by Riley Knight
He would be lying if he tried to say that he hadn’t immediately thought of Justin, but then, why would Justin want to do that for him? With casual girlfriend after casual girlfriend, Justin didn’t exactly seem like the kind of guy who would get married, even for pretend.
All of this went through his head as he looked down into Justin’s intense gray eyes. Those eyes that really didn’t seem to be joking, no matter how impossible that seemed.
Justin had really just asked him to marry him.
“We’d have to live together,” Ran blurted out. He’d done his research. “It won’t be considered valid if we have two different addresses.”
Justin shrugged, seemingly unbothered by that.
“Yeah, well. We’ve lived together before, and it went fine,” Justin pointed out. “We make good roommates. So, what do you say? Your floor is really hard, and I think my knees are going numb. Will you marry me?”
Ran laughed. He couldn’t even help it. Trust Justin to work something like that in while he was doing something as romantic as proposing.
Justin was still waiting, though, and Ran had to come to the conclusion that he really didn’t have much of a choice. It was either marriage to someone that he actually cared about, someone that he got along with great, or possible deportation.
The fact that his rare thoughts into marriage had all been assuming that he would marry someone that he was really in love with, if it ever happened, was irrelevant. At his age, he already knew that things didn’t always go the way that he expected them to, and he should be grateful that Justin was even willing to go so far.
“Look, you’re kind of freaking me out,” Justin said, and Ran realized that he had been really, really quiet for at least a good minute or so. Meanwhile, poor Justin was kneeling on the floor, waiting for his answer. Not polite on Ran’s part, and he knew it. “Just say no so I can get up and we can get started pretending that this never happened.”
So Ran nodded. It was the only thing he could do, the best thing, even if he felt bad for needing to use Justin this way.
“Okay. I’ll marry you.” He frowned a little. “But only until all the paperwork goes through.” He wanted to make it clear that he wasn’t asking for more than a marriage in name only. That he wouldn’t ask Justin to give up his freedom on a permanent or even on a long-term basis.
Justin gave a sigh that was clearly one of relief and got up off his knees. Ran tried, and mostly succeeded, to not have his feelings hurt. Sure, Justin was already looking forward to the end of their marriage, and they weren’t even married yet, but what did he expect?
He was just lucky that the man was a good enough friend to do this for him in the first place.
So just like that, they were engaged, which was an incredible head trip. Engaged to his best friend.
To his surprise, he found that the whole thing could be much worse. Somehow, as awkward as he would have assumed things to be, it wasn’t. It was sort of just business as usual.
Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad, after all.
* * *
It wasn’t until the next day that Ran remembered that he was supposed to call the school principal back to update her about the situation. Though he hated to do it, though he knew that there was a really good chance that he was giving up his dream job, he knew, too, there was no point in putting it off.
“Oh, Ran! I was hoping I’d hear from you today,” the woman said when his call was patched through to her office. “Did you get everything sorted out?”
Ran closed his eyes. Here it went. Here was the part where he gave it all up.
“Unfortunately I did not. Or rather, I did, but not in a good way. The situation is a bit complicated.” To say the very least.
He waited for her to say that she was sorry to hear that. For her to tell him that obviously, they couldn’t give him the job and that they’d be choosing another candidate.
Instead, there was a long pause before she spoke.
“Are you going to be legally allowed to work in the United States soon, do you think? Is this something that can be cleared up quickly?”
Ran could hardly believe his ears. It wasn’t a question he’d expected to hear. Of course, there was no chance of him breaking this off, not if she didn’t want to.
“Yes. I’m in the process of fixing it,” Ran said, and it was nothing but the truth. He held his breath, barely daring to hope.
“Do you think you could come into my office and explain it to me?”
That didn’t sound like the sort of thing that would be said if she’d already decided not to hire him. In fact, it almost seemed, well, like he might just have some cause to hope, as unlikely as he’d thought that would be when he’d called.
“I can come anytime,” he said, and less than an hour later, he was sitting in the principal’s office, fighting off the feeling that he was somehow in trouble.
It was funny how that worked. He’d never been sent to the principal’s office in his life, and yet, somehow, he’d internalized it as a place where people were disciplined. Even walking through the hallways of the school, which were still and quiet as most of the students were in their classes, he felt like he had somehow messed up and was going to be punished.
Of course, part of that could be the fact that he really didn’t have any idea what to expect. Actually, that was probably most, if not all, of it.
Sitting down, he looked at the woman across the desk from him. She looked like a human being. Older, with gray hair and a comfortably padded body, and a friendly enough smile, she was no ogre.
“Thank you for meeting with me,” Ran said, giving her a smile. “I appreciate it, given the circumstances.”
The woman nodded and looked at him across her desk. She folded her hands and leaned toward him a little, friendly and approachable and just a little bit terrifying.
“I’ll be honest with you, Ran. We want you. You would be a perfect fit with the school, and as long as your criminal record check doesn’t turn up anything alarming, I would definitely be offering you the job.”
Ran nodded, smiling a little. That was the sense he’d gotten, but it was nice to have confirmation on that.
