The Chaos of Luck

by Catherine Cerveny

  When the laughter became too much, I got up to close the door before realizing Buckley and Lotus usually fought more than laughed. Time to investigate. I hadn’t gone far when Lotus giggled again, followed by male laughter I recognized. I froze in the doorway, caught by a wave of déjà vu so potent, it staggered me.

  It was like I was back on Earth, watching Natty giggle at her desk over something Brody had said—because of course it was Brody. She would touch his arm or his chest, he would grin and say something funny, and the laughter would start again.

  Taking the scenario further, after he’d finished flirting with Natty, Brody would turn his attention to me, I’d close up the shop, and we’d go back to his place. Since I worked nights, I would often sleep there in the morning, he would leave work early, and we’d spend the afternoon together. Or some days, he didn’t go to work at all. On those days, I didn’t get any sleep, despite an entire day spent in bed. Brody had always worked to accommodate my unusual schedule, fitting in to wherever I could make space for him in my life, even if it was just a lull between appointments in the middle of the night. My stomach gave a lurch and I just stood there, dismayed at the direction of my thoughts.

  Just seeing him bent over Lotus like that…I didn’t know what it was. The déjà vu, the lurch in my stomach, the way my gut had been reacting for weeks now—I suddenly remembered all those long-forgotten Brody-centered feelings. They were as familiar and uncomplicated as the sun in the sky. I didn’t have to think, worry about where I stood with him, or negotiate every aspect of our relationship.

  He wore a dark gray suit with a green shirt that brought out the green in his eyes. The cut was perfect, emphasizing his shoulders and lean figure. He wasn’t as big as Alexei, but there was still some bulk underneath that suit.

  He really was attractive. I’d forgotten that. I’d forgotten how tall he was too. Again, not as tall as Alexei, but still a height that made me tip my head back to look up at him. And his hands…They had done things to me that had to be illegal somewhere in the tri-system. And he’d always been amusing and fun—the perfect boyfriend I hadn’t even realized I’d had.

  Brody looked up and caught me standing in the doorway. His grin faded, and became something more private—a look just for me. I knew he could tell exactly what I was thinking because he was thinking it too.

  Lotus spotted me. “This guy claims you know him. He wanted to see you, but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have an appointment. Where do you find all these men anyway? ‘Hot Guys R Us’?”

  I had to put a lid on it and make this stop. I couldn’t be feeling like this. “Yes, I know him, and no, he doesn’t have an appointment. You booked me solid for the rest of the week, so tell him he’ll have to come back later.”

  “He tried to bribe me with strawberries. Amateur,” Lotus scoffed, shooting Brody a flirtatious glance. “You should try them, though. They’re amazing. Says he got them at the market, but I didn’t think they were in season this time of year.”

  She gestured to the small wicker basket on her desk, filled to the rim with the plump, red fruit. Then she bit into one, yelping in surprise when berry juice dribbled down her chin. She wiped at it hastily with a napkin before it could travel too far.

  I looked from the basket to Brody, saw him watching me. Again the déjà vu hit, walloping so hard, it was a wonder I didn’t crumble under the force of it. Strawberries? He’d brought me strawberries in Nairobi the first time he’d come to my shop. Then he asked me out. I’d said yes, and then…

  I did the supremely mature thing of striding back into my reading room and slamming the door. I felt like my heart would beat its way out of my chest and my gut was roiling until I thought I might be sick because everything was too intense and familiar and this should not be happening to me!

  There was a knock on the door, and before I could say anything, Brody was inside, an eyebrow arched in question. “Looks like someone might be jealous she isn’t getting any attention.”

  “I’m not jealous! Why are you even here, and don’t say you were in the neighborhood.” My voice came out shrill and I felt brittle and anxious. He needed to leave and I needed this feeling to go away. “Aren’t you supposed to be occupied with Consortium business?”

  “Would it make you feel better if I said I’m specifically here to see you?”

  Gods, no, it wouldn’t. He closed the door behind him and leaned against it, as if he thought I would bolt. Hell, maybe I would. It trapped us in the windowless room and suddenly the space I’d always thought intimate and cozy was too small. He was just too there, invading everything.

  “I said I’d be in touch once I contacted the Under-Secretary. I haven’t done that yet. Why are you here and why the hell are you bringing me strawberries?”

  “Felicia, calm down. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. No hidden agenda. No secret plans. Just old-fashioned concern.”

  I shook my head. “It’s not your job to be concerned.”

  He gave me a long, considering look. “Actually, I thought that was normal behavior between friends. They check up on each other. See how the other person is doing. Drop in to visit occasionally. Plus, I was curious about your shop. I wanted to see what it looked like.” He looked around the room, studying the space. “It’s nice. Charlie Zero would like it. Reminds me of your place in Nairobi.”

  “That was the goal,” I said, following his gaze around the room.

  “I can see I’m upsetting you,” he said eventually. “I guess having an ex suddenly drop back into your life would shock anyone. I can see now how this might seem stalkerlike, especially with the strawberries.”

  He looked so apologetic, it made me wonder if I was the one overreacting and not the other way round. “A little,” I agreed, softening my tone. “Maybe give me some warning before you stop by, or add a few sols been visits.”

