I couldn’t tell if she was being serious. My scan of her tone only provoked the feeling I’d had when I first met her: that she was royalty and I was a lowly creature.
“Sorry for being a dick last night,” she said, surprising me.
I wanted to say something cool back. I didn’t. I kicked some loose stones and felt my chest tighten. “Where is everybody?”
“Almost all gone. Cate and your brother are at the restaurant. Roxanne went off with the rest of the crew. They’re going sightseeing on their way to Killykeen.”
I wasn’t sure why Shoshanna was telling me where the makeup artist went, but I left it alone. “Everything okay?”
“There’s been some drama about the teaser trailer. This damn production…” Shoshanna picked up a rock from a pile and threw it at the water. As much as my mouthy pajama top was a different look on me, Shoshanna’s distress altered her fierce, confident facade, showing deep cracks. “How come when your dreams come true, they come true all effed up?”
Another rock hurtled at the water, making a bank sound when it hit.
So she wasn’t skipping stones. She was cannonballing them.
• • •
I hurried to Tí Joe Watty’s, vaguely noting how much I’d gotten used to the quiet, unhurried motion of Inishmore. When I ducked inside the restaurant, my eyes adjusted slowly. Ryder was sitting at a table in the corner with Eamon. He waved but pulled his hand back like he shouldn’t have done that. Eamon looked over and then away, which stung.
I turned from both of them. The restaurant was mostly empty, the crew members gone. Cate held court at the biggest table before three different laptops, a printer, and stacks of paper. Henrik sat next to her, talking on the phone in a hurried rush.
I walked to Cate, and she glanced up, her gaze heavier than usual.
“I wanted to tell you that I’m leaving as soon as my da—”
“Sit,” she said. “We have to talk.”
Henrik started yelling on the phone. He left the table while Cate and I watched him go.
“What’s happening?” I asked.
“You don’t like Elementia,” Cate said.
“I think we’ve covered that much,” I tried.
She swiveled one of the laptops so I could see the screen. “Watch. Tell me what you think as a nonfan.”
I paused Florence who was still wailing through my iPhone and plugged my earbuds into the computer. Cate looked at me a little strangely but pressed play. I watched the same trailer I’d seen with Julian a few days ago, only this time it was more finely cut and orchestral music swelled along with it. It didn’t feel as powerful as it had during the first viewing, but then, I wasn’t snuggled up to a movie star in the dark this time.
When the minute forty-five was over, I pulled out my earbud. “It’s good.”
“Good is the kiss of death.” Cate shuffled some pages. “The focus group of non-Elementia readers found it to be ‘okay.’” She rubbed her grey hair with both hands. “Okay is not good, and even good is not okay. We don’t have fan support, and now we don’t have nonfan interest either.”
I wondered if she was the sort to cry, but instead she slammed a gold-tinted beverage in a whiskey glass. When I eyed it, she snapped, “It’s ginger ale, Iris. Sugar is my preferred poison.”
She tried to take back the laptop, but I held on to it. “Can I try something?”
“Oh, by all means.” Cate grabbed her glass and headed for the bar.
I had a weird idea. I reclaimed my headphone cord and put it back into my iPhone. Then I synced the Florence song that had been in my head all morning with the trailer on mute. It sounded good. It felt good. When Cate came back, I handed my headphones over, turned the laptop and played it for her with my song choice. She listened and watched once, and then twice.
When Henrik came back, she grabbed his arm and handed over the headphones. He listened twice as well. Then they stared at me.
I shrugged. “You want to appeal to non-nerds, you’ve got to choose cool music.”
“What is that song?” Cate asked.
“‘No Light, No Light,’” I said. “It always felt like a fantasy to me.”
Cate looked at Henrik. “Did it make you feel feelings?”
Henrik nodded. “And you know I prefer not to. But…we do not have the budget for the permissions to a song like that.”
“Find out how much and take it out of the account we discussed,” Cate said.
“Cay, no…”
She waved off his concern and snagged the phone out of his chest pocket. She left the restaurant, dialing.
