To Have and to Hold

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To Have and to Hold Page 8

by Riley Knight


  No one had ever meant quite this much to Justin before.

  There were no problems picking up their car, and before he knew it, they were driving down the gorgeous coast of the main island of Hawaii.

  * * *

  The drive itself was short. It only took about twenty minutes or so, once they got the car, to drive down to the little seaside town of Kailua-Kona.

  It was hard to believe that this island was even on the same planet as Portland, much less the same country. It was utterly gorgeous, and Justin found himself glued to the window, peering out it, having no idea what the bright birds and flowers and animals all around were, but not really caring.

  On the way, they chatted, and it was almost like old times. Ran talked about his job, which he clearly loved, and Justin let him. It felt good. It felt almost like when they’d just been friends, and hadn’t had to negotiate the strange terrain of their marriage yet.

  The camaraderie lasted right up until they pulled into the driveway for the little cabin that had been rented for them for the week. It was very quaint, with wooden walls, huge windows, and a garden unlike any that Justin had ever seen before.

  The only thing was, it looked tiny. Way too small for two people, unless they were living very close together and didn’t mind the intimacy. Which was, Justin supposed, the ideal situation for newlyweds, but Ran’s parents knew that they weren’t actually newlyweds. That it was all an act.

  Maybe it looked bigger on the inside?

  But that, sadly, was not the case. On the inside, it was just as charming, with the interior all made out of a bright wood that had gorgeous golden highlights. The windows were wide and all over the place, letting in the sun, and the smell of the sea, which was only a short walk away.

  But it was tiny.

  “How did they fit two beds in here?” Ran asked, and he walked around, opening doors until he found the bedroom.

  Justin thought that was a fair question, and he followed him through the house. There just wasn’t enough of it. He and Ran would be living practically in each other’s laps, and while that sounded like it could be pretty fun, actually, he knew it was a bad idea.

  Ran stopped suddenly, and Justin bumped into him from behind. Which was a far too appealing experience, to the point where it made him more than a little cranky that he couldn’t take advantage of it.

  “What the hell, man?” he asked, more sharply than he knew was warranted. But soon enough, he didn’t need to ask. He could see very clearly just why Ran had stopped, and all of his irritation fled.

  All of a sudden, this vacation felt like it was going to be a lot more interesting, and not necessarily in a good way. Or in a way that was too good, either way.

  It wasn’t enough that they were going to have to be so close to each other throughout the day. It wasn’t enough that Justin was going to have to control himself, to hold back on all of the incredibly dirty things that he wanted to do to his best friend, during their waking hours.

  No. He was going to have to exert the same kind of control during the night, too, while he was pressed close against Ran. While he was asleep. During the inevitable erotic dreams that he seemed to have about his best friend.

  There was only one bed.

  Ran turned around, looking at Justin, and Justin could swear that he saw panic in those dark eyes. In those eyes, Justin saw Ran remembering how they’d kissed at the wedding, how they’d woken up together on the couch, how they’d kissed again once more on Ran’s bed.

  There were other moments, too. Moments, when Justin would be looking at Ran, and Ran, would look up and meet his eyes. Moments that neither of them had ever said anything about, but Justin was absolutely certain, when Ran looked at him like that, that the other man remembered.

  All of a sudden, as Justin looked at that one bed, sitting so innocently on the floor like it had every right to be one bed instead of two, Justin realized that this week was going to be impossible. How was he supposed to control himself every second of every day? And not just the day, but the night, as well?

  Silently, Ran moved into the room and put his bag down on the floor. Justin watched him and then did the same. What else could they do?

  One bed, two of them, and nothing else even close to appropriate as a sleeping surface. Not even a couch that was big enough, since the only couch was more of a loveseat, appropriate for two people who liked each other to sit together.

  The worst part about it, maybe, was how secretly and deeply Justin was glad about it.

