ALLIE loved the concert in the park idea. She grew up in San Diego, so she couldn’t believe she had never heard about them before. Mike told her that the residents probably liked to keep this little gem a secret to prevent too many people, but he grew up in the area, and his parents still lived there. Looking around, she could see families everywhere. Some couples on dates. Kids ran in different directions, moving in and around the clusters of blankets. There were a few small vendors set up at the perimeters with short lines of people.
A small breeze cooled the summer heat as they looked for a good spot to spread out their blanket. Mike found a nice square of unoccupied grass big enough for them, so she let him go about his preparations. A picnic at a concert in the park was certainly an ideal date for her, and she was impressed that he chose to bring her there.
Once done, he motioned for her to take a seat. She kicked off her flip-flops at the corner and curled her legs to the side as she sat as lady-like as she could in a dress. After making sure she wasn’t showing off any unnecessary skin, she watched Mike as he unloaded the goodies from the basket.
“Wow, a full meal, complete with fried chicken. Be still my beating heart,” she said in a playful tone.
Mike looked up at her from under his eyelashes, smirking, and said, “I try.” Once everything was laid out, he made himself comfortable and said, “Dig in.”
“Don’t have to tell me twice.” Allie wasn’t shy when it came to eating so she filled her plate and maneuvered her legs out in front of her, so she could place the plate on her lap. Neither talked as they ate. They just sat in companionable silence and took in the people around them. When Allie thought about how comfortable it was, how easy it was to sit there with Mike, she felt that wall of resistance, but carefully pushed it back down. She promised herself that she was going to relax tonight and just enjoy being with a man who wasn’t related to her.
“So, Allie Baxter, I know you do hair. What I don’t know is where?” Mike asked, breaking the silence. Finishing the food in her mouth, she wiped her lips.
“I rent a station at a salon in Hillcrest. The rental cost is probably higher than in other areas, but the foot traffic there is great. Plus, it allows me to work less on weekends since the area is more populated during the week.” Picking up her beer, she took a drink and set it down before asking, “How about you? Where do you work?”
“I have a home office. It’s easy to offer financial and investment advice from anywhere. So I figured since I had space at home, it wouldn’t make sense to pay to rent. Plus, it helped with Zane.”
Allie smiled at the mention of Zane. “You know, he’s quite the handsome young man. He’s got good manners, too. I hope you’re prepared for some crazy chicks coming after him. He’s a total catch.”
Mike gave her that smirk of his and said, “Chip off the old block, if you ask me.”
She threw her head back and laughed out loud at him. She could tell he was proud of the fact his son was like him—his ego boost shown on his face—and she found it hilarious. Her full stomach almost couldn’t take the laughing, so she leaned back on one elbow as she tried to control herself. When she looked at him, he was glaring.
“What? I’m pretty sure I can be considered handsome. I know I’ve got good manners, and I have certainly dealt with my share of crazy chicks. Hell, I married the craziest of the bunch.”
Allie stopped laughing at the mention of his wife and frowned at him. “Did you just call your late wife crazy? You shouldn’t talk about her that way.”
The thought of saying something about Marc that another person could perceive as bad-mouthing gave her chest pain. She envied the fact that Mike was secure with his grief. She wanted to feel that way, too, but she thought it was different for him. He had the opportunity to say goodbye to his wife. She didn’t.
Mike interrupted her thoughts, “Why not? She was totally crazy. One time, when we were in college, she was trying to avoid me. She said she wasn’t ready to talk to me because I had asked her out on a date, and she was playing hard to get. So when she saw me walking in her direction, and I hadn’t seen her yet, she jumped behind a nearby bush.” Mike laughed and shook his head. “Problem was that there was a huge spider web, complete with spider, right where she jumped in. So needless to say, I not only saw her when she hopped out of the bush, but she was squealing like a lunatic. I had to help her make sure the spider was gone and that there were no more. I had to pat her down and everything. So yes, she was absolutely crazy, but I loved that about her.”