  “I’ll remember that for next time.”

  Great. And now I had a potential “next time” lined up with him.

  “I still haven’t contacted Vieira yet,” I reminded him. “I’m not sure I’m ready to meet with him. Plus I’m busy.”

  “Yes, I see that. Lotus is filing her nails out front and you’re”—he looked at the paperwork on my card reading table—“doing your homework. If you’re nervous, you’re nervous. Believe me, I understand. I’d need to get myself into the right mind-set before I contacted him too. And I’d definitely find ways to procrastinate before I did it.”

  I made to scoop up my homework before I stopped myself. I didn’t have to explain anything to him. “If I say I’m not ready, I’m not ready. Besides, I can’t just shim one of the most powerful people in the tri-system and expect him to jump to my schedule.”

  “If he’s really here to see you, then that’s exactly what you do and he’ll make himself available,” Brody reasoned. “I know Alexei would. And if you needed me, I would too.”

  At his comment, my stomach did a swooping, excited lurch that wasn’t at all appropriate. It was only supposed to do that for Alexei.

  “When I walked in today, it felt like old times, didn’t it?”

  Oh shit, was I blushing? Did he know what my stomach was doing? I could feel something coiling tightly within me, begging to be released. Maybe it was even worse after last night’s confrontation with Alexei that left everything feeling at loose ends. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “Sure you do. It was like we were back in Nairobi, on Night Alley. I saw the look on your face. You felt it too. The pull’s still there.”

  “There’s no pull.”

  “Of course not. No pull at all.” He laughed softly, considering me. “Sorry if I made things awkward again. I just wanted to say how I felt.” He looked around the office as if casting about for something else to say. He spotted my books on the table. “You’re still into languages? Russian now?”

  “Yes,” I said cautiously. “It’s a bit trickier than I thought.”

  He glanced through the
pages. “Does Alexei help with your homework?”

  “Sometimes, but I won’t learn if someone hands it to me.”

  He paused on a page, frowning before pushing it aside. I looked at it, wondering what was up before noticing I’d made a mistake in verb tenses. Was that what Brody had caught—my page full of mistakes? Which made me pause. Did he speak Russian? If so, I hadn’t known that. Before I could ask, he sat down and stretched out his long legs.

  He grinned expansively. “I thought maybe you could try contacting the Under-Secretary while I’m here.”

  Oh, did he? “Ever think I might have a client coming in?”

  “I already checked with Lotus. She said you had free time now.”

  I wanted to get angry at his presumptuousness, but he was right. I did have free time, and since he was already there, it would certainly make things easier to do this now. Still, it should be my decision when I contacted Vieira, not his.

  “I assume you haven’t told Alexei yet?” he continued.

  “I thought we agreed that was a bad idea. Remember the whole ‘locking me in a cage’ thing?”

  “True, but if things go sideways, Alexei can bring the whole Consortium down on Vieira’s ass.”

  I frowned at that. “I don’t want to start something between them. I just want to hear what Vieira has to say.”

  “Hopefully, it’s that easy and he just wants to talk,” Brody said, though it didn’t sound like he believed it.

  I didn’t either. “I don’t want to make this about One Gov and the Consortium. Why does it even need to be like that?”

  “It doesn’t. Or it shouldn’t. You shouldn’t be in the middle of a conflict that’s been building behind the scenes for decades, if not longer. For that at least, I’m sorry.”

  “That’s not…” My voice trailed off. Fucking stupid luck gene. Was that why I was in this position? Because luck wanted me there? “I shouldn’t even be telling you this stuff. Gods, I don’t need a war for the fate of the tri-system on top of everything else.”

  “Fate of the tri-system? That’s a bit much, even for you. You know I only want the best for you, right? If Alexei is putting pressure on you because of Vieira and making you miserable—”

  “I never said that.”

  “Alright then,” he said, continuing the ruse we were having a perfectly normal conversation. “If that isn’t the problem, then something else must be causing you grief.”

  “You mean besides you suddenly showing up out of nowhere?”

  “Yes, besides me. Maybe your business isn’t going well—I don’t remember you ever having enough free time to do homework between appointments. And I know you loved working nights rather than being tied to a day job. If I recall, you once called me a mindless drone tied to the corporate clock of capitalism, dancing to the fake idealism of One Gov’s promise to the tri-system of equality for all.”

  I laughed because I couldn’t help myself. “I never said anything like that, and if I did, I was probably drunk.”

  “Well, I may have been paraphrasing. My point is—then and now, I just wanted you to be happy and I don’t think you are.”

  We both fell silent, looking at each other. My cheeks felt unaccountably flushed so I gathered all the papers on my reading table—anything to keep myself from thinking about whatever he wanted to imply. Brody merely watched my pointless busywork, and the silence felt weighted with expectation.

  Finally I’d cleared the table and because I couldn’t think of anything else to do and he didn’t seem inclined to go anywhere, I pulled out the holo-adapter I’d kept hidden from Alexei for the past two sols. Brody arched an eyebrow, knowing he’d cracked me.

