by A. T Brennan
“Fuck, Jenna,” he groaned against her lips. “I want you so fucking bad.”
“Oh Clay.” She could barely focus on anything other than how wonderful he felt, and how hot he sounded.
“Tell me if you want me, Jen. I have to hear it.” He pulled away from her and looked down at her. “I can’t unless you tell me.”
“I want you, Clay.” She looked up him. “I want you, please.”
He groaned and pushed her shirt up so it was bunched under her armpits, and a moment later he bent his head to her breast, moving his lips over her bra as he teased her nipple.
She felt things low in her body reacting and nearly screamed. She’d never felt anything like it before, and it was so pleasurable it was almost painful.
“Oh!” she gasped again as he pulled his head away from her chest and moved to kiss her lips again. As he kissed her he moved his hand between them. He ran the tips of his fingers over her clit, and she shuddered as she arched into him.
He pushed his fingers inside her a few times, not deep enough to hurt, but she was tight enough he couldn’t get too far without having to force them. He pulled his fingers out and moved so they were pressing against her.
“Oh God…oh fuck.” She whimpered against his kiss as he manipulated her. Her body tightened, her legs began to shake, and the strangest feeling came over her. She felt as though she was floating and falling at the same time, and it was almost as if the world around her was spinning.
“Come on, Jen, come on,” he urged as he pressed his lips against her neck.
“Oh God.” She tried to keep her voice down and bit her lip to try and distract herself. “Oh fuck!”
Her orgasm didn’t just hit her. It overtook her. She writhed and shuddered and cried out under him as he pressed his lips over hers in a tight kiss, swallowing her near screams.
Then she lay passively beneath him as he shifted, digging in his pocket with one hand. Her entire body was tingling deliciously, and her mind was a little numb from the pleasure. It was the first time she’d ever had an orgasm from someone else, and she’d never known how incredible it could feel.
She blinked and watched as he sat back on his knees. He put a condom on the bed next to them and fumbled as he undid his jeans. She stared as he pulled himself free and licked her lips hungrily as she took in the sight of him.
It was the first time she’d ever seen a cock in person, and he was perfect. He was long and hard, and she wanted him so badly her body actually ached. She’d always read about female heroines in romance novels aching for their lovers, and she’d figured it was just a thing they wrote to make the scenes hot, but she was aching for Clay at that moment.
He rolled the condom on and moved to lie over her again. She felt him pressing against her pubic bone and stared up at him as he paused.
It seemed as though he wanted to say something, but he just smiled at her and reached down with one hand as he held himself over her with the other and positioned himself so he was pushing right at her opening.
He moved so just the tip of him was inside her and then lay over her, his body pressing her into the mattress.
As she looked up at him her mind started reeling. She was about to lose her virginity. At that moment Clay was inside her, and she was going to have sex with him.
He pushed into her hard and fast. So hard and so fast a slice of pain ripped through her and she cried out, her body tightening reflexively as she tried to calm her mind.
She knew it was supposed to hurt. She’d been waiting for some pain, but she hadn’t been ready to feel as though she was being impaled.
He didn’t seem to notice her reaction, or her discomfort, and she just bit her lip and squeezed her eyes closed as she buried her face in his shoulder. She tried to relax her body as he thrust in and out of her, his pace fast and hard and erratic.
After a moment the pain started to fade, and there was a hint of pleasure there. She was just starting to relax and enjoy it when he jerked against her, crushing her to his body as he cried out softly.
When he was calm he just held her close and his breathing started to slow.
She wasn’t a virgin anymore. She’d had sex with Clay.
After a few moments he pulled away from her, and she felt him slip out of her.
“Oh fuck.”
“What?” She shook her head and looked at him. He was staring between them with a horrified look on his face.
He must have seen blood or something, and he was realizing she’d been a virgin. She pushed herself up on her elbows and started to assure him it was fine when she felt something wet on the inside of her thigh. Had she bled that much? She wasn’t due to start her period for two weeks; she couldn’t have bled that much.
Fearfully she looked down, expecting to see a pool of blood, but she saw a smear of semen instead.
The condom had broken.
Fear, panic, and shock washed over her as she stared at his limp member and the broken condom, and it was then she noticed the small streak of blood on the ripped latex.
“You were a fucking virgin?” He moved off her, staring at her as though she was about to bite him or something.
“What?” She shook her head. That was what he was freaking out about?
“You were a fucking virgin, and you didn’t tell me?”
“Seriously?” She pulled her shirt down so her breasts were covered and started to push down her skirt. She was feeling very exposed at the moment, and the way he was looking at her wasn’t helping. She pushed herself up so she was sitting. At least now she felt a little more in control. “That’s seriously what you’re focusing on?”
“I just popped your cherry and the fucking condom broke.” He ripped off the used condom as he stood. He tossed the condom in the wastebasket next to the bed and looked around for something to wipe himself off with. When he didn’t see anything he just tucked himself back in his pants and stared at her. “Why the fuck would you let me do that?”
