“I’m not sure this is a good idea. I mean—”
“Felicia, if family is as important as you claim and this man matters, he needs to meet us. And by bringing him, you’re showing him he means something to you. You may not like it, but that’s how it works.”
Damn it, I hated when people used my own logic against me. “Fine, put me down for two.”
“Wonderful! I can’t wait to see you both!” She made kiss motions in the air. “Gotta go. More people to shim, engagements to plan. Don’t forget the cards. And the potato salad. Love ya!”
She disconnected. I’d been hosed by my family yet again.
I’m not sure how long I sat there bemoaning my fate when I felt strong hands on my shoulders. I jerked in surprise, then relaxed once they began massaging. My shoulders sagged and I leaned into the hands, my head lolling to the side because it felt so good.
“I could get used to this,” I said, pretty sure I had drool on my cheek. “If you ever leave the Consortium, you could do this professionally.”
“Sorry, but there’s only one person I want to touch like this and she keeps me very busy,” Alexei said, his fingers working on a knot in my right shoulder. “I heard part of the conversation. What does your family want?”
I stretched languidly under his hands. “Did you know I make the best potato salad in my family?”
He laughed. “No, I didn’t. You’ve never made it for me.”
“Probably because it annoys me every time I peel a potato. Apparently mine has something special no one else can replicate.”
“Now that sounds like something I’d very much like to try.”
“My family are professionals when it comes to taking advantage of a situation. You could probably learn something from them.” My back arched as he ran his hands down my spine. I could feel my body melting into warm, sticky goo as he touched me. “Then again, you already know enough without their help.”
He laughed again, but softer this time. “What does your family want?” he repeated.
“There’s a thing next weekend, on Saturday.”
“Venusol,” he corrected.
“Right, Venusol,” I said. I would have agreed to anything so long as he kept massaging. “It’s an engagement party for one of my cousins. I forgot about it, plus I was kind of hoping it would go away. I told Celeste we’d go, but you don’t have to. I know you’re busy.”
His hands stilled on my shoulders, their heat seeping into my body, and I felt myself tensing. Logically, I knew mixing Alexei and my family was a bad idea. It would be simpler if I went alone.
Yet if he didn’t go, I had this ridiculous feeling I wouldn’t get over it. I’d never asked him to do anything like this—never really let him see how much I needed him. I hated looking weak and needy. But Celeste was right. Meeting each other’s family was important. It was declaring ourselves a couple in front of everyone who mattered. It was also so completely normal, it freaked me out. Alexei wasn’t normal. He was so far beyond normal, he might not even be human. Knowing that fed my insecurities that said maybe we shouldn’t be together.
“Do you want me to go with you?” he asked, his hands still unmoving on my shoulders.
“Not if you’re busy. I know you don’t have a lot of spare time.”
“Next week will be demanding. It may not be easy to get away, but if you need me, I’ll be there.”
“Why? What’s happening?”
He hesitated and I had the feeling he was struggling to come up with the right words. “The Martian Princess is docking midweek. I’m meeting with several high-ranking Consortium members coming from Earth.”
What? That was news. “You didn’t tell me this before.”
“It isn’t anything you need to worry about.”
Which naturally made it seem like I did need to worry. My gut thought so too. “Is there trouble?”
“I invited them. Our base of operations here is weaker than on Earth. If I want to solidify the Consortium’s hold on Mars, I’ll need their expertise.”
“I thought you only needed Brody.”
“I need him to handle any One Gov concerns. For now, it’s still necessary to work within One Gov’s framework. He’s more skilled at manipulating the AI queenmind.”
“Aren’t you the best at everything?”
He laughed softly. “I am. I just wasn’t made to be a One Gov lackey.”
And because I couldn’t let it go, I asked, “Is this what you’ve been working toward all these months? You’re finally going to implement your big project—whatever it is.”
“Yes, that’s my hope.”
For some reason, a shiver of fear raced down my spine. “Whatever you’re working on, it’s not going to get you arrested, is it?”
