“We never really dated,” I said, folding my arms around my waist.
“Yeah, I figured that out. He was really mad at you. He was also in major financial trouble because he’d booked that concert venue with his dad’s money. Money he took without permission. When the venue didn’t sell well, he was out a lot of cash, and the band wouldn’t help out with the cost.”
“So he decided to sell pictures of me,” I said, my lips numb.
Sally shook her head, wiping away tears. “No. He was just really mad at you, trash-talking, calling you names. I’m the one who suggested he sell pictures of you.”
“What is wrong with you?” Jenna demanded. Her eyes blazed. “Those pictures on the Internet? They’ll always be out there.”
“I know,” Sally’s shoulder slumped and her tears came more quickly. “I’m really sorry, Abbi. I’ll help you if I can. I mean that. I’ll do an interview, write whatever you want. I didn’t know Steve got his band involved until the pictures went live.”
I clutched the folder tighter to my chest, my fingers digging into the paper, wrinkling whatever was within. “That doesn’t make you any less culpable.”
Sally wiped her nose on her sleeve before wrapping her arms around her middle. “I know. I made some really bad choices. I’ve seen how it hurt you. Hurt your mom. She’s talked to my mom, and that’s when I got it. What I’d been part of.” She blew out a breath and met my gaze. “You won all those track competitions, were the best cheerleader. The best dancer. Just the best. All golden and perfect. I was jealous of you then and that was before your mom fell in love with a huge rock star. It—it just seemed like everything was handed to you. And Steve . . . he fed my envy as much as I fed his.”
There wasn’t more for me to say. “Bye, Sally.”
“Wait! I talked to my aunt about it. I’ve closed the chat room. I also told the police what I knew. But they said you’d have to file a formal complaint to do more.”
“Oh, like that’s going to help her,” Jenna said. “That’s public record. The media will look into it and see what you did. What Steve did. Abbi’s going to have to relive that again because you were jealous.” Jenna hissed the last words, her eyes narrowed, her cheeks full of color.
My chest felt tight, my heart flitting faster than a hummingbird’s wings. Everyone would know what they did to me. What I couldn’t remember them doing to me.
“Do you . . . do you think you can forgive me?”
Shocked, I glanced up into Sally’s tired brown eyes. Her aunt was right. Sally was different. Seemingly chastised. But I wasn’t sure I believed her.
“Those pictures of me . . . like Jenna said, they’re always going to be out there. Always. I had to change schools just to get away from the nightmare. They’ll crop up in twenty years, and I’ll have to explain them to Mason’s kids or something. That’s what you gave back to me after all those years of friendship.” My jaw felt hard, my heart thudded slow and cold in my chest. I liked this better than hurting.
“Abbi, my parents are so mad at me. My dad said if I got jail time, he wouldn’t bail me out.”
Sally’s eyes filled with tears. Her father was the sheriff in Rathdrum, where’d we’d grown up. Ralph was also one of the nicest men I’d ever met. Affable, my mom said. Rhonda, Sally’s mom, was one of her closest friends.
“Did your parents tell my mom what you did?” I asked.
“Not yet. I needed to talk to you first.”
I nodded once. “I’ll talk to my mom. Tell your parents that.” I looked her up and down, feeling . . . nothing. The anger and hurt were there, I was sure of it.
“Okay. I get that you’re mad.”
“Of course she’s mad,” Jenna’s tone was scathing. “You betrayed her. In the worst possible way.”
Mrs. Menson stepped out onto the porch, her gaze focused on the three of us. I lifted my hand and waved to her. She nodded back. Sally studied my face, but she must not have liked what she saw, because she turned and trudged up the steps. She stopped there and turned back. “All I can say is I’m sorry, Abbi.”
“That was really uncomfortable,” Jenna said, hopping from foot to foot like a toddler needing to pee. “Come on. I need to get out of here before I beat her up. That girl has it coming to her. I’ll drive and you can read.”
