“No, he’d been sick for a long time. He’s been fading away. I went to see him before I left for Syria—I had a sense it would be the last time. This is better for him, but it’s strange for us. He had Alzheimer’s, and he had no quality of life anymore.”
“Don’t worry about the meeting. We have time. I think they just want to feel us out and see how serious we are.”
“Very,” she said in a firm voice, and he laughed. She was sad about her father but still able to focus on Blue’s case.
“So am I,” he assured her. “It’s the ultimate abuse of trust, of the worst kind. I hope Blue will make a full recovery from it, but he may not. It could impact him forever. He deserves serious compensation for that.” And Andrew intended to get it for him.
“I believe he can recover from it,” Ginny said thoughtfully, and she was determined to make that happen, with the other good things happening in his life. “I want him to. I don’t want that bastard stealing his life, or his future. Blue has every right to put this behind him. I want to do everything I can to help him do that.” The strength in her voice took Andrew by surprise. She was an iron woman at times.
“We all have our demons,” he said quietly. “Some are just worse than others.” And as he said it, she suspected he had his own. He had left the priesthood, after all.
“He’s too young to have that on his back for the rest of time. That’s not fair.” She was anxious to do all she could to help Blue recover fully from what had happened.
“That’s exactly why these cases are so important. Because they’re not fair.” Andrew agreed with her on that. “Maybe what you’re doing for Blue will show him how much he matters to you. It’s very touching that you believe in him as much as you do. That’s a tremendous gift to give anyone.” Blue’s own aunt hadn’t believed him, but Blue knew Ginny did. That had touched the ex-Jesuit lawyer, and impressed him about her.
“I want him to come out of this unscathed.”
Andrew thought it was a loving wish, but not very realistic. He had seen too many adult clients unable to lead normal lives after the abuses committed on them as children. Sometimes love wasn’t enough to heal them, and the money they won in settlements was consolation but it never gave them back the innocence, trust, and balance they had lost. A number of his adult clients who’d been abused as children had been unable to have normal relationships. All he could do was hope that Blue wouldn’t be one of them, no matter how committed Ginny was.
“We’ll do our best,” Andrew promised her, moved by her strength and dedication to the boy. “I’ll let you know about the appointment. I’ll send you an e-mail when you get to L.A.”
“Thanks so much.” She hung up, thinking about the lawyer for a moment. There was something very warm about him, yet slightly removed as well, as though he were protecting wounds of his own. It was an odd combination, and she wondered if it was because he’d been a priest. She was still intrigued by why he’d left the church, and fantasized that he’d fallen in love with a nun. People who left the church always seemed mysterious to her.
Ginny sent Becky a text message with their arrival time the next day, and then went to help Blue pack.
“We’ll have to get you a suit when we get to L.A. We don’t have time now.” He had no grown-up clothes to wear to her father’s funeral. Shopping for a suit for him would give them both something more to do than sitting around the funeral home.
They had a quiet dinner, and Blue went to bed early. Ginny sat alone that night, thinking about her father. It had been a turbulent homecoming, with her father dying, but at least she was back in the States. It was an odd, poignant feeling knowing that he was gone. She was more than ever grateful for Blue, who filled the empty spaces in her life. And now there was one more.
Chapter 15
The flight to L.A. seemed to take forever this time. It was always longer heading west, but there was nothing festive about it. Even Blue seemed somber on the plane. But he had had his own losses, too, with both his parents gone. And he didn’t like funerals any more than Ginny did.
“Are you okay?” he asked her gently as they were about to land. He had seen tears in her eyes, and she smiled at him wistfully.
“It just seems weird that he won’t be there.” Blue nodded in response and held her hand.
She rented a car again, as she had the last time they came, and when they got to Becky’s house, the whole family was sitting in the kitchen eating breakfast and looking glum. Lizzie jumped up the moment they walked in, threw her arms around Blue’s neck, and hugged him, and he seemed just as happy to see her. It lightened the moment for all of them, and everyone started talking at once as Ginny and Blue sat down.
After breakfast, the two sisters slipped away and drove to the funeral home. They picked out everything they needed to, the casket, the mass cards, the program, the leather guest book for the rosary, and then they went to the church and met with the priest, and made the rest of their decisions with him, about the music, the prayers, and who would speak. Their father hadn’t seen his friends in several years. Many of them were still alive and doing well, since he hadn’t been very old. But his mind had been gone for several years, and he hadn’t wanted to see anyone as his Alzheimer’s took control.
Becky was quiet as they left the church, and looked at her sister, when Ginny drove them home.
“I’m surprised you’re not embarrassed to talk to the priest, given what you’re about to do in New York,” she said, with an edge to her voice.
“As far as I know, Father Donovan isn’t raping little boys,” Ginny responded as she drove.
“How can you be so sure that priest in New York did? You know, a lot of kids who’ve accused their parish priests of that turned out to be lying. Are you that sure Blue is telling you the truth?” She sounded skeptical as she asked.
