“You’re welcome. You were right about that place. Best coffee I’ve ever tasted.”
Raven turned her attention back to the episode she was watching, but moments later, another text pinged from Heath.
“Think about what I said. Please. I’d like the chance to explain.”
Raven groaned. She never should’ve sent the text in the first place. She could’ve thanked Heath briefly for the gift before therapy on Tuesday and called it a day. This was when she needed Chrissy or Mandy here to stage an intervention. They would have kept her from digging a hole big enough to bury herself in.
But it was too late. Heath’s text stared at her, demanding a response. She was still holding the phone in her hand several minutes later when it rang, scaring the ever-living snot out of her. The phone went flying, hitting the carpet and sliding under the coffee table where it continued to ring.
Raven smacked her knee on the side of the table as she lowered herself to the floor and retrieved it. Heath’s name flashed on the screen. Right before it quit ringing, Raven finally slid her finger across and answered the call. “Hey.”
She winced as she sat down again and rubbed her knee. That was going to bruise.
“Hey yourself. You back home, or are you still at your parents’ house?”
“I’m home.” She almost said something about Mom grilling her but decided against it. “I ate another cupcake I didn’t need. Mom sent a dozen of them home with me. I think I’ll take them to work tomorrow so I don’t eat them all myself.”
His deep chuckle made her smile despite herself. There was a moment of silence before he spoke again. “I know you’re probably tired and ready to stay in for the night. But if you’re up to it, is there any chance we could talk over a cup of coffee?” When she hesitated, he added, “I won’t even make you use the gift card. It’s on me.”
There were many reasons why Raven should say no. But Heath was going to leave again, and when he did, she refused to live with the questions that tormented her before. This time, she wanted to go their separate ways and not look back. She had a feeling listening to what Heath had to say was a big step in that direction.
“Raven?”
“I’m still here. Yeah, sure. Who am I to turn down a free cup of coffee?”
“Awesome.” He sounded relieved. “Meet you at Clearwater Coffee in twenty minutes?”
“I’ll be there.”
The call ended, and Raven turned off the television, the episode she was watching paused at only five minutes in. She regretted the extra cupcake as her stomach fluttered with nerves. “God, help me to listen to what Heath has to say. Help me to move past this and get on with the rest of my life.”
~*~
Heath arrived at the coffee shop only ten minutes after he’d spoken with Raven on the phone. He claimed a corner table, hoping it would be easier to talk. A small part of him wouldn’t be surprised if she changed her mind. His phone rang, and he was relieved to see it was Benny and not Raven calling to cancel.
“Hey, Benny. What’s going on?”
“Not much. I heard you talked to Coach earlier today. Everything okay?”
Heath frowned. “As far as I know. Should I worry?”
“Nah. He was in one of his ticked moods, so I thought I’d ask.”
Coach periodically decided the team wasn’t doing enough to prepare for the next game. It meant extra work for a few days until he leveled out again. “He’s ready for me to get back. I told him I’d let him know as soon as I get this boot off and can be on the field.” He glanced at the door and saw Raven approaching through the glass. “I’m sorry to cut you off, but I need to run. I’ll call you back in the next day or two.”
“Not a problem. Talk to you later.”
Heath ended the call. He didn’t realize how tense he was until the bell above the door rang and Raven walked inside. She scanned the interior of the shop until her gaze collided with his. A tentative smile played with the corners of her lips as she sat in the chair opposite Heath. “I don’t remember the last time I was in here during the evening.”
“What? You don’t make it in three times a day?” Heath teased. “It’s probably a good thing, otherwise that gift card I gave you won’t last long.”
The sound of her laugh made him smile. He hadn’t realized how much he missed it over the years until he’d come back again. He thought about their kiss earlier. There was no doubt she’d kissed him back. There were so many things he wanted to say, but the words wouldn’t come. He finally pointed to the menu above the counter. “How about I get us something to drink?”
“I’d better make it a tea. If I drink coffee too late, it’ll keep me up.”
Heath feigned a look of shock. “You have a coffee limit?”
“Apparently I’m not getting any younger, according to my mom.” There was no missing the sarcasm in her voice.
“Was this before or after the birthday party?” He watched her closely, wondering whether her mom had said anything about their kiss.
“After.” She blushed.
Heath desperately wanted to know what they spoke about after he’d left. Raven wasn’t offering any details, and he wasn’t about to ask. “I’m sorry.”
Raven shrugged. “I’m used to it. So about getting something to drink…”
She told him what type of tea she liked, and he ordered it along with a vanilla Frappuccino for himself. Once he paid, he sat down again while they waited. They talked about the weather, the float for the parade, and a few other light subjects until their order was ready. They got settled and Heath was trying to decide what to say when Raven spoke first.
“You wanted to tell me something. What is it?”
Raven never was one to mince words. It was something he appreciated about her even back in high school. Goodness knew girls were hard enough to understand as it was. Having a girlfriend—and later a fiancée—who spoke her mind made a lot of things easier.
Heath gave a half laugh and ran a hand across the back of his neck. “I’m not sure where to begin.”
“How did you consider breaking things off between us before you actually did?”