MIKE watched her absorb what he said. Yes, he thought his late wife was crazy, and yes, he loved that about her. There was nothing mean or hurtful in his words, so he had no problem saying them. Allie looked as if she was struggling to figure out what to say in response, so he waited. When she looked like she was ready, he gave her a smile and nodded in encouragement.
“It’s just … doesn’t it seem wrong to you? I mean, saying something that another person might feel is … well, mean?” Allie asked.
Mike stretched his body out next to hers and placed his elbow on the ground, mirroring her position. The topic of previous spouses wasn’t general first date conversation, but he wasn’t going to detour now. Especially when she looked genuinely concerned.
“First of all, I don’t usually talk about Elizabeth with people who didn’t know her. It’s just not something that comes up. There’s no reason to speak with them about her beyond my marital status. Secondly, I adored my wife, crazy and all. It was just her personality. But you do realize that just because she isn’t here anymore, doesn’t mean the things she did in life that upset me disappeared, too. I kept it all. The good and the bad. I can laugh about the spider in the bush incident, and even shake my head when I think of how she drove me crazy with color coordinating our clothes in the drawers. I had all of her, and I lost all of her. Talking about the good and the bad helps you keep your memories alive.”
Allie broke eye contact with Mike and picked at a piece of nothing on the blanket. “Wow, if there was ever a person who could hide the fact that they were thinking, it’s not you. I can practically see the wheels turning in your head,” Mike said with humor.
She sighed and said, “It’s just … I understand what you’re saying. But I wonder if it’s different for me than you.”
“Of course it’s different. Everyone has to deal with it in his or her own ways, but when you come right down to it, we are still in the same boat. Dealing with the loss of a spouse.” He watched as she tried to say something, but he hushed her with a finger to her lips. She looked determined to prove him wrong, and he wanted to prevent slipping into a territory that might have her bringing her defenses up. So he pushed on, interrupting whatever thought she was trying to deliver. “Tell me something, Allie. The other night, when we were at the baseball game, you told me that story about Jonathan puking in Marc’s Camaro. You remember that?”
“Of course I remember, Lawson, it was just last week. What’s your point?” Allie asked in that snarky tone he was so familiar with. Defenses were definitely trying to be put in place.
“My point, Baxter,” he said with a tone mocking hers and a playful tug on her purple hair hanging down, “is that when you told me that story, you had a smile on your face and looked the most relaxed I’d ever seen you. You weren’t in pain, but rather, you enjoyed recalling it.”
He knew he was right about this, and he also knew that if he could get her to talk more about her late husband, she would be able to move past it. Not that she needed to talk to him about Marc, but she could talk to those who knew him, too. Those who also lost him. Allie heaved a dramatic sigh and pulled her elbow from underneath her, allowing her to fall to her back on the blanket. Draping her arm across her eyes, she hid from him as she said, “I did enjoy talking about it, and I was relaxed … it’s just hard to talk about him.”
“I get that, I do. But after five years, it shouldn’t be so hard. Why do you think it’s so difficult for you?” Mi
ke asked. Apparently he was assuming the role of counselor on their date. He recalled, at the graduation, she said her husband’s death was her fault. Could guilt be the reason for her resistance? That was certainly a topic of discussion, but not on a first date.
Allie interrupted his thoughts. “Why isn’t it as difficult for you?”
Good question. “Well, it has been a little longer for me than you. But honestly, I think there might be a few reasons for that. For me, I was forced to grieve and move on. It wasn’t just me who needed to move on, but my son, too. I had to talk about her, for him, and damn did that suck at first. I had to rely on my parents and sister to help us with that. Eventually, it became a necessity for me, too. So, every night at bedtime, Zane and I would say something about her. Anything that came to our mind. It helped a lot. We found ourselves laughing about memories, which took the sting away of the loss. The fact that you don’t talk about Marc makes it harder and more painful when you do, or when someone else does.”
