“Let’s get you packed up. You can meet him in Berlin.”
I shook my head. “No. I’m staying here. Where I belong.”
“Bri, now isn’t the time for stubbornness. The man told the entire world he loves you.”
I crossed my arms over my chest, trying to hug in the emotions colliding through my system. “He hasn’t told me yet.”
“Briar—” Lia’s eyes held a quiet determination that usually got her her way. Not this time.
“No, Lia. Just no. You should go home. I’ll go with you to house shop tomorrow.”
“I don’t want to leave you like this,” she sighed.
“You’re not. I’m asking for some space.” My phone rang. Local number. Henderson, John, Esq.
“Briar speaking,” I said.
“Ms. Moore. This is John Henderson. Rosie Douglas’s lawyer.”
“Oh. Hello.”
“You’re a hard lady to reach. Took me some time to get your number. I’d like to set up a meeting with you to go over Rosie’s will. Would tomorrow work for you?”
“Um.” I gripped Lia’s hand. “Yes, that’s fine.”
“Say nine thirty?”
“Sure. What’s the address?”
I scribbled it onto a pad I’d left on the raised kitchen counter.
Hanging up after exchanging goodbyes, I faced my sister, who clenched her jaw and eyed me with barely concealed annoyance.
“Don’t start with me. I’m meeting Rosie’s lawyer tomorrow at nine thirty.”
Lia sighed, running her hand over her hair. “Fine. I’ll come with you.”
“You have houses to look at.”
Lia gripped my shoulders. “They’ll wait. Since you won’t accept Hayden’s grand gesture, I’ll come to the lawyer’s office.”
“I’m not ready to deal with Hayden,” I whispered. I moved back to the window, counting the ever-growing media crowd on the street outside.
“Bri, love doesn’t have to be so crazy.”
The tears were once again in my eyes; I couldn’t force them back under my calm façade.
“But . . . Mom just disappeared.” I twisted my fingers of my left hand. “Dad died.” I twisted harder and faster. “Ken betrayed me.”
Lia gripped my hands. “And Hayden left.”
I nodded. I sucked in a breath and forced the words from my clogged throat. “I’m not sure I can survive if he changes his mind.”
33
Hayden
“Oi!” Flip yelled through the door. “You awake? We’re in Berlin.”
I pressed the heels of my hands to my eyes and moaned.
“I’m up!” I yelled as the banging commenced again.
“Good. You’ve got reporters screaming for information,” Flip said when I opened the door. He leaned against the frame, hands in his pockets.
“You’re a dickhead. I was really out.” I shook my head trying to clear the remnants of sleep.
“Figured you’d want a few minutes to wake up before we go down into the crowd.”
“Thanks. I think.” I glanced around. “Where are Ets and Jake?”
“Already went up to the hotel.” Flip rotated his jaw. “Be careful around Ets. He’s angry no one in the media wanted to talk to him.”
“He’s being such a wanker,” I grunted. “World doesn’t revolve around any of us.”
“Does around you, right now, after that show in Prague.”
“Yeah, I guess so.” I ran my fingers through my hair. “I didn’t get in touch with her before I fell asleep. Slammed into me.”
“This tour’s not made for quality pillow time. And I haven’t actually seen you get any shut-eye. Not surprised the need caught up with you, mate.” Flip clapped me on the shoulder. “Got this for you.” He handed me a slip of notebook paper. A Seattle number. He winked. “I have faith in your abilities.”
My security team formed a wedge around me, and we waded through the journos and paparazzi snapping pictures. They yelled questions I didn’t know how to answer. Getting to the privacy of my room was top priority.
“Thanks, mates,” I said to our security team. They dipped their heads down once. Ben, the lead of our security, stood facing the crowd, his height nearly as intimidating as his scowl.
“No problem, Hayden.” Ben snarled at the closest journo. “Stay back.”
