I blew out a breath. “Once more but that was a couple of weeks ago. Unfortunately, the ballet instructor’s pissed, the other girl’s mother is pissed. If Paige acts out—at all—she can’t go back to the studio again.”
“But . . . but . . . she’s so happy.”
I gripped the handle of the broom holding the dustpan to my chest. “When you’re here, sure. But when it’s just me . . . things have changed.”
He walked toward me. “What are you saying?”
I closed my eyes and breathed deep through my nose. “I—I don’t know, really. It’s just . . . She’s so angry, Kai.” My chin quivered. “This is really hard because I get it. Not just from a counseling stand point, but because I was there. She has a right to be mad at me, especially.”
“Hey.” His thumb swiped under my eye. He pulled me closer to him and kissed me. I dropped the broom and wrapped my arms around his neck. I pressed my breast and hips against his lean, hard body. He tilted his head, his tongue sliding into my mouth.
“I’m here now. I’m here.”
I pulled him tighter to me, pressing my body to his. My anger and even my frustration with Paige flared into passion. I needed this—needed Kai. His mouth still fused to mine, he swept me into his arms and pulled me tighter to his chest. With quick, sure strides, he carried me into our bedroom, setting my feet on the ground as he continued to ravage my mouth. After locking the door, he stepped back, his eyes mostly brown.
“I need to talk to you about my job offer. About Paige, too, and—”
“That can wait. I can’t. I’ve missed you. So much.”
He cupped my cheek and dove back in for another kiss. I met his enthusiasm with my own. My hands were in his hair, running down his neck. He pulled back long enough to grab a condom from his wallet and suited up.
We were naked, falling onto the bed in a tangle of limbs, and then Kai was over me, inside me and I arched my neck, pressing my hips tighter to his as I moaned.
His thrusts were hard, sure. My body, already on fire, ignited. “Oh, God.”
“Come for me, Evie. Come on,” Kai gritted out as he moved inside my body. “I need to feel you come.”
I sobbed with need, my heart and head too filled with emotion. I’d missed him, needed this connection, this release that was building . . . building . . . and I fell over the edge.
My body grew limp, my eyes heavy as Kai rested on top of me, replete from his own release. “I’m so glad you’re here. I’ve missed you.”
“Missed you, too, wife.”
“I love you. So much it hurts.” I nuzzled closer as I closed my eyes.
Kai was home. Finally, finally I could sleep.
18
Kai
I sat on the edge of the bed, naked. Unbelieving. I dropped my head in my hands and shuddered.
We couldn’t go back—not now that I knew Evie felt that way about me. The whole idea of loving Evie freaked me out. Bad. I wasn’t cut out for that kind of emotion except with Paige.
I loved that kid, but that’s because she was young, effervescent. Easy. Except, apparently with Evie she wasn’t. I didn’t doubt Evie’s accounting of Paige’s behavior—the banner bits in the trash proved the amount of rage unleashed on the poor paper. And Evie had a bruise in the shape of a small fist on her thigh.
While I’d been out partying, Evie was dealing with a monster child. Worse than I’d ever been. Evie was a fucking saint. But . . . I didn’t think I loved her. I didn’t really know what that even was. Not really. I didn’t want to fall in love. Not now when I was supposed to be riding the high of the band’s success.
“Kai?” Evie’s voice was thick with sleep.
“Right here,” I said, but I wasn’t. The idea of falling in love didn’t just scare me. The L-word to a woman was commitment. Like, graying together and holding hands on an ambling stroll as we wore sweaters-in-summer commitment. But Evie knew we were in this only long enough to raise Paige, get her all set in college. I couldn’t think past that. Hell, my dad hadn’t even made it until Marcus and I went to college. Committing thirteen years of my life was scary as shit. Committing longer seemed stupid and scary. Really fucking scary.
“What’s wrong?”
I heard the rustling of the sheets. I didn’t want to turn toward her, see her eyes alight with questions and—dammit—love. She loved me, and I was going to break her heart. My mom said that’s all I ever did.
