by Riley Moreno
“It is always a sad day to say goodbye to one of our own. Steven was a good soldier, and a great man. He devoted himself to his country and did his duty to the end. We are proud of him, and of the ultimate sacrifice he's made.” He then spun on his heels and barked out orders to the soldiers. They hoisted their rifles against their shoulders, aimed into the air, and fired off some shots. The air cracked with bursts of thunder. Melissa jumped, and found that Mark's arms were around her. Five shots were fired, each one splitting the air, leaving Melissa's ears ringing. A moment of silence descended upon the funeral, then a single bugle player started playing a tune. The sonorous music spread through the air, a mournful dirge that served only to exacerbate the emotional strain. Melissa started to watch as Steven's coffin was lowered into the ground, but it became to difficult. She clamped her eyes shut and buried herself in Mark's shoulder, hoping that it was all just a bad dream and it would be over.
After the ceremony Melissa stayed for a little while and welcome the condolences from people. Some she recognized; most she did not, but they were all grateful and all spoke well of Steven, although she wondered how well they could really know him. Mark stood by her side all the time, tall and resolute. He wore a bespoke suit and his pale skin prickled with sweat under the heat, but he remained unmoved by irritation. Melissa's dark skin was covered by a conservative black dress, although her curvy figure was such that she looked like she was going to burst out of it at any moment.
Once everyone had said their goodbyes Melissa wiped her eyes with a tissue once more and walked over to the coffin. She took the photo in her hands and ran her fingers over it. Steven had been so handsome, with chocolate skin and a strong, square jaw. She sighed, and left the picture on the coffin.
“Don't you want to take that?” Mark asked.
“I don't need a picture to remember him by. I have my mind, and my heart,” she said, and walked away. Mark furrowed his brow, and before he walked after her he picked up the picture. They walked to Mark's car where his chauffeur was waiting.
“Do you want to go anywhere else?” Mark asked.
“I just want to go home,” she said, and opened the door to get in the back seat. Mark nodded to the driver, and soon enough they were underway. While they drove they didn't say a word to each other. Mark undid his tie and unbuttoned the top of his shirt. He pulled a drink out of the minibar and took a shot of whiskey, making a silent toast to his stepbrother.
2
It wasn't long until they arrived at Melissa's small apartment. Mark walked her in and looked at the mail that had piled up.
“You should really answer some of these,” he said.
“They can wait,” Melissa said, and went into the front room, where she slumped in the sofa. Mark went to the kitchen and got her a glass of water, then handed it to her and took a seat in the armchair. He stared at Melissa, who in turn was staring into space.
“Talk to me Melissa,” he said. She turned her eyes lazily towards him.
“I'm worried that those men knew him better than me. They spent so much time with him and I felt like I was intruding at my own boyfriend's funeral.”
“You know Steve, he was all about the army. It's more like a cult if you ask me.”
“They act like he was so perfect, and he wasn't. I mean, I loved him, but it doesn't feel like I said goodbye to the Steven I knew, I said goodbye to their Steven. And I hate them for sending him on that mission. I hate him for going over there. He gave everything for his country but what is his country doing for him now? I've just got bills piling up and only one paycheck to pay it. Thank God we put off having a kid because I don't know how I'd cope, I just don't know,” she said, leaning forward and placing her head in her hands.
“Hey, Melissa, you know that I'll give you whatever you need. I'm not going to forget about you just because Steven's gone. You were never just his girlfriend to me, you're my friend as well, and I take care of my friends.”
This brought a flicker of a smile to Melissa's face.
“I remember the time when we first met you. You were in that bar and you came in with your friends, and we both saw you, but Steven called dibs because I had a mouthful of pretzels. I hated him in that moment. And I told him that he'd better make damn sure he got your number otherwise I'd try my luck.”
“And he came over with that stupid grin of his and that awful pick up line.”
“It worked though.”
“Yeah, there was just something about him,” she said, and enjoyed a wistful smile as she thought back to that day. “Back then we were just fooling around. Didn't think it would lead to anything like this. When he told me he was in the army I told myself not to get attached because I always thought I wanted a relationship where they were close by, but I guess life never gives you exactly what you want,” she sobbed for a moment, then added, “Mark, do you think I'm going to be okay?” He looked into her eyes, and could see the rivers of red that surrounded the brown irises. He rose from his seat and sat beside her, taking his hand in his.
“We had plans you know,” she continued, her lower lip trembling, “we were going to do so much when he came home. What am I going to do now?”
“You're going to be okay,” he said, with such certainty in his voice that Melissa almost believed him. “You're going to mourn for him, and you're going to remember him, but you're going to live your life as well because you deserve to be happy, even if you can't see it. I know it, and wherever he is Steven knows it too. So here's to my brother,” he said, and raised a glass. She raised hers too and they took a sip of their drinks.
