I scrubbed my hands over my face. “You got checked, right? What did the doctor say?”
“I couldn’t go anywhere on campus. I was afraid Steve, then the media, would find out, and then there’d be stories about an unplanned pregnancy or an abortion or something equally as salacious. I went to San Francisco and got one of those Plan B kits. I tried to get in with an OB there, but they didn’t have availability unless it was an emergency. I couldn’t tell them it was—not with those pictures hitting every national media outlet. Someone would have sold me out. So I waited.”
“To make sure you weren’t pregnant.” My stomach rolled. I’d never been through that with a girl, but Colt had. He’d been nearly out of his mind when his high school girlfriend’s period was late. “Please tell me you’ve been checked.”
She didn’t meet my eyes. “I tried again when I got home at the end of the semester, but at first, the media was too involved in my every movement. I didn’t want to go to a clinic in Sydney because I was worried about what the press there would say. By the time I got back, I had four weeks until my annual. It’s next Monday.”
18
Abbi
I blew out a breath and waited, my body tensing more with each passing moment. If he didn’t say something, I’d break.
“And you thought—what? That I’d stop being your friend because you actually need one. That hurts, Abbi.”
“Sally wouldn’t talk to me after my junior year in high school. We’d known each other since the third grade and all of a sudden, one day, she wouldn’t return my calls.
“When Asher suggested we move to Seattle for my senior year, I was totally fine with that because of Sally’s defection.” I picked at my thumb’s cuticle, unable to look at Clay.
“So you moved to Seattle and went where?”
“Cleveland High. That wasn’t the area Mom and Asher wanted to move to but I liked the STEM courses. They got me in there. I got a lot of flak for that.”
Clay sighed.
“Everything was fine until that stupid ‘she’s so pretty, why doesn’t she want to be a cover model’ article came out. Students came out in droves, pretending to be my friend. If I told them anything, it’d end up all over the school, social media. I’d hoped college would be different. And it was. Tech was worse. So much worse.”
He touched my cheek with his thumb before cupping it with his palm. “If it’s okay, I’d like to hold you and let you know you’re not in this alone.”
“In some ways, I’ve been alone for years,” I said, blinking against the tears that threatened to spill out of my eyes.
He pulled me into his arms, snuggling me close against his chest. I wrapped my arms tight around his waist, hugging him tighter still.
“No, Abbi. It just feels that way. I’ve met your family. You were never alone.”
I don’t know how long we stood there together. Eventually, Clay shifted. He kissed the top of my head and led me back to his couch.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said, surprised. “I’m actually good. I mean, I don’t want those pictures to come out, but I feel better to have shared all of this mess with someone.”
“I’m glad you feel safe with me.”
I smiled up at him, a genuine one. “You sure you don’t want me to leave?”
His eyes narrowed and his brows pulled down in a low, angry V. But he cupped my cheeks with a tenderness I’m sure I didn’t deserve. “I’m not leaving you to face this alone.”
“Clay,” I whispered.
He pulled back, but I clamped my hands around his wrists.
“Please. Don’t pull back. I need . . . I want . . .”
I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his. Good. His lips felt so good. He cupped the back of my head, his thumb rubbing up and down in a gentle caress.
I pulled back in slow degrees, my lips clinging to his as surely as I clung to his wrists. He’d said he wanted to be friends, but I’d just laid some pretty heavy secrets on him. Time to step back and woman up. Give him the space he deserved.
“Sorry. It’s been a while since I’ve kissed anyone, and you make me feel safe.”
“That’s it?”
I blinked up at him. “What’s it?”
Clay’s lip flipped up in a little smirk.
“I’ll spell it out. I want you, Abbi. You gotta know that. I wouldn’t have asked you to dance if I didn’t. I knew the media would write about us. But here’s the deal: I’m not going to push you because first and foremost, I am your friend. I thought I’d made that clear earlier.”
