“Until the age of fourteen, I’d been a nice girl from a decent, middle class home. I’d never been hit in my life. I cried, and they laughed, telling me I had to toughen up before they hit me again.” And again and again. Me, against ten girls. To this day, I still couldn’t believe I’d survived the abuse.
“Sue said you hung out with gang members, but I got the impression you weren’t in a gang.”
“I never joined. Not officially.”
“Because of the initiation process?”
I nodded, the shame of my one experience enough to still force its hateful claws into my skin. “I’d promised myself not to be like my mother. And I didn’t use my body as currency, but in three months I’d gone from a kid with values to a girl willing to let others kick the snot out of me just so I could have a place to belong.”
“You were sixteen when this all went down?”
Again I nodded, still unable to look at him.
“And you haven’t been in a relationship since?”
“I—I didn’t say that.”
“What did you do? After you ran away from the gang?”
“I didn’t run. I crawled.”
I clamped my jaw shut, refusing to say anything further. But Kai, damn him, rubbed his palms up and down my arms, calming my racing heart. He deserved to know, all of it. I hadn’t exaggerated when I said I was broken. My gaze met his for a fleeting moment before I became terribly interested in the items on top of my dresser.
“Where did you go? After you crawled out of wherever you were.” Kai stepped closer. He brushed my hair back from my cheek.
I still couldn’t meet his gaze.
“I had some money in my pocket. Enough to take a bus to a shelter. I was there for over a week. They aren’t supposed to take minors—I knew that because I’d tried another shelter before—so I lied about my age. I didn’t have an ID and no way to get a copy of my birth certificate. I’m pretty sure some of the staff knew, but they didn’t ask more questions. Probably because they knew I’d end up on the streets if they did. And those first few nights, I was in bad shape.” I shrugged but the hurt, the abandonment I’d struggled so hard to shed, weighted me down. “I got my act together enough to get back into the classroom near the shelter, which was across town from my foster family’s place. One of my counselors helped me set up the GED test and apply to Northern.”
“But you only lived in the shelter for a couple of weeks. What did you do after that?”
“I stayed with some kids in an abandoned house not far from school. I turned seventeen there. I—I had a protector there. Lainey. She was younger than me but tough. Really tough. I was still a mess from the beating, and Lainey told the kids if they touched me, she’d kill them.” The memory of Lainey bringing me a sandwich or water as I huddled in the corner made my heart ache. Shame flared across my face but also my chest and stomach. “She died a couple of months after my acceptance for Northern came.”
I was quiet, reliving the pain of losing Lainey, my last real friend. At least until I met Kai, Abbi and Nessa. Up until these past few weeks, I hadn’t realized how lonely I was—how empty my life had become.
“Once the counselor gave me the letter, I walked into the Child Protective Services office and asked for money to live in the dorms. They’ll pay for some seventeen-year-olds to live on their own. Lainey’s the one who helped me—she’d been in and out of CPS enough to know that while the bureaucrats don’t like to, it’s legal. Lainey made me wait until I’d signed up for the GED test to prove I wasn’t a flight risk or anything. Moving here removed me from a dangerous situation on the streets. My social worker agreed to the plan.”
The silence grew, and I shifted, trying not to out-right fidget. I hadn’t ever wanted Kai to know about that period in my life. Not ever. Instead I had to open my big mouth, and now, when I looked up, the interest in his eyes would be replaced with revulsion. Not that I blamed him. Not really.
“That’s quite a story,” he said.
I twisted my hands together.
“Are you going to look at me?”
I didn’t want to. I raised my head with great reluctance. The brown swirls were brighter than usual.
“I get that was hard to tell me, but it doesn’t change who you are now. In fact, it probably helped turn you into the smart, confident woman in front of me.”
I snorted. I wasn’t any of those things. I’d learned how to work hard, and I did. Over and over again. To prove I was smart enough to be here, getting a college education. To prove I was better than my mother. To prove I was worthy of respect and love. That was the main reason I’d remained a virgin—I couldn’t stomach letting someone use my body in a casual, throwaway manner as I’d seen so many kids on the street—Lainey included—do.