“But I hope you understand,” the woman continued, “That we can’t hire someone who isn’t legally allowed to work in the States. If anyone ever found out, it would be a nightmare.”
Ran took a deep breath. Was this whole meeting just to let him down easy? If so, he would have preferred to just be told over the phone. At least then he wouldn’t have had to spend the money on gas to get here.
“I understand,” Ran said, his voice very calm and even. He could understand where she was coming from, even. If a single parent found out that they’d hired him, it could be a disaster for the school.
“Which is why I asked if you will be available to work soon.” The woman continued, her voice just as calm as his. “If you think this will be cleared up within the year, I would strongly advocate for the position to be held for you.”
Ran stared. Of everything that he could have expected, of all the many options that had gone through his mind, this one had never occurred to him. It seemed too good to be true.
“So the question is, do you think you can be ready to start within a year? If so, and if the board agrees, then we would fill the position with substitute teachers until such a time as you can prove your eligibility to work.”
Ran nodded. He didn’t hesitate for even a second. Of course, he would make it happen. He was shocked that they even wanted him, fresh out of school as he was. He hadn’t even had to be a sub first like most people did.
The thing was, this was all a dream come true. An opportunity that wouldn’t come again, most likely, ever in his lifetime. He had worked hard to get here, and he would work even harder to make sure this happened.
“Good. Please keep in touch, Ran. I’ll do the same.” She offered her hand, and Ran shook it. This was an amazing chance he was getting, and it was thanks to her. He was duly
grateful. Even if he didn’t end up getting the job, he would remember this.
* * *
The intention was to just go home after that, but Ran found he was too anxious about the meeting he’d just had. Yes, it was exciting that they were holding the job for him, but it also meant that he really did have no choice. He was going to need to get married, and soon, or he would have no chance at all.
This time, it was time for him to head to his best friend’s house unannounced.
The area of town that Justin lived in really wasn’t the best. In fact, when Ran was going to ring the buzzer to get let in, he saw that it was out of order. Again.
No big deal, apparently, since the front door of the building was just as broken, gaping open so that it was simple for Ran to just yank it open and walk right in. It was a pretty major security problem, but then, the people who lived here didn’t tend to have a lot of valuables to steal.
Up the stairs, which were small and cramped and smelled of mildew, Ran went. God, it occurred to him, he was going to have to move in with Justin. Well, he sure the hell wasn’t moving here. His own little basement suite was dingy enough, but this would be a definite step down.
Carefully, he walked past a smashed beer bottle and a pile of cigarette butts and down the hallway toward Justin’s apartment. He couldn’t wait to be in his friend’s apartment. It was small, but Justin kept it clean, and it didn’t, at least, smell of booze and sweat and stale cigarette smoke.
He knocked on the door, and when Justin answered, Ran couldn’t help but smile. His friend was holding his guitar. In all their years of being friends, Ran had only very rarely gotten to listen to the other man play. It was something Justin did when he was alone, mostly.
There had been a few times when they’d been living together in college because there hadn’t been any other choice. But that was it. And that was far more than other people got, which felt pretty good, actually.
“Hey, don’t stop on my account,” Ran said, gesturing to the guitar. Justin, who had opened the door looking wary, gave him a little bit of a smirk as he visibly relaxed. It would make sense, in this neighborhood, for him to be cautious when answering the door, but he stepped aside to let Ran into the oasis of his apartment.
“Nah, you don’t wanna hear,” Justin said, shaking his head. “It’s no good. I was just messing around.”
Ran shook his head. No matter how often he told Justin how much he’d like to hear his music, it seemed like the other man was just not capable of believing it. He constantly put himself down.
“I would like to hear,” Ran corrected, as he pressed his body past Justin’s to get into the house. He couldn’t bear the smell out in the hall for one more minute, and he didn’t exactly feel safe out there, either. “Please?”
He wasn’t just asking to be nice, either. The little bits that he’d heard had been amazing, and honestly, he could use a bit of distraction from the strange turns that his life had taken lately. And the even stranger ones that he knew were going to have to happen in the very near future.
Justin gave a little smile, and it was absolutely adorable. Usually, Justin was more brooding and intense than adorable, but just for a second, he pulled it off.
“Yeah?” he asked, and Ran nodded firmly.
“Definitely.”
“Okay. Uh, have a seat,” Justin said and Ran settled down on the couch. Funny how he was so excited about this, but it seemed like it was a sign that they were getting closer. Like Justin, whom he knew didn’t really trust anyone, actually trusted him.
Besides, it delayed if only for a few minutes, the inevitable moment where Ran had to start talking about their wedding again.
In an ideal world, they wouldn’t have to do this. But even if they did, they could wait until they were both completely ready for it. Suddenly, though, there was this huge time crunch.
And then, when Justin started to play, all of the worries that Ran had been entertaining, all of the fear, it just went away. Like it had never been there. He settled back and watched and listened as Justin sang and played his guitar, and he actually felt tears prickling at his eyes.
