by Opal Carew
“I’ve been around. Lying low. You know.” “Yeah, I know.”
We stared at each other. “So…”
“Laumet finagled me this job,” he offered. “Been in it about a month now. He figured a more formalized relationship with the blood bank was overdue.” He smirked as he leaned against a counter and crossed his arms over his chest.
I frowned at the mention of Laumet’s name. “Well, there aren’t many of us who could do it, I guess.”
Langston broke into a grin. “That’s for sure.” From Langston’s first moments as a vampire, he’d been completely free of bloodlust. It was his special gift, one Laumet found quite useful.
So here was my biggest concern about being back in touch with Langston: Antoine Laumet. Laumet was the oldest and most powerful vampire in the city, and we’d both worked for him. In fact, I’d already been with Laumet for two decades by the time Langston was turned and had helped train him. Having fought free of Laumet’s criminal underworld, however, I had no interest in interacting with him again. But Langston was still under his thumb.
Yeah, but you need this blood source, Lucien. It was a chance I had to take. “So, can you supply me from time to time?”
“Yeah, man, of course. I figured you might be interested…with everything.” The compassion that filled his words also warmed my chest. I was so unused to someone looking out for me I found myself surprised he had thought about me. But I wasn’t surprised he knew what feeding did to me, knew my empathy forced me to suck in my victims’ emotions with each accursed draw of blood. We’d worked together for over two decades, after all. “Just, Lucien, you realize Laumet will have to know.”
“I know. Cazzo,” I grumbled. “I expected as much. You can pass on that this is just a business deal. That’ll make it more acceptable to him.”
Langston nodded. We worked out cost, transport, and storage arrangements. He agreed to contact me in a day or two when he had extra again, the blood he’d set aside for me before having been used in a trauma. I only hoped it wouldn’t take too long—my pallor, dropping body temperature, and the dark circles beneath my eyes all reflected the nearly five weeks since I’d last fed.
This new source promised freedom from my ancient dependency on the weak blood of animals and the punishing blood of evildoers. Imagining what that freedom could mean for me, I wound my way through the hospital corridors toward a side exit.
And gasped as I walked into a haze of pure bliss. A young woman approached the same exit, wearing the green scrubs of a doctor or nurse. Her golden blonde hair hung in a thick braid well past her shoulders. Her arms were tanned and, as I caught up with her, I could see where the sun brought out a light freckling across her upper cheekbones and nose. The color of her eyes was striking—a dazzling blue-green with nearly black edges around the iris. She was young and vital and pretty in a girl-next-door kind of way.
As beautiful as she was, her most remarkable quality had captured my attention in the first place: the extraordinary feelings of joy, affection, gratitude, and contentment washing off her. Her emotions tasted sweet and gripped every part of my body in warmth and pleasure. My borrowed euphoria left me dumbstruck as she hurried through the door and around the hospital drive. The intensity of the feeling diminished in direct correlation to her growing distance from me.
I gasped for more. Having lived without such feelings for so long, this reminder of true unqualified happiness beckoned to me. So I followed her. I stalked her emotions, grateful for the cloud-covered evening, and learned the location of her residence.
And then an unbidden thought entered my brain: If her emotions felt this good, what would it be like to consume her blood?
Certainly I’d feel her regret. But what came out of her would also be life-giving, humanity-restoring, beautiful, and sweet.
The thought of it was intoxicating. She was a temptation of such magnitude, I lost all capacity for reason or rationality. I simply had to have her, had to have that one fleeting feeling of light in the darkness, that one richly sweet moment free from pain and grief.
In that instant, I was so far gone it never occurred to me that my efforts to avoid the blood of bad humans led me to plan to kill a good one.
***
Driven by the promise of rapturous relief, I lurked around the edges of the beautiful woman’s life that night, but had no opportunity to claim her. She always seemed to be surrounded, as if the humans she knew were equally drawn to her.
I wasn’t interested in taking out others to get to her—hell, going after her at all was unconscionable, violated the rules I’d created to try to bring meaning and structure to my unnatural life. But defying her pull was about as possible as a moth resisting the lure of a flame.
The following night, I made my way under cover of darkness back to her townhouse on Farnsworth Street. She lived in an unusual enclave in this city— a full square block of adjoined tan townhouses, arranged around new streets carved out of the interior of the block. I stood in the shadows on the side of her building until I captured the feeling of her mind. To my relief, I found her easily, the sweetness of her contentment palpable even as she slept.
A long branch of a thick oak tree passed within feet of her window. I jumped onto it and moved as close as I dared, knowing she was unreachable within the confines of her home but needing to see her nonetheless.
The sheer curtains interfered little with my view as she lay sleeping on her side in the wide bed, her hands tucked under her chin. She appeared to be sleeping peacefully, though the whirlwind of her emotions revealed the intensity of her dreams.
Oh Dio, her feelings felt good. Too good. But good enough to harm an innocent, something I’d avoided since I’d largely harnessed the bloodlust over a century ago?