Mark stayed with her a little while but eventually he had to go. They hugged tightly.
“Thank you for being there for me,” she said.
“You got it, and if you need me at all just call me and I'll come, don't worry about the time of day,” he said. Melissa nodded and then watched him return to his car, which promptly pulled away and sped off back to his mansion upstate. As she returned to her empty apartment she smiled to herself as she thought about the differences between the two brothers. Mark had been adopted, but even though wasn't biologically related to his parents he had immediately fit into the family, enjoying the same intellectual pursuits as his new parents. He channeled his intelligence into a business degree and had quickly risen through the business world, having made some shrewd investments and the perfect time, and now he was sitting on a personal fortune that Melissa found boggling to think about.
Steven had always been more of an athlete. From what she knew he'd been the star at high school, but once that ended he realized that life was going to be a lot harder. With no direction he ended up working as a delivery driver. It hadn't mattered to Melissa what he did but he always said that he wanted to so something meaningful with his life, and it always annoyed him that Mark was so important while he was wasting his life. Melissa had tried to tell him many times that as long as he was happy it didn't matter what he did, and all they needed was each other, but that was never good enough for him. She cursed that attitude now, for although she admired his honor and his ambition, it had ultimately cost him his life. In a way she almost felt responsible; if she had raised more concerns would he have refused to join the army? Knowing Steven, probably not.
The day stretched out before her and it was interminable. She'd been given some time off work but she wished that she could go in because she was at a loose end. Steven had often been away from months at a time as he did his tours, so an empty apartment wasn't anything new, but this time it seemed different. Everywhere she looked all she saw was emptiness, and there was nothing that could distract her. She had no appetite, and nothing on the television was able to occupy her mind. Time seemed to stand still, and all she did was descend into bouts of crying. Eventually the moon took over the throne of the sky, and Melissa dragged herself to bed. She was emotionally exhausted from the day, but when she pulled the sheets over her she felt a wave of nausea swell in her gut, and beat the pillows in frustr
ated. His side of the bed was cold and empty, as it would be forever more, and her life had been irrevocably changed by one single moment in a country thousands of miles away.
3
“I brought ice cream,” Mark said as Melissa opened the door.
“I'm so sorry for this,” she said, welcoming him in.
“Don't worry about it. I told you, whenever you need me I'll be here.”
“But don't you have about ten businesses to run?”
“They pretty much run themselves by now. You're my priority at the moment Melissa, come on, I'll get some bowls.”
They sat at the kitchen table and ate ice cream. Mark had chocolate while Melissa had plain vanilla. She was one of those people that wasn't too adventurous when it came to food.
“Have you ever had anyone close to you die, apart from Steven?” she asked. Mark pressed his lips together.
“Not like this. But when I turned eighteen they asked me if I wanted to find out about my real parents. I guess that's usually when adopted kids find out they've been adopted but they couldn't exactly keep that a secret from me. Anyway, I didn't know if I wanted to know I mean, I had a family and my parents were just strangers who hadn't wanted me in their lives for whatever reason. But Dad sat me down and told me that it was important to be forgiving in life, and that like it or not these people were a part of who I was. He didn't know anything about them either, but eventually I decided to go down to the adoption agency and ask to meet them. Turns out that they had both died, separately. And that was...I couldn't mourn them because I never knew them, but it was the fact that I'd never get the chance to know them that got me more than anything.”
“I just don't know if the way I'm feeling is the way I'm supposed to feel.”
“I don't think there are rules for this sort of thing, you just have to muddle through it as much as you can.”
“It's just stupid. All he had to do was not go into that building.”
“But you know Steven. He's not going to give up when there's a chance.”
Melissa cocked an eyebrow at that, for it summed Steven up nicely.
“It was a shame your parents couldn't make it in today.”
“You know them, always busy with their research. I did try to get in touch with them but it's practically impossible to get anything through to them, even for me.”
“What on earth possessed them to spend their whole lives in some research facility under the sea anyway?”
“Who knows. They always said one day they wanted to get away from it all but even I think this is a bit extreme. From last I heard they still have three months left under there.”
“I can't imagine living in some facility under the sea. It must get so annoying not being able to do something simple like going for a walk.”
“Have to go for a swim I guess.”
They both laughed a little, but it was an awkward laugh because it still seemed wrong to have positive emotions on such a sad day.
“Mark,” Melissa asked, sweeping her spoon around the ice cream, which had quickly melted into a thick liquid, “what's your favorite memory of Steven?”