  Chapter Nine

  Ran

  Hanging up the phone, Ran sighed and pushed his fingers into his dark hair, pushing it away from his face. It had been incredibly hard to get anyone on the phone since it was Sunday, and the person he’d spoken to hadn’t been all that happy about being called on their day off.

  Not only that, but it had been futile. Yes, the company who rented out this cabin had others. No, none of them were available. Ran’s parents had been lucky to get this one on such short notice and had only gotten it because of a cancellation.

  The person Ran had gotten on the phone was polite enough, but very firm. There was nothing that could be done. Ran believed that to be true, and he also believed that he and Justin would have no luck finding anywhere else, even if they could afford to, which they couldn’t.

  “Okay. Well thank you very much,” Ran said quietly. There was no point in screaming about it because it wouldn’t accomplish anything. It wasn’t like the poor woman he’d just hung up the phone with could magically fix anything.

  Justin was there, sitting on the bed. On their one bed, that was for both of them. Somehow, Ran was going to have to keep himself from touching him, from doing all the things that he wanted to do to him. He knew what was at stake.

  The worst part of it was, part of him was glad that they couldn’t be moved. It was a disaster, but he wanted Justin so badly that it seemed like maybe it was worth it.

  Of course, that part didn’t really understand or care about, the whole situation.

  “So no luck?” Justin didn’t really sound surprised, but he did sound resigned. He was leaning against the wall in the bedroom, about as far as he could physically get from Ran.

  Ran sighed but nodded his head. His fingers slid into his own dark hair, massaging the scalp.

  “They’re all booked up. I bet everything around here is.” He shrugged. “I guess we’re stuck here.”

  Justin shrugged, seemingly fairly stoic about that. Ran was grateful for that. With how he’d acted, he wouldn’t have been at all surprised if Justin had been afraid to sleep in the same bed as him.

  “Oh well. It’s just a place to crash, right?” He turned to look out the window, where the sun still shone brightly. “Look, the ocean is right there. Let’s go check that out.”

  Ran smiled. It was rare that Justin was the one with the more positive outlook, but in this case, he was absolutely right. It wasn’t even the middle of the afternoon yet, and there was a big, wide world out there to explore.

  He stood up, stripping his shirt over his head, and then turned to find his suit. Bending over, he rummaged through his bag until he found his swim trunks and then straightened up again.

  “Okay, I’m gonna change and then …” And then, Justin could use the bedroom to do the same. That’s what he intended to say. But he was surprised when he turned around to look at Justin and saw the look on his face.

  On any other man, Ran would assume that was a look of intense, possessive, urgent desire. Once or twice, Ran had been looked at and wanted, although usually, he was pretty oblivious to such things.

  But this was Justin.

  Standing there somewhat stupidly, holding his trunks, half naked, Ran was very aware that there were no external forces to interrupt them. No work to get to. No one to call. No dinner in the oven.

  What would happen if he went over there and kissed him? If they just saw where it went? Would Justin be angry? Would he go along with it?

&n
bsp; It was all wishful thinking. Straight men didn’t become interested in him just because he wanted them to.

  “I need to change,” Ran managed. God, if this were so difficult now, how was he going to deal with being in the same bed as this man?

  “Go ahead,” Justin said quietly. “I’m not stopping you.”

  But he didn’t move. He didn’t budge from where he stood, leaning against the wall. He was near the door but made no indication that he intended to use it.

  Ran felt a heat in his cheeks, and he turned deliberately away. This was just Justin being a brat, he was sure of it.

  As quickly as he could, he took off his pants and underwear and then tugged his bathing suit on. Was Justin watching? He could almost swear that he was, but then again, why would he?

  When he was done, he rushed past his best friend to sit on the tiny couch. Maybe he was acting like an idiot. Maybe the best way he could deal with this teasing was to tease him right back, to stay in the bedroom and watch Justin change.

  He just didn’t have it in him. If he saw Justin naked, he wasn’t sure he would be able to control himself. Even as it was, he was walking a fine line.