There was a long moment of silence, then, “Not if it succeeds.”
I had no response to that. The sheer vagueness in his words told me more than enough.
His hands tightened on my shoulders, which in turn kicked my tension up another notch. “It’s nothing to concern you,” he murmured. “The groundwork has been laid for years. It isn’t going to fail, and I won’t be arrested. Everything will be fine.”
“But there’s no guarantee.”
“Nothing in life comes with guarantees.” The silence stretched, until he asked a second time, “Do you want me to go with you?”
“It sounds like you might have other things to deal with.”
“You know I’m yours, Felicia,” he murmured against my skin as he crouched behind me. “If you want me to go with you, just ask.”
“Why didn’t you tell me about the Consortium coming to Mars?”
“Because that’s irrelevant to what’s between us.” He swiveled my chair so I faced him. His kiss caught me off guard, slow and sweet, gently coaxing. “Ask me.”
My hands went to his shoulders, pushing him away. It felt like he was manipulating me with a kiss designed to distract me, and I didn’t like it. “Don’t try to kiss me into not worrying about what’s coming at us next.”
“There’s no need to worry because nothing’s coming at us. I want you to ask me to your family’s engagement party, so ask.”
“Fine. Will you come with me?”
“Yes.”
I should have been thrilled. I wasn’t.
He kissed me again, shifting my body closer to his. His tongue boldly stroked mine, the kiss growing more urgent as he showed me with his mouth what he wanted to do with my body. I could feel myself melting for him, but I was also upset. He was keeping secrets when he knew better. Or so I’d told Brody yesterday. What if I was wrong about that? I broke off the kiss.
“I still have a lot of unpacking to do,” I said, shoving the chair back so I could stand. “I’d better get to it if I want to finish tonight.”
“I thought you were done.” He knelt on the floor, looking up at me.
I turned to my cabinet, deliberately putting my back to him. “Not yet. Plus I’m going back to work tomorrow, so I need to get organized.”
I started piling decks of cards on top of one another, not sure how long I could stack them while he knelt there, watching me. I heard him sigh and get up. “I’ll leave you to it then.”
“Great.” I stacked more decks. “And thanks for agreeing to go to the engagement party. Sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”
I winced at the bitchiness in my tone. That, along with the suspicion, the anger, and if I was being honest, the fear. I wanted to get back at him, I realized. I wanted to get in a dig at him for not telling me about the Consortium and anything else he was keeping from me.
“The Consortium’s arrival doesn’t affect how we feel about each other or our future together,” he said finally.
“Of course it does. You’re moving forward with the Consortium’s plans for Mars and One Gov. It means things will change for the whole tri-system. I understand you wanting to protect me, but you can’t keep me separate from everything else in your life. When does protecting m
e become lying to me?”
“What do you think will happen with more Consortium on Mars? Do you think it will be a bloody red revolution with casualties in the billions? Or I’ll plunge us all into another Dark Times when One Gov topples?”
I whirled to face him in time to see his expression close down, his blue eyes narrowing. I felt fear rumble through me, cold and unsettling. Was that what I’d always secretly believed? Did I really think he would destroy everything? Or maybe that he would change things so radically, us being together would be even more improbable?
“No, of course not,” I said. “I’ve never thought that. You just shouldn’t keep things from me.”
“Because that’s what I do, isn’t it? Keep secrets and withhold the truth.”
“I didn’t say that. I just want you to be open with me. If we’re in this together, you have to see me as an equal and not someone you need to protect or cage or lie to.”
“Felicia, you know what I am and what I’ve done for the Consortium. I want to be what you need, but I’m not certain either of us knows what that is. If I gave you all the answers you were looking for, would they make you happy? Or would they destroy everything between us so there would be no way to put us back together?”
“Why would you say that? What else aren’t you telling me?”
He ran a hand over his face as if he was tired. “It’s nothing. I’m a fool and…I apologize. I should have told you about the Consortium arriving. Finish unpacking. Just don’t stay up too late. Good night and I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Alexei, what’s going on? Is there something happening with the off-world mines? Or maybe with Phobos and One Gov and the penal colony?”