I smiled and rolled my eyes, trying to cover my hurt. It’s not like I expected him to proclaim his undying love, but I would like him to show more interest in pursuing a relationship. This felt lukewarm instead of the raging libido I tried to suppress whenever he was around.
“What did you buy for dinner?”
Clay’s eyebrow shot up under his bangs. “You are not changing the subject.”
“I make a pretty decent lemon-and-herb salmon with couscous. Healthy but tasty.”
Clay leaned in and nipped at my lower lip, and my throat quivered on the resulting moan.
“I want you, Abbi. But right now it feels like if I go further, I’m no better than those bastards who took advantage of you.”
I pulled out of his lap, settling next to him. I looked down at my hands. I’d ripped the skin and cuticles on my left hand, leaving it scabby and gross.
“You want to know what the worst part about this is? Not that I could have an STD, though that would totally suck. Especially since it would’ve gone untreated for so long.”
I swallowed and forced my gaze up to Clay’s, needing to tell him the last of my secret. The piece that cut so deep into my heart.
“I was a virgin that night. That’s the main reason I want to go to the OB/GYN.”
“You’ve never had sex?” Clay asked. He kept his voice neutral, but I could hear the thread of surprise.
I gripped my fingers tight. I’d been so stupid.
“Not that I can remember, no.” I forced my face up toward his. With Clay, I wouldn’t lie. “I dated a guy for a while my junior year of high school, but the break up was traumatic. Then, I worried the guys wanted to be with me because of my famous stepdad. I wasn’t willing to chance that. I took a bunch of courses at the community college so that I started at Tech basically a semester ahead. Because it was always my dream,” I shrugged, “both the school and the degree. I wasn’t going to hookup, not when I already felt pressure from the media just by being related to Asher and getting into a top-tier school.”
His skin was gray-tinged. He ran his fingers through the short hairs at his nape.
“Thank you for telling me.”
“I thought Steve actually liked me, but he ended up being the worst of the lot. I just want you to know trusting . . . It’s hard. Especially now.”
We sat in silence for a while, each wrestling with my revelations. “My mom told me to fight for my happiness,” I said softly. I turned to cup his cheek. “I think you’ve already become that for me. Just so you know, I didn’t plan to meet you. Or like you. Or . . . or need more than that with you.”
He looked away. “I don’t do relationships, Abbi. I like you and I desire the fuck out of you, but I . . .”
I wouldn’t regret telling him all my secrets because I knew he’d keep them. Because of his background, he understood how hard it was to find someone to confide in, and he was too honorable to betray me. Of that, at least, I was sure. But I’d thought he wanted me like I wanted him.
“Listen. Please.”
I couldn’t meet his gaze and my heart slammed in my chest.
He swallowed hard, his eyes darkening with some pain I couldn’t understand. “I’ve never wanted a relationship like Nes and Dane have. All that shit—the commitment to each other, the time, knowing we’ve got each other’s backs—that just seems like a big ruse. At some point, it’ll crash and burn.” With e
ach word, his features hardened, his determination to remain single evident.
“But you said you wanted to act as my boyfriend.” Confusion built in my chest. “Isn’t that the same thing?”
He smiled, shaking his head. “Nah. Whatever we do, we know we’re not in a real relationship. It’s for the paps. And to help your image.”
Disappointment welled up, choking me, but I managed to say, “And we know it’s all fake.”
“Right.” He smiled.
I bowed my head, pressing it against his shoulder. I needed the time to absorb his words and Clay stroked my hair, letting me adjust.
I was no catch, I got that. Over the last months, I’d become moody, cautious. Probably a huge pain in the ass. Definitely high maintenance. My throat tightened and my nose stung. Two choices: run away or take him up on his offer for this fake something.
I heard a key scrape against the front door’s lock. I jumped up, smoothing my clothes, my hands fluttering over my hair.
Clay stood, all easy grace and extreme male hotness. He scooped up the manila folder with the pictures in it and shoved it into my bag. “Why don’t you put this in my room? Door at the end of the hall.”