I had to. I’d made a promise.
I couldn’t make my dad or Marcus stick around.
“I can’t do this,” I said, my voice bleak. Better to rip it off, clean.
“Can’t sleep here?” Evie’s voice lowered as hurt filled her. “Or be with me?”
“Both.”
The silence stretched between us. “I see,” she said. “I know it doesn’t change anything, but I wouldn’t ever have had sex with you if I didn’t love you. From the beginning.”
“Evie—”
“And I never would have offered you my body if I didn’t think it meant something to you, too. I’m sorry I was mistaken.”
I heard her sniffle, but I still couldn’t look at her. I’d cave and beg her to keep going as we’d been. But I couldn’t do that to Evie. She deserved someone to love her right. I was never going to be that man.
I pressed my thumbs to my eyes. “I’m sorry,” I said.
“So am I,” her voice was thick with disappointment. I stood and stepped into my underwear, yanking on my jeans as fast as I could. I had to leave.
She rolled over and buried her face in her pillow. I waited for her shoulders to shake. She’d use tears, just like any other woman would to get her way. But Evie didn’t. She was silent.
I stood there, no longer certain what I wanted. I didn’t want to leave her. Hell, I’d just had the best sex of my life, which was saying something. Why would I throw that away? I took a step toward her, then another. I laid my hand on her bare shoulder.
“Evie.”
She lifted her face, just enough for me to see her one eye. She glared at me.
“I don’t want you here, Kai. I don’t want you in my life. You just make everything harder. So much harder.”
I reeled back. My mother said that to me, often. You make everything so much harder, Kai.
And like my mother, Evie said she loved me. Which meant that loving me hurt people.
“What about Paige?” I asked to cover my hurt and confusion.
She levered herself up, the sheet tumbling from those beautiful, full breasts. The ones I’d loved just a few hours before.
“What about her?”
“She’s my daughter. I can’t just leave her.”
“You already did.” Evie kept her tone even, which somehow made the whole thing worse. “You left both of us and couldn’t be bothered to show up when you said you would. Why? Because I was ‘naggy’.”
“I shouldn’t have said that.”
She smirked, but it was dark, ugly. “Damn straight. But it’s not like you get this—any of it. You didn’t understand how important completing my PhD. was to me. You didn’t realize how upset Paige was when you didn’t keep your promise. Hell, you quit calling me and have been too busy to talk to me if you do call.” She paused, huffed. “You would have left me asleep. You hoped I wouldn’t wake up. That way you wouldn’t have to feel guilty about slipping back out to your rock star lifestyle that I don’t fit into. That I’ll never be part of because I’m here, raising the child you practically begged to me adopt.”
“Evie.” I didn’t know what to address first, so I started at the stop of her list. “You don’t want to be part of the rock star world. You told me that.”
“You’re right. I don’t.” Her lips quivered. “But I do deserve a man who loves me, who puts me first. So does Paige.”
The fight went out of me. She was right. She deserved a man who thought only about her. While I hadn’t touched another woman during our tour, I’d looked. And I hadn’t bothered to brus
h off their touches like Clay and Dane did.
Did that mean . . . Was I really that much of an asshole? Clearly, I didn’t know how to treat a woman. My wife.
“I . . . Bye, Evie. I’ll be back in a few weeks.”
There was nothing to do but walk out. And with each step, I felt even worse.
I drove to a hotel. I could’ve stayed with Dane and Nessa, but answering those questions wasn’t on my fun-list. After dropping my gear in my room, I walked down to the bar. Fuck, Evie’s devastated face haunted me. Not two hours before, she was in the throes of passion. I’d made her as mindless with pleasure as she’d made me. But she’d kicked me out of my own house.
Pissed as I was not to see Paige, maybe it was for the best. We were leaving again tomorrow for another photo shoot and more publicity in Portland—something I hadn’t had the chance to tell Evie about.
Since I was six, I’d pretty much come and gone as I pleased. Sure, Clay deferred to Abbi, and Dane and Nessa were together, sharing the same brain as well as bodily fluids, but I . . . I was the loner. And I’d thought I’d continue to do that with a wife. But why had I thought I’d want to?
