I turn and glance in the direction where I saw Sara. Jack is nowhere around which is smart on his part. I might've finished the job and put him out of his misery. No wonder he wouldn't talk to me when I got here. He's been messing around with my girlfriend. My blood boils just thinking about it. Suddenly, I want to hit something. I glance over at the fighters. What the hell. This whole thing is just a waste of time and energy. Nothing will happen if they can't get through the shield.
I swim over to Jaspen and ask, "How is the shield controlled?"
He glances over at me and back at Eli. He nods to him and Eli takes off. He turns to me, "Ahh James my boy, if I knew that, don't you think I might have it down by now?"
I shrug, What do I know? Except that I definitely want to hit something and soon.
Jaspen, loosing interest in me, swims off in the other direction to give orders. And yet again I'm left to my own devices. Five Erebus swim up, followed by Eli. And so it starts. I take three this time and when we get there I notice how tired I suddenly feel. This time Eli tells me to go back and get more before I can follow him into the building. Good, I wasn't about to go in there, anyway.
I take six more groups of three to those stupid buildings and each time they all head into that same one. Pretty soon the building will collapse from too many mer-men.
When I head back this time, I focus on the caves and more importantly my bunk. I need, first sleep, then food. It'll be a while before Jaspen figures out I've stopped being a taxi and by that time, I'll have had some shut eye.
Chapter 46
Ever
I doze in and out of sleep. More out of boredom than needing the rest, if I'm in the battle at all, guess I'll be golden. The question of the hour though is who to fight for. I know I'm ridiculous but as Gabbi says, I overanalyze things, just my nature. Besides being completely uncomfortable and unable to find any positions that don't make some part of my body fall asleep, I've been thinking a lot about Gabbi. She is truly a ray of sunshine, I miss her light. Those days are few and far between here.
There's a scuffle outside the door and the one Erebus that keeps visiting swims in. I know there are more of them. I keep hearing voices. I tried to keep track of how many different voices I heard but I lost count after a while. Maybe there are too many to keep track of. But this one with the turquoise eyes is the only one that comes in.
He sits down in the same chair as always and stares at me. I move around uncomfortable under his gaze. Then I'm struck by a similarity. Wait, is he?
I look into his eyes and notice his black hair shaggy on top and I close my eyes willing the image from my dream. It is him. He's the one chasing me in the dream. I open my eyes and look past him.
He asks curiously, "What was that? You just looked scared for a minute."
I shake my head and lie, "I was just thinking about something with my brother."
He gets up suddenly and comes closer, "What about your brother?"
I shy away and avoid his gaze, "Nothing I just, I was wondering, is he alright?" My eyes meet his as I ask, pleading for a straight answer.
He backs up more calm now and sits down again, "He's fine."
He sits there for a while just staring at me and nothing is said.
Finally I break the silence with the question that always comes up first in those scary movies. I haven't asked because the bad guy never gives a straight answer, total waste of time, "What are you going to do with me?" I know total cliche'. I had to ask though.
"You mean if you don't join the Erebus?"
I nod unsure how to respond to that statement.
"We've been ordered to kill you." He gets up and swims out not looking back.
My heart starts beating fast and I feel a tingle rise up again. Oh no, Ever get it together. He didn't actually say they are going to kill me, just if I don't join them. Oh god, I'm going to faint again. Going for a record here. NO, Ever, what was that mantra, commit and deal. Oh yeah, first to decide if I'll be a traitor or not.
Darkness overtakes me again this time completely from fear...
***
I wake with a start again, roll over and find him sitting there staring at me again. This guy is really creepy. Stalk much?
"I brought some fish for you." and he nods at the plate sitting beside me. I try to get up to a sitting position but can't get the strength. He comes over, and pulls me up.
"Um, can I have my hands untied to eat?" He looks at the door for a minute and back at me, then nods. I turn my body a little so he can get at my hands. As soon as they are free I massage my wrists. Not sure how long I've been here but it feels like days. As I shovel the fish into my mouth, I barely swallow and definitely don't notice the taste. Maybe that's the key to this fish thing, completely starve yourself until you can't taste anything. I remember the last time I had to stomach the stuff, Alex showed up at the door with a load of fruit. I wonder when he'll realize I'm gone or if he'll come looking for me. I think I'm pretty much on my own at this point. It always boils down to some stupid choice doesn't it? Just once I want to just do and not think about anything.
The fish is gone too quickly and I'm still hungry. I formulate a plan split second and ask in the sweetest voice I can muster, "Can I get some more, please, I am so famished." I put my hand up to my stomach for the drama. Okay so I'll never get an Oscar, but maybe some stinky fish.
He looks like he's trying to decide what to do. I bat my eyelashes as much as I can in the water. That does it. He takes the plate and heads for the door, "I'll be right back."
Wonderful. He didn't even say, don't try anything, so not cliche. I quickly try to untie the knot around my fin. It's harder to get than I thought. Minutes tick by. I know he's going to be back any second and then I'll have lost my chance. I look around the room for something to help and I spot the sea glass. I focus and move it toward me with my 'will'. Grasping it I find the edges smooth from being here for so long, crap. I look back over and spot a jar almost in one piece. I move it toward me and slam it on the floor in front of me. It shatters making a noise. I hope the people in the other room are louder than the smashing of a jar, I might have just destroyed all possibilities of escaping.
