by Leah Holt
There was no point in working myself up when I couldn't remember shit anyway. But it would come, just like the quick glimpse I got from smelling Pax's shirt and the car ride when I smelt the smoke in my hair.
I just had to be patient.
Sliding under the flannel blanket, I pulled it up to my neck and closed my eyes. The glowing lamp by the bed created a red burst of light behind my lids, but I didn't care.
I didn't want the darkness, I wasn't ready for that yet. Four days of my life were already blackened like tar, I was more than happy to embrace that bit of color as I slept.
* * *
A thin crust had sealed my lids shut, crackling away as my lashes peeled apart. Scrubbing my eyes, I opened them wide, raking my nails down my face as I yawned.
Glancing around, the room was painted in gray shadows, the lamp, now a subtle glow inside the glass, hummed like a mosquito in my ear.
Rolling onto my side, I stared into the yellow light, watching it dissolve as the oil dried and the small white bag shriveled up like a raisin.
A clank of pots and pans echoed from in the kitchen, forcing me to lift my head up. Stretching my arms back and forth across my chest, I tried to work out the tightened muscles. Everything felt bound and cramped, strained and rigid.
I thought resting was suppose to make you feel better, not worse.
Another loud bang bounced off the walls outside the door, followed by a labored grunt from Pax. Twisting my body to dangle my legs over the edge of the bed, the ice cold floor tickled my toes.
What the hell is he doing out there?
Walking to the door, I buried my arms around my ribs as the sheer weight of the brisk air in the room forced goosebumps all over my skin. Stopping short, I turned and snatched the blanket off the bed, draping it over my shoulders and coiling it around my torso.
I wasn't used to the lack of internal heat or lights. I had the urge to flip a switch, but nothing was there. I had the desire to reach for the thermostat, but the warmth here was fed by logs.
Pax lived in a simple world, one that was missing all the necessities my existence had come to rely on. He had water, he had the basic creature comforts of home. But the intricate life of technology and ease of machinery was nonexistent.
The shower was hot, how did that work?
I let the question linger for a moment, tucking it away to ask him about later.
The handle on the door felt like solid ice as I pulled it open and stepped out into a wave of heat. The fire danced inside its basin as long wispy tendrils of flames whipped around inside, creating a sea of red and orange swells.
“Morning.” His gruff voice scratched out from his throat, his face was turned away from me, hovering over the counter.
“How did you know I was standing here?”
Cocking his head over his shoulder, his eyes floated around my body, then went back to whatever he was doing. “I'm always aware, Vera, especially now.” His arms moved up and down, the sound of metal on glass drifted between us.
“What are you doing?” I asked, moving closer to the fire and holding my hands out to wave the heat into my fabric cocoon.
“Well. . .” Pausing, his elbow lifted high, slamming down with a loud smack. “You need breakfast, right?”
Staring into the ashes glowing beneath the wild inferno, I fanned my fingers wider. “I suppose breakfast would be good.”
Twisting around, he held out a small bowl filled with a medley of chopped berries and vegetables. “Then we have work to do.”
“Do you want me to help you cook? I can make a few things, pancakes, waffles, eggs—”
Cutting me off, he flipped the food inside the bowl. “No, not cook, you're going to help me catch.”
I felt my face lose all elasticity as it fell flat. “What?”
A smug grin amused his lips as he inched his way closer. “Does it look like there's a supermarket in my backyard? If we want to eat, we need to go out and get it.” His eyes looked darker today, more stale and cold.
Why does he look so different?
There was something about him that had changed, something that sent shivers up my spine and prickled my skin with electric sparks.
Holding up my palms, I stepped back. “Wait, I'm not understanding this. You fed me last night, you gave me soup, but now you're saying we need to go out and catch breakfast?”
Shaking his head, his eyes fixed on the bowl. “It's not hard to follow, it's a basic need to eat.” Taking another step in, his face lifted back to mine. “The soup was something I had, but it doesn't mean every meal is that easy.”
“But I see carrots in that bowl, cranberries too. You can't tell me that you never go into town?”
“I'm not saying I never have to go, but I try like hell not to.” Picking up a red, round berry from inside, he held it between two fingers. “This is a purple chokeberry.” Dropping it back in, he pulled out a chunk of white mass. “This is a wild carrot.” Popping it into his mouth, I watched his jaw work to break it down. “There's a lot you gotta learn if you're going to stay here. Today's lesson. . . Nothing comes free.”
What the fuck is he talking about?
I couldn't understand what the hell he was doing. He had claimed I needed rest, that I needed to get healthier and stronger before I could do anything else.
How was foraging in the wilderness and catching prey a restful activity?
And staying here. . . No.
I wasn't staying for any longer than I needed to. I wanted to go home, I wanted to be back in my room with its forced hot air and thick, cozy comforter. I was already feeling a little better after getting up and moving around, I had no doubt that tomorrow would be even better.
“I don't plan on being here long, I have a life to get back to. And I thought you said I wasn't strong enough yet do anything?” Wrapping the blanket tighter around my shoulders, I clamped the two ends together in front of my chest. “How does this help me get better?”