Which returned me to the heart of the problem: I did want Evie’s feedback, her opinions and her insights. She looked at different angles of the situation I didn’t see. But if I included her, I’d build a life with her.
And if I did that . . . leaving would be harder. Extricating myself from the fabric of our decisions would hurt. More than it did now.
I lay on the bed, hands propped behind my head as I considered what to do. Bottom line, though, was this: less than a year into our marriage, and I’d already proved my mother right.
With that crap-tastic thought, I rolled over, and tried to get some sleep.
I didn’t bother to call Evie the next morning or even the one after that. Let her stew in her actions, much as I was. If the guys noticed something off, they didn’t say anything. But that might have something to do with the increased media exposure we’d been getting. One of the biggest magazines in music had us in their offices for a photo shoot last week, and the article that came out called us the saviors of alt-indie. As soon as the article hit the newsstands, we were inundated with requests for more interviews, more photo shoots . . . simply more.
The fans, once excited, were now rabid. Which was why Dane and Clay were hiding out in their rooms while I sat in the bar, sullen and still reeling from Evie’ rejection.
Not even Paige had called me. What had Evie told her? Anything? It’s not like I couldn’t call her, but I couldn’t help wondering if Evie was keeping Paige from me. If Evie felt like she could do a better job with Paige without me, maybe I should just let her. Maybe my mother was right and I couldn’t ever do a relationship right.
I’d tried calling Jenna again yesterday, needing to know she was okay. Needing to talk to someone removed from my situation who could see it clearly. Jenna still wouldn’t answer.
I was halfway through my second beer when a familiar-looking woman walked in. She wasn’t just beautiful, she was stunning. And after surveying the bar, her eyes lit on me with purpose and an entrée’s-worth of heat. My lips kicked up a little as she held my gaze, hers smoldering with promise.
“Hi,” she said when she reached my side.
“Back at you.”
She leaned in, too close, but damn, her face was flawless.
“I’m Jeanine—”
“Winters. The actress. I thought I’d recognized you.” I picked up my glass and took a deep pull. What the fuck was I doing? Evie would be crushed if she found out I’d chatted up some women in a hotel bar. But Evie was the one who’d kicked me out.
“And you’re Kai Luchia. The singer.” She leaned in closer. “I love your voice.” Hers had dropped to a throaty whisper, and it was working its magic on my dick.
“Thanks.”
“Aren’t you going to invite me to have a drink?”
“Do you want one?”
She leaned in so close that her breasts touched my chest. Her breath was warm against my chin as I tipped my head down, staring into her blue eyes. They weren’t the bright moss of Evie’s, nor the clay-brown of Jenna’s. Jeanine’s eyes were unique. And filled with lust.
“Actually, I want you.”
I opened my mouth, anticipating telling her I was married. The words caught in my throat when her small hand slid onto the bulge forming under my fly.
“Ah, I thought you might feel the same way.” Her lashes slid down to cover her eyes, playing coy, but her laugh was seductive. She leaned in close enough for her lips to brush mine. Once, twice, the third time, the kiss was deep and just what I needed to forget Evie’s declaration and subsequent hurt.
“Why don’t you take me up to my room, handsome?”
I stood, nodding to the bartender so he’d close my tab.
My phone rang. I ignored it, concentrating on sliding my hands over Jeanine’s round ass. It was plump but it didn’t fit my hand. Not right. Not like . . .
My phone rang again as we entered the elevator. I tugged Jeanine’s hair to give me better access to her neck. She wasn’t tall enough, not like Evie, and I had to bend over.
This wasn’t right. Not just kissing Jeanine, but I couldn’t stop thinking of Evie. The soft wonder in her eyes as she told me she loved me, her body still coming down from the height of her orgasm.
My mother’s words slid through my head—so not what I needed right now. Not now that I was in Jeanine’s room and she was unbuttoning my shirt and kissing her way up my jaw. There’s no sense in me showing up for something you’ll regret in less than a year.