“I wanted you to—”
“You just fucked me, just like that?”
“You fucked me.” She crossed her arms across her chest, fighting back the tears as he stared down at her. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“You shouldn’t have let me do that.”
“Why not?” She felt the tears start to slide down her cheeks, and she couldn’t stop them. “Don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like I’m some sort of whore.”
“You’re not on birth control, are you?”
“No.”
“So the condom fucking broke, and you’re not on anything.” He raked his hand through his hair and shook his head. “Fuck!”
“Clay?”
“Fuck.” He shook his head again and turned from her. “I can’t.”
“What?”
She could only watch as he rushed to the door, and without a backward glance he unlocked it and threw it open.
As soon as the door opened there was clapping and cheering, and Clay just pushed through the small crowd, leaving her in the room.
She couldn’t stop the tears as they fell down her cheeks, and she stood up, her legs shaking and her ankle twinging, and stumbled toward the door. She had to get out of that room.
When she reached the door the cheering stopped, and she found nearly twenty people staring at her.
“Jenna?”
She turned toward the voice and saw Hope, a friend of Kaylee’s.
“Jenna?” Hope asked again as she moved to take her arm. “Are you okay? Did he do this to you?”
“What?”
“Stop him, he attacked her—”
“No!” She shook her head. Her tears had stopped, but her cheeks were flaming with heat and she assumed they were bright red. She didn’t like when people stared at her, and there were a lot of people staring at her just then. “He didn’t.”
“But you’re—”
“He didn’t attack me. It wasn’t like that.” She shook her head again. As much of an ass as he was being she couldn’t let them think he’d raped her. “He didn’t.”
Hope just wrapped her arm around her waist and started to lead her down the hallway. “Come on, let’s get you home.”
She just leaned against Hope gratefully and tried to block out everything as the numbness washed over her.
Chapter 3
Graduation Surprise
JENNA’S mind was blank.
She couldn’t think, she could barely breathe, and her skin suddenly felt cold. It was as though she’d been hit with an icy wind.
She could see tiny flecks of silver and white flashing in her eyes, and her vision started to go in and out. The world tipped to the left, then to the right, then pitched forward before it straightened out again.
“Oh fuck,” she whispered as she squeezed her eyes closed and fought to keep her breathing even. Her chest was starting to tighten, and she could feel a strange pressure in her ribs, almost as though her lungs were expanding while not taking in any air.
She needed to calm down. She had to calm down or she would pass out.
She concentrated on her breathing, on clearing her mind and focusing just on breathing in deeply, and then expelling every last bit of air in her lungs before starting over again. It took about five breaths, but her mind started to clear and her vision went back to normal. When she was able to see, she just stared at the pregnancy test in her hand.
A positive. A little plus sign in the tiny little window and a single line in the control window.
She was pregnant.
She felt her stomach heave and just closed her eyes again, forcing her stomach to calm down and her mind to stop reeling.
She hadn’t believed it. She hadn’t wanted to believe it.
Her period had been due three days ago. When it hadn’t come she’d refused to believe she was pregnant. It was stress. It was a lack of sleep. It was a hundred different things other than pregnancy. She’d tried to believe the excuses, but for three days she’d been consumed with the thought that she was pregnant, and she’d broken down and bought a test that morning.
And the test was positive.
She didn’t know what to think, had no idea what to do, and all she could think about was hiding the evidence.
She wrapped the test up in a very long strip of toilet paper and shoved the test, the instructions and the wrapper in the box. She shoved the box in the plastic bag from the drugstore and then rushed out of the bathroom and into her room. She opened the door to her closet and shoved the bag into an old purse, and then buried the purse under some shoes on the closet floor.
There. No one would find it if they weren’t looking for it.
“Jenna, sweetie!” She heard her mother calling her from downstairs. “We’re going to be late. Are you almost ready?”
“I’ll be right there!” she shouted back and took a deep breath as she glanced in the mirror above her dresser. Her face was pale and her eyes were a little red. She didn’t look great, but she didn’t look too out of the ordinary. She hurried over to the dresser and quickly applied a little lip gloss, some mascara and eyeliner. The makeup made her look a little more put together. No one would know something was up if they didn’t look closely at her.
“Jenna, I’m going to the car. Your dad is waiting. Can you lock up?”
“Sure.”
She peeled her eyes away from her mirror and grabbed her graduation gown and cap off her bed and tossed it over her arm as she picked up her purse.
She didn’t have time to panic. She had a graduation to attend.
* * * *
Clay didn’t want to be there.
He was graduating, nowhere near the top of the class or even the middle, but he’d done it. He’d made it through four years of high school, and now he was standing around in a group of nearly one hundred and fifty other grads in a stifling hot polyester gown and a stupid hat that was too small. The tassel was also getting on his nerves. Every time he shifted his head it would swing into his field of vision, and it was driving him crazy.