I handed her my car keys and settled into the passenger seat. I opened the folder, shocked by the number of people who’d been part of the chat room. Over one hundred, all of whom I’d known. Some were girls who’d wanted to date Luke back in high school; some were from neighboring high schools who’d claimed I’d cheated at my track competitions. Some were from my sorority at Tech. That explained why none of them had kept in touch since I left.
“What does it say?” Jenna asked, glancing at the pages while we idled at a red light.
“Mean stuff. How I’m not that wonderful or interesting and I’m using Asher’s fame to make myself into someone important.” The comment that burned the most was the assertion I wasn’t smart enough to get into Tech without Asher’s name. “Oh! Bethany was one of the last members who joined the hate-Abbi-club chatroom. Maybe that’s how she found out about the pictures.”
“No surprise there. She hates Nessa, too. Not because Nessa ever did anything to her, really. Well, not until this morning. She hates Nes simply because Dane liked her. Same with you. Because of Clay.”
“But I didn’t do anything to any of these people,” I said. “Including Bethany.”
“Doesn’t matter. You have something they want. Fame, first place at a competition, a cute guy interested in you. That’s why envy’s one of the seven deadly sins. It corrupts people’s judgment. Some saint said envy was sadness for someone else’s good. Seems like that’s Sally to a T. Bethany, too.”
I studied Jenna. Her hands were in perfect position on the steering wheel, her fingers white from gripping the molded plastic so hard. She was much deeper, more sensitive than her original impression.
I really liked this girl. Stupid though it was, I trusted her to be my friend. A real one that I shared my secrets and pain with. Well, not all of myself. Not yet.
“I guess I’m glad Sally stepped forward,” I said. But my heart ached. Part of me had always hoped we’d make up and be the friends we’d once been. I dreaded telling my mom about Sally’s role in my scandal. She and Sally’s mom had been close for years.
“Oh, God,” I whispered.
“What?” Jenna yelled. Her body jerked.
“Just—just pictures. Of me.”
“Worse than the ones on the Net?” Jenna glanced over, eyes wide. “Holy fuck. Abbi, those are horrible.”
Tears burned my eyes, and I tried to swallow down the lump. They were. They were worse than I’d imagined.
I closed the file, my hand shaking.
“What are you going to do with that?” Jenna asked.
“I don’t know.”
“Hiding hasn’t worked,” Jenna pointed out, her voice gentle but threaded with steel. I sat up straighter, gripping the edge of the folder. “And those . . . they’ll find a way into the wrong hands. Onto the Internet.”
“I don’t want to hurt my family. These pictures would do that.”
“Then you’re going to live afraid one of those’ll come out,” Jenna said. “Fear eats at you. Makes you different and never in a good way.”
She spoke from experience. I should ask what she meant by that but right now, I couldn’t think at all. I kept seeing those images. Those horrible images of me. Naked. Exposed. On a bed that multiple men surrounded.
“Were you unconscious?” Jenna asked. She sounded as choked up as I was.
“Yes.”
“Abbi, I’m going to ask you something because I’ve wondered even before I met you. The way you look in those photos . . . I’ve seen girls look like that at parties. Were you drugged?”
Nausea crashed over me as I wondered if I was going back to the weeks where I shivered and vomited in the shower every sin
gle morning.
“Yes,” I whispered, head bowed with the humiliation Sally, Steve, Bethany wanted me to feel.
Those pictures had been taken for one reason and one reason only—to shame me into silence.
“That’s the illegal bit you mentioned before,” Jenna said.
“I don’t know, Jenna. I just don’t know if I’m ready for another round of intense scrutiny.” I wasn’t sure I had the right to ask my family to go through that again.
I wasn’t sure I could live any sort of life at all, always fearful, waiting, if I didn’t.
9
Clay
Dane patted my back when I came into the kitchen to get some coffee, his eyes filled with amusement.
“Heard about your trip to crazy town last night from Kai.”
I grunted, wanting my eyes to focus.
“Just so you know, Nessa wanted to bring Abbi to the concert tonight.”
“Wait—they met?”
Dane nodded, his mouth pinched with displeasure. “This morning. They bonded over a Bethany experience.”