He couldn’t tell for sure if she was absorbing what he was saying since she had her face hidden, but at least she wasn’t shutting him down. Her breathing seemed normal, and the parts of her face he could see didn’t look like she was crying. Reaching out, he couldn’t help himself as he ran the back of his fingers along the length of her forearm, just letting her know he was there. After a little bit, he reluctantly stopped touching her arm and dropped down next to her. The music had begun and people moved all about, but the two of them seemed to be in their own world on their blanket.
Mike watched the sky above them change colors as the sun began to set. The silence between them wasn’t bothersome, so he let her have her time. He heard her heave a big sigh before she spoke, “Can I ask you a question?”
Staying in the same positions they were in, just lying on the blanket and looking above them, he responded, “Of course, anything.”
“You said that you didn’t speak with people about Elizabeth if they didn’t know her.” After a pause, she turned her head toward him, so he followed her move and turned his. She continued, “So why have you spoken with me about her?”
Mike gave the question consideration and answered honestly, “For some reason, it’s easy to talk to you. I want to talk to you. I want you to know me. And likewise, I want to know you.”
She gave him a hesitant smile and said, “I think it’s easy to talk to you, too.”
Seeing his opportunity, he knew he needed to turn the date from heavy to happy. So he made a suggestion. “How about we do what Zane and I used to do. Each of us says one thing about our spouse, and then we move on for the night. It can be anything you want.” Again, he got a hesitant smile, but he was happy when she agreed.
She turned and resumed her position of looking at the sky above her. Following her lead, he did too, figuring it was probably easier for her to do this without him looking at her. “I’ll go first. Elizabeth used to have this thing about her ears. She would hate it if someone else, namely me, would put her hair behind her ears. I mean, like freak out and hit me in the chest kind of hate, before reaching up and removing all traces of her hair behind her ears. It was hilarious. You would’ve thought she had bugs crawling all over her. It cracked me up so much, I would do it intentionally.” He couldn’t help the big smile that spread over his face. It was great remembering the playful parts of his relationship with Elizabeth. She was the one person who he could be himself with.
Allie giggled next to him and said, “Why doesn’t it surprise me that you would do that? Even though you knew it would drive her crazy.”
“Probably because you’re the type of person who would do the same thing,” he responded.
She let out a little more than a giggle at that. “You’d be correct. I would totally do that.”
“So that means you can’t judge me for doing it,” Mike said in his defense as he playfully poked her in the side. Allie’s body jerked at the contact, and she gave him a shove.
“Stop that! I’ll be forced to hurt you, Lawson.”
“Promises, promises. Your turn, Baxter. Tell me something about Marc.”
Her breathing calmed down as she looked over at him. “Pancakes.” There was a long pause as she closed her eyes and continued, “He made the best pancakes. He would use the fact that I loved his pancakes to his advantage and blackmail me with them.” She opened her eyes and looked at him. “Marc promised to make me my favorite pancakes the morning he never came home.” There was another pause. “I haven’t had a pancake since. I really miss his pancakes.”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
ALLIE couldn’t believe what a great time she was having with Mike. It was like she had known him for years. After she told him the one thing about Marc, Allie felt some of the pressure in her chest, release. It wasn’t all gone, but it felt a little easier to breathe. Sure, it was a little painful to talk about Marc, but the relief she felt afterward was worth it. She envied the fact that Mike was secure with his grief. She wanted to feel that way, too.
Once they finished their meal, they enjoyed listening to a local band that played a few of their own songs, as well as a few popular covers. When they played a Bruno Mars song, Allie looked over at Mike and smiled as she recalled him singing for her last night.
“You could definitely sing it better than them,” she told him.
Mike winked at her as he stood up. Putting his hand down to help her up, he asked, “Might I have this dance?”