Pax joggled his head on his neck, eyes rolling around in his skull. “I changed my mind. You were a lot stronger yesterday than I thought you'd be, so the rules have changed.”
Chuckling under my breath, I smiled playfully. “You can't do that.”
A devious grin filled his face as his lips arched high and his eyes lowered to half mast. “Yes, I can, and I did.” Taking a big step in, his toes pressed mine.
He was so close I could smell him, and that fucking scent did things to my body that should be illegal. My chest squeezed down on my heart, forcing it into a secession of rapid beats, my muscles tensed up and shivered beneath the surface, cooling my skin but sending fire into my core.
Pax looked down on me, his eyes slowly devouring me as I stood still, unable to back up, unable to turn and run; he had me cornered.
Did he plan this? Did he want to trap me against the wall so I couldn't get away?
Straightening my shoulders, I peeled them off the wood, trying to look confident and in control. But I wasn't even close. My brain had turned into a fumbling mess of rolling wheels, all of them trying to go in opposite directions.
Biting his lower lip, his eyes twinkled in delight. “You've got a lot to learn, Angel.”
Cocking my jaw to the side, I lifted my chin higher. “If you want to show me something, take me to where you found me, help me find my friend so I can go home.”
A sinister laugh rolled over my cheeks as he leaned in and whispered in my ear. “Baby steps, Vera, baby steps. First you need to pay back what I gave you.” Dropping the bowl into my hands, he started in the direction of his room. “Get dressed, we have work to do.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Throwing my hands up, my ribs expanded and cracked in pain as I took in a mouth full of air. “I didn't ask you to help me.”
“You're right, you didn't.” Tipping his head up, Pax looked at me over his shoulder, licking his teeth with his tongue. “But that doesn't mean you don't owe me for what I did do.”
; “That's not fair.”
“This isn't a game, I make the rules here, I decide what happens and what I want.” Taking a slow step, his stride lengthened, his steps heavy and determined.
He was so different from the man I had met the day before, his body was rigid, his face stoic and animated at the same time.
But it was his voice, his words, that were sucking the air out of the room. I needed an out, a way to make it so I couldn't play his little game.
“I don't even have any clean clothes. What am I supposed to do, go out like this?” Fanning the blanket open like a set of wings, I looked down at my body. “This isn't going to work, Pax.”
His arm lashed out, pointing to the table on the side of the couch. Following his finger, I spotted a small stack of clean clothing, folded neatly. Everything I needed was there; pants, shirt, shoes, socks, everything.
I stood frozen in place, hugging a bowl of wild edibles, and stunned.
He doesn't really expect me to hunt, does he?
Why is he making me earn my keep by killing another living creature?
How does that help me?
I wanted to scream at him that I wasn't going to kill anything. Fuck, I'd be happy just eating the crap in the bowl he gave me. What was he trying to prove by forcing me to hunt in his woods?
My mind was made up, I wasn't going to do it. I would follow him where he went, I would nod and listen to what he had to say.
But I was not going to kill anything.
Pax wanted me to earn my keep, he was treating my life like a bartering chip, using the air I was breathing as a debt to him. My chest began to surge with heavy breaths, my heart thudded insanely fast with anger and pain.
It was me—my life—that's what he wanted repayment for. Suddenly all his help changed from chivalrous and awe-inspiring into a sick, disgusting joke.
I thought he had cared for me in some way, that his desire to keep me alive was bound to him by the graces from above. I was lulled into the safety net of a mad man, a mad man who was willing to trade my suffering and pain for a meal.
There was nothing sweet or kind about taking a girl who was still healing out into the woods and making her catch her own food.
There was nothing sweet or kind about demanding a girl to repay you for doing the right thing and saving her life.
Maybe he isn't as sweet as I thought.
Chapter Seven
Vera
The pine trees waved long spiky nails in the air as the wind blew them side to side. Clunking in the over-sized shoes Pax had given me, I padded my way behind him.
He moved through the brush and thick foliage like it was nothing, like he was a part of the trees, a fallen leaf that was rooting itself back in place.
He hadn't said one word to me, only sending me a nod or a hand wave if he thought I lingered too far behind him or wasn't moving fast enough.
Annoyed was too kind of a word to describe what I felt. I didn't want to be crawling around the forest looking for small game or big game or any fucking game. I wanted to learn about what happened, I wanted to look for my friend or try and find something to tell me how this all came to be.
I couldn't figure out what the hell he expected from me. The clothes I had on weren't my own, they were big and baggy and gobbling me up. It was hard for me to move, it was hard to slink and swim through the brush and leaves without making a sound.
And I didn't know these woods the way he did. I didn't have the years behind me to map out every dip, every tree, every stick that was hiding under four inches of old, dead leaves.
A part of me was trying to stay as far behind him as I could, afraid he would curve me in at any moment and point out our breakfast with this sick look in his eyes telling me it was my job to catch it.
The dark green backpack he wore was stuffed full of all kinds of things I didn't see any use for. A roll of wire was tucked in the side pocket, a flare gun was adjacent as the butt of the gun hung out of the side netting. Pax had even added yarn, clear fishing line, a net, and fuck if I knew what else.
