Even If You Don't

by Kimberly Blake

  “Yeah, I just picked up food and I’m heading back there now. She’s doing fine but you should call her and check on her yourself. I’ll probably get in trouble for releasing patient information.”

  “You’re not a doctor, Macy. Thanks for the update, though. Don’t tell her I called.” I’m totally going to tell her he called. Is he dense?

  “Oh, before I let you go. I’m having everybody over on Saturday. I invited Shelley and David too. They’re bringing to kids so could you stop by the store and get some pool toys for the boys?”

  “Yeah, I’ll pick some up at Target.”

  “Be sure to tell Char about the BBQ. She might not feel like coming but just tell her in case she does.”

  I sigh in frustration. I don’t know why he can’t just tell her himself. This feels very childish to relay messages back and forth between them.

  “Sure, anything else you need Oh Great One?”

  “Cut that out. And no, I don’t need anything else. Thanks, Macy. You’re the best.”

  “So I’ve been told. I’ll see you Saturday.”

  The food smells so good. I barely make it in the house without ripping the bag open. I guess Char is just as excited about the food as I am because she’s already at the bar with the plates set ready for her food.

  Once we’re eating, I decide to bring up the BBQ.

  “So, I talked to Dan while I was on my way back.”

  “Mm, what did he say.” Her face is blank and her tone isn’t giving anything away. These two people are so frustrating.

  “He asked how you were.” She snorts at this.

  “Then he told me he’s having a bunch of people over on Saturday. He asked me to tell you about it.”

  “Pass.”

  “Oh, come on, Char. You can’t just skip it. Plus, guess who will be there?”

  “Who?” She asks with interest.

  “Mia! Don’t you want to squeeze those cheeks?” Char is almost as obsessed with Mia as I am. I say almost because she hasn’t tried to steal the child yet but other than that we’re on the same level. I don’t know what it is but once you’re in your late twenties small children just melt your heart and give you baby fever like instantly. At least that’s been my experience and Char’s. I guess it’s my biological clock ticking louder.

  I can tell Char’s resistance is waning and I know she’ll be there. We continue to stuff our faces as we talk.

  “Is Eric going to be there?” She looks over at me as she asks this.

  “Probably. I haven’t talked to him. I’m supposed to give him a week but I’m afraid if I see him on Saturday that I’ll mess it up. I’m going to want to talk to him and if I talk to him, I’m going to want to touch him, and well, you know where it goes from there.”

  “Maybe he doesn’t need a whole week. Maybe you should do some talking and some touching to speed up his little timetable.” She encourages.

  “You think so? I don’t want to be rejected by him again just because I couldn’t wait a few more days.”

  “Well, he shouldn’t have made you wait, to begin with. He’s an idiot. You can tell him I said so. Or better yet, maybe I’ll just tell him myself.” She looks like she’s about to get riled up. She’s a passionate person by nature.

  “Thanks for the support but that’s not necessary. I think I’ll just go to the party, say a polite hello, and avoid him for the rest of the day.”

  “Suit yourself.”

  Chapter 12

  I had a plan. It was a simple plan. You’d think I’d be able to follow it. But the part of the plan that requires me to stay away from Eric has pretty much flown out the window.

  I almost didn’t recognize him when I got to Dan’s house. Eric has a completely shaven face. He’s sporting a haircut that is styled rather than his perpetual bedhead look that I’ve grown accustomed to. Of course, the man still looks hot but he doesn’t look anything like himself.

  I’m a little lost for words so I can’t even perform the polite hello part of my plan. I really suck at follow through.

  I finally decide that I can’t just stand there staring at him and just as I’m about to say something my nephews run up to me and start giving me hugs.

  “Hey guys, I brought some pool toys for you to play with. You can go ahead and take them to your mom so she can help you open them.”

  They’re eager to get into the toys so they grab my bags and run off towards Shelley.

  Eric clears his throat. “They’re pretty excited to see you.”

  Apparently, I’m feeling bold because I respond by saying, “Are you excited to see me?”

  He smiles, “One hundred percent.”

  I give him a small smile and as I’m about to walk away from him because I really shouldn’t be this close to him, he grabs my arm.

  “Can we go for a walk later? You go ahead and say hello to everyone and when you’re ready I’d really like to talk to you about something.”

  I nod and then pull away from his grasp. His hand feels like a brand on my skin. I head towards Meg and Shelley and start talking to them. Char’s got Mia in her lap. The guys are all standing near the grill drinking their beer and talking about sports and the twins are playing in the pool.