Okay, maybe a little less outspoken wouldn’t be a bad thing. He watched as Raven cupped her hands around her tea, her eyes on the steam as it dissipated into the air.
Heath took a drink before answering. “Honestly? It was a week. Maybe two. It wasn’t like I’d made this big decision and then couldn’t tell you. I don’t know…” He sighed. “I was selfish, Raven. About a lot of things. I got that scholarship, and it didn’t matter what happened, I was going there to play football and get a degree in business.” He gave her a sad smile. “And you were willing to give up everything here to go with me. I took that for granted. I didn’t even consider what you might be leaving behind.”
Raven blinked at him. “We’d talked about our future. Our plans. That’s what we both wanted. We could go to school there, get married, come back to visit our families.”
“Where would we end up living, Raven?” When she gave him a blank stare, he continued. “That week leading up to high school graduation, when you were so busy shopping for dresses with your sister and mom, I worried about whether you would be happy moving away from everything you knew. It was something Pop warned me about over and over again.”
Now Raven looked shocked. “He what?”
“He told me you and I were too different. That you were someone who’d regret leaving her hometown, and I was destined to go and never look back. He said you’d wake up one day and blame me for ruining your life.” That conversation had haunted him, and he could hear it replaying in his head as if it were yesterday. “I didn’t want to believe him.”
She fingered the paper sleeve on her cup a moment before looking up at him. “I knew it would be hard to leave Clearwater, Heath. But I’d planned on it for you. For us.” She picked up the cup as if to get a drink but set it back down again. “Your decision to break our engagement felt like it came from s
o far out in left field, it didn’t seem real. Not at first. I kept expecting you to change your mind or want to talk about it. Something.” Raven brought her bottom lip in between her teeth, emotions dancing in her eyes. “You said you didn’t want to believe your father. What was it that tipped the scale? Was it something I did or didn’t say? If I ever gave you any impression you weren’t enough for me back then…”
“No.” Heath reached across the table and covered one of her hands with his. “That wasn’t it at all. My father overheard you and Rosie talking at one of the football games. You told her you were giving up one family for another. She asked you if you were coming home for Christmas and you said you didn’t know. That it would depend on me. Pop said you were in tears.” Raven started to shake her head, but Heath stopped her. If he didn’t get this all out now, he might not ever tell her what happened. He cringed. “Pop gave up playing football because of his heart, but he moved here to Clearwater for Mom. I grew up hearing about his regrets. There were times I wondered if he regretted getting married. Or having me.” He shook his head and squeezed her hand. “In that moment, all I could think of was you. I couldn’t handle it if you regretted leaving your life behind to follow me to who knows how many towns. Raven, I moved six times in the first five years after I graduated college. That wasn’t the kind of life I wanted for you.”
He turned her hand over in his and traced the lines of her palm with his thumb. “If you ever resented me the way my father—” He swallowed. “Back then, I broke our engagement for you. At least, that’s what I told myself.”
Raven’s back stiffened, and she pulled her hand away. “That wasn’t fair, Heath. You never should have made that kind of decision without even talking to me.” She leaned against the back of her chair, her arms crossed in front of her. “I knew what I was getting into. I knew it wouldn’t be easy. But we would’ve figured it out together.” Her voice broke. “I have no idea what conversation your father overheard. I said nothing like that to Rosie.”
“You love everything about this town. This is where you’ve always belonged. To ask you to give it up—to leave your family behind…”
“Don’t you get it? You were supposed to be my family.”
The sadness in her eyes stole the breath from his lungs. She was right about so many things. “I get that now. But back then, I let my fears dictate everything else. It wasn’t right, Raven. But that’s the truth.” He stared at his Frappuccino which had remained untouched and was now mostly melted. When his gaze lifted to collide with hers, he saw a myriad of questions in her eyes. “I never stopped loving you. I can’t tell you how many times I’d wished I’d called you. Or come back and spoken to you about my fears. I wondered for years how different our lives would’ve been.”
“Why didn’t you?” Her question was barely above a whisper.
“I figured you hated me. The longer I stayed away, the more difficult it was to reconnect with you. And after a while, I figured you’d moved on.” He’d been so stupid. “I hated myself for what I did to you. To us.”
“I waited, Heath. For months, I waited, hoping you’d change your mind and come back. I watched for your phone calls and imagined you walking back into town. I tried to move on after a while, believe me.” Her eyes filled with tears, and it was unclear whether they were caused by sadness, anger, or a mix of the two. “But no matter what I did or how hard I tried, I never stopped loving you, either.” She swiped at a single tear that escaped and slid down her cheek.
What was Heath supposed to say to that? Any other time, if Raven admitted she still loved him, he would’ve gathered her in his arms and kissed her until they were both breathless. But this was different. Right now, she looked as uncertain as he felt. “Where do we go from here, Raven?”
Her brown eyes studied him. “I wish I knew.”
Chapter Fourteen
Raven’s eyes fluttered open, and she flinched against the bright morning sun. Everything about her conversation with Heath at the coffee shop last night came flooding back. She groaned. They’d talked until the place closed and then went their separate ways. They both agreed they needed space and time to think. Raven had done a lot of thinking, praying, and crying until after two this morning when she finally fell asleep.
