I sucked in a breath, hardening my heart. I was never, never going to trust a word that beautiful liar Kai Luchia said again.
22
Kai
Why was Evie calling me right before I was supposed to go on? I stared at the screen, my finger hovering over the Accept button. She was probably calling to tell me what Nessa already had—she planned to take my daughter to D.C. I wanted to talk to her, but I was walking on stage in two minutes. The timing was off. At least that’s what I told myself as I silenced the call.
She’d have to wait until after the show, then she could rip me apart for my idiocy with Jeanine, but right now, I had a crowd to please.
Dane glanced over. “You gonna be able to play tonight?”
Nessa would have told him about our conversation. Shame once again bloomed across my cheeks and neck. Kissing Jeanine was a mistake. A big one that splintered my sanity and might cost me my bandmates.
I nodded.
“Show time!” our manager called.
My phone rang again, but I switched it off without looking at it as I stood, toppling the chair in my haste.
I was too chicken-shit to talk to Evie, because what if she really wanted to end us? She had every reason to—I’d handed her the ammunition.
After the show, I downed three beers in quick succession. But even after the alcohol hit my system, creeping into the edges of my vision, I couldn’t make myself press the button to call her. I shoved my phone back into my pocket and picked up another beer.
“Talked to Evie today?” Dane asked.
“Nope. She called earlier but we were about to go on.”
“You going to?”
I shrugged.
“We don’t do drunk. That was part of our deal from the beginning. It’s about the music, man.”
My jaw dropped so wide open, a Mack truck would fit inside, easy. “What’s your problem?” I demanded.
“Right now?” Dane crossed his arms over his chest and eyed me as if I was a roach crawling across his floor. “You.”
I opened another beer and drank it in sullen silence in the corner. When a woman came near, I scowled, not wanting another tongue-lashing from Dane.
I wasn’t sure how I ended up back in my hotel room in the morning. I’d lost track after my ninth—tenth?—beer. I was alone. Thank fuck. I didn’t want another woman. I wanted Evie. But I wanted her on my terms—without all the goddamn messy bits of emotion tangled in. Which wasn’t going to happen. I’d either have to let her go or admit how much I cared about her. My stomach rolled and my chest tightened. Loving Paige was easy, but Evie was . . .
Glancing at the bedside table, I picked up the note scrawled on the hotel stationary.
You’re welcome. Check your messages.
~C
I flung the sheet from my body and stood, shocked when the room spun around me. Shit, I was still hammered. Glancing at the clock, I nodded sagely. That’s what happened at 3:30 in the morning. I couldn’t even do a drunk pass-out right. But, man, did I have to piss.
I headed back to the bedroom after a scalding shower. Clicking on my phone, I sighed. I needed to find out why Evie had called me last night.
There were seventeen messages from her. Dread spiraled from my gut, sending cold shivers up and down my spine.
I pressed the first one, nearly dropping the phone when I heard Paige’s sweet little voice, all filled with fear. “Daddy? You need to come to the hospital. I’m scared.”
I bolted to my duffel, snatching up the first pair of pants I laid my hands on. I threw a T-shirt over my head and slid on socks and the boots laying on their side next to the bed.
Snatching up my phone—I didn’t bother to zip up my bag or even grab my instruments —I was already out the door.
The ride home was long. Too long. My battery died en route. Because I was still feeling the effects of the alcohol, I’d had to hire a car and driver through the concierge. But now we were stuck on the outskirts of Seattle.
“Can’t you do something?” I begged.
“I can’t, man. Traffic’s bad. What’s the problem anyway?”
“My phone died and my daughter called me from my wife’s phone saying she was at the hospital.”
“Tough one.”
There was a long pause with lots of eye movement in the rearview mirror. We drove along in silence, me getting antsier by the minute, the traffic barely inching forward.
“Just drop me here,” I said.
The guy shrugged and pulled over.
I shoved a wad of bills at him. “Thanks.” I hopped out of the car and grabbed my bag from the trunk. Good thing we were just blocks from my house. I wouldn’t be able to manage this much stuff any farther.