Mark blew out his cheeks and leaned back in his chair. “You like asking the hard questions don't you? Um, I don't know,” he said, searching his mind for the perfect memory, until it finally hit it. He slapped his hand on the surface of the table, making the dishes and Melissa jump, and leaned forward, “I've got it, it was just after I was adopted. I still felt strange about being in a new home, especially because of the obvious differences between us,” he said, gesturing to his skin color, “and I wasn't sure how well I'd fit in. Back then I was still young and didn't know who I was anyway, so it was a very difficult time, and when I started at school I felt a little lost. I mean, I saw Steven with all his friends and how popular he was, and then there was me with no-one, but Steven included me. He could have easily shunned me and just left me to do my own thing but he actually took me with him and introduced me as my new brother, and when kids started picking on me he was the one who came up and made sure that they didn't say anything else. Mom and Dad were great at making me feel at home, but when Steven did that sort of thing, that's when I felt like I was truly a part of a family.”
Melissa was touched by the story for it was one she had never heard before.
“He always said that he was glad you were his brother, and that you were more like his best friend as well. I have to admit I was a little surprised when I met you and he introduced you as his brother but you were always so close. But can I tell you something honestly, without you thinking I'm a bitch?”
“Um, okay,” Mark said, feeling a little uneasy.
“One of the reasons why I'm having such a hard time dealing with today is because I want to miss him and I wanted to think of the best of him, but the truth is he wasn't perfect. When I heard about how honorable he is and how much he devoted himself to his duty I felt like correcting them. And I know it's a stupid thing, like, why would I even want to tarnish the memory people have of him? But I hate the fact that he was so loyal to his country when to me...” she trailed off.
“What are you talking about? What did he do?”
“It was a while ago now, I shouldn't even mention it I don't know why I am, but I just feel like I wanted to remember him for the real person he was, not just the generic hero his soldier friends want to paint him as, but he cheated on me.”
“What?!”
“It was a stupid thing, we were having some problems and he went out and got drunk. I forgave him for it a long time ago, but he's not perfect. I want to remember his mistakes as well as all the good things. He could be stubborn and he had a temper, and sometimes he just did things that I'll never understand. It doesn't mean I don't love him, does it?”
“Honey, I don't think there's any doubt that you loved him. I understand how hard this is for you. There were times when he annoyed me as well. I can't believe he cheated on you though, he was devoted to you. There was nothing he loved more. The only reason he went into the army in the first place was because he thought it would make him worthy of you.”
“I'd much rather he'd have stayed here,” she said, and the conversation stopped flowing once again. The rest of the night was spent like this. Bursts of conversation were followed by long, lingering silences, but Melissa and Mark had known each other for long enough that the silences were not awkward. It was hard to find things to talk about. Talking about Steven only made it more painful to face the future, but to talk about anything else made it seem like they were ignoring Steven and the hole that had been left in their lives. The hours dwindled and Melissa found herself yawning. The strain of the day was finally taking its toll for her eyes were growing heavy and she felt the pull of slumber. Mark carried her to her room and tucked her into bed. The last thing she remembered was him telling her that he'd check in on her the next day, and then she was asleep.
When she awoke the next morning she felt the warm rays of the sun shooting in through a crack in the curtains. They kissed her body as she stretched out, for a moment forgetting the tragedy that had struck her. When she reached over and felt the empty space beside her it all came crashing out though, and she awoke with a start. She lay motionless in bed and started at the ceiling. This was going to be the first day that Steven really wasn't with her. Now that the funeral had happened there was nothing else to do except live, but that was proving to be difficult. Melissa felt the absence terribly and found herself thinking of Steven. The days that followed were filled with tears. She tried to go out, even if it was just to the store to pick up a few things, but it just reminded her of everything that she wouldn't be able to do with Steven. And when she saw young children or couples she thought about the life the two of them had planned together. It would never see fruition now, cut down before it ever had a chance to begin.
The worst was when she started to go through Steven's things. She intended to give most of them to goodwill, since she figured that's what he would
have wanted, but as she went through his drawers she found a small box with a ring. When she placed it on her finger it was a perfect fit, and knew that instead of wearing black she should have been wearing white.
Mark continued to call and check up on her but Melissa wanted to distance herself from him for she didn't think it fair that she was such a drain on his time. He had his own life to live, and she couldn't rely on him. She had to find her own way through the misery. As a couple of weeks passed she went back to work, and although it was difficult at first she soon got back in the routine of it, although people were still sympathetic to her. She worked at a restaurant as a waitress so it meant that she was speaking with customers, and since there were a number of regulars that came in her business was well-known to all of them. She remarked on this when she spoke to Mark on the phone.