  * * *

  The beach was a ten-minute walk away, and once they were both ready, they wandered down. It wasn’t a private beach, they’d been told, but it was rarely used, so it was the next best thing.

  Indeed, when they got down there, there was no one else there. Just the sand, which was actually white. It sparkled like sugar, absolutely beautiful and very hot under Ran’s bare feet.

  When that heat was getting oppressive, though, he found that was no problem. Dropping his towel on the sand, he turned and grinned at Justin. It was easier, he found, when he wasn’t trapped in the same small space as him. Easier to be normal with him, easier to think of him as a friend and not a potential lover.

  “I’m going to beat you in,” he told him, and then he sprinted toward the turquoise waves.

  It wasn’t at all hyperbolic to call them that, either. The ocean was actually the brilliant blue-green of turquoise. Nothing at all like the dark green, stormy color of the ocean around Portland, though it was the same ocean. It was hard to believe sometimes.

  “The hell you are,” Justin shouted, and Ran grinned. His best friend was incredibly competitive, and he shot Justin a smirk over his shoulder as he ran.

  By the time they reached the water, they were both panting and gasping, and it felt amazing to dive into the waves. Ran had won, but just by a hair, and probably because he’d had a head start, but he was good with that.

  “Beat ya,” he said, grinning, very pleased with himself. And he continued to be until Justin suddenly slapped the water hard and splashed water all over Ran, including into his open mouth.

  He sputtered, spitting it out. Maybe the ocean looked different but it, as it turned out, tasted the same. Shaking his dark hair out of his eyes, he glared spiritedly at Justin.

  So he wanted to play that way, did he? Ran smirked, and nodded. He could do that.

  He attacked back, sending a great wave of water washing over the other man. Of course, Justin wasn’t going to take that lying down, and he splashed him again and again until Ran decided that there was only one way for him to end this.

  So he charged at the other man, taking him off guard, and tackled him down into the waves. As Justin fell backward, Ran fell with him, landing right on top of him, his arms still around his waist where he’d tackled him.

  Even at that moment, playing in the water, Ran couldn’t help but notice how damn good it felt to be this close to him. To be pressed right up against him.

  He let go after a short time, and they both came up sputtering.

  “I’m gonna get you for that,” Justin threatened, but he was grinning, and those gray eyes of his were sparkling, so Ran figured he couldn’t be too mad.

  “You started it,” Ran said childishly, then grinned back at him.

  Ran rolled onto his back, floating in the salty water, and noted that a few people had come onto the beach. A couple of girls, he thought, and then shrugged. They were just sitting in the shallows, chattering to each other, so he really had no objection to them being there.

  “It’s nice here,” Ran admitted. After the fiasco with the bed, it would have been tempting to just brood about it. To let it ruin the trip. That was sort of the way he generally worked, and he was glad that he hadn’t done that this time.

  “Yeah,” Justin agreed. He was treading water, with sparkling droplets of water on his cheeks and lips and clinging to his dark eyelashes.

  It was very possible, Ran thought, that Justin might just be the handsomest man in the world. And he was definitely the sexiest.

  And that was something that Ran didn’t need to think about.

  Slowly, Ran started to paddle his way in. He’d cooled off a bit, and he wanted to just lie on the towel, stretched out on the beach, for a little bit.

  It felt weird to even think about it, in a way.

  “I feel like I should be working,” he confided to his best friend. “Like I should be doing something, not just relaxing.”

  “Are you crazy?” Justin asked him, giving him a bit of a look. “We’re supposed to be on vacation. Just chill out for once, man.”

  It was good advice. It wasn’t like there was really work that he could do while he was here, anyway.

  “Aw, you two make the cutest couple!”

  It was one of the girls, of course, since they were the only four people on the beach. The one who had spoken was a redhead, with bright curls spilling over her freckled shoulders.