Henrik started typing on the laptop. “Congratulations, Iris.”
“Did I save the movie?” I asked, surfing the uplifting feeling that came with being helpful.
“You saved the day,” Henrik said. “And when you’re making a movie, someone has got to save every single day.” He said this sourly, like Elementia wasn’t going to make it. Like this was simply the close call before the real death. He kept typing, and then sat back, holding his hands over his face. “Damn, that song is expensive.”
“Do you have enough?”
“Maybe.”
“So that’s good, right? You can cover it?”
He looked up at me through his dark glasses, and it felt like he was deciding to trust me. “Between you and me? Cate cashed in her paycheck. She mortgaged her house. This movie is not only going to crush her career, it’s going to leave her homeless.” He took off his glasses. “What are the odds the Thornes would invest? We could get your dad a producer credit. I know that’s impertinent, but that’s how low we’ve sunk. Plus, if the movie does well, your family would be bound to see immense returns in book sales and new editions.”
“You want my dad to help fund the movie?” I tried not to laugh. “He won’t even give me money. He loathes Grandma Mae’s financial legacy. Personally,” I added, only realizing how true those words were as they slipped out.
Henrik removed his floppy hat, dropping it next to his glasses. He was going bald, which jumped out at me when he de-accessorized, even though he was probably only thirty. He had a well-worn Batman watch—the kind with the old school pow bam on it—which somehow sweetened every impression I’d ever had about him.
“What if the movie doesn’t crush her? What if it’s good?” I asked.
“No one sets out to make a bad movie, Iris. It just happens. We gamble. We win or lose.” He scowled at his screen, and I realized Henrik was talking about his career as well. And Julian’s, Shoshanna’s…Eamon’s. Everyone’s career was on the line. They were all taking risks to make this movie happen, and here I was upset about a bootleg video of me playing guitar on my bed.
Maybe it was a tantrum.
I felt like a coward all of a sudden, slipping out of the restaurant with my head down. I’d already told my dad to get me out of here. He wouldn’t let me change my mind again. I’d have to go back now, whether I wanted to or not. Did I have one more day? Two? How could I even fix this?
I stepped outside.
Overhead the soft, brilliant-blue sky seemed like an omen of strength I didn’t deserve. “Okay, Grandma Mae. It’s azure,” I said quietly. “Now what?”
THERE IS SOME KISSING IN THIS CHAPTER
On the return trip to mainland Ireland, I wrestled surprisingly weighted feelings about leaving Inishmore. I stood at the back of the ferry, leaning on the rail as the green land with its odd cliffs, unconventional beaches, and colored cottages disappeared.
When the island was gone, I watched the propeller stir up trouble, throwing the water into fits of ice blue. They reminded me of Eamon’s film-friendly eyes.
“I accept your apology.” Eamon leaned on the railing next to me.
“I wasn’t…but I…” My more pleasant thoughts about him turned into a hard scowl. “I
don’t know what to do with you.”
“Ah, so you are thinking of doing something with me?” He grinned, and I relaxed. If he was back to flirting, maybe I hadn’t ruined things last night. “Someone wants to talk to you.” Eamon motioned with the tilt of his head, and I glanced at my brother. Ryder sat on one of the benches.
“I don’t know if I’m ready. We were harsh with each other.”
“He’s sorry. And if you break it down, it wasn’t his fault. It was your da’s idea to take that video.” Great. Eamon didn’t like my dad, and they hadn’t even met yet.
“It is my dad’s fault, but he’s got this weird sense of morality. His law is creativity. His writing sets the rules in our house—what he gets excited about, when we get to eat dinner, et cetera and so forth.” Eamon frowned, and I shook my head. “When I try to explain, it sounds worse than it is. Ryder and I have each other.”
“What about before Ryder?” he asked like he wanted to know everything about me. I looked at him, standing close, and remembered our hand-holding on the beach. How much of this was real flirting and how much was just Eamon? “Your age difference is ten years, yes?” he added. “What were you like before you had to play guardian?”
