Lily came with the doctor, thinking she could help persuade Sara to come back to town with them. They did not expect to find what they did and the doctor went quickly to work, saying they really had no time to waste. The reason why Sara slept through the contractions was because her energy was completely depleted. He checked the baby, found it was coming breach and as soon as he could take hold of its legs, he pulled the tiny boy from her. As she said, his little body was lifeless … and blue, Sam noticed. The doctor quickly wrapped him in a towel and handed the bundle to his wife. All the while Sam sat beside Sara’s head and brushed her hair away from her face with his hand. Lily and the Doc exchanged glances when they watched him, as it was so out of the ordinary for the man everyone thought owned the world.
With the birth completed, Lily sent the men from the cabin while she tended to the patient. She did this once before for Sara and knew where all the items would be she needed for after the delivery. As she did before, Lily gave her a comforting wash, for at times like this Sara needed so much to be consoled. Even though on the outside she would not show how she grieved her losses, would show no feeling or concern, it was hidden away deep inside. She slept through the process. Helping Sara seemed to give Lily a feeling of consolation. She knew some of the pain Sara felt, as she, herself, felt the grief of not having a child. She never experienced the pain of holding a babe in her arms, then having it taken away, but she did know the wanting of it. She attended many births, still her own pain did not subside and she knew the routine as if having experienced it herself. Lily went into the bedroom and set up a toileting area for Sara to use, placing the chamber pot on a chair, and the prepared bag of cloths close by. She had a strong feeling she would not be the one to stay with Sara and Sam would not understand her needs.
Lily called the men back into the little house, having set the coffee pot to brew while they sat for a bit. The men were both feeling the cold, but made no attempt to come inside until they were called.
The three sat at the kitchen table and enjoyed the hot beverage. They quietly discussed the situation at hand as Sara slept peacefully. She now seemed to be out of any danger.
“She’s really too weak to move at the moment. It would be best to wait for a couple of days,” the doctor started.
“I can stay with her,” Lily offered.
But the doctor shook his head, saying, “I need you back at the office. Brett Cummings has to have his leg set today and I need you to help me.”
“That’s fine,” Sam said putting up his hand, “I’ll stay. Tom can take care of the bank. Besides, Sara probably saved my life two weeks ago. I almost let her die, staying is really the least I can do in return.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself, son.” The doctor placed his hand on Sam’s shoulder. “I wouldn’t have come out today if you hadn’t. If Sara survived the birth she probably would have frozen to death.”
“What about the baby? Do you think her dates were off?”
“No, by the look of it, he came between two and three months early. He died in the womb as the two did before.”
“Poor Sara,” Lily said, looking over at her lying peacefully on the small bed. “All she really wanted was a family. After Willie died ... then William ... she really had nothing. I wonder why she stayed here, all by herself.”
The doctor gave Sam instructions for taking care of Sara. Lily told Sam of the preparations she made in the other room. They thought maybe he would lose his desire to care for her, but instead he showed no alarm and still insisted he would.
The most important thing was to get a lot of fluids back into her and Doc wanted to make sure she could drink before he left. They tried to awaken her by calling her name, then a shake, but with no response the doctor took the smelling salts from his bag. Sara woke with a jolt as the salts were so strong. She was still weak and very tired. She had a hard time staying awake, but she drank a cup of weak tea before going back to sleep.
The doctor and Lily prepared to go back to town, saying to Sam they would send someone out in two days.
He responded by asking not to send Eric, as Sam thought Eric scared Sara a little. They would be fine in the meantime.
As they were about to go through the door, Sara quietly said from the bed, “Please don’t tell anyone about the baby.”
Lily walked back to her and placed the back of her hand against Sara’s cheek, saying, “Don’t worry dear, we won’t say a word. No one out of this room has to know.” With that, they both left, Sam stepping out onto the porch with them for a few moments.
“Should I give her any medicine?” he asked.
The doctor turned back on his way to the cutter and gave a smile. “Ask Sara, she’ll tell you what she needs. Probably the willow bark tea of hers will help, right, Sam?” Without speaking, the latter turned back toward the door, a little puzzled, wondering how he knew. The doctor added “See you in a few days,” as he waved, then guided the horse toward the trail.
Sam stepped back inside the little house and saw Sara watching him. He walked over and sat down on the bed beside her and again brushed a strand of hair from her face with his hand, which lingered for a moment on her cheek. “Thank you,” she whispered to him, then closed her eyes again and seemed to sleep.
He sat for a while, watching her, wondering a lot of “what ifs”, beginning with, “what if he hadn’t been shot and sought Sara’s help?” and ending with, “what if he didn’t ride to her home today?” Of course, there were no definite answers to those questions and he was grateful for that, thankful for how it all worked out. He had no idea what the future would bring, but he felt it could only be better for both of them. He must have sat for an hour when he realized he forgot about his horse. He didn’t want to leave Sara’s side but he needed to tend to Dickens. He put on his warm clothing and went out to look for the gelding.