He hadn’t wanted to come, but his mom and his grandparents had insisted.
They’d never gone to a graduation before. They wanted to experience it once, and he just couldn’t disappoint them by refusing to go.
His mom had never graduated. She’d gotten her GED when he was six, but she’d never gone on to do any more schooling. She was so happy to be there at his, and she wanted a million pictures.
“Dude, how much longer do we have to cook in these things?” Trey sighed dramatically and elbowed him in the side, relatively hard since he couldn’t judge how far away he’d been because of the voluminous gown.
“They said two—it’s almost two now.” He nodded to the clock on the wall.
“This blows. Why do we even have to do this shit? Why not hold grad in the winter when it’s nice and cold out, or the fall?”
“Because school is over by then, dumbass.” Clay grinned. “You want to come back in the fall or winter to do this shit, or get it over with now?”
“I don’t want to do it at all.”
“Me either, but it’s one day. One stupid walk across the stage, and then it’s over and we never have to come back here.”
“True.” Trey looked over to his left and elbowed him again, not nearly as hard this time. “Check it.”
He glanced over and saw something that made his heart rate pick up. Jenna was standing with Kaylee. She wasn’t looking in his direction so he was able to really look at her. He hadn’t seen her since the night of the party, and that hadn’t been an accident. She looked…off. She was a little pale and seemed ill at ease.
He could guess what was bothering her—the whole class had been talking about nothing else for two weeks.
He was an ass. He was a complete and total asshole, and everyone knew about them. Their hookup at Brad’s party was the topic of conversation, and there were rumors being spread around. When he’d rushed out of the room and out of the house, he hadn’t taken a moment to think about how Jenna would have to face the crowd in the hall. He hadn’t thought about how upset she’d been and how she’d been hurt. He’d just needed to get out of there, and he’d gone into flight mode, moving out of instinct and reflex over thought.
The other students had seen her, had seen the state she was in, and the rumors started to fly overnight. Even though school was over and finals were in full swing, they’d kept talking about it.
Everyone knew they’d hooked up, but there was a question as to how consensual it had been. People were looking at him with uncertainty. Only Trey was still treating him the same. The rumors went from he’d been so bad or hadn’t been able to get it up so she’d gotten upset and he’d run away in embarrassment to he’d raped her and then run away so no one would know. More people were talking about him forcing her, and the strongest voice in his defense was actually Jenna.
She hadn’t talked to him or even looked at him since he’d run away. He wouldn’t blame her if she never spoke to or looked at him again, but she’d done everything she could to squash the assault rumors and had told everyone multiple times she’d been upset because of something stupid he’d said, and he’d run because they’d been about to fight.
It wasn’t the complete truth, but it was the story she was sticking to so no cops had shown up at his door, and no one was pointing at him and screaming, “Rapist!” when he walked by.
He felt like dog shit. He hated how he’d reacted to her. He hated how he’d treated her. And he hated what he’d done to her.
He almost wouldn’t blame her if she had told people he’d done something to her, that he’d hurt her somehow or even coerced her. He felt terrible, and everything was his fault.
The other thing he saw that made him nearly panic was Tanya. She was standing a little behind and to the left of Jenna and Kaylee. She w
as staring right at him, and her look wasn’t altogether friendly.
“Shit,” he muttered as she started to walk toward him, purposefully bumping into Jenna as she passed her.
He saw Jenna stumble slightly, and when she looked to see who had hit her he could see tears shining in her eyes. Her gaze swept over Tanya, then locked on his for a split second. In that second he saw such a mix of emotions flash over her face he had a hard time separating them. The only one that stood out was fear.
He didn’t understand why she looked afraid. He hadn’t seen her since that night. Was she afraid of him now?
“So—you and the Virgin Mary,” Tanya said as she sidled up to him, looking him up and down as she did. She looked perfect, as usual, and as she tossed her long blonde hair over her shoulder he noticed how much of a practiced move it was. She was flirting with him, and she was using the same moves she had when they’d first started dating.
“Don’t call her that.”
“So she wasn’t a virgin?” She smirked. “Everyone knows Jenna’s a total ice queen. I’m actually shocked you were able to penetrate the frost.” She grinned at him coyly.
“What I do is really not your business anymore.” He took a deep breath and tried to keep his thoughts on the exchange going on and off of Jenna and her fear. “It hasn’t been for months.”
“You keep saying it’s over, but I don’t think it is.”
“It is.” He shook his head. “You’re leaving for school anyway. What do you want with me when you’ll have a whole campus full of guys to choose from?”
“Maybe I want some fun this summer, a little fling before I leave.”
“Not going to happen.”
“You and the ice bitch a thing now?”
“No, and don’t call her names.”
“Then why not? You know I’m a thousand times better than she could ever be—”
Thankfully a bunch of teachers started moving through the crowd, telling them to get into line as they prepared to start the ceremony.
“Think about it,” Tanya said as she went to the front of the room to join in with the other A last names.