With deliberate slowness, he pressed himself against me, smirking when he had to grab my elbows to hold me up. “You’ve manage to surprise me in each conversation we’ve had. I’m one lucky bastard to get to call you my wife.”
My voice was gone. Somewhere deep inside me never to come back.
“Breathe, Evie.” He leaned forward, brushing his nose over mine. I gulped in a deep breath. “Now, let’s talk about getting married.”
14
Kai
I took Evie’s hand, threading my fingers through hers. Desire flared, hot and needy, in her eyes. Evie appeared not to like to be touched, most likely thanks to her experiences as a teen on the streets. I bit the tip of my tongue, hating not just Evie’s limited choices back then but the fact other men had used her desperation against her. On the plus side, the more I did put my hands on her, the more malleable she became. I was gaining her trust, and that meant more to me than I wanted to admit.
I settled back against her pillows, toeing off my sneakers. They fell to the floor with a thud. With my hand still holding hers, I tugged her forward and she collapsed onto my chest, right where I wanted her. I let out a soft ooof.
“I’m so sorry. I know I’m not light,” she said. Her face flamed as the desire slid from her eyes.
I cupped both her cheeks and gazed into her eyes. “You’re perfect, Evangeline.”
Dropping my hands from those sculpted cheeks, I brushed her thick, wavy hair back before tucking her against my chest. Evie felt good. Really good. I slid my hand down her arm before settling my hand at her waist. How she could have body issues was beyond me. I hadn’t exaggerated when I said she was the hottest woman I’d ever met.
I smiled as I slid my hand down over her hip, feeling her tremble against me. Oh, yeah. Evie naked, under me, was going to be an experience.
Later. I’d think about that later. Just as I’d decipher how to treat a virgin, make her first time special, after I figured out how to get Evie to agree to marry me.
“It’s Thursday. So we’ll have to go to the courthouse first thing tomorrow for the license. I think they can marry us the same day. I’ll have to check. I’ll do that in a sec.”
“We can’t do this, Kai. It’s not logical,” she said, her cheeks flushing again.
“I beg to differ. It’s the most logical—and neat—solution to our problems. So what are you really worried about?”
“Why would you want to marry me? I mean, it’s not just my past, but you’re, well, famous and I’m not.”
“I like you for who you are.” I pressed a kiss to the tip of her nose. “I like you even better now that I know just how much you had to overcome.”
“I didn’t tell you so you’d feel sorry for me,” she said, a bite in her voice.
“Ah, Evie. One thing I don’t feel is pity. From the moment I met you in the hospital, I thought you were beautiful. Then I saw you interact with Paige and realized you were patient and caring. That’s as attractive as your pretty, pretty breasts that you flashed at me.”
“I didn’t flash you!”
“We differ in our memories. But I have to tell you something.”
“What?”
“One of the reasons I wan
ted you to lie on top of me is because I’ve been dying to get my hands on your ass.” I laid my palms there, squeezing the firm muscles. She held her breath, stilling completely. Such an Evie reaction.
Now that I’d admitted the depth of the attraction to her, I had to have Evie. I didn’t know much about virgins, but from what I did know, if Evie hadn’t had sex, she’d be tight. Really tight. I blew out a breath and gritted my teeth. Not the best time to consider that aspect of virginity.
“Kai?”
“We have some time. First order of business is the wedding, then a house. That’ll show the guardian ad litum we’re serious about our plans and Paige’s future. I looked around on the real estate sites a few weeks ago.” Before she’d given me back my ring. “There are some nice houses over by Abbi’s parents. Mason will look after Paige at school.”
“Why are you doing this? You don’t want to marry me. You walked away before.”
Her voice was small, but when she tipped her head back to look at me, her gaze was steady.
“Of course I do. You’re smart, funny. A beautiful woman.”
“Whom you barely know. Really.”