I shouldered my burden and trudged toward my house.
“Daddy!” Paige squealed, throwing her arms around my legs. I bent down and picked her up, glad for her tight hug around my neck. But at the same time, I wanted to put her aside, to rush to Evie. Paige said she’d fallen down in the third—fourth?—message she’d left. I hadn’t heard them all, thanks to my dead battery. What if something serious happened to her?
Oh, God. Evie.
Shit. She was everything.
That’s why I was so miserable. Because I missed her. I wanted her. But more than that, I needed her. From the beginning, she’d been my light, my way forward out of the dark place I’d fallen so many years ago.
“I missed you, Daddy,” Paige said, hugging me even tighter. “I was scared last night.”
“I missed you, too, squirt. Where’s your mommy?”
“She’s sleeping. Marcy said I should let her sleep, so I didn’t waked her up. We didn’t gets home until real late. After midnight.” Her eyes were wide.
“That’s good. Good job, Paige.” I hugged her again. I’d missed this little girl with her bright hair and big brown eyes. “How is she? Mommy?”
Paige clamped her small hands to either side of my face. “Why did you kiss that woman? Mommy told me you didn’t mean it. But later, when I was supposed to be in bed, Mommy was crying. She’s cried a lot since then. Why did you do that?”
“I didn’t kiss her—she kissed me.”
“You’re not supposed to kiss women who isn’t my mommy. You promised to love Mommy. Just Mommy. Kissing means you love someone else.”
Well, fuck. Nothing like having an almost-kindergartener shove my poor life choices in my face. I collapsed on the couch with Paige wrapped tight in my arms.
“What else has been going on around here?”
“Besides Mommy crying ’cause of you?”
She wasn’t going to let me off the hook. That level of tenacity wasn’t as attractive when it was directed at me. “Yeah.”
“Miss Sue visited us. I wasn’t supposed to hear what she said, but I listened anyway.” Paige looked contrite as she plucked at my sleeve.
“What did Sue say?”
“That she hoped she hadn’t made a mistake with letting me come live here. That I needed sba-tility. That Mommy needed to talk to you before . . . Miss Sue said a bad word,” Paige whispered, her eyes round. I bet she did. Paige shrugged. “That’s all I heard because Mommy saw me. She made me go play with Abbi and Nessa, and Mommy and Sue went outside with my grammy.”
Grammy? Holy crap. No way my mother showed up here to embrace this family bullshit. I’d deal with that later. “And what did Mommy say when she came back inside?”
“That she and Miss Sue had worked it all out and there was nothing for me to worry about.”
I tapped her nose. “That’s true. Mommy’s smart, and she did work it all out.” I hoped.
Paige looked up at me with her big brown eyes that seemed as though they could see right through me. But not quite like Evie could—she understood my difficulties being the younger brother of a war vet who killed himself and a bitter, flighty mother.
Evie saw my fears and accepted my drive. And I’d sent her running because I didn’t want to admit that my feelin
gs for her had grown so much I couldn’t breathe in another woman’s scent, I couldn’t touch her hand or hold her close because she wasn’t the woman I wanted. The only woman I’d ever want again.
Paige yawned. I pulled her closer and she snuggled into my side.
“You were at the hospital?” I prodded.
“Yeah. After the picture with you and that lady. After Miss Sue came. And I met your mommy. She tolded me to call her Grammy. Oh, and Mama M had her heart attack.”
“Mama M had a heart attack?” What the hell?
“Yeah. Mommy was really, really scared. I was scared, too, but Mommy said that she cried then because she loved Mama M so much and wanted her to be safe. Mommy gots real sick at the hospital. The doctors plugged her into machines. Marcy said Mommy would be okay, but she had ex-baustion. I didn’t like Mommy so sick. I wanted to stay with Nessa and Abbi, but they were on tour with you. How come I didn’t get to go on tour, too?”