“Are you looking for conspiracies everywhere now? Do you think there’s an ulterior motive in everything I do?”
Gods, was that how I seemed to him? Hysterical? Suspicious? Crazy? “No. I never…I wouldn’t…I’m sorry,” I said meekly, hanging my head. “I just don’t want you to shut me out.”
“I haven’t. I love you, and that is one thing that is never going to change. But until you stop comparing me to those who’ve betrayed you in the past, you’re setting us up to fail. I’m trying to do this right for you but…” He shook his head as if words were beyond him, then he left.
Instead of going after him, I sank into a chair. The worry and anxiety bubbling up inside me gelled into a crippling fear like nothing I’d ever experienced. Everything I believed I could count on suddenly felt in question and I didn’t know what to do. I should run my cards, but the thought of what they might say petrified me. Worse, my gut was pushing me in a direction I wasn’t even sure I wanted to go.
I always wanted the truth, which was why I’d been drawn to the Tarot with its ability to give answers. Except now I’d accused him of hiding things when I had secrets of my own. After all, I hadn’t told him about Vieira’s holo-adapter or the pseudo-date with Brody. Maybe Alexei was right. Maybe deep down, I’d always expected us to fail. I expected betrayal and disappointment, so I got it. Why did I do this to myself? What was the point of having a luck gene if it didn’t make things better?
I looked down at my stomach, as if I could physically see an answer explaining my determination to ruin things. If my gut had anything to say on the subject, it kept its opinions to itself. All I had were my fears, my unfounded suspicious, and a boyfriend I’d upset but didn’t know how to apologize to. I’d started this week off with a Euphoria crash that could have killed me. If I’d known that was going to be the high point of things, I would have found a way to skip everything else altogether.
Chapter Ten
The next sol found me back at my shop. I couldn’t claim to be rested, but Lotus looked tan so at least one of us had a good time.
She and Buckley were happy again, having worked through their latest round of issues. She also lamented Red Dust’s demise—the club was there one minute and gone the next, like it had never existed. I made noncommittal noises, deciding not to mention my role in Alexei’s decision to close it. She’d managed to reschedule all my appointments, meaning this week would be busy—even after canceling the dog readings. Seriously, still with the dogs! Sometimes I wondered if Lotus actually listened to me.
“Don’t forget about the reading party tomorrow evening,” she reminded me. “I transferred it to your schedule this morning.”
“Oh, shit! It’s tomorrow?”
“You told me to fit it in where you had room.”
I swore again. “I forgot to tell Alexei about it.” Great, another secret apparently.
“Why does he need to know? It’s your shop. You can do whatever you want.”
“I know, but things are complicated. We moved in together, there are Consortium issues cropping up, the bodyguard thing is started to get out of control, and—”
“You moved in with him?” Lotus looked dumbfounded. “When were you going to tell me this piece of news?”
I shrugged. “It happened on the weekend. We’re still adjusting.”
“Wow. Can’t say I saw that coming. He’s out of town so often, I assumed he had some action on the side.”
“Could you please make me feel more insecure than I already do?”
“Actually, I’m impressed. At this rate, he’ll be going to Celeste’s party and wanting to marry you by the end of the week. You told her you’re not going, right?”
I squirmed uncomfortably. “Well, she talked me into it then pressured me to bring Alexei so we’ll both be there.”
Lotus looked at me, jaw dropping. “Holy shit, do you have a magic vagina? How are you getting him to agree to all this? What kind of voodoo hold do you have over that guy? Nothing against you, cousin. But you’re you and he’s…Well, he’s Alexei Petriv. He could have anyone.”
It probably wasn’t a good thing her thoughts so closely mirrored my own, so I said, “Gods, Lotus, don’t make it seem like it’s so impossible he wants to be with me.”