Which was part of the appeal. Evie didn’t see how deep the darkness inside me ran. How I was the child my mother didn’t want or love. Abbi and Nessa liked Evie and wanted to spend time with her, which kept my band and friend dynamic intact. Sue and Marilyn vouched for her. Evie was ambitious, sure, but her innate kindness meant she always put people before her desires. She wanted to give Paige a safe, happy childhood even more than I did.
“I never meant to hurt your feelings. I just thought . . . I mean, we can help Paige. I know you hate that you were in the accident that took her parents.” Not fair of me to bring that up, but it furthered my argument. “So we’ll become her new parents. We want to make sure she’s happy and has the best of everything. I can provide the money, and you’re so good with her. You can give her all the attention she needs to get beyond her parents’ death.”
“You make it sound simple, but it’s not. I have to finish my dissertation, and Paige is going to struggle with the transition. Plus, you’re traveling. I’m not sure—”
Evie looked at the wall, leaving the line of her throat vulnerable to me. I liked the delicacy of her skin. Hell, I liked Evie. Why couldn’t she see what a good idea this was?
“What about Paige? What if she doesn’t get passed her parents’ death? What if she blames me at some point in the future? How’s that going to affect our relationship?”
“She needs time to work through what happened,” I said. “Every day’s not going to be pretty with butterflies and rainbows and those sparkly pink things Paige likes to stick on everything she makes, but don’t tell me it’s not worth trying to keep her out of foster care or away from another family that’ll abuse her.”
“I don’t want to see her hurt or scared.”
“Paige deserves more than she’s getting, and we’re the only ones who can make that happen.” We were quiet for a moment as she pieced through what I’d said.
“You think it’ll work? I mean, that Sue can pave the way so we get custody of Paige?”
“I do. And I’ll have my lawyer draw up the adoption papers so that Sue and the CPS know we’re serious about Paige.”
“What about us?”
Excellent. I bit back a smile. She was softening toward the idea. I’d expected to have to work harder to convince her.
“If we get married . . . What does that mean, exactly?”
I linked our fingers together, liking the way they looked. We were a team. A team fighting back the darkness and giving a little girl a second chance at a life.
“It means you’re my wife. We share our bank accounts, meals, a bathroom and a bed.” I dipped my voice at the end, because every time I thought about Evie naked, an intense desire to feel her skin against mine took over me.
Over the last few months, I’d turned into a walking hard-on, unwilling to ease the constant tension by fucking another woman. That wouldn’t be fair to any of us, and I’d been fairly certain it wouldn’t work, anyway. I shifted a little, trying to find a more comfortable position.
“And this would be for . . . what? What if we have a kid together?”
I wasn’t ready to go there. My short-term goal of saving Paige didn’t mesh with the nebulous future Evie wanted to discuss. I was in a band, the lead singer. I was twenty-three years old. I couldn’t say I was ready to settle down with just one woman forever. But living with Evie might be just what I needed to make my peace with the world for my mom’s hatred and Marcus’s suicide. Evie’s presence helped before. It would help again.
“Then we deal with it.”
“But it’s not like you love me, and what if there’s some woman you do love? And—and I’m older than you. People are already talking about that.”
I tipped her chin up, unsurprised by her pink cheeks. Evie blushed a lot. I ran my nose along the side of hers, and it quickly became apparent how much she liked it. Yep, there she went, holding her breath. To up my ante, I pressed a soft kiss to the corner of her mouth. Her warm breath spilled across my cheek, but her eyes remained fixed on mine.
“You’re not old. What do a few years matter anyway? And do you really think that any couple has all the answers?” This line of questioning caused my insides to squirm. Time to seal the deal. “We’re going into this, knowing exactly what the end goal is. We adopt Paige. She’s ours. We offer her a stable environment. A loving one. And we get her all set up for college and her future.”
“So you’re saying our relationship has an expiration date. In fourteen years, we’re splitting up and patting each other on the back for raising such a great young woman?”