Right before we took off into the vast freedom of tall trees, he warned me to stay quiet and move as fluidly as possible.
“Move against the wind, Vera, not with it. Watch where you put your feet, don't say a damn word, and if you're lucky, we'll come back with something good.”
Laying one foot down as easily as possible, I tried to watch how much weight I shifted against the ground, but there was debris everywhere. Sticks, leaves, fallen logs and trees, they littered the ground like confetti in Times Square on New Year's Eve.
How in the world am I supposed to avoid making a sound?
A small twig popped beneath my heel as I stepped forward, forcing Pax to jerk his shoulders. “Shh,” he snapped, whipping his head in my direction and holding a finger to his lips.
Shrugging my shoulders, I held my out my arms and curled my mouth in frustration. “I'm trying, give me a break. I'm not you, I'm not used to crawling around like a soundless critter.”
Arching a brow, his eyes flared open wide as he tapped his lips with his finger, signaling me to shut up.
Turning my palms out, I rolled my eyes, giving him a salute off my forehead. “Holy shit, alright I'll stop talking.” Whispering under my breath, Pax tilted his head into his shoulder and scowled.
I felt like a little kid being scolded for talking in the hallway at school. We were in the middle of nowhere, who the hell was going to hear us?
Walking behind him, I watched the woods come to life, moving in a dance with the wind. The treetops swirled in long circles, dipping back and forth as branches creaked and cracked in the distance.
I could hear the whir of the breeze as it brushed over my ears and bristled my skin, forcing a chill to run down my spine. Shivering, I tucked my face deeper into the jacket, tugging my hands up into the sleeves.
“Psst.” Lifting my hand to the side of my mouth, I tried to get his attention. “PSST,” I huffed louder as my voice drifted with the wind into his ear.
Cocking his head, Pax's lip curled up angrily. “Stop fucking talking.”
He was obviously agitated that I was breaching our verbal agreement of silence. But this game of quiet had gone on long enough. “I have a question and you might be the only person in the world who can answer it.”
“What?” he growled through clamped teeth.
“If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?” I tried not to laugh, but this whole military-style animal ambush was starting to get old.
We had been walking for what seemed like hours and all we'd seen so far were a few chipmunks and one angry bird that dive-bombed us as we encroached on its nest.
How much longer did he expect us to do this?
Pursing his lips, Pax squared his shoulders, resting his hands on his hips. “Do you want me to leave you where you stand?”
“I'm sorry, it's just, we've been at this for a long time, and we have yet to set a trap or see anything worth catching and taking back. It's a waste of time if you ask me.”
“I didn't ask you, so unless I decide to ask your opinion, keep it to yourself. Now shut your mouth, stay close, and stop complaining. I'm warning you now, I won't hesitate to leave you here.”
Rolling my eyes, I stuffed my hands into my hair and looked up at the sky. Pax stalked angrily through a thick patch of brier bushes without a blink of the eye, not even bothering to wait for me.
Did I do something to piss him off?
His mood was so much different than when I woke up yesterday, I couldn't understand what I had done to cause it. He had gone from soothing and caring to as hard and cold as the ground we walked on.
His frustration seemed sky high, fueling this anger that was making me want to just walk off on my own. If I was getting in the way, if I wasn't doing it right, why the hell did he drag me out here to begin with?
Keeping him in my line of sight, I plucked at a bush by my side with bright red berries
. They looked similar to a cranberry or a miniature cherry. Snapping a bushel off the branch, I ran my fingers around the smooth orbs.
My stomach growled for food, eager to just have something to fill it. Picking a single berry off the small stem, I held it to my lips.
In one heavy swoop, Pax's hand came down hard, slapping the berry to the ground. “What the hell are you doing?”
I stood baffled, my fingers still grasping an invisible cluster of fruit. He had dropped in from nowhere, coasting on the sounds and stealing the silence for himself. I wasn't sure how the hell he moved so swiftly without me noticing.
“What the hell, why'd you do that?”
“Do you even have a fucking clue what those are?”
Glancing down at the berries, I looked back at Pax. “They're berries.”
“No, those are Baneberries.”
“So?”
Sighing loudly, he dragged his hand over his beard and shook his head. “They're fucking poisonous. Do you have a death wish? Is that what this is all about? Did you do all this to yourself too?” Outlining my body with his hand, he stared coldly into my eyes.
Did he really just say that?
Pursing my lips, my brows shot up. “Fuck you. How can you even ask me something like that?” I wanted to slap him for even making the suggestion that I harmed myself for some unknown reason.
I would never do that, not ever. It wouldn't matter what the hell was going on in my life, nothing was bad enough for me to try and hurt myself on purpose.
“Look, I'm not going to babysit you out here. But if I have to talk to you like a five year old, I will—don't put anything in your mouth. Got it?”
My mouth shot down in an angry frown, pressing my eyebrows into the bridge of my nose, I scoffed. “You know what, have fun with this. I'm out.” Storming off in the opposite direction, I made sure to slam my feet into the ground to be as noisy as possible.
It was a bit childish for me to throw a temper tantrum that way, to purposely foil his hunting game because he pissed me off.