by Donna Alward
“I am so sorry. No one should ever go through something like that.” He whispered the words against her fingertips.
And then he leaned forward and touched his lips to hers.
She went into his embrace willingly, their knees pressed together between the sofa and table. He was strong, and somehow a barrier between her and the ugliness of her past. When she was with him, she was the Mariella she’d always wanted to be, free of the hold Robert Langston had held over her for so many years.
The kiss was soft, tentative, sweet. She hadn’t known he was capable of sweet.
She hadn’t known she was capable of love, but here it was. She loved Luca. And being completely out of her depth, she had no idea what to do about it.
“And now he’s out of prison, are you afraid he’ll come after you? What about your mum?”
His voice drew her back into the present. “The authorities keep me up to date while he’s on probation. Of course I think of it, and wonder if he hates me for my part in sending him to jail. But I can’t let myself think of it too much or it becomes overwhelming. I spent too many years looking over my shoulder. And it’s not one of those things you ever really get used to.”
“And what about your mother?”
Mari shook her head. “I don’t speak to my mum that often…there seems to be a wall between us now. I don’t even know where she’s living. I—” Mari cleared her throat. “A part of me still wonders how she could have let it happen. How she could have stayed with a man who beat her. Who beat me. Why didn’t she try to get out?”
She looked up at Luca. “What kind of mother hurts her own child that way? What kind of mother doesn’t put the welfare of her child ahead of everything? There have been times I’ve thought about the home I want, the children I might have someday. Could I put them through that? I know I couldn’t. I’ve tried to understand it, but I just can’t. The only thing I can come up with is that she was too afraid to do anything else.”
Luca shook his head. “I don’t know either. I barely remember my mother myself.”
“You said she left you and Gina. That must have been difficult.”
“I only remember feeling like we never mattered.” Mari’s eyes widened at the loathing in his tone. “She left us when I was a boy. My papa raised Gina and me.”
He stood up and walked over to the window.
“I’m sorry,” she murmured, “That must have been horrible for you. Did your dad ever remarry?”
He cleared his throat. “It’s not important, Mari. It was a long time ago. And it was nothing compared to what you went through. Nothing.”
He spoke with such vehemence that she knew he was hiding his own hurts.
And for a moment, she forgot about herself and wondered about the boy he’d been, and how he’d suffered in his own way. Perhaps that silver spoon he’d been born with didn’t gleam as brightly as she’d thought. How she wished she could help him as he’d helped her today.
How had this happened?
She’d fallen in love with Luca Fiori, and it was the one sure thing to break her heart. Luca cared for her, yes. She knew that. But love? By his own admission, Luca didn’t do love.
She had to take a step back. This baring of souls—well hers, anyway—was all well and good but even she wasn’t fool enough to believe there was a happy ending in all of it. Luca didn’t live here. He didn’t belong here. He belonged at his villa in Italy with his family and Fiori and what was happening between them now was a blip in their lives. Necessary, perhaps, but still temporary. How could she tell him her true feelings?
She stared at his back, trying to puzzle it out but not getting very far. Perhaps she was just raw from everything that had happened. What if these feelings were just a byproduct of a process she should have gone through years ago? It would be foolish to make this into more than it was, and Mari was smart enough to know her perspective was skewed.
“You’re categorizing.”
Luca’s voice reached her. He hadn’t turned back around, but stared out into the growing darkness.
“I can practically hear your mind working, Mari. Please don’t. Just let things be.”
Mari rose and went to the window, standing behind him. She wasn’t sure anything would be the right move, so she simply did what she felt like: she put her arms around his body and pressed her cheek into the warmth of his back.
Luca swallowed against the lump that had formed in his throat. Anything he’d gone through as a child was nothing, nothing compared to the hell that Mari had experienced. He tried to picture her on a floor, battered and bruised, and couldn’t. It seemed too wrong, too horrific. What sort of man did that to another human being? To a woman he was supposed to love?
And yet, here she was, somehow comforting him.
“It’s snowing,” he murmured. Soft flakes fluttered past the balcony railing, settling on the ground in intricate patterns. He was reminded of his grandmother’s Sansepolcro lace and wondered what she’d think of this mess he’d got himself into.
Why was it that people hurt the ones they were supposed to love? He knew he couldn’t let Mari do this alone, yet it brought back memories he hated, ones of comforting Gina when their mother had abandoned the family. Nonna had always been there to help. What would she say now, if she could be here?
He knew exactly what she’d say, and he didn’t like the answer. She’d tell him to stop holding a grudge and forgive.
Mari sighed against his back and he closed his eyes. What a day they’d had. He was glad now that he had handled Reilly the way he had. If this was what Mari was carrying deep inside, a physical response would have only frightened her more.
Today he’d thought only of Mari. And that wasn’t good.
Mari did not need a man like him. She needed someone she could rely on. Someone who could give her stability and security and make a home with her. She’d even mentioned it, the longing for a home and children. That wasn’t his life, it never had been. He’d always been the Fiori heir, the one everyone assumed would step into his father’s shoes one day. And he kept fighting against it.
