by Riley Knight
So he wasn’t in a great mood when his phone rang. His world was going to change. It was coming, and there wasn’t anything he was able to do to stop it. He didn’t like it.
“What?” he snapped, and then instantly felt bad when he heard his mother’s voice come over the line.
“Ran, manners,” she said, and he smiled a little. It was funny how she could still do that to him. He was almost thirty years old, and his mother could still make him feel like a teenager just with her tone of voice.
“Sorry, Mom,” he said and meant it. She hadn’t done anything to him, and he really had no reason to talk to her like that. “What’s up?”
“It’s just been a while,” she said. “I thought I should see how things are going. How are you? How’s the quest for citizenship? How’s Justin?”
Oh, he did not want to do this. He did not want to recap his whole life right now, but that was part of being in a family, he supposed. His mother wanted to know, and how could he fault her for that?
“I got good news,” he said, starting off with the easiest one. “It should only take a little bit longer until I’m a citizen. They’re rushing my case because I’ve been in the country so long and because I have American parents.”
“That’s wonderful news,” she agreed and then sighed. “I’ve felt terrible this whole time. We messed everything up. I really thought that we’d filled out everything that needed to be filled out, but between the Japanese government and the US one, there was just so much.”
Ran laughed softly. He had honestly never really blamed her for it. Sure, it was inconvenient as hell, but she clearly hadn’t done it on purpose. Besides, she was his mother. The one who had taken care of him since he was a baby. She’d more than made up for it.
“Hey, you made up for it with that trip to Hawaii,” he said, his voice lighter than it had been in a while. Maybe this conversation was just what he needed, he mused to himself, as he flopped down on the couch and settled in.
“Yeah, about that.” Was his mother’s voice suddenly sly? He could swear that it was, and he frowned. She was up to something, and that meant it was time for him to be cautious. “How did the trip go?”
The question should have been innocent, and maybe it even was, but Ran didn’t think so, somehow. Something about her tone of voice told him that he should be careful.
“It was good.”
There. That was bland enough, surely? He raised his free hand to his cheeks and touched them. They were hot to the touch. He was blushing because he remembered Hawaii so well. He remembered everything that had happened, and how happy he and Justin had made each other.
“Oh yeah? No problems at all? Everything smooth sailing?” There was no doubt about it now. His mom was trying very hard not to snicker about something, and she wasn’t actually doing so well.
“No. I mean …” He shook his head. There had been the issue with the bed, of course. That issue had led to him and Justin sleeping together every night, which had substantially raised the tension between them.
“It’s okay, sweetheart,” the woman said. “I know. I did it on purpose.”
Ran blinked a little. Of all the things he would have expected, that was not even close to one of them.
“What?” he asked intelligently, and his mother laughed softly.
“I did it on purpose,” she said. “I knew that you were so lonely and that you loved Justin. So I got a place with one bed for you, so that you’d have to sleep together.”
“Mom!” Ran was scandalized. His own mother had tried to hook him up? With his best friend? This was not a normal course of affairs, he was sure of it.
“What?” she asked, but she was pleased with herself. That much was very clear. “I just figured, you know, you two were married anyway, and if you two weren’t meant to be with each other, then you would keep it platonic. But from the way you’re acting, I’m going to guess that’s not what happened.”
“Mom. Stop.”
“You deserve to be happy, you know, and if Justin makes you happy, I support you both,” she said, and Ran might appreciate the thought, but he couldn’t help but be embarrassed about talking about sex with his mother. Even if the talk was all pretty indirect.
“To be honest, mom, I’m not sure it’s all going to work out,” Ran said quietly. It hurt to say the words. He hadn’t yet, he’d only thought them, and that was bad enough. Saying them was at least a thousand percent worse.
“What? What do you mean? What’s going on?”
Ran had always gotten the sense that his mother didn’t know how to feel about Justin, but it seemed like she’d gotten over that. She actually sounded honestly panicked.
He hadn’t intended to talk to anyone about this. Not until he’d at least made a decision about what he was going to do. But he’d brought it up now, and it seemed like it wasn’t exactly fair to back off after that.
His mother was a good listener, and Ran had always been grateful for that. When he started talking, she let him finish, all the way to the end, before she spoke.
“Ran Moore, are you seriously jealous of a seven-year-old girl?”
Ugh. When she put it that way, it sounded so stupid. But there was more to it than that, and he tried to explain himself more.
“No! I mean, yes, but you don’t get it. He’s never around, and she’s not even with him yet. Besides, he … he would choose her over me. He already has.”
There was a sigh from the other end of the line.
“I wish that we’d had more kids. At least one. So that you could know what Justin is going through.”
Ran shook his head.
“You sound like you’re on his side,” he pointed out.
“And you sound like you’re about twenty years younger than you are,” she shot back. “You want to know something, Ran? You know I love your father. He’s my soul mate. But do you know what I would have done if he didn’t want to adopt you? I would have had to leave him.”
Ran didn’t say anything, utterly fascinated by her words, and she continued.