“It’s nine years.” I tightened my hold on the railing. “And I was the perfect daughter, I’ll have you know. My parents threw dinner parties every week, and I’d sit quietly at the table between poet laureates and National Book Award winners. My dad would say, ‘Look how our girl can behave anywhere!’ I’d eat filet mignon next to forty-year-olds and talk about the melancholy downturn of literary fiction. When it got too late, I’d put myself to bed, and they’d all be so impressed.”
I couldn’t help but smile. Remembering how much those people praised me still felt good. “Then Ryder was born, and he never stopped crying, and they’d leave me upstairs with him. When I couldn’t get him to stop crying, they had the parties at their friends’ houses.”
“Oh,” Eamon said, ruffling the back of his hair. “That’s…”
I shook my head. “It wasn’t bad. Life was more fun with Ryder. We watched Disney movies. Built forts. I taught him his letters and how to count. We actually did feel like big sister and little brother back then.”
“Before Moss?” he asked in that way he had of cutting straight into a matter.
“Before Moss.” I turned from the waves and looked at Ryder, still waiting on that bench. “Did he send you over here?”
“He did.” Eamon turned around too, and we watched Ryder, whose eyebrows were raised hopefully. “He wants you to drive in the van with Mr. Donato and the rest of craft services out to Killykeen. I think he wants you to meet his new friends.”
“Who are you riding with?”
Smooth, Iris.
“I’m driving the queen herself, Lady Shoshanna.” He crossed his arms, moving several inches away from me along the railing. “She’s going to give me some acting tips.”
“So you’re going to be an actor after all.”
He got riled fast, his eyebrows turning into a hard V. “Wouldn’t know that, would I? Maybe I’m like that girl who played Luna Lovegood. Maybe I am Nolan, but not a real actor.” He pressed his palm to his forehead and then cooled off with a sigh. “I think I’ve come this far on my good looks alone, Iris. It’s such a curse.”
I laughed, and he looked delighted with himself.
Cate stomped along the deck, not losing an inch of intensity in her expression when a swell made her steps go all helter-skelter. She pointed at Ryder and me. “There are reporters waiting in Doolin, so you two need to do your ‘Michael Jackson’s kids’ no-face thing.”
“Hey!” I’d never heard our hiding referred to as such. It did sound bad.
She turned to Eamon and Shoshanna, who had appeared from the other side of the ferry. “And you two need to find Julian and stage a photo op. Something compelling.”
“Where is Julian?” I asked. I hadn’t seen him since last night in the makeup trailer.
“He’s belowdecks, then,” Shoshanna said, throwing on her Irish accent. “Fighting with his girlfriend. She’s got him in a tizzy.”
“Don’t do that,” Cate said, while Eamon added, “No.”
Shoshanna shrugged, and Cate pointed to me. “Get Julian and tell him he’s got to have his charm on when we dock. He’s got five minutes.”
• • •
I swayed down the stairs, through the tiny door that led to the cabin. It wasn’t hard to find Julian, even though it was rather dim. He was sitting on a small cot that was bolted to the floor.
“Julian? Cate says some press are waiting at the dock…”
Julian looked up, his eyes bloodshot and his nose running. “Elora’s going to break up with me, Iris. She’s going to dump me because she’s afraid of my fans.”
I sat next to him and patted his back. I thought about telling him that he was too young to be engaged, but ended up sighing deeply instead, still annoyed about Cate’s Michael Jackson’s kids line. “Well, Julian, she’ll have to live a certain way if she wants to avoid the attention. It’s a lot of work. And it sucks.” The captain’s voice echoed down from the deck. “But we should talk about this later. Right now, you have to act like the happy, sexy Julian everyone loves.”
His face sunk into his hands, and he messed up his beautiful, dark hair—which I’d never seen him do. When he looked at me again, he’d gotten worse, not better. “Can’t do it.”
“Of course you can. You’re a great actor.” He laughed, but I continued. “Pretend the cameras are rolling. From what I hear, there are going to be cameras rolling.”