He gave his horse a call and a whistle as he followed the tracks toward the trees. He was surprised to see the gelding’s head poke out from a small building which was used to house the few chickens. As the horse stepped down from the floor, Sam was amused to see a chicken sitting on the back of the saddle. He realized this was where Sara hid the horse before. The chickens were quiet and he lifted the hen down, sending it back into the building. He took the tack off of the horse and placed it in a small room next to the nesting house. Inside was a barrel of oats and a pile of hay, some of which he set outside for his horse and filled a wooden bowl of oats for the poultry. He looked around to see if anything else needed to be tended and finding nothing, went back into the home.
As Sara was still asleep, he proceeded to look through the cupboards to try his hand at cooking. It had been a long time, but he thought he could make something so they wouldn’t go hungry. This was all new to him, and he was starting to like it.
Chapter Five
He became a little discouraged when he was looking through the cupboards and shelves. Sara probably could mix up something with the ingredients, but him? Would it even be edible?
A quiet, soft voice spoke behind him and he turned to Sara. “If you go down into the root cellar you will find jars of food already prepared.”
“Oh, you’re awake,” he said, relieved. He walked over toward the bed, using his cane again, leaning on it heavily. With the commotion of the day he almost forgot about the wound, but now it throbbed and he could not ignore it.
“Oh, Sam, you’re having trouble walking,” Sara said, making an effort to push herself to a sitting position.
“Don’t you dare!” he said as he moved quickly beside her and sat on the edge of the bed. “Doc says you have to rest.”
She lay back down, but added, “For now, but later I’ll have to get up for a little while. Doc Brown and I had that discussion about confinement before, about staying in bed for a week after a baby is born. He loses the argument each time.”
“He says you are stubborn,” Sam brushed the piece of hair away again, “says it is one of your strong points.”
Sara’s hand reached up to touch his, “And what do you think?”
“You’re a very strong woman, Sara.”
“Maybe a little crazy?” she questioned him. “Not many expectant mothers hide out in the middle of nowhere.”
“I’m sure you have your reasons.”
‘God, those eyes are blue,’ he thought to himself as they looked back at him, ‘so soft and so deep I can practically see to her soul.’ He always told himself this was never going to happen, he would not let it happen! But here he was getting pulled into it, hook, line and sinker and he couldn’t stop it … no, he didn’t want to stop it.
“Anything special you want me to bring up from the root cellar?”
“Can you manage going down?”
“I’ll manage. What would you like?”
“You can bring up what you like, but I guess I should have a bowl of the onion and garlic soup. I always keep some on hand, just in case.”
Sam stood up from the bed and opened the door to the other room. He was looking for the trap door when he heard Sara say, “It’s under the mat, by the bed.” Sure enough, the mat was attached to it so when closed, it still hid the door. “You’ll need the lantern,” she called to him again.
He came back into the room and agreed, “It is dark in the cellar.” It was a little difficult at first to hold the lantern and step down to the top rung of the ladder. With the pain in his leg he had tried to avoid such movement, but now found it necessary. Slowly he made his way down, the pain jolting through him as he bent his knee, but finally he stepped on the dirt floor.
He found the shelves with the few provisions on them. There really wasn’t much left, several jars of the soup, a small pile of potatoes and carrots and a few jars of a canned meat, probably chicken, he thought. He wondered for a moment how he was going to manage to go back up the ladder and carry a supply of food. He found a basket with a rope attached, that went up to and was knotted on the door. He filled the basket with a few things and as he removed them from the shelf, saw the other exit. He could picture Sara in his mind, making a hurried escape through the door whenever a visitor arrived unannounced. He went back up the stairs and pulled the basket up behind him, then carried everything into the other room. He was a little disappointed when he saw Sara was sleeping, but decided he would have to do this on his own.
It really wasn’t as difficult as he thought it might be. There wasn’t much to do other than heat up what was already prepared and boil a few potatoes and carrots, but it gave him a feeling of satisfaction. He was hungry and ate a little while he waited for Sara to wake again. He watched her as she slept. How peaceful she looked. She had changed so much since the first time he met her and he couldn’t help but wonder why.
Night had fallen when her eyes opened and he could see she looked more rested when she woke this time. She pulled herself up in the bed a little and Sam went over to help her sit.
“It looks like you managed all right,” she said as he went to the stove and poured the soup from the pot into a bowl.
“It really wasn’t as hard as I thought it might be.” He set the soup on the table and continued, “You can use the board I used when I was here.” He reached behind the chair and found it remained where he put it two weeks before.
“I’d like to try and sit at the table. It shouldn’t be too early.” Sara slowly moved her legs out from under the covers. She wore the new gown he found in the closet and it gave her a refreshed look.
Sam hesitated for a moment, really wondering if this was a good thing, or if she was doing this too soon. He came to the conclusion Sara did this before and must decide on her own, but then she said something he hadn’t thought to consider.
“Sam, I have to use the outhouse.” Her look was one of embarrassment and shyness and he felt it was the same look returned to her.