He looked at the reflection of the suite in the glass doors. There was nothing personal here, no pictures, no trinkets, nothing to make it a home and that was how he lived his life. It was what it was. It was the world he owned.
Eventually he’d forget about her.
But with her arms around him, the only thing he wanted to do was lift her in his arms and hold on.
And he came as close to admitting his feelings as he ever would.
“Stay tonight, Mari.”
Her head lifted from his back and it felt cold where it had been warm a second ago.
“Luca, I…”
“Not in my bed.” For once in his life this had nothing to do with sex. He turned, wanting her to understand how he couldn’t say the words. “Just…stay. I’d only worry about you if you went home. You can have the bed. I’ll sleep on the sofa.”
“What you did for me today, Luca, no one’s ever done anything like that for me before. I can’t impose on you further.”
“You’re not imposing.”
For a long moment their gazes clung. Words hung unspoken.
“Wait here.”
He disappeared into the bedroom and returned with a t-shirt. “I don’t have pajamas to lend you.”
She took the t-shirt. “Thank you.”
She disappeared into his room, and he heard the bathroom door shut behind her. When he didn’t hear anything after several minutes, he decided he should check on her.
She was in his bed, the duvet pulled up to her chin. Her blotchy cheeks were relaxed and her eyelashes were smudges against her cheeks. She’d fallen asleep before he could even ask if she was hungry.
He’d let her sleep. And when she woke he’d make sure she was all right.
And then, somehow, he’d find a way out of this mess.
Mari woke to sunlight filtering through the bedroom door. Pushing her hair out of h
er face, she realized she was in Luca’s bed, the smell of his cosmetics faint in the sheets and sounds of him tinkering in the suite filtering through.
She’d spent the night. And she hadn’t give a thought to going home or to Tommy…she could only hope he’d used the dog door on the porch.
Mari checked her watch. Nine a.m. Oh my God. She’d slept straight through, with none of the nightmares that had haunted her lately. Any lingering thoughts were crowded out by the knowledge that full day staff were in the hotel and she only had yesterday’s clothes to dress in. She should have used her head last night.
But nothing about yesterday had been about logic or sense.
“Good morning,” Luca said from the doorway to the bedroom.
She scrambled up to a seated position. “Luca, I’m so sorry. I slept…”
“Here all night,” he finished, a smile on his lips. His elbow leaned casually against the doorframe. “Slept nearly fifteen hours.”
“I must have been more tired that I realized.” He was acting like this was normal, for Pete’s sake! And seeing him brought back everything that had happened yesterday with a vengeance. Including kissing him, crying on him, realizing she loved him…
And in the silence she felt a blush creep up her neck and bloom in her cheeks. Somehow she had to get out of this situation with a modicum of grace. In the bright light of day, it was clearer than ever that revealing her true feelings would be a mistake. She just needed time to figure out exactly what was what.
“I think that sleep might have been a long time coming,” he replied lazily.
A knock sounded at the door. Mari lifted her eyebrows in his direction. He merely shrugged.
“You grew restless a while ago. I ordered up breakfast. You must be starving. You didn’t have any dinner.”
He opened the door while Mari hastily pulled on her clothes, jamming her hair back into the clip she’d worn yesterday. As she came out of the bedroom, one of their staff wheeled in a cart adorned with silver domed trays.
“Thank you, Geoff.” Luca handed a bill to the server who nodded, then smiled in Mari’s direction.
Mari frowned as the door shut with a quiet click. “I don’t want this getting around the staff. What are they going to think, me up here in your suite?”
“You’ve been here before.”
“Not looking like this. Not coming out of your bedroom.”
Luca moved the cart closer to the dining table. “Don’t worry, I’m used to it. It always blows over.”
Mari’s mouth clamped shut. Luca was used to these situations. She was not. If he was trying to put the morning in perspective, he was doing a bang-up job.
“I’m sorry about yesterday. I shouldn’t have unloaded on you.” She felt obligated to apologize. Suddenly there seemed to be a new awkwardness between them. Now that it was over and done with, perhaps he was feeling embarrassed at being privy to all her secrets. She couldn’t say as she blamed him.
A shadow crossed his features.
“It’s fine. It’s good that you did. I imagine it feels better to have it out. I understand, Mari, I really do.”
Why was he acting so differently? Yesterday he’d held her hand and she’d told him her deepest troubles. He’d leapt to her defense and he’d held her in his arms as she’d cried. Now…God, now he was treating her like she was one of his flings. One of the women he kept on his arm.
Her mouth soured. She’d thought she’d been right to put her trust in him, but his casual treatment of her this morning was a let-down. She’d wanted to mean more to him. Which was silly because she already knew in her heart they had no future. He’d come right out and said so. He didn’t do love.
“Come, eat. You must be starving.”
“I need to go home and change.” Mari stood and smoothed her slacks.
“There’s no need. I had some things sent up from the boutique. You’re welcome to use the shower here.”
Mari gritted her teeth.
He was treating her like nothing monumental had ever happened between them! He was taking charge and deciding what she’d do and when. And dammit, she was done being on anyone’s timetable!
