I’d learned the hard lesson that in the blink of an eye, one’s whole world can change. My life was perfect one minute, and in the next, it was shattered. How will I ever move forward? I wondered. My heart was torn. Sometimes the grief was so paralyzing that I had to remind myself to breathe. I knew there was no roadmap to get me through the throes of grief, but I hated that it hurt so damn much—and for so damn long.
I touched one of Victor’s shirts and could still smell his scent. “I love you, Victor…and I miss you,” I whispered. “Not a minute goes by when I don’t think about you.”
I missed Victor’s beautiful face. Everyone told me it would get easier in time, but it hadn’t—not after all those weeks. I knew I’d never feel Victor’s touch, see his beaming smile, or hear his laugh again. I missed the way he said my name, and it pained me that I wouldn’t feel his hand in mine. I’d never be able to look into his beautiful blue eyes again. There would be no more romantic dinners under the stars, slow dances, or birthday celebrations. Ethano had taken him from me, leaving me with a giant, gaping hole in my heart. How could fate give me the love of my life, only to yank him away from me? Life can be so cruel.
Eternal Fire - Book 3 of The Ruby Ring Saga Page 8