The song was about longing, and loss, and an inability to know for sure if feelings that he was having were going to get him screwed over again. Justin’s voice was beautiful, but more than that, the way he threw himself into his music, the way he moved and seemed to be almost merging with the guitar, that was the most gorgeous thing that Ran had ever seen.
When it was over, Ran impatiently wiped the wetness from the corners of his eyes. Ridiculous to cry over a song, only it didn’t feel like just a song. It felt like something that was a part of Justin.
“I know, it sucked,” Justin predictably said, and Ran shook his head. He wasn’t letting Justin get away with this, not this time. Not when Ran had actually heard the amazing things that he’d just done. No way in hell.
“It didn’t suck. It was just … it was amazing, Justin. You’re so good.” He tried to force a laugh. “Why didn’t you tell me that you were so good, you asshole? I can’t believe I’ve never heard that before.”
Justin smiled again, and Ran realized at that moment that his friend felt far more deeply than he’d ever imagined. It was just that he only really seemed to let it out when he was involved with his music.
“Yeah?” he asked, and then he came to the couch, still cradling his guitar as he settled down beside Ran.
“Yeah,” Ran said firmly, listening, enraptured, as Justin started to idly pick out another tune on his guitar. It was like he couldn’t help himself. He had the instrument in his hand, so he played it. “Do you have more songs than that?”
“Tons of them,” Justin said, and then he frowned and put the guitar away. “But you didn’t come here to hear me play, right? So what’s going on, man?”
Funny how the man could always see right through him. So much more easily than Ran could tell what Justin was thinking, Justin could seem to see everything about him. He’d probably known that he was a little upset from the moment that he’d opened the door and seen Ran standing there.
“It’s about my new job …” Ran said, and once those words were out, it was simple enough to just tell the whole story. He laid it all out for his best friend, and it was a relief to do so.
Whatever else happened, at least he wasn’t alone with this. At least there was one other person who knew what was going on, and had the whole time, every step of the way.
“Okay. So then you have a year. How long does it take to get your citizenship after you get married?”
Ran sighed.
“Eight months to one year,” he admitted. It was tight. He knew that they could only hold the job for so long for him, but it was going to be a close thing.
Justin nodded.
“Then I’d say we need to get married as soon as possible.”
Ran had been so worried. He’d been scared to talk to Justin about this, but he should have known better. Justin was very practical, even if Ran had just seen a deeply romantic and emotional side of him.
A side that Ran wasn’t sure he would ever forget.
“Do you want to bring anyone?” Justin asked, and his brow was furrowed as it always was when he was thinking.
Ran shrugged.
“My parents, if they’ll come.” He was pretty sure they would, but this was all very last minute and they’d never entirely known what to do with Justin. It wasn’t that they’d ever disliked him, but he could be a lot to take. “What about you?”
Justin shrugged.
“There’s this girl at work that’s pretty cool,” he said casually. “She might want to come.”
The correct thing for Ran to do, and he knew it, was to nod and be glad that Justin had a friend. He knew that the man didn’t make friends easily, so it was a good thing.
He wasn’t prepared for the wash of jealousy that went through him. A girl? Who was pretty cool? What did she mean to Justin?
So completely none of his bus
iness, and he knew it. So he did his best to push the distracting feelings away and just accept that.
“Okay. So let’s talk details.”
It would be quickest and easiest to get married at city hall, but neither of them wanted that. A Justice of the Peace was fine, they agreed, to perform the ceremony, but it shouldn’t be inside. Not during these gorgeous, late summer days.
“A beach,” Justin said suddenly, and Ran brightened and nodded. A beach. They had so many beautiful ones in Oregon, after all, some of them very close to Portland.
“A beach,” he agreed, and it was settled.
Now all he had to do was call his parents and let them know he was getting married.
Chapter Four
Justin
A very short time later, just a few days, Justin stood on the beach with the sound of the seagulls around him and the smell of salt and seaweed in the air, dressed in, of all things, a suit, holding Ran’s hand as the bright sun shone down on him as though in benediction of what they were doing.
Ran’s parents had been amazing. They’d bought Ran and Justin both new suits, though Justin had no idea when or where he would ever wear his again. They’d paid for the license, and they’d even rounded up people, using the magic of Facebook, who knew them to attend the wedding.
The only way it could be any more perfect or romantic was if it were real.
In front of a small group of people, less than twenty, Justin assured Ran that he would be with him forever, even as he knew it wasn’t true.
Maybe the correct thing to do would have been to laugh, but somehow, none of this seemed funny. Maybe not to Ran, either, who looked determined and very beautiful but not at all like he was joking.
Ran made the same promises to him, and then it was time. The Justice of the Peace, a beaming, sweet, happy old man, that Justin knew they were lucky to get on short notice told them that they were married and that they could kiss each other.
Shit.
How had Justin forgotten about this part of the marriage ceremony? He looked at Ran, expecting to see panic there, but he didn’t. Instead, his best friend just did what Justin wasn’t sure he was allowed to do, he leaned in and his lips, for the very first (and last, he was sure) time were pressed against Justin’s.