by Teresa Toten
“Ohh …” Sweetie was instantly sympathetic. This he understood. “Is Mrs. Brenda Ross anxiety too?”
“No. Well …” Adam whipped another pillow at him. “Your mom is … like, your mom is just a little sensitive. She kind of sees things and feels things about people.”
“Like you, ’cept you’re really, really sensitive, right?”
“No, I’m—” Wait! Was it true? “Uh, okay, maybe you’re right, Sweetie. Maybe I can recognize when people are hurting or sort of lost, more than other people.”
“And that’s why you can fix me when I’m bad-scared?”
“Maybe.”
“But you’re not very, very crazy, right?”
Everybody lies.
Well, hell, maybe everybody has damn good reasons to lie. Maybe we all just lie to hide the hurt or to fake being strong until we can be strong. That’s not so bad, is it?
Is it?
“No, not very, very, I guess.” Adam could almost see the wheels turning as Sweetie tried to sort all this out.
“But Mrs. Carmella Ross is,” he said brightly. “So you have to do the rest of your growing up here!”
“Aaargh! I give up! Yeah, maybe, probably, mostly.” Adam sat back down on the edge of his bed.
Sweetie sat on his own bed, mirroring Adam movement for movement, except that the cast kept getting in the way. “I’m never going to break my arm again,” he announced, folding his hands in his lap when Adam did.
“Good call.”
“I’ve been thinking.”
“Uh-oh.”
“Thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking and—”
“Okay, what already?”
“You’re still the Batman, right?”
“Yeah. I’m still part of Group, and so yeah, I’m still Batman.”
“But you lost your Robin?”
My Robyn. Adam’s throat closed. He got up, sat down, got up again and started to pace.
Sweetie got up too. “She’s gone, right?”
“Yeah, yeah, I lost her.” One, three, five, seven, nine, eleven…
“Okay, good.” Sweetie started pacing with Adam.
It was crowded. The room wasn’t big enough for two simultaneous pacers, but they continued nonetheless.
“So can I be your new Robin, and you won’t have to call me Sweetie anymore, ever? Mrs. Brenda Ross said exactly, ‘Robin is, I suppose, rather marginally better than Sweetie.’ And our dad said exactly, ‘Well, there might be more hope of him not getting the crap beat out of him every other day if he’s a Robin.’ So can I be your Robin, huh? I asked everybody. Robin should be a boy anyway. I asked everybody, and everybody said so. I’ll be the best Robin in the world and I won’t ever pest you again in my whole life, promise.”
Adam wondered who would have been included in Sweetie’s extensive polling group.
“Please, Batman! Please!”
The kid was nuts.
They were both nuts.
He reached into his pocket and clasped the note.
A dragon lives forever but not so little boys.
A sweet, hard hurt threatened to crush him.
“Sure.” Adam threw his arm around his crime-fighting partner. “Okay, Robin, go tell Mrs. Brenda Ross about your new identity.”
“Yay!” His brother shot out of the room screaming. “Holy name change, Batman. Mom! Mom! Guess what, Mom!”
As soon as Sweetie left, Adam took out the note again. He exhaled, inhaled. The weight was unbearable. One, three, five … No! He opened the note and traced the words with his finger. You, Adam Spencer Ross, are a man. A man?
And then, for the first time since that man was a boy, Adam Spencer Ross sat on the very edge of his bed, in that very bright room, and wept.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
It takes a lot of work by a lot of people to turn what I write into a novel. I am grateful to the following purveyors of courage and encouragement—in other words, my first readers: my family, Nikki, Ken and Sasha Toten; the indefatigable Marie Campbell; and my writing group, Susan Adach, Ann Goldring, Nancy Hartry and Loris Lesynski.
I received generous advice and inspiration from every practitioner and young adult I met at the 19th International OCD Foundation Conference in 2012. My story was shaped and shaded by their stories. I also thank Friar Rick Riccioli, OSM Conv.; Albert Ottoni; Geoffrey Pearson; and Jenn Coward for their counsel and honesty, as well as Dr. Peggy Richter, who pointed me in the right direction. If I veered off course or drove into a ditch, it is entirely my own doing.
I am grateful beyond words to the patient and talented team at Doubleday Canada: Amy Black, Allyson Latta and especially Janice Weaver, who managed somehow to both embolden me and save me from myself.
Finally, I am indebted to all those who cannot be named but whose courage and determined hope drove me to write this book. You are not alone.
TEN QUESTIONS FOR TERESA TOTEN
1. Where did you get the idea for this book?
This book has been in my head for years. I watched so many of the young adults who were in or near my life struggle with OCD and debilitating anxiety. Their courage was both breathtaking and fascinating. I became haunted by the question of what it would be like to be them, to cope and carry on in the world with this invisible burden.
2. So is Adam based on someone you really know? He seems like such a genuine character.
Ah, bear with me here. My Adam is a composite of a few young men I’ve had the good luck to know. I stole their gentleness, intelligence and fierce protectiveness, and I gave those pieces to Adam. He became real and whole very fast. That first scene—when he falls in love with Robyn before she even shuts the door—was in my head for years. Yet after I’d finished the first full draft of the novel, I worried that Adam was too good, too sweet, too decent in the face of the enormous weight he had to carry.