I sighed as the elevator doors slid shut, thankful for the silence. My father’s voice filled my head. It’s all about priorities, Hayden. Once you have that figured out, you’ve got the secret to life. Sure, decisions are still hard, but you know why you’re making them. For me, you were tops. Everything else swung around that.
I missed him. Times like these more than any other. He might’ve been emotionally distant, but he was wise.
He’d been my only parent, the one to whom I’d brought my troubles, my report card, my confusion after Amanda Nix kissed me in sixth grade and I’d liked her soft lips pressed to mine.
When I’d met Briar, the emptiness of my life snapped into focus. By keeping people well outside the essential parts of me—the id, my dad called it—I’d ensured no one could hurt me. But I’d also ensured no one was there to share my emotions.
Until Briar.
Neither of us expected what happened in Seattle. I’d seen the vulnerability there in her eyes the morning we woke up together the first time. Just as I’m sure my eyes reflected the fear back. We’d circled around our relationship, trying to be careful, but we didn’t change the outcome. She was inevitable. And I didn’t want to miss any more time with her.
Entering my suite, I pulled out my phone and dialed the number Flip handed me. I almost dropped the phone twice before I fumbled it to the crook between my shoulder and ear, rubbing my damp palms on my shirt. I hooked the door shut with my foot.
One ring. Two. I sucked in a breath, unsure what to say if I was forced to leave a message.
“Hello?”
Crikey. The time change. Great job, Hayden.
“Briar,” I said. The weight lifted, my heart settled back into place. I could breathe again.
“Are you hurt?” She sounded panicked.
“I’m fine. How are you holding up? You’ll be grieving Rosie . . . ” I trailed off. Not the best start.
“I’m fine.” Long pause. “Asher sent Lia the YouTube video. She and I watched it.”
I bit my tongue considering my response. “I’m not. Fine, I mean. I want to be there, with you.”
“Where are you?”
“Berlin. We’ve got a show here tonight. I’ve got sound check soon.”
“Break a leg.”
My heart slammed into my chest, and I yelled, “Don’t hang up.” I cringed. This feeling business was harder—messier—than I expected.
“Seriously?” she said, her voice dry. “I think you just blew out my eardrum.”
“Sorry. Bad form. But . . . I was serious about wanting you to join me here, in Europe. I know you can’t yet. You’re dealing with Rosie’s death and all.”
“I have to get through her funeral.”
“And I can’t leave again, Briar. I want to be there with you. For you. But that’s not what I wanted to talk about yet.”
“Okay.” Her voice remained hesitant.
“No, nothing too bad. I mean . . . How’s Princess?”
“She’s her normal royal self. She’s moved on from salmon to tuna.”
“I miss the bugger.”
“Well, now that you’ve cleared that up, I’m going to go.”
“Please, Briar, please. I fucked up. Bad. I’m just worried . . . I hurt you, Briar. The guilt’s tearing me apart.”
“You’re calling me because of guilt?” She sounded confused and annoyed. My heart fluttered.
“I attacked you.” My voice lowered, like I was in confessional. Except I wasn’t Catholic and had never been willing to admit my sins before. “There’s no way you’ll forgive me for that, and I understand why. That’s why I left. I couldn’t see y
our face when you realized I’d—” Air. I needed air in my lungs. My eyes burned. “I’m so, so sorry.”
“I’m not.”
Flummoxed, my mouth opened and shut a couple of times with nothing come out.
“If you’ll remember, I screamed your name,” she said. “Twice.”
I swallowed, unsure what else to do. The silence built. “So you did.” My heart, which had been residing in the back of my throat, slid back into my chest. It knocked around there, leaving me light-headed.
“I had to apologize for being rough . . . ” Sweat sluiced down my back and my throat ached, but I pushed on. “I want you to know I’ve never been like that.”
“Good.”
I’d told Asher out of desperation, but telling Briar now was to build intimacy, the trust I’d destroyed when I left. “My mum had bipolar disorder. You heard that. What I didn’t tell you was that she damn near beat me to death when I was ten.”