  I look around the backyard at all these people that I love so much. I count my blessings because I know how lucky I am to have each and every person that is here in my life. That includes Eric. I decide that even if he doesn’t want to be with me it will be okay. It will hurt like hell but I’d rather have him in my life as a friend than not at all.

  I decide it’s time to have that talk with him. I’m honestly not sure how this will go. He’s given me no indication if he’s going to let me down gently or if he’s willing to make this work. I’m just glad I don’t have to wait until next week.

  He catches my eye as I leave the table and he meets me at the gate. We head through it towards the street for a nice walk in the quiet neighborhood.

  We walk in silence for a while. Once we’re at the cul-de-sac he stops and sits down on the curb and motions for me to do the same.

  I break the silence. “So what’s with the new look?”

  “Actually that’s part of everything I wanted to talk to you about. I know I said I needed a week but everything is pretty much done and I can’t wait any longer to be with you.”

  “You want to be with me?”

  “If you’ll still have me.”

  My heart is beating a million miles a minute. I want to say yes, of course, I want to say yes. But I do need an explanation.

  “Will you tell me what’s been going on?” I try to keep my voice even but it comes out a little shaky. I’m so damn nervous.

  He must have noticed because he takes my hand in his. His thumb starts caressing the back of my hand and I try not to grip his hand for dear life and never let go.

  “So, the new look is for a new job. I’ve been trying for the past few months to land this position. You’re looking at the Social Media Manager for the Kessler Group. I’m sure you’ve heard of them. John Kessler is pretty famous for being a mogul. He’s got a lot of business ventures that fall under the Kessler Group. While most things from that show were negative, I did learn a lot over the last few years about how to market using social media. That, plus my business degree were both instrumental in getting this job. I had the final interviews this week. I had to get this job. I had to make you proud before I could commit to you.”

  I’m so stunned by his confession. I never thought he had much ambition but apparently, he does and doesn’t that just make him all the more attractive? But I’m also very irritated that he didn’t think he could commit to me without this job. I don’t care if he promotes stupid shit on his social media accounts for the rest of his life. I just wanted to be part of his life.

  I can’t even look at him so I turn away and watch the birds eating from the bird feeder at the house beside us.

  His voice is soft and a little unsteady, “Is it not good enough?”r />
  He sounds so unsure of himself and for what reason, I don’t know.

  “What are you talking about, Eric? Of course, it’s good enough. I don’t care what you do. I just want you. Can’t you see that? All I’ve wanted this whole time is you. I don’t care what you do for a living. I’ve got a job and I can support myself so it really has no influence over my life whether you work at Burger King or Kessler Group. It makes no difference to me.”

  He looks at me and gives me a small smile. “But you hate Burger King.”

  I laugh because he’s totally right. I do hate it. “Okay so maybe not Burger King but I could get on board with Chik-Fil-A.”

  We’re silent for a minute until I start speaking again. “Why did you think you needed to have this job for me to want you?”

  “Because you said so.”

  “What?! No, I didn’t. What are you even talking about?” I never expected that to be his answer.

  “Yes, you did, when you called me that night you were drunk to yell at me. You made it very clear that you didn’t think I had a real job and then you proceeded to tell me all the reasons I should become a contributing member of society. I had already been trying to get an interview for this position with the Kessler Group so I mentioned it. You told me if I got this job then maybe someone would actually want to date a douche like me. So here I am. I’ve got the job and I’m hoping that you want to date a douche like me. Well not like me, but specifically me.”

  I’m embarrassed all over again for my outburst that night.

  “But I already wanted to be with you. I told you I wanted to be with you and you rejected me.”

  “Macy, I never rejected you. I just asked for a little more time. I just want to be good enough for you.”

  “You were always good enough for me. I would very much like to date a douche like you.”

  With that, he takes my face in his hands and smothers me with kisses. My response is nothing less than his.

  “I’ve missed you, Macy. You have no idea how much.”

  “Oh, I think I do.”

  He starts kissing my jaw and then he places a kiss behind my ear. After that, his mouth wanders to my neck and he starts making a trail of kisses towards my chest. I shake myself out of the lust filled daze I’m in and pull away.

  “We can’t do this here. We’re in a residential neighborhood for goodness sake.”

  He grunts but agrees with me. “You really shouldn’t have worn that shirt.” He says as he eyes my cleavage.

  They’re magic. I probably have my boobs to thank for our reconciliation.