Then I went to an international conference on OCD in Chicago, and it was there that I met him: a young man about Adam’s age, strikingly attractive, sensitive, smart and funny. I watched him as he posed questions to the experts. This young man vibrated with confusion and pain, not only for himself but also for the people who loved him. In his soft southern accent, he asked expert after expert when he would “hit bottom with all this,” and if he’d recognize it when he got there. He’d deal with it, but he wanted to know how much further down he and his family had to go. I’d found him. This was my Adam.
The next day, I noticed him standing alone and I went up to tell him that he had inspired me. I told him that I was writing a book and had been fretting about the “hero” being too amazing. And now, because I had met him, I knew there was no such thing as too amazing. I thanked him, and he—understandably bewildered—thanked me. And then, to my everlasting regret, I ran off before he could say anything else, because like a fool, I was crying.
3. What about Robyn? Is she also based on someone you know?
Robyn is probably me. I inserted myself into her reality and took her story where I would likely have taken mine if I were her. I would absolutely have fallen in love with an Adam.
4. I love the way the kids’ alter egos reflect aspects of their personalities. What made you choose superheroes?
When I was a kid, I loved, loved, loved comic books! I confess that I still line up for all the superhero movies. While my girlfriends read about Archie, I read their older brothers’ stash of superhero comics and got into heated, never-ending debates about Marvel versus DC. Marvel had the character edge for me overall, but I always loved Batman best.
5. Your portrayal of obsessive-compulsive disorder is so true to life. What kind of research did you do when you were writing the book?
It was a long road. I certainly know quite a few young people and adults who have OCD. That was my starting point. Then I read dozens of books, memoirs, self-help guides and research papers. I had the benefit of good advice from generous professionals like Dr. Peggy Richter at the Frederick W. Thompson Anxiety Disorders Centre in
Toronto, and as I mentioned, I went to that wonderful international conference in Chicago, where I spent a few days questioning and observing everyone I met, and snuck into as many teen panels and workshops as I could.
6. Was there a particular message you were trying to get across with the novel?
No. I honestly wouldn’t know how to do that with any skill. My characters move through their drama while handicapped by a disorder, but the novel’s not about the disorder. All of us have experienced, to varying degrees, moments of debilitating anxiety and depression, and even obsessive thoughts. That is part of being human, and it is certainly a hallmark of being a young adult. To me, The Unlikely Hero is about first love, making friends and struggling with yourself. If my readers have done any of that, hopefully they’ll feel just a little less alone when they pick up the book.
7. If readers see themselves in Adam or Robyn, or any of the other kids of Room 13B, are there places they can turn for help?
There are some excellent resources for both teens and educators on the web, and people can go to those out of interest or need. I’ve posted links to the most helpful sites on my website, teresatoten.com, and we’ve also provided a list of resources in this book.
8. The book tackles some serious issues, but it’s still so funny and heartfelt. Was it hard to strike that balance?
Thank you. I am clearly drawn to dark things and heartache, but I also have a finely honed sense of the absurd. It’s helped me a lot with the dark bits in my own life. And like so many readers, I always respond when a book makes me laugh and cry at the same time.
9. I think we’ve all experienced those moments of laughter mixed with despair. Can you tell us some of your favourite books for that?
It’s like writing on a knife-edge, trying to pull off the despair/funny card trick. Even so, dozens of those books line my shelves, and I am a certified fan of so many more. I’d have to say that memoirs seem to play with that balance the best. My favourite is Mary Karr’s The Liar’s Club, followed closely by Catherine Gildiner’s Too Close to the Falls. A couple of exceptionally funny and heartbreaking OCD memoirs are Jennifer Traig’s Devil in the Details and Fletcher Wortmann’s Triggered. In YA literature, the “Sues” (Susan Juby and Susin Nielsen) finesse humour and hurt each time out, as do the amazing John Green and Libba Bray. Stephen Chbosky’s The Perks of Being a Wallflower also holds a special place in my heart. And finally, although he writes for a slightly younger crowd, the wonderful Brian Doyle showed me what to aspire to in just about everything he ever wrote.
10. What are you working on now? Will we ever get to find out what happens to Adam and Robyn?
I leave the fate of Adam and Robyn with my readers. I genuinely look forward to hearing what they think will happen to them. My next book is called Slightly Damaged. It’s a psychological thriller about two beautiful, emotionally injured young women who somehow become entangled in a murder.
You Are Not Alone:
Places to Find Information and Help for
Young People, Parents and Educators
The Canadian Mental Health Association:
www.cmha.ca/mental_health/obsessive-compulsive-disorder/#.UV3iNhlgPE4
The Canadian OCD Network:
canadianocdnetwork.com/
The Children’s Hospital of Eastern Ontario:
www.cheo.on.ca/en/mentalhealthtopicsandconditionsAZ
The International OCD Foundation:
www.ocfoundation.org/whatisocd.aspx
The Jack Project:
www.thejackproject.org/
Kids Help Phone:
www.kidshelpphone.ca/Teens/InfoBooth/Emotional-Health/Anxiety/Obsessive-compulsive-disorder.aspx
Mind Your Mind:
mindyourmind.ca
The National Institute of Mental Health:
www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd/index.shtml
Teen Mental Health:
www.teenmentalhealth.org/