“Oh, Hayden,” Briar whispered. Her voice held sympathy for the child I’d been. Not revulsion like I’d expected.
“I’d interrupted her piano practice when I came home from school. I wanted something to eat. She hit me, many times, then grabbed me ’round the neck and flung me into a window. The glass shattered.”
“I don’t know what to say,” she whispered, voice thick with tears. “I’m so sorry.”
“That’s why I left,” I mumbled. “I worried I’d become like her. That I’d hurt you like she hurt me.” The sweat returned, covering my back, slicking down my sides. “I didn’t want anyone to know. I didn’t want to see the revulsion in your eyes. But I’m not. Or I won’t. . .” I groaned. “I’m making a muck of this.”
“Were you serious? Is that why you left without talking to me?” Her voice was hesitant. I’d bet my bank account her eyes were wide, scared.
I ran my fingers through my hair as I sat on the edge of the bed. “Part of the reason. The big reason, yeah. I was scared.”
“Of me?”
I stared at the ceiling. Now or never—she was the priority. “Of what I feel for you. Of how much I wanted us. Of how much being with you felt, well, like home.”
Fists pounded on my door.
I stood. “Don’t hang up. I’m just answering my door.”
“I need to go. I’m going to Rosie’s lawyer’s office first thing in the morning.”
“I wish I was there with you. Can I call you later?” My voice rose over the pounding on my door, but the fists kept hammering away.
“You should focus on your tour, Hayden.”
“I’ll call you. I want to hear about your meeting.”
“Bye,” Briar said.
I yanked the door open. “What?” I snapped.
“We have a problem,” Ets snarled as he, Jake, and Flip entered my suite.
“Oh good. Something new.”
They sprawled across the couches in the living area.
“That melody you played when you were dicking around last night?” Jake said. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees.
“At our sold-out venue,” Ets muttered. “For our world tour. For our band.”
I jerked a nod, confused.
“It’s gotten over a hundred million views,” Flip said, his eyes warming with a smile. “Cynthia said your declaration was romantic, by the way.”
My mouth dropped open, much like a fish yanked from its cool pond.
“So now we’ve got to figure out where to put that song into the repertoire,” Ets said. He looked like he’d sucked a lime without the tequila.
“That pisses you off?” I asked, facing him.
“It’s not a Jackaroo song.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. I agreed. It wasn’t something Ets would’ve wanted on the album. I got that. My gaze flicked to Flip, who rolled his eyes. I met Jake’s stare, and he was stoic. Never one to pick sides, Jake idolized his older brother and wasn’t taking Ets’s bad humor in stride. I got that, too.
“Okay,” I said. “So we add it to the set list.”
“Some woman blogger dubbed it Briar’s song,” Jake offered.
“Catchy,” Flip said with a wink.
“Original,” I said, straight-faced. “But the song’s called ‘Between Breaths.’”
“We’ve got to put it either first or at the end,” Ets said with a scowl. “The fans will demand it.”
“Did you want to add some guitar to it?” I asked. Keeping Ets happy made my life simpler.
Ignoring my question, with a bitter tone he said, “They love it.”
Ah, there it was, the jealousy.
“I intended for the melody to have guitar and lyrics. But I’ll play the tune whenever we agree to it.”
“Play it first. Then it’s done,” Ets said, standing. He didn’t meet my gaze.
Jake shrugged at my raised brow, refusing to answer my silent request for his opinion. “Dunno, mate. Seems like you run a risk either way. That’s what comes from improvising in front of twenty thousand people.”
I faced Flip, my stomach churning. His eyes were narrowed and he rubbed a finger up and down his nose, a sure sign he was deep in thought. He nodded. “First is good. With the rest of us, of course. We’ll add a bit at each performance. Tell the fans we’re building the tune based on their feedback.”
I nodded though my stomach had just resettled somewhere near my knees. “Good idea. Keep the focus on the music. Where it should be.”
Ets scowled.