Evie had been treated for exhaustion, and I hadn’t even known.
“Where did you stay?”
“Mommy checked herself out so she could take me home.”
Evie probably should still be in the hospital. Instead, she was taking care of a five-year-old.
“Marcy forced Mommy to take pills. She said they’d help Mommy feel better. But Mommy’s still sad. You shouldn’t have kissed that lady. That made Mommy sad.”
Much as I wanted to ask Paige more questions, that seemed like I was using my kid to pump information about my wife. Fine, to pump my kid for more information about my wife. If I wanted to know the answers to these questions, I needed to talk to Evie.
My hand clenched into a fist where it sat on my thigh. “Why didn’t she call me?”
Paige, being five, assumed I expected an answer. “Mommy said you were too busy.”
23
Evie
Sunlight beamed into my eye socket. I glanced at the clock, shocked to see it was after nine. Paige was always up with the sun—an external alarm clock whose first order of business was to wake me so I could fill her belly. That child woke hungrier than a full pack of wolves.
Jumping out of bed, I ran to the kitchen, skidding to a halt when Kai’s dark head came into view. He turned, his coffee mug to his lips.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
His gaze slid down my T-shirt to my panties. Really? My back stiffened and I glared.
“Perv,” I said, pulling at my short shirt.
“You’re the one running pants-less through the house.”
“Where’s Paige?” I took a deep breath and let it out in a slow trickle, hoping to calm my frantic heart.
He raised his eyebrows. “At that camp you signed her up for.”
Ballet and butterflies. I rubbed my hand over my face, threading my fingers through my tangled hair. Right. That started today. Paige had been looking forward to it for weeks.
“How you get her out of here is beyond me. She has a crap lunch, and I forgot her backpack,” he said, nodding to the row of hooks near the garage door.
“We should get that divorce,” I said.
Kai rocked back. Not knowing what else to do, I walked back into our bedroom—no, my bedroom; he hadn’t been here in days. When I needed him most. I clenched my jaw, refusing to give an inch. Though . . . raising a child alone was draining and I wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep. Exhaustion pulled at me, slowing my thoughts.
“I don’t want a divorce, Evie.”
“Too damn bad,” I snapped. I couldn’t ask Kai for help. He’d proven he didn’t want to.
“I didn’t sleep with Jeanine.”
I threw the pillow I’d been about to place on the bed at him. “Oh? And that makes it better? You just kissed her—all tongue and hotness—for the world to see? For the world to laugh at the silly little fake wife at home, playing nursemaid to the child you’re too busy to help raise? And, for your information, that’s, like the second thing your mother said to me. The first time I met her.”
This anger was good, buoying. I flicked up the sheets, snapping them hard to get out all the wrinkles.
He held out his hands. “I fucked up.”
“You sure did.”
“I’m sorry.”
Before I realized what I was doing, I shoved him, hard. Kai stumbled back, his face an almost comical mask of shock.
“I don’t give any fucks that you’re sorry,” I said. “I had to field the reporters’ calls and shield Paige from the paparazzi.”
“Why didn’t you tell me about Marilyn’s heart attack?”
My hands went to my hair. “I tried. I called to tell you. Your phone was off. Remember what you told me the first time you left?” I made my voice deeper, a decent imitation of his. “Call me. Anytime, Evie. About anything. I’ll be there. Didn’t last long, did it?”
“And your exhaustion?” he asked, his voice neutral.
I didn’t bother to look up. He’d already said everything he needed to say on that front. “Leave me alone, Kai. I did what I had to do. And I’ll keep doing what I need to do.” But I didn’t want to. I was tired. So tired, and I wanted a shoulder to lean on. More like fall asleep on. Just raising Paige was more than I could handle—well—alone, but now I had Mama M, a new job, Paige to get situated in kindergarten and a divorce to settle. Too much. It was too damn much.
“Because I left you alone.”