I grasp the largest piece and work on cutting the rope around my fin. The rope they used isn't the rope we use on land, it's stronger. The glass starts to cut into my hand, I watch as blood seeps into the water. I ignore it and push back the nausea surfacing as the cut in my hand gets deeper. The rope slowly starts to give. I wonder if I can block the door with something. Finally I'm on the last few threads. They give as the door across the room slowly creaks open. Shit, out of time. I push up and look at him as he enters. He glares at me as I close my eyes, take a deep breath and think about Alex.
The water around me moves and I feel fresher water surrounding me. I open my eyes and in front of me is Alex, his back is turned. He's giving orders.
"I don't care that you've checked every dwelling twice, check them all again. She has to be here. She didn't just vanish."
The Lior fighter in front of him nods at me and smiles. Alex slowly turns around and stares at me, unbelieving. He gathers me in his arms and kisses me like he'll never see me again. This is totally against my rules...oh well, rules schmulz and I lose myself in the kiss and the calm that is Alex, at least momentarily anyway.
We part and he can't get a clear thought, "Why did you leave? I thought you went back home. I should never have stormed off like that, we are friends. I just...I think I might..." I place my finger over his lips before he can say it. As nice as it would be, I can't hear it, not now when I might be changing things up.
I back up and look seriously into his eyes, "Alex we are friends and I didn't leave, I just needed some space."
I look around, realizing we're in a room with maps all over the walls. All the Lior that were in here when I appeared, have left, I didn't even notice. I clear my head, "That's not the point though. The Erebus, they're in the city. They found me and had me tied up."<
br />
Fear crosses his face that turns slowly into anger. He frowns, "They took you? You were held against your will?"
As I nod, I watch his face contort to something that might resemble rage. I back away a little, this is an Alex I've never seen. He grabs my hand and his face softens a little, "Ever, I am so sorry, I should have been watching you."
I shake my head, "No, Alex, you can't do your job and keep track of me. It was stupid for me to go wandering around by myself."
I add quickly before he can beat himself up anymore, "I'm pretty sure I know where they are."
He straightens up and asks, "Are you sure? How many were there?" And we're back to battle Alex.
Before I can tell him anymore, Seamus strolls in and says, "What's this I hear that you know where the rest of the Erebus are?"
I look between them as they stare at me, waiting. For some reason I have the feeling I am betraying someone with this admonition.
Chapter 47
James
The door to my room creaks open. I turn my head toward the noise. Eli swims in quickly and stops in front of me. I push up to a sitting position.
"Jaspen wondered where you went. We still need more Erebus taken to the city."
My stomach growls. I push past him and head for the kitchen. I can hear him following me but I continue on my mission. Food first then be at Jaspen's stupid beck and call. I hope Ever's having a better time than me. This shit truly sucks.
I scarf down fish trying to ignore the taste and follow Eli back out. We swim to the site of the shield. Not a single difference from the last time I was here. They need to change their tactic. There has to be a way to get it down.
Jaspen turns as I approach, "Are you rested?"
I nod.
"Good, next time don't just take off. We might think you abandoned the cause." The look in his eyes when he says this, is a little creepy.
"Now we need you to take more Erebus into the city."
I swim a few feet away and feel more hands attach themselves to my arms. I roll my eyes at this. It's going to get real old, fast.
***
Ten trips later, Jaspen decides I've done my part and lets me have a break. I take the opportunity to look for Sara. I probably ferried over a hundred Erebus. It barely made a dent in the amount still surrounding the shield. Who would have thought there were this many outcasts. Seamus probably doesn't know what he's in for.
I swim down the line of fighters looking for long blonde hair. I must swim for an hour but I refuse to give up. I need to see her.
As I round a corner where the amount of fighters has thinned out and a quarry of rocks hides in the shadows, I feel a hand on my arm. I turn to see who it belongs to and my eyes are met with those same intense turquoise eyes, I see in my dreams. I freeze unable to move. I wasn't expecting to find her. She pulls me into an embrace but I can't lift my arms to return the gesture. She backs up with worried eyes and looks up at me.
She turns without a word, grabbing my hand and guides me into a large crevice in the middle of the rock quarry. There is no one anywhere near now. That's when I crash into her. I throw the hurt away and just need to feel her in my arms as close as I can get. Our mouths form to one another, our hands explore. This is so much better under the water than anything I could have ever imagined. We stay this way for a while. Parting for air occasionally but needing to be touching in any way possible. Neither of us speaks. I wouldn't be able to find the words if we had to anyway. I lose myself in the moment and savor every taste and sensation, willing it to last.
***
I'm beginning to get the hang of the day and night here. There isn't a lot of sunlight that reaches this far down. It's more the position of the shadows. We stay in that crevice, for hours. I think we're both afraid of what will happen when we do decide to leave. I want to ask her about everything, there are so many questions, but I'm afraid I'm not going to like her answers. When night does fall she pushes away from me and says, "James, we can't stay here. They will be looking for us."