“You’re right.” He blew out a long breath and looked at me. He was awfully close and the dim light was sending the wrong messages. Hollywood-hunk alarms. “Kiss me?”
“What?”
“I have to get in my acting brain. I need to do something that doesn’t mean anything.”
I stood up fast. “First of all, that’s terrible. Secondly, I’m not an actor.”
“True.” He glanced away, deterred but unashamed. “Get Shoshanna for me?”
“You’re not serious.”
“Please, Iris?” His puppy-dog expression was too much. This guy was no longer the starlet I’d had a crush on for years. No longer Julian freakin’ Young. He was simply Julian, a regular guy whose nose ran like a faucet when he cried. And I surprised myself by liking him even better this way.
I fetched Shoshanna, and Eamon followed. The four of us packed into the tiny cabin while I explained Julian’s predicament and request.
Shoshanna looked over Julian’s miserable face. “I won’t do it. I’m slightly method, and you’re supposed to be my brother.” Julian started to complain, but she grabbed Eamon’s shoulder and hauled him front and center in the cramped space. “He’ll do it.”
“Oh no.” Eamon’s bewildered expression was adorable.
“You want to see if you’re a real actor?” Shoshanna said. “Well, this’ll do. Pretend you love Julian. Pretend you’ve been waiting to get your lips on his for ages.”
Eamon shook his head.
“No one wants to kiss me?” Julian blurted. “This is just great for my self-esteem, you guys.”
“Fine.” Eamon jammed forward and planted one on Julian, so fast I almost missed it.
“Yeah, you’re not an actor, Eamon O’Brien,” Shoshanna concluded.
Eamon’s face got much redder than I’d ever seen, and I could tell he wanted to be able to do this.
Julian stepped closer to Eamon, and the room got smaller. He stared intensely. “I think I love you, Charles. I think I have for a while.”
“Why am I ‘Charles’?” Eamon asked, but Shoshanna shushed him and motioned to Julian’s emotive face. His eyes were still red, his hair fussed, but I could see the change in him already. The acting switch had been flipped to
On.
Julian put a hand on Eamon’s cheek.
“Okay. Kiss me,” Eamon said.
“No!” Shoshanna said. “Act.”
Eamon groaned and turned his back. He shook his arms and shoulders, rolled his neck. When he faced us again, I didn’t recognize him. He was serious.
“Line, Julian,” Shoshanna whispered.
“I love you, Charles. I think I’ve always loved you.” Julian touched his cheek, and Eamon closed his eyes. In relief? Pain? It was a strong emotion, whatever it was. When Eamon opened his eyes again, he was there with Julian…in some moment Shoshanna and I were not part of.
“Okay,” Eamon said. “You should kiss me, then. If you care so much.”
It was a line, but wow, it was well delivered.
Julian moved forward. He kissed Eamon, and Shoshanna and I both made small, breathy sounds. They looked beautiful together. In love. And I felt, well, great at first and then incredibly jealous. That’s what Eamon looked like when he was kissing? Where could I sign up?
They jostled apart as the ferry bumped into the pier. Julian rubbed his hands together. “Good. This was good.” He left the cabin with that hundred-watt smile, and Shoshanna followed, clapping Eamon on the shoulder with admiration.
Eamon stood there stock-still, a statue of himself.
“You still in scene?” I asked. He looked like he might need a shake back to reality.
“I’m here,” he said. “That guy has lips like a pretty, pretty girl.”
“He keeps them well moisturized, I bet.” People were hollering above, and I began to worry about getting Ryder off the boat incognito. I tried to step past Eamon and up the stairs, but he touched my elbow, leaned down, and kissed me.
His lips. On my lips.
And we lingered there. Not pulling away.
“Sorry,” he finally said. “I think I needed to…reset?”
Something inside me had stopped ticking when he put his mouth on mine. I tried to say a few nonchalant words, but the kiss had been so soft, neat. The kind of kiss two people share before the altar at their wedding rehearsal. It left me wondering if it had been another acting thing, or something else entirely.
Now a Major Motion Picture Page 11