“You can go out and play the song, and then we can come on and segue into one of our ballads,” Flip said. “That’ll be a nice transition. Build the tempo and the crowd.”
Ets walked to the door and pulled it open. “We’ll practice the first verse at sound check. Don’t pull shit like this again.”
Jake followed his brother out the door, the good little puppy always at heel.
“Was that as bad as I think it was?” I asked Flip.
“Ets is heaps jealous.” He sauntered to the door. Patting his palm against it a few times, he frowned. “You’re in a tight spot, mate.”
I shut the door. Damned if I knew what to think of my convo with Briar or just now with my mates.
34
Briar
“You didn’t have to come with me,” I said again.
Asher tugged a piece of my hair just behind my ear. I smiled. He was so playful sometimes. The big brother I’d never had.
“Sure we did,” he said. “No way you were getting out of there without me blazing a trail through the ever-growing media presence. Who knew you’d be the ‘it’ girl of the year.”
“But you have better things to do than babysit me.”
“Just buying a house,” Lia said, waving her hand. “We can do that tomorrow just as easily.” The smile slid off her lips. “Why is he here?”
I glanced up, my throat tight. I hadn’t talked to Ken in nearly two weeks—and that had been just fine. “He’s Rosie’s nephew. I should probably go say hello.”
Lia shook her head. “You are not talking to The Asshole.”
“Lovely to see you, too, Lia.”
She turned to face Ken, her face devoid of any emotion. I wished I’d mastered that skill. It unnerved him, and he always tripped over himself to be nicer than he would otherwise.
“Ken,” she said. “I can’t say the same.”
Asher chuckled as he slipped his arm around Lia’s waist. He leaned down and whispered something in her ear. She smiled, shook her head.
“We’ll be over there, keeping an eye on you,” Lia said, tipping her head toward the other side of the seating area.
“You brought the entire army this time. For me?” Ken asked, his voice filled with irony.
“Large egos are not attractive,” I said, eyes darting around the room. “They usually hide small other things.”
He smiled, all enigmatic. “In this case, you’d know that’s not true. That’s not the reason I’m here—fun as it is to spar with you. According to the paper, sh
e seems to have left you the bulk of her estate.” He narrowed those icy gray eyes. “I told you not to go gold digger, Briar.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “Is this why you proposed? Tried to get me pregnant so I’d be trapped into marrying you? To keep the money in the family?”
“How much?”
“I take that as a yes. So Aunt Rosie held the purse strings. You assumed you’d get her fortune either directly or through me. If she left it to me.” I held up my hand to keep him quiet. “I don’t know that she did. That’s why I’m here. Because her lawyer wants to talk to me about the details of her will.”
Ken’s Nordic Sea eyes caught mine. I used to find that seductive, having his whole attention. Now I realized he catalogued my features, doing his best to gauge my reaction so he could recalibrate his attack. And that’s what it would be—a full-on emotional assault.
Hayden hadn’t played games with me. Yes, he’d hurt me, worse than Ken ever could, but at least he’d always been honest.
He’d sounded contrite, worried even, on the phone yesterday. I was still reeling from his YouTube confession and Rosie’s death. I wasn’t sure how much more I could handle this week.
“She cared about you,” Ken said, moving in closer.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Lia tense, half out of her chair. Asher put his hand on her knee.
“Just like I did,” he continued. “You leaving me like that hastened her decline.”
Ken was such an asshole. “You don’t get to say that,” I said, turning my head away. “Or anything else like it to me. Ever.”
“Having a hard time with your conscience there, Briar?” His words were soft, his tone meant to convey sympathy.
I jabbed him with my finger. Not that my puny attempt to get his attention did much good. He might not be as big as Hayden, but he was solid.
“I spent hours every day with Rosie for the last days of her life. You visited exactly one time, Ken. And let’s not forget that I left you when I found out you’d tried to bribe my pharmacist.”
“Which I wouldn’t have done if you’d been enough for me. But you insisted on being an icy bitch.”
That hurt. Badly.
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