I hated how flippant it sounded, but this woman was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. When I saw her, I had not fully emerged from the melancholy of the anniversary of my human family’s murders at the hands of my maker. Each May, I attempted to pay penance for failing my wife and daughter by secluding myself and observing the old Italian mourning rituals I’d known in life. And I denied myself all sources of pleasure, all means of distraction from my loss of them: no television, no music, no Internet, no books, no violin, no companionship, no blood.
Encountering the woman less than one week after my seclusion ended, before I’d had the chance to feed, made her a temptation of unimaginable proportions. It made her joy not just appealing, but vital to restoring any peace to my state of mind.
For hours, I sat and watched and savored and imagined. When the rising sun turned the edge of the nighttime sky pink, I jumped down from the tree and headed back to Edmund Place, realizing as I did so how close I lived to this woman—no more than sixteen city blocks. Even at a human pace, it was no more than a half-hour walk. To think relief had been so close all this time.
Now I just needed to make her mine.
***
Langston called me to pick up blood two days after our reunion at the blood bank. Carrying a soft- sided cooler, I approached the entrance to the hospital for my evening meeting—and stopped short upon feeling and then seeing the woman sitting on a bench ahead of me. Unless I looped around to another entrance, I would have to walk right by her to get inside.
How ironic I’d been stalking her for days and now encountered her out in the open—though the comings and goings of patients, staff, and visitors continued to protect her. I swallowed thickly, acknowledging my rather dire undernourishment. Nearly six weeks had passed since I’d fed on a trio of wolves on the shores of Black Lake north of the city.
I scoffed. I’d gone this long before without feeding, and now she had me doubting my control as if I were a neophyte. I was used to the clench of hunger in my gut, had forced myself to endure it for much of my existence. I usually didn’t tempt myself by intermingling with humans, let alone with one who was so appealing, but I was eager to taste and feel her happiness again.
So I resum
ed walking. Her feelings intensified within me as I approached. Forty feet, then thirty. By the time I was within ten feet, my mouth was so alive with the rich sweetness of her joy, I was salivating and struggling to keep my fangs retracted.
Her emotions provided such exquisite relief I couldn’t force myself to pass her by. Without a conscious decision, I stopped in front of her, her allure locking me into place as surely as if I were shackled. She looked up and smiled. Her teal eyes settled on me like a caress. In that instant, I needed to be in her presence. I hadn’t intended to, but I was going to have to talk to her now.
“Would you mind if I asked you a question?” I finally asked, working hard to make my voice relaxed, casual—the exact opposite of the tense anticipation that shivered over my skin.
Her brow dropped and her expression became a little guarded, but she smiled. “Sure.” Her eyes widened and her heart rate increased as she took me in.
I walked over to the bench and hesitated as my nineteenth-century manners resurfaced. “May I?”
She nodded uncertainly, her pose less relaxed. So close to her for the first time, it took everything I had not to reach out and cup my hand behind her neck and pull her into me, particularly as her pounding heart pumped blood into a blush that spread from her face down her throat.
Touch her. Feel her. Taste her. I shook the urges away.
“I’ve noticed you once before when I was here visiting a friend. Please feel free to tell me to mind my own business, but both times I’ve been struck by how incredibly happy you…look. Such happiness seems a rare quality.”
Her blue-green eyes sparkled, reflecting the inner light I could feel. Her smile was reserved at first but more open as she spoke. “Uh, well, a lot of times working at a hospital can be emotionally draining. The hours, the pace, the stress, and especially losing patients can all take it out of you. But on occasion working here can be the best thing ever.” She paused in thought.
I found myself having to concentrate to keep my breathing normal. The strong mixture of her joy and love was arousing—a sensation I hadn’t experienced in far too long. The tingling around my canines intensified.
“Do you mind if I ask what happened to make it feel like the best thing recently?” I smiled and searched her eyes. With effort, I restrained myself from charming her.
Her surprise at my interest rang through my gut as she shrugged. “Well, I’ve been doing a rotation in the pediatric oncology department, and one of my favorite patients found out recently she’s in remission. It’s been such a wondrous week, because her family has been through so much. She’s always reminded me of my daughter Olivia—I couldn’t imagine something threatening to take her away. So, I’ve just been riding on cloud nine ever since. I’ve never seen anyone more appreciative of life than this girl and her family. It’s just really been…great to know they won’t lose each other, you know?” For a brief second, a sharp torrent of loneliness underscored her words. I frowned and studied her thoughtful expression, but as quick as the bitter-tasting sadness came, it was gone. Her joyfulness returned, immersing me once more.
I listened and nodded in the right places, but was overcome with the certainty her happiness was my irresistible siren song. Like the mariners of old, I would be wrecked in my pursuit of her.
My devoted attention apparently made her feel self-conscious, because I tasted her self-doubt just as she said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to go on forever—”
“Not at all,” I began, forcing myself to relax as I considered her words. “Thank you for sharing that. It is certainly something to feel good about.”
She nodded her head and smiled as she looked down. I took the moment to study her profile. She had a small scar that cut through the edge of her right eyebrow and ran into her temple. I fought the urge to run a soothing finger over it.
At first appearance, she seemed so young and carefree. But the set of her shoulders, the pale purple beneath her eyes, and her obvious compassion for others spoke of a woman who knew a little something about hardship. Though her emotions at the moment well concealed whatever difficulties life had thrown at her.