“Yes, I am. And fifteen others have come forward during the investigation. Becky, this isn’t a small thing. It ruins people’s lives.” Ginny tried to reason with her, but Becky was on the opposing side, and firmly believed she was right.
“And what about the priest? What about his life if he winds up in prison for a crime he didn’t commit? That happens all the time, too.” She didn’t even know him, but she was convinced of Ted Graham’s innocence, just because he was a priest.
“What if all these kids are telling the truth? Doesn’t that scare you to leave a guy out there who’s molesting little boys, especially if he’s a priest?” Becky was silent, thinking about it, but to her it seemed like just one of Ginny’s crusades. There was always something with her now—human rights, a homeless boy, and now a vendetta against the church. She had nothing left in her life except causes. Ever since Mark and Chris had died, she had filled her life with other people’s battles to fight, and victims to save. Everything about her had changed, and it was hard for Becky to relate to her now. She had become some kind of freedom fighter, fighting everyone else’s wars, because she had no life of her own.
“I just think you’re very, very wrong. You don’t go against the church,” Becky said with an angry look. “It violates everything we were taught.”
“You do when someone in it is doing something wrong,” Ginny said quietly. She had no doubts at all about Blue’s honesty or the case.
They rode the rest of the way in silence with a chasm between them a mile wide. And after that Ginny took Blue downtown to buy him a suit. They got a simple dark blue one that Ginny thought he could use again, maybe for a recital at his school. He was very proud of it, and the white shirt and dark tie they picked to go with it. And when he wore it to the rosary that night, he looked like a man.
He and Lizzie sat in a back pew chatting softly to each other, while Margie and Charlie stood with their parents, and both sisters greeted the guests. It made Ginny realize how long she’d been gone. She hardly recognized anyone, since most of the mourners were friends of Becky and Alan. And everything about it reminded her of Mark’s funeral. As soon as the rosary
was over, she couldn’t wait to get back to the house and pour herself a glass of wine. Her computer was sitting on the table, and she saw an e-mail come up from Andrew O’Connor. She sipped her wine as she opened it and read it. He had moved the appointment at the archdiocese to a week later. It was nice having news from the outside world. The funeral atmosphere was oppressive.
The kids all went down to the playroom then, and a few minutes later the adults heard Blue playing the piano, and they went down to join them. He gave them all a little impromptu concert and had everyone sing along. It turned their mourning into dancing, as it said in the Bible, and at the end, he sang a gospel song in a clear, strong voice that touched them all and brought tears to Ginny’s eyes.
“My mama used to sing that song,” he said softly to Ginny. He had a powerful voice, and they all sat around and talked afterward. Blue’s playing the piano for them had cheered them all.
The following day was the funeral, and Blue came downstairs in his suit again. Lizzie came down a few minutes later in a short black dress her mother had picked out for her. The two of them looked very grown-up. An hour later the whole family had gathered and left for the service in the two black limousines they had hired at the funeral home the day before.
The church was more crowded than Ginny had expected—it was a very respectable turnout for her father. Blue stood beside her, looking proud to be there, as Becky and her family filled the rest of the pew.
After the service, they stood outside greeting people, and then went to the cemetery briefly to leave her father’s casket there. And suddenly as she stood there, Ginny saw Mark and Chris’s graves, and the feeling of loss was so overwhelming that it almost took her breath away. Blue saw the look on her face, and leaned closer to Lizzie.
“Is that them?” he whispered, nodding toward the two graves, and she nodded back. There was a space left for Ginny next to them—she had bought all three plots on the same day. Chris’s headstone was slightly smaller. After the brief graveside service, Ginny walked over to them, when the others walked away. She leaned down and touched her son’s headstone, as tears rolled down her cheeks, and when she turned, she saw Blue standing next to her, with two long-stemmed white roses in his hand. He dropped one on each of the graves as Ginny reached out to hug him, and they stood there embracing as she cried. Then he gently led her away. He got in the limousine with her, and held Ginny’s hand all the way back to the house.
There were people already waiting for them, and a buffet full of food. The guests stayed until the early afternoon, and then finally they were alone again. Charlie put on jeans, and his girlfriend came over, and the younger ones decided to get into the pool. Ginny smiled at them from the kitchen window and turned to her sister. It had been a beautiful, traditional service that was exactly what they thought was appropriate for their father. They had agreed on all the details.
“That’s what Dad would have wanted, to see them out there playing like that.” He had always been a happy person and loved having his grandchildren around him. And Ginny had the feeling that despite the unusual circumstances, he would have liked getting to know Blue.
“What are you going to do with him now?” Becky asked her as she saw her sister watching Blue in the pool.
“What do you mean?”
“You can’t keep him forever. He’s almost an adult, and you’re gone most of the time. You’re not going to adopt him, are you?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it. You make him sound like a fish that I’m supposed to throw back.” But the truth was that he had nowhere to go, and they loved each other. He had become an important part of her life. Becky didn’t seem to understand that. “It doesn’t make much sense to adopt him. He’ll be eighteen in four years.” But his aunt Charlene didn’t want him with her, and Ginny didn’t want to put him in foster care. “Maybe he’ll just stay with me till he’s old enough to live on his own. He’s starting high school next month.”