My eyes linger on the contours of her face, her high cheek bones and small pointed nose. Those wide, vivid turquoise eyes I get lost in every chance I can. I just don't care about anyone looking for me at this point. I admit to myself, this is it James, you finally did it. I'm pretty sure I've fallen hard for this girl.
I shake my head and open my arms. She smiles, swims over and buries her face in my chest. We both drift off to sleep with not a worry in the world, for the moment anyway.
***
A loud crash wakes me up. Sara is asleep on my chest in my arms. I glance over to the cave opening and see sparks of light illuminating the shadows. It sounds like they're at it again with the shield. When are they going to learn, it's not going to work?
Sara stirs in my arms. I soothe her, "It's okay, go back to sleep, it's still night."
She glances up at me through hooded eyes. A smile plays on her lips. I lean over and devour those lips again. A huge booming sound, echoes through the water.
She pulls away and takes a deep breath, "James, We have to go."
I look away, knowing she's right. She gets up and leaves my arms. Suddenly I feel empty and cold without her there.
She turns toward me gazing into my eyes, "I really do care for you, James. The past few months have been wonderful for me."
She takes a deep breath before continuing, "I never thought I would find this again." She points at me and back at herself.
I frown. Again, what is that supposed to mean?
She swims back over and grabs my hand leaning close, "We are back in the sea and things work differently here. We can't be together because...let's just say I messed up and now I'm paying for it."
I Get up and wrap my arms around her but she pushes me away.
"Really James, I have to prove myself, this isn't going to work."
With that she's gone. Before I can respond she darts out of the cave. I'm shocked but I refuse to let this be it. I focus on her and the outside of the cave and close my eyes. The water moves and I'm hovering in the water ten feet in front of her. She looks up shocked and a worried expression crosses her face. She glances around and hurries to a stop in front of me.
Her eyes and sing song voice plead with me, "Please don't do this."
I shake my head frowning, suddenly angry, "I haven't asked you anything, I've let it go. But if this is about Jack..."
She looks away squirming a little and that's all the truth I need. My blood boils. All I want to do is kill him. I close my eyes thinking I will hunt him down. But I feel her soft touch on my arm and her voice in my ear, taking my thoughts away from my focus.
"James, please don't it's...it's not...it's complicated."
I open my eyes and glare at her, "Then tell me. I've been patient. I didn't ask because I thought you would tell me but you didn't. Now I think you owe me an explanation."
She backs away and shakes her head looking defeated. Then surprise rings in her expression as she gazes past me. I already know who's behind me and I clench my fists ready to kill him. Maybe I will get to hit something after all.
Chapter 48
Ever
I'm afraid to admit to anything now that Seamus is here. The story I heard in the abandoned building still plays through my head. There is no reason why I should believe the Erebus that told me the story but I feel as if it might be true and there are many more similar stories just like it. Alex swims over and places his arm around my shoulder. I'm thankful for the comfort. His touch is encouraging so I decide to see where this goes.
I nod uneasily, "Yes, um...I was there for...I don't know. How long was I gone?" I glance up at Alex.
He glances at me and away muttering under his breath, "Two days."
I back away, "I was there...two days! But how?" Suddenly I'm defeated and exhausted again. Alex grabs my hand and encourages, "Tell Seamus where it is and you can go rest."
I nod still not believing I was gone for two days.
&n
bsp; I tell them everything that happened with the exception of the story still in the front of my mind. As soon as Seamus leaves, Alex pulls me out the door, down a hallway and into a very bright room. The walls look as if they are white with that luminescent glow I love. In the center of the room is a bed of some sort. It's white as well.
Alex takes me into his arms and lowers his mouth to mine but stops a few inches in front of me as if asking for permission. That's all I need for the doubt to settle in. I shake my head and back up out of his embrace. He looks hurt.
I push the guilty feeling away and ask before I lose my nerve, "Alex, has Seamus killed mer-people because they were from the land and the sea, or they were mixed?"
He frowns, "Ever, where is this coming from?"
I shake my head swimming over to the bed and sitting down, "I just...I need to know...if I am fighting to keep your blood free of mixing with anyone on land...why me...I'm mixed or really from the land, you should be against what I am."
He looks at me with unbelieving eyes but resigns, looking down.
"You're right, you are from there but, I don't know...I'm just drawn to you." He lifts his eyes to mine and I can see fear, a look I've never seen come from Alex. I resist the urge to comfort him and continue with my questions.
"If the Lior win, what happens? Everyone that is mixed, have been thrown out of the city. Will he throw me out too?"
He seems to gain back his confidence that was gone for just a fleeting second, "No Ever, he wouldn't, not after what you are doing for our people."
Doubt clouds my thoughts and I can see that Alex isn't completely confident that Seamus won't throw me out just like everyone else not of pure blood.
I tell him quietly, "I think I'm going to rest for a little while."
He nods and slips out the door without a backward glance.
Barely Breathing (Just Breathe) Page 18