The soft evening breeze blew long tendrils of gold around her face and stirred up her intoxicating scent, at once luscious and fresh. I swallowed hard against the sensory assault. She was too appealing for her own good.
More. I wanted, needed, to learn more so I could convince myself she was nothing special, no one to regret killing. “How long have you worked here?” I asked before the pause in the conversation turned awkward.
She looked up at me and then shrugged. “Actually, I don’t formally work here. I’m a nursing student. I have one semester left at Wayne State and am finishing a clinical practicum. But hopefully I’ll get a job offer before the end of the fall semester.” She cut herself off and glanced over at me through the wisps that had fallen free of her braid.
“Interesting,” I reassured before her self- consciousness returned. Inwardly I grimaced, because it was true. Before me sat a woman with ambition, purpose, compassion.
She glanced at her watch. “I’m sorry, my break is about over. I have to be getting back.” She smiled and rose from the bench.
I panicked. Stay.
She hesitated and looked down at me a little dazed, as if she had gotten up too fast.
I stood and offered a steadying hand under her elbow. “Are you okay?” The warmth of her skin and the rush of her quickened pulse in my palm thrilled my senses.
“Yes, I…” She placed her other hand on her forehead. “I just got a little dizzy for a second.” Her embarrassment washed through me. “Um, thank you.”
“Of course.” I soaked her in through all my senses. I stood a full head taller, but her presence was the one that filled the darkening courtyard.
Free of my charm, she stepped back and smiled up at me. “It was nice talking to you.”
“To you, too. I’m Lucien, by the way. Lucien Demarco.” I offered my hand, eager to assess her reaction.
She reached out and shook with a firm grip. “Hi, Lucien. I’m Samantha Sutton.”
She touched me voluntarily and with complete ease. Remarkable. “Glad to meet you, Samantha.” My voice sounded different, lower, as I met her eyes. Her body heat soaked into me where our palms pressed together. Her hand was small and soft, but strong.
She blinked lazily. “Sam. Everyone…calls me Sam.” She took an unconscious half step toward me.
I relished the proximity. “All right, then, it’s nice to meet you, Sam.” A couple passed us on the sidewalk. I reluctantly released her hand and her will.
She shook her head. “See you ’round,” she murmured as she turned away. “I hope your friend gets better.”
I nodded and watched as she walked up the sidewalk toward the doors, so bewildered by the loss of her emotions I hadn’t thought to correct her assumption about my friend. Not that it mattered.
“Samantha,” I whispered as I pressed the hand that had touched her to my mouth and tasted her there. I closed my eyes against the pleasure of her scent. Finally I glanced down, replaying the unexpected conversation in my head. The blue cooler bag was still in my hand.
Cazzo! Fuck!
Looking at the sky, I knew I was late for my appointment with Langston. I hurried through the hospital and ignored the pull of Samantha’s scent. When I pushed through the door to the blood bank, Langston called me back to the laboratory space in the rear. I followed his voice and found him standing near a large refrigeration unit.
“Thought you were gonna stand me up,” he said without any particular annoyance as he held out his hand.
We shook. “Sorry, Langston, got sidetracked.”
“I figured. Just glad you made it. I held aside ten units for you. Hand your bag here.” He arranged them. “These should keep refrigerated for four to six weeks. You can freeze them for longer. Did you get the equipment I suggested for all this?”
“Yeah.”
“You should be set then
. Just give me a shout a few days before you want more.” He zipped the packed cooler shut and handed it over to me. In exchange, I passed him an envelope, which he tucked inside his lab coat.
I looked at him and debated whether I wanted the answer to the question in my head.
“Yeah, Laumet knows,” he said, guessing what was on my mind.
“And?”
“He said he’s looking forward to catching up with you soon.”
Damn. I was going to have to be careful to keep out of Laumet’s orbit. I didn’t have a particular interest in being caught up with. I nodded and slung the pack onto my shoulder.
“Don’t worry about it, man,” he said. “I’m sure it’s nothing.”
We spoke for a while longer, then I made my way back out of the hospital. I half hoped to see Samantha again but didn’t want to make her suspicious. I needed her to stay happy.
A bright moon lit my way through Detroit’s urban decay back to Edmund Place, where I had recently refitted a basement closet to conceal a refrigeration unit for the contents of my cooler. I drank five of the pints immediately, grimacing at the coolness of the liquid as it flowed down my throat but feeling the relief and the power of it hum through me.
With effort, I convinced myself to save the rest—though my body craved more. But I wasn’t sure how frequently Langston would be able to do this for me. I opened the refrigerator and stored the remainder, suddenly restless from a combination of the rejuvenating jolt of the blood and the earlier conversation with Samantha.
Samantha. I had not planned to speak with her before having her. It was pleasurable to have done so, but it unnecessarily complicated the matter. She had proven interesting, selfless, and giving in the course of our brief conversation. She’d demonstrated the very specialness I’d hoped to disprove. But I couldn’t resist what I had to do.
She was the light, and I had been drinking the dark for so very long.