Those remembered words still bit into my flesh and burrowed deep into my heart.
My phone beeped, then again, almost immediately.
“I need to get this,” I said, taking Jeanine by the shoulders and putting some space between us.
What the fuck am I seeing on Twitter? Dane asked.
You’re kissing Jeanine Winters? Nessa asked.
Pictures. I glanced around. “Did you set a photo op up?”
She tossed her hair over her shoulder. “Can’t see why it would matter. You want me, I want you. No one gets hurt.”
Except Evie, and by extension, Paige. Paige would find out about this. She kept asking why I didn’t tell Evie I loved her. Evie’d told me that Paige’s birth parents fought over his job.
Evie would find out about Jeanine. Soon. Because I’d walked Jeanine to her room, closed the door and considered going further just so I didn’t have to see the sadness on Evie’s face when I hadn’t answered her.
Without another word, I left Jeanine’s room, but already, the damage was done.
19
Evie
I gulped down the rest of my large triple shot coffee—my second of the afternoon. My stomach ached when the caffeine slammed into my overly-sensitized system. An ulcer wasn’t out of the question, but I needed to be alert enough to drive. My normal insomnia had skyrocketed to extreme levels, and I hadn’t slept at all the night I asked Kai to leave. Taken in total, the two solid hours I’d managed after Kai made love to me was the sum total of my sleep in the last three days.
To say I was exhausted was a massive understatement.
“What are you looking at?” I asked. Paige had the iPad Kai had bought her. He’d left it on the counter and Paige found it before I did. Prying it from her tiny hands was a battle on its own level of royale. Not that Paige could open the device without the passcode, but she’d taken to screaming herself hoarse if I didn’t open it. The parental app I’d added blocked the worst of the Internet, but I was still angry with Kai for thinking the gift was appropriate for a five-year-old. Correction: I was angry with Kai, period.
Paige looked cute in her bun and leotard. I was so relieved she seemed to have worked through her problems with Miss Bella. The teacher had taken me aside to say how much improvement Paige had made this past week, not just with the other girls but with her ballet. Having t
he other girls over for Paige’s adoption party seemed to smooth over many of the issues she’d had with the children—not least of which was Cammie’s mother hearing her daughter call Paige an “unloved orphan.” Yeah, that put a different spin on why Paige was hitting her in the first place—didn’t make Paige’s violent reaction right, but it also proved Cammie was provoking my daughter. After a heart-to-heart with Cammie’s mother, I thought I’d found not just common ground but possibly a new friend.
Warmth filled my chest. We were through the worst of the transition, I just knew it. Much as I wanted to tell Kai this good news, I hadn’t contacted him. Up until now, I only ever called him with another poor report on Paige’s behavior. But since I told him to leave . . . total radio silence. I gripped the steering wheel harder.
We’d had a fight. No biggie. Couples fought all the time. Now that we’d cooled down, we’d discuss our difference of opinion like the rational adults we were. He had to know I hadn’t meant what I said. He’d promised to stick with me, to help me raise Paige. He’d told me he’d be back in a few weeks, and he would. Because Kai was a man of his word.
“I wanted to see Daddy. I miss him and I’m sad he didn’t get to come home last weekend like he said. But why is he kissing the lady?”
I jerked the wheel harder than I should have and had to quickly correct my error. The oncoming car’s horn blared. I held my breath and flicked my blinker, my heart hammering hard as I struggled to contain the fear of being in another accident. Just a block to our house. I could do this. Deep, calm breaths.
“I’m sure it’s just a fan too close to Daddy,” I said.
“But he’s not singing. It looks like a restaurant.”
My jumpy stomach dropped into my big toe, maybe lower. No. Kai had promised to be faithful. Not just in his vows but to get me to agree to marry him in the first place. Sure, he was upset with me. Our fight had been a big one emotionally.
I pulled into the driveway and shifted into park, not even bothering to pull into the garage. Turning off the ignition, I extended my hand back toward Paige expectantly. “Show me.”
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