“I know it’s hard, sweetheart, and I know the situation is difficult. But once the welfare of a child comes into play, once you meet a child and fall in love with them, that is when it becomes so important. That child needs you, even more than your spouse does.”
Ran had never heard his mother speak like this before, and he listened carefully, and when she was done, he nodded.
“I think I get it.”
“Good. I hope you do. Go meet the girl. If this is something that you can do with Justin, that’s great. That would be ideal. But if it isn’t, then don’t ask him to pick you over a child who needs him. Whether he picks you or not, both of you are going to lose on that one.”
Ran groaned. The hell of it was that his mother was making sense. He was acting like a selfish asshole. Griping and moaning about how he wouldn’t have his husband all to himself while a little girl was in a bad situation.
“I’ll go see her,” he said quietly. He would go, he’d always been intending to, but it was more than that. He’d go with a new mindset, where he did his best to see how she could fit into his life rather than trying to figure out a way to exclude her.
Maybe he would find out that he just couldn’t do it, but at least he could try.
* * *
It seemed to take him forever to find a good gift for Lily. He didn’t know the kid, after all, and he had never spent a lot of time around girls that age, so he ended up sort of lost.
Why was everything in the girl’s section so damn pink? Did girls not like any other colors? Or was it just that they were told not to? It seemed like there was very little choice.
Eventually, he bought some Lego for her. It was all pink and purple, but it had little elf figures in it, which appealed to him. Plus she could build with it if she wanted. That seemed pretty cool.
Not very personal, though. Which he supposed made sense, since he didn’t know her at all, but still. It bothered him. He li
ked to put more thought into gifts than just buying whatever some other people liked.
The answer came to him when he was working one day. He was straightening up the children’s book section, which really wasn’t very big, and putting some more books on the shelves, when his gaze fell on a book he’d loved from his own childhood.
“Charlotte’s Web,” he said thoughtfully. He looked the book over, smiling a little. He’d read this one so many times and had loved it more each and every time.
He had no idea how appropriate it was for Lily. She was about the right age for it, especially if she were a particularly good reader, but would she be interested? Not every kid was as obsessed with books as he was. In fact, her brother Justin had never been into books.
In the end, he bought it. Maybe she wouldn’t read it. That wouldn’t be the end of the world he thought, and he could handle that. On the other hand, maybe she’d love it, and fall in love with other books because of it.
Standing on the front step to the house where she was currently living, though, Ran felt a little strange about it. Did most kids even like to get books? They hadn’t, most of them, when he’d been growing up, and he wasn’t sure that had changed at all.
Suddenly, he was very glad for the Lego.
Justin knocked, then actually opened the door. Ran stared. He’d had no idea that the man was that comfortable here, but then, he had been spending a lot of time here.
Apparently completely at ease, Justin strolled in, and Ran followed him somewhat more cautiously. But it didn’t seem like there was much to be cautious about. It was homey enough. It reminded him a little bit of his own house growing up, though there were much more kids around.
One of the kids caught his eye immediately. He knew who she was without needing to be told because she was the only one who looked like Justin. And she looked just like him. A prettier, female, and of course, younger version of him, but the eyes and the hair and the pale skin, it was all unmistakeable.
So was the look of joy on her face as she got up and went to Justin. She was a little shy that Ran was there, but she still hugged Justin tightly, and Ran could see that a genuine affection was between them.
It wasn’t just that Justin felt responsible for her. It wasn’t that he felt obligated to do this, not anymore. Maybe it had started that way, but it seemed like it had changed.
Justin wanted this. Not only that, but Lily did, too.
Somehow, he’d thought it was all about obligation. But that wasn’t the case, and that made him feel a lot more uncomfortable with his initial reaction.
Very quietly, he went to put his gift on a table that was piled high with presents. There were quite a few kids there, and Lily’s foster mother had clearly gone out of her way to make this a good party.
So why couldn’t Lily just stay here?
It was hard to get out of the habit of being selfish, he found, and he sighed softly as he turned around to look at the siblings. They looked happy together. It was like a part of Justin that no one, probably not even Justin himself, had known was missing had been returned.
Ran hadn’t known Lily before, but he would be willing to bet it was the same for her.
So Justin’s desire was not in question. But what about Ran’s? He hadn’t signed up for a kid. He had never given any serious thought to having a kid around. So could he make this sacrifice to be with Justin?
Ran’s first instinct was to recoil into himself and think about it a lot. Hopefully until the problem just went away and he didn’t have to think about it anymore. He was driven when it came to school and career, but obviously, this was a new situation for him.
But then he remembered what his mother had said, and he took a deep breath. He’d promised her that he’d go visit Lily and meet her. Maybe technically he could say that he had done so, but in spirit, he hadn’t tried very hard at all.
So, letting out that deep breath, he went over to where Justin and Lily stood chatting, ready to be introduced to her.
Chapter Eighteen
Justin
It was a few hours after they’d arrived, and most of the kids had gone home. A good number of them lived in the house, though, so it was still rowdy.