  I sniffed regally, refusing to acknowledge his grin. “If we’re going to do this, we need to hurry. I’ve got an appointment in about half an hour.”

  “Maybe you should reschedule.”

  “I can’t afford to. Any regular clients I have are going to dump me.”

  “So I was right about the business part not going well.”

  “No, it’s fine, but…” I sighed, shrugging. What was the point of trying to hide anything when he could read me so easily? Had he always been able to do that? “It’s not Nairobi. I don’t feel like I’m helping anyone. I miss Earth sometimes. Don’t get me wrong, I love being here, but it’s like I’m missing the one key ingredient that makes it all work the way I want. I know once I have it, everything will click. Unfortunately, I don’t know what that ingredient is.”

  “And does Alexei know you feel like this?”

  My eyes narrowed as I studied him. “Don’t try to analyze our relationship.”

  His grin widened. “Wouldn’t dream of it.” He nudged the holo-adapter with his finger. “Ready?”

  In response, I removed my c-tex and set it on the table. Then I snapped the adapter into one of its removable jewel ports. Immediately, a blue-toned holo-bubble appeared over the bracelet’s display, about the size of the bathroom mirror at home. Or rather, former home. Wow, this was really old-school tech—definitely before my time. There was a single item on the drop menu: the Connect prompt. Brody got up to stand behind me so he could look into the bubble the same way I could; it was unidirectional so anyone facing me couldn’t view it.

  My finger hesitated over the prompt. Even my gut fell silent. I looked over my shoulder at Brody. “I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I’m actually really glad you’re here.”

  He placed his hand on mine. His swamped mine and his skin felt warm compared to my icy chill. I fought not to shiver at the intimacy of the contact.

  “So am I.”

  Then I moved both our hands forward until my finger swiped Connect.

  Chapter Eleven

  The holo-shim launched immediately, the image undulating like ripples across a pond. I could hear the old-school autodial and we listened a good ten seconds before anything more happened. A series of connecting clicks followed, as if the shim were being rerouted and reconnected.

  “Maybe he’s bending his mistress over the desk and can’t get to it right now,” Brody suggested in a stage whisper. “Or maybe you caught him on the crapper.”

  I elbowed him lightly, connecting somewhere around his thigh. Uh-oh, not a place where I’d want to hit an unintended target. “Is that supposed to be funny?” Then, “Do you think he has a mistress?”

  “I know for a fact he has three.”

  I digested that bit of information. “But he’s married,” I protested, maybe too naïvely.

  “I doubt he lets that worry him.”

  “But that’s not fair to his wife. If I were in her shoes, I’d be gone so fast, you’d hear the sonic boom when I left.”

  “Plenty of women would look the other way in exchange for being connected to a powerful man.”

  “If you knew how many women I’ve seen cry at this table because their husbands or boyfriends cheated on them, you wouldn’t be so flippant. I know what it’s like and I never want to go through it again.”

  “Again?” he questioned, his tone sharp. “Was it Alexei?”

  I frowned, realizing I’d given something away I hadn’t intended. “No. Another ex, before Alexei.”

  “And he cheated on you? Where is he now?”

  “He’s dead actually.”

  Brody made a noise as if he agreed with Roy’s ultimate fate. Before I could pursue it, the clicks ended. I squeezed my hands together in my lap, trying to focus myself. I could feel Brody standing close, a brooding presence behind me. I wanted to suggest that maybe he get out of sight but the bubble went opaque, and abruptly, Under-Secretary Vieira was there. He wore a pleasant, inviting smile, making him look all the more handsome. Without the Euphoria in my system, I clearly saw the family resemblance between him and my mother. And I could see now, despite my nearly black hair and olive skin tones, I looked more like my mother’s side of the family than I realized. Whatever One Gov genetics modifications I’d gotten from Monique must have been potent if they could dil
ute the Sevigny gene pool.

  “Felicia, it’s so good to finally have this chance to talk. I realize now I made a mistake approaching you as I did and I want to apologize. I was eager to see you and took the first opportunity available. Mr. Petriv has made meeting you something of a challenge,” he said warmly. Then his eyes strayed over my shoulder. “Ah, I see you aren’t alone. Mr. Williams, it’s always a pleasure.”

  Brody and the Under-Secretary knew each other? What the hell? I felt Brody lay his hand between my shoulder blades, either instructing me not to acknowledge the comment or letting me know he would answer my questions later. I wasn’t sure which.

  “And you as well,” Brody answered.

  “Will Mr. Petriv be joining us?” Vieira asked, the smile never leaving his face.

  “No, it’s just us,” I said. “I wanted to talk to you myself first.”

  “Of course. This is a family matter, after all. Although will Mr. Williams be remaining?”

  “I…Yes, he will.” It was better to keep it simple rather than explain why I wanted Brody there. I wasn’t even sure I could.

  “I’ll send a flight-limo for you and we can meet—”

  “No flight-limo,” I interrupted. “Why can’t we just talk now, like this?”

  “I can’t guarantee the reliability or security of this connection. Also I had hoped we could meet in person.” To my surprise, the man looked disappointed at my suggestion. It was actually a point in his favor until he added: “There is also the concern regarding Consortium listening devices.”