I grabbed the strap and scurried down the hall. Clay’s room was large but not ostentatiously so. His bed was covered in a thick dove-gray silk duvet. My brow rose. Silk. Really. I guess it paid to grow up rich. There were other blankets and about ten pillows on his bed—a king, I’d bet. It looked comfortable, a retreat from the rest of the world. A place to snuggle.
My shoulders rolled forward as I realized I was lusting after Clay’s bed like many other women had before me. He didn’t want me. Not the way I wanted him. But he was willing to help me.
I set my bag in the deep armchair near the window, taking a moment to look out at the view. I needed to calm down. So many emotions rolled through me, and I wasn’t sure which to latch on to. I pressed my hand to the glass, taking in the panoramic sweep of Seattle’s Pike Market district.
“Abbi?” Nessa called.
“Coming,” I said. Stepping out into the hall where Nessa hovered near Clay’s door, I gave her a hug. “I thought you were going on the Ferris wheel.”
Nessa shrugged. “Malfunction. But it’s cool. Clay says you’re making dinner. We can all hang out.”
I smiled and started down the hall but Nessa’s hand on my arm stopped me.
“What’s going on with you and Clay? Why were you in his room? I’ve never seen a woman in there.”
“Ever?” I asked, pleasure enveloping me.
Nessa shook his head. “Clay’s private. He kinda has to be with his dad. You know?”
“I was just putting my bag in there.”
Nessa raised her brow. “Welp, I guess that’s stating his intentions.”
“It’s not really like that,” I sighed. “He’s just helping me out, Nes.”
“But you put your bag in his room,” Nessa said, clasping her hands together under her chin. “So he must want you to stay. That’s so sweet.”
The doubt and disappointment slithered back through my mind, a poisonous snake hell-bent on destruction.
“If you say so.”
“I do. I’ve seen the way he looks at you,” Nessa said. “He wants you. Badly. But he cares enough to take it slow.”
I nibbled the corner of my lip, wondering what she’d think if she’d heard Clay talk about how against relationships he really was.
19
Clay
Abbi was more than capable in the kitchen. Once we realized she knew what she was doing, the rest of us fell back and watched her work. I grabbed a beer and offered another to Dane and Nessa, who accepted. Abbi declined, which didn’t surprise me. If she was right and she’d been drugged, I sympathized with her desire to stay clear-headed.
“Where’s Kai?” I asked.
“Sulking,” Dane responded. “Jenna’s going on a date with some lacrosse player tonight so he’s holed up at his place.”
“Why doesn’t he ask her out if he’s interested?” Abbi asked.
Dane shrugged. “He knows she isn’t. Like, at all.”
“She’s still hung up on her high school boyfriend,” Nessa said. “They have unfinished business.”
“Something about betrayal,” Abbi said, frowning. She finished scooping the herbs into a bowl with garlic and butter. Her gaze was thoughtful as she checked the asparagus. “She mentioned it on our ride down to Portland.”
“Yeah, it was bad. I guess she had an OD incident in high school,” Nessa said. “She has a slew of issues, but the depression is the worst.”
“Is it better now?” Abbi asked.
Nessa pursed her lips. “I got the sense when she OD’d she was really messed up. And hanging out with a band—that’s a lot of temptation. So she doesn’t come to many of the concerts. She won’t talk about it.”
“That’s too bad.” Abbi sighed. “Offering up those vulnerable pieces of yourself, that’s scary. But when you find someone you can share it with—”
Again, her eyes found mine, and I struggled to force down my desire for her. From that first moment when she’d walked across campus, I’d lusted after her. Knowing her secrets, her strength, I respected the hell out of her, but that need was tempered with the knowledge other men had seen her naked. Touched her and shared those pictures not just with each other but with the world at large.