Rowdy enough that Justin could retreat to a corner without being noticed.
He wasn’t really big into parties. He was the sort of person who did much better one on one. The fact that this was a child’s birthday party didn’t actually change much about that.
Still, it had been surprisingly fun to hang out with Lily and to meet the kids she hung out with. He’d have to make sure that she got the numbers of the ones that she liked when she left so that they could stay in touch.
It hadn’t been an easy decision to make, to tell Ran that he was taking Lily on whether he approved or not. That he would move out on his own, if he had to. It wasn’t easy, but he’d done it because Lily needed him.
Ran didn’t seem to understand, and maybe he just couldn’t. Justin wasn’t sure that he could have before it had happened to him. Maybe Justin was going to lose the one person he could see himself having a future with.
That would suck a lot, but Justin felt that his duty to his sister was not something he could turn his back on, either. So he’d made the call he had, and he would stick to that, even if it meant losing Ran.
Someone was approaching him. Lily’s foster mother, who looked a little bit sad, but determined.
“It always hurts, letting them go,” she said quietly. “Each and every one of them. But I’m just glad Lily is going somewhere better than a lot of the kids do.”
Justin nodded at her when she came up, then turned back to watch Lily. She was sitting on the couch, playing idly with some of the toys she’d gotten, looking tired but happy.
As he watched, Ran walked up to her. From the way that his husband was moving, he was deeply cautious, and Justin was honestly surprised to see the man even trying. He had said that he would come, and he had, but that was all that Justin had expected.
Ran could be stubborn, in his own quiet way. It wouldn’t have surprised Justin if Ran had simply sat himself down in a corner and watched the whole time. In fact, that was exactly what the other man had done, at first.
Now Justin watched in surprised disbelief as Ran walked up to the girl and sat down on the couch beside her. They were too far away for Justin to hear what the little girl said, or what Ran replied with, but they both laughed, and Justin felt like a hand that had been clutched tightly around his heart loosened a little.
Then Lily held something up. A book. Justin recognized it as one of the presents that Ran had given Lily. He’d found it remarkable because no one else had given the girl a book.
Of course, Ran would, though.
The strange thing had been the look on Lily’s face when she saw it. How often had someone bothered to give her a book? She showed it to Ran then and said a short phrase that Justin could guess what it was quite easily.
Thank you.
“They’re getting along,” Justin’s companion said. “I’m glad. She’s a handful, that one, and she’ll need both of you.”
Justin sighed.
“He might not stay. He isn’t sure he wants a kid around,” Justin admitted, though he had no idea if she might report back to the social worker what he’d said. It wasn’t like he would lie to the man, anyway.
The woman gave a little shrug.
“He’ll stay,” she predicted, and Justin wasn’t sure he believed it, but it was good to hear it anyway.
* * *
“I’ll do it.”
Justin would remember those words for the rest of his life, as well as remember the tone of voice that Ran had used when he’d said them. Yes, he would move with Justin, and yes, he would go through the process to get Lily into their home.
The tone said it all, more than words could. Justin had been afraid that Ran would stay with him just because he was in love with him, but that he’d resent Lily. What sort of environment would that be
for the poor kid?
But Ran’s face and eyes said that he was doing it not for Justin, or rather, not just for Justin. He was doing it for Lily, too. It was the same as it had been for Justin. At first, it had been nothing but duty, but once he’d met the girl and fallen in love with her, he’d known that it had to happen.
Lily had worked her magic on Ran, too, it seemed.
Even the next day at work, Justin was still glowing. The work was as mundane and boring as ever, but he couldn’t stop smiling. He wasn’t going to have to choose between his husband and his little sister.
He’d spoken to the social worker that morning before work, and he’d told him that the home study would be starting within the week. They would be rushing through it, or Justin got that sense. The criminal record checks were already being done.
Which meant that Justin was going to have to talk to his boss about changing his schedule.
One of the good things about fast food jobs, Justin had heard, was that they were flexible. Well, for the first time, he was going to test that out. He was going to try to change his availability.
It made him nervous. His boss had still been watching his every move. Was this the excuse that the other man would need to fire him?
Well, if that happened, Justin would find a new job. He had the idea that it might be easier to get Lily, though, if he had a job. So he would ask, instead of just walking out.
For once, his boss wasn’t following him. He must be in his office, so, during a slow time, he turned off his grill and went to the back to knock on his manager’s door, heart pounding.
When bid to enter, Justin pushed the door open and walked inside. He was nervous, and he knew, when he was nervous, that he could tend to get a bit abrasive. If he had any chance of getting what he wanted, he would need to control that somehow.
“I have a favor to ask,” he admitted, and that was hard enough for him to say. He was used to doing things on his own, not asking for help, but Lily was more than worth it.
“Good. I’ve wanted to speak to you anyway, Mr. Silver,” the man said, and Justin tried not to glare at him. Was this it? Was this when the man finally fired him, as he’d been expecting for months now?