He lifted the lid on a platter. The smell of French toast reached her nostrils, the tantalizing scent of vanilla and cinnamon and maple. Her stomach growled. In all the uproar, she hadn’t eaten last night. It would serve him right if she sat and ate the whole serving!
“I would have thought that privilege was one reserved for your affairs,” she remarked caustically, putting her hands in her pockets and clenching her fingers tightly.
She’d told him everything last night, everything about Robert and her fears and today he treated her as a polite stranger. There was only one explanation.
It had been too much. Her baggage was too much for him and it had been foolish to think that Luca could handle it. As much as she’d wanted to believe in him, she’d expected far more than he could give. She wasn’t sophisticated and uncomplicated. She was a mess, and he was politely backing away.
She could hardly hate him for it. Even if his cool treatment of her this morning stung. She longed to simply flee, but somehow she knew she had to handle this with some sort of dignity and composure. It would only be more awkward later if she ran out. They still had to work together for the time remaining in the renovations.
Luca ignored the voice inside that told him to knock it off. He looked at Mari and could only see her face last night as she told him about her stepfather. He’d had to help her. He’d wanted to.
But now, in the bright light of day, he needed to step back. This felt too much like a relationship and he wasn’t prepared. The last time he’d been involved with a woman deeper than a dating level, he’d let it interfere with work too. He’d fallen for Ellie, had trusted her. He’d told her that he loved her. Only that time he’d discovered it wasn’t him she wanted at all, but his Fiori connection. The Fiori name almost seemed a curse to love, and he wasn’t willing to put his heart out there again.
So these feelings for Mari weren’t supposed to have happened at all. Their kisses shouldn’t have happened. His eyes remained cool even though he knew she was right. This was exactly what he would have done for a woman the morning after, and the truth of it stung. “That’s a bit low.”
“I’m sorry, Luca. I think I’m still a little off balance after yesterday. I believe I will eat something,” she said, going to the dining table and taking a seat. A platter glistened with raisin-studded French toast and fragrant circles of ham. She filled a plate and poured warm maple syrup over the lot of it.
He should have known better than to flirt with her like he did with other women. Mari wasn’t that type and somehow he needed to extricate himself from whatever it was they shared. But he would not call it a relationship. In relationships people hurt each other. Like his father had been hurt. Like he’d been hurt when Ellie had moved on. He’d told Ellie things and she’d used them to hurt him later, to taunt him.
Mari wouldn’t do that, the voice inside argued. But this time that wasn’t his worry. He was more worried he’d hurt her, and she’d been hurt enough. What an unusual position he found himself in.
A break to friendship was the best plan, wasn’t it? Mari didn’t need a man who would break her heart. And a man who didn’t do relationships surely would. What she needed now was a friend.
“Juice, freshly squeezed.” He poured her a generous glass. “Enough vitamin c to last all day.”
“Thank you.” She sipped, then put the glass down and picked up her fork. “Aren’t you going to eat anything?”
“Indeed.”
He took the seat opposite and uncovered another platter containing scrambled eggs and a bowl of mixed berries.
Mari took one bite, then two, wondering how long she could be expected to survive this agony. Eating breakfast like there was nothing to be said. It was a complete farce after their intimacy of the day before.
There was nothing to fault in his behavior. N
othing. It was perfectly polite. But it was clear he was distancing himself.
It was cold as hell.
She wanted to ask him, didn’t yesterday mean anything to you? Wanted to say how much she appreciated how he’d taken care of her. But she couldn’t. He was acting like it had meant nothing. Like having breakfast together in his suite was an ordinary occurrence. It was no more personal than…than a business meeting.
The bite she was chewing went down with difficulty. There was only so long she could keep this up. She was still raw from yesterday’s events and the insight that she’d fallen for Luca. For him to treat her so now was confusing and insulting and it hurt. Made her wonder if she’d imagined his gentle understanding all along. If he’d only been placating her because she’d been so distraught.
She put down her fork, keeping her mask carefully in place. She had misjudged him, had misplaced her trust. It just went to prove how poor her judgment still was.
“Thank you for breakfast, but I need to go now.”
She pushed out her chair, avoiding his gaze.
“There’s no need. You can refresh yourself here, Mariella. I’m sure the clothes I sent for will fit. You can go straight to your office from here.”
Oh, he had it all planned out. He’d had lots of time to think about it, all evening last night while she’d slept, no doubt. His consideration was hardly touching. Nothing he could have said or done this morning could have made her feel worse than this politeness.
“You have it all planned out, don’t you Luca?” She struggled to keep the tremble out of his voice. “I thought I was the one for planning and you were the feckless one, but how wrong I was. You’ve planned it from the beginning—how to get around the difficult manager, how to handle your sister, how to handle me.”
He put down the spoon of berries he was holding. “I’m sorry?”
Mari straightened her blouse and looked around to make sure she didn’t leave anything behind. She spied a hairpin on the sofa and picked it up, putting it in her pocket, all the while avoiding his clear gaze. “I understand, really I do,” she went on, realizing belatedly that she was echoing his earlier words. “There’s no need to let me down easy with breakfast and such…gentle consideration.”