  The other was a blonde, and damn it, Ran knew about Justin’s thing for blonde girls. If he glanced over at his best friend, would he find that he was checking her out? He wasn’t entirely sure either way, but he didn’t look. He very, very carefully didn’t look.

  “Thanks,” Ran said quietly. No need to be rude. Even if Justin did hook up with this girl, it was none of his business. Besides, it was fairly premature to be thinking about that, considering that they’d only just spoken to each other for the first time and hadn’t even officially been introduced.

  But he didn’t correct the girl when she called them a couple, even if he probably should have. Maybe, though, he didn’t mind it if these two thought that Justin was taken. Which was horrible of him.

  “I’m Amber, and this is Stacy,” the redhead said, cheerful and pleasant in a way that Ran could only dream of being. “We’re in that cabin over there.”

  She pointed, and Ran nodded.

  “That’s the one right beside ours, I think,” Justin said, and Ran still didn’t turn to look at him. “I’m Justin.”

  Ran forced a smile. He was acting ridiculous, and he knew it.

  “I’m Ran.”

  The girls stepped out of the water, Amber tiny and pale and freckled, and Stacy tall and statuesque. Both of them were pretty. Even a gay man could see that.

  So what? Even if Justin did go after one or both of them, it wasn’t anything that Ran could, or should, control. So he just needed to let it go and maybe even be relieved if Justin did, so that Ran could get some time to himself.

  But he couldn’t quite convince himself of that.

  Hopefully, he didn’t seem like too much of an asshole, though. He did his best, chattering away with the girls as they spread their towels out close to him and Justin.

  “You’re from Portland? No way! We’re from Seattle,” Amber said. She was the one who seemed to talk the most, while Stacy just watched everything closely.

  Sort of like Justin.

  But that opened up a whole new avenue of conversation. Justin and Ran had, now and then, been up to Seattle, and the girls had been down to Portland, so there were a lot of notes to compare.

  Slowly, Ran started to relax. Justin was talkative enough with the girls, but he didn’t seem particularly flirty, so that was something. And the ladies were nice and fun to talk to.

  Soon, he was lost in the c
onversation, and he didn’t even realize how much time it had been until he saw the change in the light and realized that sunset was upon them.

  “It’s been great talking to you,” Ran said sincerely, and Amber grinned at him and nodded.

  “Yeah, it’s been fun! Hey, I have an idea! Stacy, what do you think about having them over for dinner tomorrow night?”

  Stacy was harder to read than Amber, but she shrugged.

  “Fine by me,” she said, and then they split off into their respective couples and Ran went back into the little house with Justin.

  * * *

  Since neither of them were exactly world travelers, they hadn’t realized that they’d need to bring their own food. Maybe they should have. It did make a certain amount of sense, but this was all new to the both of them.

  Luckily, some other kind travelers had left a few things in the fridge and cupboards. While Justin had a shower, Ran started to poke around, trying to figure out what he could make with what they had.

  There was some frozen white fish in the freezer, some rice, and a few fruits and veggies. Ran shrugged and went to work. Whatever he made with this, it was sure to be interesting, and they could pick up some groceries the next day.

  It was actually starting to smell pretty good by the time Justin came out of the shower. Ran handed things over to him, then went off to shower the salt and sand off of his own body.

  It was pretty tiring, actually, having fun. After that plane ride over, plus all of the playing in the water and then sitting around in the sun, Ran was exhausted in a very pleasant way. His muscles were sore, but not overly so.

  He was actually pretty happy.

  With that realization, he finished washing the soap off of his body and hopped out of the shower. Dinner was smelling incredible, and he glanced around, realizing that in his hurry to get clean, he’d forgotten to grab a towel.

  Grimacing in distaste at his damp swim trunks, he shook his head. The linen closet was right outside the bathroom. He’d seen it there. So he’d just do the logical thing, open the door for a split second, just long enough to get a towel.

 

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