I stiffened, disgusted just at the mention of Bethany’s name. “Do I even want to know? Everything okay?”
“Yeah. Nessa told Bethany off. She said Abbi’s really nice, by the way. She and Jenna just left for Portland. They won’t be back till late.”
“Abbi didn’t want to come to our show?”
“Not how I heard it. Nessa said Abbi was meeting someone down there. Jenna decided to go with her. You know she doesn’t like crowds.”
I grunted, slamming back another gulp of my coffee. Probably some dude Abbi knew. I didn’t want her talking to other men. I didn’t want her doing other men. I scrubbed my palm over my face.
“They’re meeting one of Abbi’s old friends from high school. Apparently, she wasn’t very nice to Abbi, so Jenna said she’d tag along for moral support.”
A girl. Relief eased the tightness building in my chest. “For the best. She’s a distraction I don’t need.”
“Tackling her probably wasn’t your smartest decision. Especially if you want in her pants.”
He had no idea. Last night’s restlessness was punctuated by dreams of Abbi in my arms and what I’d like to do to her once I got her there again. The 3:00 a.m. cold shower hadn’t done much to ease my aching balls, but it had wakened me enough so I didn’t fall back asleep until well after five.
I never lost sleep or obsessed over girls. That was my brother Colt’s deal. Until now, I’d never dated anyone seriously, something my dad worried over when I was in high school. So much so he’d decided to take me for a father-son fishing trip. Looking back, I was sure my mom had asked him to. My dad, for all his ability when it came to playing music, tended to be oblivious to the little things like my life. Which was just fine with me.
We went on a weekend toward the end of my junior year, and I’d spent most of the time considering which of my many options to take to prom. I’d ticked through the list, bored out of my mind, as I waited for a fish to bite. My dad had a beer—something I’d gotten drunk on the weekend before and now couldn’t stand the smell of—but I had to make due with a hot can of cola.
Dad had cleared his throat. “So your mom thinks you’re gay.”
I’d just taken a sip of my drink and managed to inhale it up into my nasal passage. The bubbles stung.
“What? Shit. That hurt.”
“Sorry. I should’ve waited. But I just wanted to let you know that’s cool. We love you, Clay. If you’re into dudes and that makes you happy, then go for it.”
“I’m not into dudes,” I’d managed to wheeze. My nose had hurt so much, I thought for sure it had to be bleeding. Coke in your nose was not cool.
“It’s fine. In case you were worried.”
“I’m not worried because I’m not gay. I like girls.”
While that conversation was embarrassing and the epitome of unproductive, my dad had tried.
Now, six years later, I wished I had the same conviction in my family and the same naïve belief that all girls wanted me for was me. Both were patently false and caused lots of heartache, which was why I didn’t like my continuing obsession with Abigail Dorsey. I wanted her to the point I was thinking about her and what I’d like to do to her both waking and in my dreams.
Sure, she was beautiful and smart—the two prerequisites for grabbing my attention. But the vulnerability she exuded made me want to curl her up tight in my lap, hugging her there until she was ready to stand up again on her own. That desire to nurture and protect just wasn’t my style.
I headed to my parents for my weekly check-in on Cassidy. When I arrived, Mom sent me down to the pool area. “Cassie’s still sleeping. Go be loud out there so she can rest.”
My parents had a big house—I doubted me talking to my mom in the kitchen would be an issue, but one more look at her face, her tired eyes, and I understood she needed some more time to collect herself. I wondered if my dad had done something to upset her.
I loved my father, I really did. He taught me how to play multiple instruments and took me on stupid fishing trips when he could fit them in. But his treatment of my mother, the parent who’d raised and loved me when he wasn’t around, pissed me off. Maybe I’d get lucky and he’d be recording. Nope, he was lounging in the hot tub next to Colt.
“Dad.” I nodded in his direction. “Colt.” I shook his hand and ruffled his damp hair. “Good to see you.”
“Hey, bro. If you’d called me back, I would’ve driven out with you.”
Colten was older than me by twenty months. He’d finished his bachelor’s of science and was now in his last year of his master’s program. While we were both at Northern, we rarely ran into each other.