“But he’s not yours, Ginny. He’s not part of our family. He doesn’t belong with you. And your life’s not set up for children anymore, not with the life you lead, flying all over the world.”
“And if I don’t take care of him, who will?” Ginny turned to look at her sister, who seemed to have no room in her life for anything unusual or different, only what fit in. And everything about Ginny’s life was unusual and different now. They seemed to have nothing in common anymore, except their father, and he was gone. And whether she meant to or not, Becky was always stepping on her toes.
“He’s not your problem. You’re not your ‘brother’s keeper,’ nor that of someone else’s son,” Becky said stubbornly.
“If that were true, none of the adopted children in the world would have a home,” Ginny said quietly. “I don’t know why Blue and I found each other, but we did. Maybe that’s good enough for now.” They walked out to the pool then and watched the kids play Marco Polo with Alan, and they were all having fun. It was a perfect end to a bittersweet day. There was something peaceful about it. It wasn’t like the shocking agony of Mark and Chris’s funerals, where everything had been so out of order and so wrong. This was the way it was meant to be, when parents slipped gently away, and the next generations moved on.
The kids stayed in the pool until dark, and then they ate leftovers from the buffet that the caterer had provided, and everyone went to bed early that night. Alone in her room, Ginny thought about what her sister had said. It amazed her that she had so little understanding that other people’s lives could be different from her own. Her world was limited by Pasadena and had room in it only for “normal” people, whose lives mirrored hers with Alan. There was no room for a boy like Blue in it, or anything out of the ordinary. And then Ginny remembered Becky’s question that afternoon about whether she was going to adopt Blue. She hadn’t really thought about it till then, but she was suddenly wondering if she should. He needed a family and a home. It was something to think about.
They spent another day in Pasadena, and then she and Blue went back to New York. They had lives to get on with, and a battle to wage against the archdiocese. She called Andrew O’Connor the day they got home. Their appointment with the monsignor was in two days.
“I just wanted to let you know I’m back,” she said, sounding tired.
“How was it?” he asked, and seemed concerned.
“About the way you’d expect, sad but appropriate in the order of things. It was a little awkward with my sister. She’s furious about our challenging the church. She thinks it’s a sacrilege and that priests can do no wrong. She and her husband are very traditional people. I keep trying to stay off the subject, but she insists on wanting to discuss it with me and show me the error of my ways. She really doesn’t understand.”
“A lot of people don’t. They don’t want to believe that these things happen, or see the damage that they cause. It takes a lot of guts to go against the currents, but it’s the right thing to do. I got death threats when I started taking these cases. I always find it interesting when people threaten your life in the name of religion when they don’t like what you do. It’s a fascinating contradiction.” She had never thought about the risk taking cases against the church could pose for him.
“Then I guess you have to be pretty brave, too,” she said with admiration.
“No, just convinced of the rightness of what I’m doing. That’s always gotten me in trouble, but it’s how I want to live.” He sounded determined as he said it.
“My life was different when my husband and son were alive. I was busy with them. Now I’m engaged in battling the injustices in the world, and trying to turn the tide for people who can’t help themselves. But I guess speaking up and taking risks like that is very threatening to people. They don’t like unpopular positions that force them to look at what they believe, and question its merits.”
“That’s true,” he agreed. “My family thought I’d gone off the deep end when I joined the church. They were fiercely opposed
to it and thought it very odd. Then they were even more horrified when I left the church. I guess I’m always shocking them about something they don’t approve of.” He didn’t sound bothered about it, and Ginny laughed.
“That’s how my sister feels about me.”
“It’s good to keep them on their toes,” he quipped, and they both laughed. But he sounded more serious when he went on. “I was never in the church for the right reasons. It took me a long time to figure that out. I thought I had a vocation, but I didn’t.” It was more than he had ever said to any client, but she was a compassionate woman, with an open heart and open mind, and he liked talking to her. And he admired her deeply for what she was doing for Blue.
“That’s a big mistake to make,” she said honestly, “and a major change of direction when you left the church. It can’t have been an easy decision.”
“It wasn’t. But after I went to Rome, I realized how political the church is, in its upper stratosphere. It’s full of intrigue and a power game of sorts. The church was never about politics for me, although it was certainly interesting being in Rome, with all the cardinals around, and it was magical working in the Vatican. It’s very heady stuff. But it’s not what I joined the church for. I’m more useful now, doing what I’m doing, than I was when I was a priest. I was really just a lawyer in a Roman collar, and I didn’t have the vocation to work in a parish, especially not after Rome. And once I understood that, it was time for me to get out. I wasn’t helping anyone. And I really wanted to be a lawyer, not a priest.” He seemed perfectly at peace about the choice he’d made, and it seemed to be the right one for him.
“I’m actually disappointed to hear it,” she said, laughing softly. He liked the sound of her voice. He could tell by how she dealt with people that she was no stranger to human suffering, including her own.
“Why is that?” he asked, puzzled by her comment.
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