The timer buzzed and Abbi broke eye contact, busying herself with finishing up dinner. Nessa grabbed the placemats my mom had bought as a housewarming gift and laid them on the table. I filled glasses with water and laid out the silverware and plates. Dane smirked, but I liked the effort our girls made. These little touches were what made the difference between just a meal and a home.
Abbi brought the salmon, couscous, and roasted asparagus to the table.
“Meant to tell you,” Dane said as he took his seat next to Nessa. “Bo called about the show on Saturday. He wants us to expand our set. I guess the other band dropped out.”
I nodded, considering our playlist, as I helped myself to the salmon Abbi passed me. “We’ll need to practice the rest of the week to make sure we have a large enough repertoire.”
“Figured. I’ve already let Kai know.”
“You’re going to come this time,” Nessa said, turning to Abbi. She was two beers deep and her lids were heavy.
Abbi’s eyes flashed to mine. I picked up her cold hand. “I’d like that. Please.”
“But if this keeps going, the story will be about us and not your music.”
Dane kicked back in his chair, his arm slung across the back of Nessa’s. “You know the saying about the press.”
“I don’t want to overshadow your gig.” She shook her head. “That’s not exactly what I meant.”
“I know what you meant,” I said, leaning forward. “Look, I told you I don’t give a fuck what anyone else thinks. I want you there.” The words were right. I really wanted Abbi to be there because her presence would make me happier. I swallowed down my concern about what that could mean.
She studied me for a long moment, her eyes darkening. Then, with a soft voice, she said, “I’d like that.”
“You should take Abbi out this week. So it’s not as big a deal that she’s there on Saturday,” Nessa said. “You know, to give everyone time to get used to your amazing couple hotness.”
I rolled my eyes and finished off my beer. “I’m taking Abbi out on Friday after we practice. We’re getting sushi.”
I ignored her raised eyebrows. I set my bottle on the table.
“And she’s staying here, with me, this week.”
“Guess we’re eating better than usual,” Nessa said, trying hard not to laugh.
“Am I?” Abbi asked. She looked amused.
Dane snorted.
“Dude, the first thing about dating. You ask. Always.”
I shot him a grin. “I would, but Abbi gets nervous. So I figured I’d just let her know the plan. That way
she doesn’t have to overthink it too much.”
Nessa burst out laughing. Dane shook his head and joined in. I turned to look at Abbi, who wore an expression somewhere between exasperation and pleasure. I picked up the hand I was still holding and kissed her knuckles, enjoying my role as much as my audience.
“Will you go out with me Friday, Abbi? On our first official date?”
She smiled, a bright wide one. “I’d like that. Except for one part: I’d rather not eat sushi.”
I lurched back in my chair. Keeping hold of her hand, I laid her open palm on my thigh.
“How could you have grown up in Seattle and hate sushi?”
“First, I don’t hate sushi. It’s just not my favorite. Second, I didn’t grow up in Seattle. I lived in Idaho for most of my school years. We like beef, potatoes, and corn.”
“Looks like you’re going to have to pony up for a fancy steakhouse,” Dane said. He pointed his fork at me. “Good thing you asked.”
Nessa and Dane insisted on cleaning up, but Abbi and I kept them company. The conversation flowed with lots of teasing. I watched Abbi open up more with each passing hour. This was the woman she’d been before her life shifted because of Asher’s fame—the woman she was meant to be—the one I was going to help reestablish.
Abbi leaned into my side as we talked, and I liked her nearness. It was only about ten when Dane brushed Nessa’s hair from her face. Her eyes were closed, her breathing soft and rhythmic.
“Guess she found you boring,” Dane joked. He stood, lifting Nessa into his arms. She curled into him and he clutched her closer.
“See you tomorrow at practice.” He strode down the hall. We listened to the soft click of his door.
The easy comfort evaporated under the thickening tension. Abbi scrambled up. So much for thinking I’d fooled her into believing my slick boyfriend act.
“I don’t have a toothbrush. Maybe it’d be best if I just went back to my dorm.”
Seattle Sound Series, The Collection: Books One to Five Page 87