“No. I don’t know.” I huffed, my contentment from the moment before marred by Evie’s questions. “How can I think about that, really?”
“You’re asking me to get married, and I . . . Look, I get that marriage, love, whatever fade. My mom’s did. I saw the way adults treated the foster kids. I’m not looking for forever. That’s illogical. But. . .”
There was more there, in her eyes. She’d probably expected a romantic proposal of undying love. Yeah, this wasn’t it. This was the cold harsh reality of life. But my conscience burned. Evie was one of the sweetest women I’d ever met. She’d been through a level of trauma few people experience, and I’d blown apart one of her dreams.
I could’ve handled this with more finesse, given her more romance to hold on to for those upcoming days when I was traveling. Hell, I’d be gone for weeks on end within three months. And while I didn’t voice it aloud, spending time with Evie and Paige had helped heal me in ways I hadn’t known I needed. With them, I was the provider, not the young screw-up son. I was the person they looked to, leaned on.
So if Evie needed some romance, I’d have to find a way to give it to her. As long as she agreed to my plan, I’d give her just about anything.
“Can I think about it?”
“Of course. Now, may I stay here tonight? I’d like to hold you, sing to you, and I’d also like to be here when Paige wakes up in the morning.”
All those conflicting emotions rose up in her eyes again. Evie’s innate need to protect herself wanted to shove me out. I played my advantage—pressing kisses to the corner of her mouth. With a soft sound, Evie eased into me. I cradled her head, bringing her down onto the mattress.
I wouldn’t give her any reason to doubt me. This was what needed to happen. I was going to save Paige and I was going to love Evie’s body until she was senseless. I’d show my mother and Sue just how long-term I could be.
“So what’s your perfect scenario?” I asked the next morning as we stood in the kitchen, drinking our coffee. Paige had asked to watch cartoons and she was snuggled up on the couch with her stuffed bunny.
“Sunset wedding,” Evie said on a sigh. “Near water. I love water—the soft, soothing ripples.”
“Abbi’s parents’ place is on a lake. They ha
ve a cool house. I bet we could have the ceremony there.”
Evie studied my eyes, hers filled with hesitation and something close to pain. Slowly, she shook her head. “This isn’t a real marriage.”
“Yes, it is,” I said, affronted. “I’m totally marrying you.”
“In that sense, sure.” Evie dropped her gaze and shook her head. “The fastest, most efficient option is to go to the justice of the peace.”
“But that’s not what you want.”
“We don’t have a lot of time and there’s no point to plan a big, lavish wedding. That’s not what this is about. And what if the paparazzi crash it? They’d scare Paige.” She took my empty mug and set it and hers in the dishwasher.
I crossed my arms over my chest. “Fine. We’ll do the wedding part however you want. But I have one request.”
“What’s that?” She picked up the sponge and wiped down the already spotless counters.
“Wear something pretty. Something that makes you feel special. Because you are, Evangeline, and I want our wedding to be something you look back on with happiness.”
She didn’t think I saw the eye roll, but I did. I snagged her by the wrist and towed her closer until she was plastered against my chest. “Promise,” I whispered in her ear.
“I—I promise,” she said, her eyes dropping to my lips. “Though you and I know this is just a business arrangement.”
I leaned down and took her mouth, keeping the tongue to light, gentle strokes since Paige was in the next room. Didn’t stop Evie from pressing closer and moaning into my mouth. I pulled back, needing to get my desire back under control. Some awesome business deal. Evie lit me up faster than a holiday sparkler. “What do you have to do today?”
She blinked a few times, clearing the passionate glaze from her eyes. “Um, I should call Dr. Trenton and set up some more subjects.”
“Do that and then we’ll go down to the courthouse and fill out the paperwork.”
She nodded, still dazed by the kiss. I smirked when she picked up her phone and headed into the bedroom to make her calls. Evie’s desire was a huge bonus—one I planned to capitalize on again and again and again.
Seattle Sound Series, The Collection: Books One to Five Page 111