  We start heading back towards Dan’s house and Eric reaches out and grabs my hand. I smile up at him and we start making plans for the rest of the day. The rest of the week. The rest of the year. In my mind, I go ahead and make the plans for the rest of our lives and I’m surprised when he starts voicing very similar thoughts aloud.

  Once we’re back at Dan’s house, I drop his hand but he just picks my hand back up again and leads me through the gate.

  When we walk into the back yard, everyone turns towards us since the gate closed loudly announcing our return.

  Dan smiles at me and gives Eric a pat on the back and then the conversation flows around us with no one mentioning the fact that Eric and I are holding hands. Everyone just acts like this is normal and happens all the time. I’m once again grateful for my friends and family.

  I look at Eric, who looks happier than I’ve ever seen him. I know that I’m part of the reason and I’m overcome with love for him.

  I reach up on my tippy toes and give him a kiss on the cheek.

  He turns to look at me. “What was that for?”

  “Because I love you.”

  He kisses my forehead. “I love you too, babe.”

  Epilogue

  6 months later…

  “So what is the blindfold for? And why is it bedazzled?”

  Eric laughs at my question. “The blindfold is so the surprise won’t be ruined. The bedazzling is because I left the blindfold in a room with Char and a hot glue gun. That’s never a good idea.”

  “She does have an obsession with that thing. So what’s this surprise you speak of?”

  “Ah, you see, that I can’t tell you because then it wouldn’t be a surprise. You’ve got to be the most impatient person I know. Put the blindfold on and then we’ll head to your surprise.”

  We were sitting in his truck when he gave me a present and inside was this bedazzled blindfold. We’re still sitting in his truck but now I’m anxious about wearing this blindfold and not knowing where we’re going. I guess I’ll just pay attention to what turns he makes and try to figure it out that way. I put the blindfold on and he cranks up the truck.

  He then grabs my hand like he always does and he backs out of my apartment complex. I’m trying to concentrate on the turns he’s making but he keeps talking about food and what we’re going to eat for dinner and I get momentarily distracted and lose track of the turns. Damn him, I know he did that on purpose. Food is my weakness. Well, one of them, the other one is sitting right next to me.

  “Are we almost there?” I ask because I’m dying to know what this surprise is.

  “Yes, we’ll be there in just a minute. Now keep the blindfold on and let me come around to your door and lead you to your surprise.”

  Once he puts his truck in park and turns it off, he does just as he said he would and comes around to my door and takes my hand. I walk with him as he leads me.

  He presses something into my hand and then takes off my blindfold. I blink and then I see a bright yellow door in front of my face. I take everything in at once. I’m outside of his house. His front door has a fresh coat of yellow paint on it when it was previously stark white. And the object he placed in my hand is a key. If I’m not mistaken, this key goes to the happy yellow door in front of me.

  I turn to face him and I wait for him to explain. I’m hopeful that we’re taking another step forward in our relationship but I need him to say it first for it to be real. He knows me well, better than I know myself as it turns out. So, he basically reads my mind and explains.

  “I’d like for you to move in with me. I love you, Macy. I want to be with you all the time, even if you don’t.”

  Even if you don’t. It’s his favorite phrase to use on me because as he found out quickly, I always do. I always want what he wants and I always want him.

  I’m bursting with happiness and I can barely contain my emotions. We’ve been dating these past six months and it’s been hands down the best time of my life. Our friends joke that we act like an old married couple, and to be honest we kind of do. We know each other so well and we’re so solid in our relationship that you’d think we’d been together for years.

  “Of course I want to be with you all the time. I always do.” Then I tackle him but he’s so much bigger than I am that he barely stumbles and he holds on to me. “Now take me home, hot stuff.”

  He winks, “You’ve got it, babe.”

  Acknowledgements

  This isn’t the first book I’ve written but it’s the first one that I’ve had the guts to publish. First, I want to thank anyone who takes the time to read this book. I hope it made you laugh or smile even for a little while.

  To my Beta readers. I could not have done this without your valuable feedback and support.

  To my friends and family. I love you all. I would not have made it this far in life without you.

  To my mom. I’m forever thankful that you always pick up the phone when I call and listen to me babble on about everything that pops into my head. I’m more grateful than you know.

  To my brother. You’ll probably never read this but I couldn’t thank everyone without specifying you. You’re easily the best guy I know and I’m so lucky that you’re my brother.

  To Kate. You’re the best kid in the world. You’re the bright spot in my life and everything I do is for you.

  r />   Kimberly Blake, Even If You Don't