Allie placed her hand in his, and as he helped her up, she looked around. For the first time, she noticed other couples around them were dancing, too. It seemed harmless enough, but she couldn’t help but be concerned of how she might feel being pressed up against Mike. She also couldn’t help the warmth that spread through her body at the thought of it. No doubt about it, Mike made her feel like a woman—like the woman she used to be.
Nodding at him, he gave her a warm, triumphant smile and slowly stepped into her space. She watched as he pulled their joined hands up against his chest, mesmerized by the sight of it. When she felt his other hand make contact with her waist and slowly slide around to the small of her back, she placed her other one on his chest and slid it upward to rest on his shoulder. It took her all of ten seconds to relax into his hold as he eliminated all space between them, and began to move to the music. It was just a slight sway of bodies, barely requiring their feet to move.
Even as she relaxed into him, she felt parts of her body tighten with tension—body parts that had not been alive in years. Finally taking her eyes off their joined hands, Allie looked up at Mike. He was staring down at her with an intensity and hunger she recognized. It might have been a while, but she knew what it was. Especially since she believed her gaze was a mirror image. Not sure she was ready for that intensity, she went to rest her head against his chest, but he stopped her. Putting his fingers under her chin, he moved her gaze back up to his face and said, “I may have forgotten to mention this earlier, but you look beautiful tonight.”
She smiled. “Thanks. You’re not too bad yourself. I might even venture to say you clean up real nice.” Allie felt his chest vibrate from his low laugh.
“Thanks. Glad to hear all my work at picking out clothes was worth it.”
“Between that and the ever resourceful internet, I’d say you were very successful this evening, Lawson,” she said with a smirk.
Mike countered with his own smirk and in a husky voice, added, “The evening isn’t over yet, Baxter.”
The sexy, confident sound of his voice elicited a shiver, and she could do nothing to hide it from him, what with her body pressed completely against his. He felt it, she knew he did, because his grip around her waist tightened and secured her firmly against him. Being this close to him, with this much contact, she didn’t want to fight the sensations that were racing through her body. Her pulse pounded in her ears, and her chest felt tight with every breath. But it was a good tight. It was a feeling of anticipation, which only intensified as Mike stared dow
n at her.
Taking in the handsome face in front of her, she noticed the strong line of his jaw tighten and relax. It was sexy. He was sexy … and the sudden desire to press her lips against that strong jaw line had her licking her lips. Mike’s eyes caught the motion, as his gaze dropped to her lips. She again licked her lips, not to tease, but because his attention on her made everything suddenly feel dry. Then he wet his own, lifted his eyes back up to hers, and asked in voice thick with intensity, “Can I kiss you, Allie?”
Before she could even respond, her body was answering for her. Rising up on her toes, her lips went in search of his. He didn’t wait for the words as he let go of her hand and slid it around the back of her neck to hold her in place for his own quest. When his lips touched hers, they were soft and coaxing as he molded them against hers. They didn’t match the intensity she saw in his eyes moments ago, but still lit a fire in her belly. As the fingers of the flames grew bigger, she let out a soft moan and surrendered to it. It was the most alive she had felt in years.
MIKE now understood the phrase ‘like heaven and hell.’ He’d had the feeling of being in one or the other at some point in his life, but never both at the same time. The sweet feeling of her body against his set his nerve endings ablaze. They were dancing against his skin, looking for something to relieve the ache they felt. It was heaven. Then when his lips touched hers, it was hell. Hell that he had to control himself. Hell that he had to grip every ounce of restraint possible to prevent him from going full-out caveman on her in the middle of the park.
It was hell to remind himself that he had to be cautious and not scare her away, when every ounce of his being felt that he finally had what he needed. Heaven and hell. He knew he needed to pay attention to her, listen to her body. So when he heard the soft moan escape her lips, and her body went softer against his, he lost a bit of that control. The hand on her neck instinctively slipped up into her hair and gripped it, adjusting her to the angle he wanted, as his tongue slid across her bottom lip. He wanted in.
Love Resisted (The Real Love Series) Page 12