He looked out the window and saw the little building. It wasn’t terribly far away, but the snow was deep between it and the cabin. It was also dark and very cold out. There must be a better solution. Suddenly he remembered what Lily said about preparing a toileting area in the other room.
Sara smiled and nodded, knowing the doctor’s wife would have thought of such things.
Sam helped her walk into the next room and was surprised at how weak she really was, her legs were unsteady, but she insisted on complete privacy. He wouldn’t leave her until she promised if she needed help, she would call.
When she looked into his eyes to give him her word, she saw something she hadn’t seen for a long time and she wasn’t sure it was a good thing.
She returned to the kitchen, holding onto the doorframe for support. Sam was surprised she agreed she wasn’t ready to sit at the table and he helped her back into bed. She ate her bowl of soup and drank a cup of tea and he didn’t have to convince her to lie down.
He took to his domestic duties readily, in fact eagerly and after he tidied up the dishes and Sara slept, he took on the task of finding himself a bed. He went into the other room again, but it was cold and for some reason, uninviting. A down-filled duvet covered the bed and he decided if he folded it in half, it would make a comfortable mattress. The kitchen didn’t have much extra room, but if there was, he probably would have found another excuse to put the makeshift bed right next to hers. He found a few books on a shelf, most written by Charles Dickens, a favourite writer of his and he selected one. Thinking he wouldn’t sleep even if she did, he wanted to have every minute he could with Sara.
He sat on the duvet with his back against the bed and started A Christmas Carol, one of the few Dickens’ books he hadn’t read before. The lantern sat on the floor so it gave him light but would not disturb Sara. After he read for a while, he felt a hand softly touching the curls at the back of his neck, gently putting each strand into place. He quietly closed his book, being careful not to move for he did not want her to stop.
She continued, as she spoke, “Willie used to sit there and I would arrange the curls on the back of his neck, just like this.”
Sam turned toward her and saw the tears glistening on her cheeks. He couldn’t help but take her hand and give it a gentle kiss before he said, “Tell me about it, Sara.”
He thought for a moment she didn’t want to tell the secrets of her life, but after a pause she started to tell him something she had never spoken of before. He continued to hold her hand, occasionally placing it against his lips, not saying a word as he listened.
“It seems like so long ago William and I came from New Brunswick, when Willie was a boy. I had our second baby before we got here, in Winnipeg, but we lost her a few weeks later. I brought a lock of her hair to be buried at our new home. Finally we arrived here and Will worked so hard to build the cabin. He was so proud and excited about building it with his own hands. Doc Brown said we should try for more family and William said soon we would fill it with babies. But sadly soon the twins Joshua and Jacob and then Jennie rested in the little cemetery. It broke my heart so much and William’s too and we decided we would not have any more children. But once again I got pregnant. Doc Brown said he would write to the universities to try and find the answer so maybe we could save this baby. It took a long time to get an answer but eventually he heard from a doctor in Philadelphia. He said something was probably wrong with my blood and it killed the babies. He said he saw it before, the first baby lives, but the others are not strong enough. The night Doc told us, William slept in this bed beside Willie. He didn’t want to sleep with me anymore. He didn’t want me anymore. One night I lay down on this bed, hoping for his company but he wouldn’t join me and I’ve slept here alone ever since.”
The tears still fell and Sam could feel the years of pain that filled Sara. He wanted so much to show her she was not alone now and carefully lifted the blankets and slid in beside her, holding her tightly. By this simple action Sara felt a sense of peace, for in one motion she felt forgiven for her inadequacies.
They were quiet for a while, her head resting on his
shoulder and he could feel the dampness of her tears in the dark. Finally he spoke, “Sara, I should tell you who I am.”
“I know who you are, Sam Fielding. You are the owner of the bank, the saloon and the hotel in Grand Valley, although I heard you moved everything to Brandon. You are probably the richest man west of Winnipeg and maybe the loneliest.”
Sam pulled away, to look her in the face, “When did you recognize me?”
“When I helped you off your horse. Why do you think I didn’t know who you were?”
“Sara, it was my saloon where William spent so much time, it was my hotel where he spent so many nights and it was when I called in his loan he was killed. I should have realized what was going on out here. I should have stopped William. It’s because of me, he was killed. You should hate me, Sara.”
“William lost all desire to live when Willie died. The team was a gift from my parents when we left home. I wouldn’t let him take them to pay off a gambling debt. I’m as much to blame for his death as you are, in fact more. If I could have given him more children, maybe losing Willie wouldn’t have been his ruin.”
They lay quietly together for a while, until Sam asked, “Why did you say I am probably the loneliest man west of Winnipeg?”
“Because you are here with me, when you could be anywhere, with anyone you want, right now.”
“And who is Sara Gardiner?”
“Probably the loneliest woman this side of Winnipeg.”
They stayed quiet, holding each other and feeling the truth spoken this night in a quiet cabin surrounded by winter on the cold Canadian prairie.
New Beginnings (New Beginnings Series) Page 5