“Sorry. Last night didn’t go the way I hoped and I overslept.”
Colten raised an eyebrow. Of the three of us, he looked the most like our father with his piercing dark eyes and black hair. He even had Dad’s mannerisms, like the way he tilted his head when he was giving you his full attention.
Colt was the least musically-inclined of any of us. He lived for chemistry, specifically, biochem, which Abbi had talked about yesterday. While I hadn’t been interested enough to learn all the details, I’d heard my brother spout enough on the topic to have a basic sense of what she’d been talking about.
“Girl trouble?” Colt asked with a smirk. He’d been in a serious relationship for the past couple of years, even mentioned he was starting to think long-term, which made my stomach ache and my palms sweat. If my parents, who’d known each other long before my dad’s rise to stardom couldn’t cut it, the odds were against Colt and me, who had always been media darlings, finding something lasting.
“No. I’d have to be dating a girl for there to be trouble.”
“Ah,” Dad said. “Why don’t you join us? I want to hear about the girl who shot down the mighty Clay Rippey.”
Ignoring him flitted through my mind for a second, but I’d come here as much to get his take on the situation as to see Cassie and my mom. I kicked off my shoes and pulled off my T-shirt. Stepping into the water, I waited to get accustomed to the heat before I sank down fully into the warm water, leaning back against the rim of the hot tub.
Cassidy tumbled through the door, dropped her towel onto one of the benches before jumping into the pool. Dad smiled, his eyes filled with pleasure. He was as relieved as the rest of us were to see Cassidy’s energy so high.
“Don’t wear yourself out too much, Cassie,” Dad said. “You’re still building up your strength.”
She swam to the edge and glared at us. “I know my limits.”
“Of course you do, sweetie. I know you want to come to the gala next weekend, and I want you to feel well enough for that.”
“Dad! That’s a whole week away. I’m going. I told Briar I’d write a speech. She was excited.”
“Briar?” I asked. No way she could be talking about Abbi’s aunt.
“Briar Moore,” Cassidy sighed, long and
drawn out like she did whenever she enjoyed knowing something I didn’t. “Engaged to Hayden Crewe. She’s opened a counseling center at the hospital to help families of cancer and terminally ill patients.”
“When and what is this event?” Colt asked. Like me, Colt took all things related to Cassidy’s illness seriously.
“It’s a charity gala,” Dad said.
I raised an eyebrow. Dad hated those events.
“Your mom called Briar to tell her our story and ask what we could do to help out. It’s a great idea.”
“So is Asher Smith and his family going to be there?” I asked.
Dad pulled his eyes from Cassidy to focus on me. “Yeah. I ran into him last week. He and his wife were one of the first donors to the project. Her first husband died from an auto-immune disease.” He paused, eyes narrowing on mine. “You seem really interested.”
“What do you know about his stepdaughter?”
I directed the question at Dad, but Colt answered.
“Abbi? You been looking out for her like I asked?”
“I ran into her at the library last night. She was getting hassled by a couple frat guys.”
“Figured that was going to happen,” Colt sighed. “She’s a pretty girl, always alone. Bothers me to see her so isolated.”
“Asher said she was at Northern. And that she was really messed up by what had happened last year,” Dad said. “I don’t understand these boys’ desire to drug a woman.”
“You know more about it?” I asked.
“Careful, Clay,” Colt said. “Sounds like you’re interested, and Abbi’s naked skin has been flashed all over the Internet. That’s a lot to handle.”
My dad must have realized I was pissed because he cleared his throat.
“Remember that time you were ‘engaged’ to Leah Bradford?”
Colt rolled his eyes. “Yeah, from a picture of us holding hands. I was seventeen.”
“Or how about that time I was cheating on your mother with three women at the same time.”
Colt snorted, but I had to bite back a retort pointing out that wasn’t too far from the truth. Anger surged, hot and vicious, into my chest. I focused on Cassidy’s splashing.
Seattle Sound Series, The Collection: Books One to Five Page 80