I dropped my hands from my hair before I ripped any more of it from my scalp. “I don’t want to do this,” I said, though I was unsure about what, exactly, I didn’t want to do. I’d been exhausted before. Now, I was dead on my feet. I didn’t even have the energy to crawl into bed. I just sank to the floor, utterly done.
“You’ve pushed yourself to the edge.”
I closed my eyes, trying to block out his voice, unable to look at his face. “Doesn’t change any of it though, does it?” I whispered.
“No, baby. No, it doesn’t.”
“I can’t do it alone,” I whispered.
And this time, when I lost consciousness, I was glad. Because at least now I wouldn’t have to talk to him anymore.
I woke up in bed. Alone. I told myself I was happy Kai had given me my space. I made it to the bathroom before my breath shattered across my lips, the beginnings of a sob building in my chest. I must have forgotten to lock the door because Kai came in a minute later with a cup of coffee. He set it on the counter, next to my trembling hand.
“Abbi said she would pick up Paige from her camp and take her back to her place for the afternoon.”
I turned to glare at him, ready to take him—the world—on. At least I didn’t want to cry now. “That’s not really your decision to make.” Except it was his. At least in part. And I’d been hospitalized for exhaustion. Something important had to change. I needed to change.
He ran his palm across the back of his neck, his eyes filled with pain. “I know you’re pissed at me, Evie. And I get it.”
“Do you?” My voice was quiet but Kai didn’t miss the derisiveness in my tone.
He studied my eyes for a long time. “No. I guess I don’t. But I know I was selfish. I know I expected you to take care of everything here and let me lead the life I’d already planned before I met you and realized how much Paige needed you, me—us. I know you’ve been under stress, not just because Paige doesn’t sleep well and is acting out, but because of my actions. I know Sue’s been breathing down your neck, too. And that you barely finished your dissertation in time to graduate in August.”
“So your current stint here is what? Out of guilt?” The coffee smelled fantastic. I lifted the mug to my lips and drained most of the liquid. Damn, I needed that.
He took another step closer. He reached up to graze his fingertips over my cheek. I narrowed my eyes and stepped back. Not gonna happen, buddy. No way, no how.
“I swear on Marcus’s grave, I didn’t have sex with Jeanine.”
I raised an eyebrow. “And I told you I don’t really c
are.”
He stepped closer again, crowding me. “I care. Being faithful to you matters to me. I respect you too much for that, Evie.”
The laugh that bubbled from my throat was caustic, ugly. “That’s a lie.” I waved my hand around. “Just like all this—us, playing house. Playing family. It’s complete and utter bullshit.”
He flinched, his lips thinning. “It doesn’t have to be.”
“But see, it does. You don’t love me. You don’t even respect me enough to take my calls anymore. Because whatever I’m dealing with isn’t as important as your rock star life.”
“You’re wrong, Evie.”
I poked my finger into his chest and he winced. “You proved it. I wouldn’t have called if I didn’t need you. Marilyn almost died.” The trembling caught me by surprise. All of a sudden, I was sobbing, unable to stifle the tears. “I’m so tired. I just want to stop. Doing this. All. By myself.”
Kai caught me in his arms, pulling me even closer. “I was scared to love you.”
The tears just kept coming, as if every ounce of water in my body had to be shed before I could move on. My cheeks were chafed, my throat raw. Kai’s shirt was soaked through, and the tears kept falling. He held me tight, rocking me slightly.
When I drew a shuddering breath, my nose was plugged and my head ached. But I was empty. I didn’t even have the anger left to hold on to.
“You should change your shirt,” I said.
I tried to pull back but Kai kept his arms wrapped around me. I struggled, needing to be free from his embrace, his warmth, his scent.
“If I let go, will you listen to me? Really listen? I have things I need to say to you, Evangeline.”
I hated when he used my full name. No way was I letting him know how much it thrilled me, too.
“Give me a minute,” I said. “I need to wash my face.”
He stepped back but didn’t leave. Even when I motioned toward the door. Instead, he turned toward the deep claw-foot tub I’d fallen so in love with and turned on the hot water.
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