“Know what? Let’s just be happy things are moving forward for you,” Lotus said, banging her hand on the desk as if that might somehow clear the air. Then she bent over her c-tex bracelet. “I’m looking at your schedule now. I can try rebooking the party with Novi Pazidor, but since I’ve moved your appointments from last week, I don’t know where to put it. You could always cancel. I don’t trust her anyway.”
“Keep it where it is. I’ll think of something.”
“You need a backup plan,” Lotus advised. “Just in case the Russian starts thinking protecting you also means trying to run your life and won’t let you go. I mean, it’s Driller Dive after all. It isn’t the safest part of town, even with the muscle he has following you around. He still might try to kibosh you. Men are always screwing women over.”
“Screwing me over? This sounds like something you’d normally say when there’s trouble with Buckley.”
“I just think it doesn’t hurt to have the upper hand in the relationship,” Lotus said with a regal sniff. “Buckley and I are perfect. In fact, we were talking about having a baby.”
I stopped everything and whirled on her. “What?”
“Yeah, we’re thinking we should both get our fertility inhibitors removed and finally do this. Take the next step. Become functioning adults.”
“But two weeks ago you hated him.”
Lotus waved it away. “That was then. Now it’s different. Besides we’ve been talking about it for a while and we’re ready.”
I slapped a smile on my face because what else could I do? “Just remember, it’s going to tie you to him for a long time. You may like him now, but he could be an asshole again next week.”
“Believe me, I know it. But I think we can do this,” she assured me. Then she gave me a speculative look. “You think you and the Russian might do it one day?”
I think my jaw dropped a little and I honestly had no good reply. Not one I wanted to get into with her at any rate. “I don’t think we’re ready for that.”
“Okay,
but just don’t waste your time with him if he can’t give you what you want,” Lotus advised, examining her nails.
I frowned. According to Alexei, I didn’t know what I wanted. “I’ll be sure to take that under advisement.”
“You could always use your cards to find a new guy if you don’t think he’s the one. True love is just a shuffle of the deck away. Isn’t that what you tell people?”
“I’ve never said anything so ridiculous in my life. The day I start spouting gimmicky clichés is the day I give up card reading,” I told her, outraged. “Besides, finding true love has nothing to do with shuffling the cards. They show what’s going to happen, not make it happen.”
“Better not say that too loud,” Lotus said, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper as she glanced at the door. “Looks like your next appointment is here. You might chase them off if you can’t guarantee results.”
I followed her gaze to see three teenage girls enter the shop. They all looked nervous, as if they’d made their appointment on a dare. Based on the cut of their clothes, the accessories they carried, and their matching bird-inspired cheek tattoos that rippled with a rainbow of colors, all came from money. I’d need to be “on” until my head ached—charming, sympathetic, bubbly—while I counseled them through a variety of adolescent woes. Not a bad way to spend a few hours, but not particularly satisfying either. It actually made me look forward to tomorrow night’s card reading party with Novi Pazidor.
“Looks like true love might only be a shuffle away after all,” Lotus continued in a stage whisper, before getting up to greet the girls.
I rolled my eyes and stifled a laugh. With these girls, she was probably right. I’d most likely be picking out new boyfriends for everyone. Well, at least they weren’t dogs, I consoled myself. Plus, they wouldn’t shit on the floor. Depending on how you looked at it, everything had a bright side.
I was in my reading room working on an assignment from my Russian language class when I heard soft male laughter and lots of giggling from the reception desk. For a while, I ignored it as I worked through the exercises then listened to the spoken language translation on my c-tex. For the millionth time, I wished I had t-mods to download the language all at once instead of doing things the hard way. Alexei was supportive when my pronunciation was off or I mixed up the word order, but that was the extent of his help. Asking him to tutor me had been a waste of time. To be fair, he’d tried. Unfortunately, he was more intrigued with getting me stretched out under him than he was in teaching me Russian. It was better if I did the work myself or saved my questions for the evening class I took twice a week. Since I’d missed both classes last week, I was trying to catch up by working through the assignments posted on the CN-net between appointments.
The Chaos of Luck Page 13