Now it was six-thirty in the morning, and she needed to get ready for work. The lack of sleep, and the exhaustion from crying once she’d gotten home, made her wish she could take the day off and go back to bed.
Raven might have done that except she’d be seeing April today at CRC. She dragged herself out of bed, showered, and drove back to Clearwater Coffee. The moment she stepped up to the counter to place her order with Chrissy, Raven’s friend frowned. “Wow, you look tired. You okay?”
“Oh, sure.” She didn’t even try to sound convincing. “There’s not enough caffeine in this place to get me through today.”
“This is serious.” She took her ten-minute break and practically dragged Raven to a corner table. “Spill.”
“Girl, if I do, I’ll end up bawling again, and that’s the last thing I need before work.” Raven sighed. “We talked. He told me he never stopped loving me and regretted leaving back then.” She paused. “I may have told him I never stopped loving him either.”
Chrissy’s eyes widened. “Are you two getting back together again? Talk about an epic love story!”
Raven glanced around the coffee shop, hoping she didn’t see anyone she recognized. “No! At least, I don’t think so. He’s leaving again, Chrissy. I can’t go through that a second time. So where does that leave us?”
Chrissy’s smile faded into a sad frown. “I don’t know, Raven. But if you two are meant for each other, something will work out.”
“Yeah. I wish God would clue me in on the plan. A nudge. A whisper. Something.” Raven lifted her hands and shrugged her shoulders. “Heath seemed sincere, but what if he isn’t? I’m not even sure we know each other anymore.”
“I doubt the guy has kept a candle burning for you for twelve years only to string you along now.” Chrissy gave her friend a firm look. “Maybe you two were always meant to be. Just not twelve years ago. What if things had to change in both of you? Maybe things are finally where they need to be so you can be together.”
“I’m not sure I can work with ‘ifs’ and ‘maybes,’ Chrissy. Seriously, what am I supposed to do?” Raven had always preferred to face a problem head-on and fix it. This waiting around business was for the birds. How could she gamble with the future at a risk of repeating the past? It was a lot to ask of anyone. She finally shrugged and then collapsed against the back of her chair. “We may have been born in the same town, but it feels like we’re worlds away from each other now.”
“Then pray. Pray that God will help separate the fears and second-guessing from the equation, so you can see the answer. Then pray He will give you peace no matter what that answer is.” Someone called for Chrissy, and she nodded holding up a single finger to tell him she’d be there in a moment.
“You make it sound so easy.”
“Oh, it’s not easy at all. But it’s better than trying to handle it yourself.” She reached over and patted Raven on the arm. “Come on, let’s get you that coffee before you fall asleep.”
Raven leaned over the table, rested her forehead on her arm, and let loose with a loud, fake snore. When she looked up again, she managed a smile. “Thanks, Chrissy. I appreciate it, I hope you know that.”
“You’d better.” Chrissy pasted a smug look on her face that lasted three seconds before she busted out laughing. “Everything will work out. Call me if you need to chat, okay?”
“I will.” Raven waited for her coffee and then left with a wave.
She got into her car and then sat there for a few minutes before starting the engine. “All right, God. Obviously, I have no idea what I’m doing down here. And since You don’t seem too keen on sending road maps my way, how about You take the wheel for a while?” It seemed so cliché, yet the moment the wo
rds left her mouth, the weight on Raven’s shoulders felt a little bit lighter.
~*~
Heath made it through Monday without calling or texting Raven, but it’d taken a great deal of effort. By the time he arrived at CRC for his therapy session, he was going stir-crazy. When he and Raven parted ways at the coffee shop, he had no idea what she was thinking. The moment she’d told him she’d never stopped loving him either, his hope soared. Maybe there was a second chance hiding in the shadows. But the longer they went without talking, the more the doubts settled again.
With no one to talk to, he’d had to hash it all out on his own. Unfortunately, that hadn’t gotten him any closer to solving their problem.
He sat in the room, his eyes on the closed door in front of him. He could be frustrated with Raven and her lack of contact all he wanted, but it was ultimately his fault. It was his choice to end their engagement in the first place and then never call her again.
There were two things he did know: he’d shot himself in the foot when he walked away from Raven, and he was still in love with her. He wanted her in his life. Heath hoped he hadn’t waited too long.
There was noise outside as a shadow blocked the light at the bottom of the door. After a moment, there was a light knock as it opened. Raven stepped through, wearing a pair of bright purple scrubs. She closed the door behind her and offered him a small smile. “How’s your day going?”
“It’s getting better.” Heath couldn’t hold back a grin of his own. Way to keep it cool. “How about you?”
“I started the day off with a coffee someone else bought me, so I can’t complain.”
He chuckled. “Well, I hope the guy at least bought you the good stuff.”
“Eh, it was okay.” She tossed him a saucy smile before replacing it with a more serious expression. “Seriously, though, thanks again for the gift card.”
Marrying Raven (Brides of Clearwater Book 2) Page 11