by Julie Eads
With every step we took I knew we were getting closer to him. I was so nervous and, as if she could sense it, Maggie leaned down and whispered in my ear so only I would hear her, “He will understand, and love you no matter what.” My mind pictured her smiling warmly as she said it. Finally she instructed me to stop, and letting go of my arm she announced, “We are here.”
Standing still I had a feeling of being unbalanced and uneasy as I somehow knew that he would know something was wrong as soon as he saw me. I wondered if anyone had told him what had happened to me. ‘Perhaps I should have asked,’ I thought to myself. Then I heard Liam’s hushed voice whispering to someone, and finally I heard his voice. The mere sound of it hit me so hard I thought I would cry. I had wanted to see him so much, but now I would only be able to hear him.
My thoughts were cut off as I heard someone’s footsteps grow closer to me. Then I felt a warm hand on my arm and heard his wonderful familiar voice say, “I have missed you.” For a moment I was taken aback for I hadn’t been expecting something so simple, but somehow it was all I needed to hear. “Mina would you like to come inside and talk?” he asked me, concern flowing through his voice. A lump rose in my throat and suddenly I dreaded having to talk about the night I went blind, yet I knew it was inevitable, so holding out my arm I asked him to lead the way. With every slow and careful step we took I could hear the people around us quietly walking away. They were going to leave us here alone, to talk and to be together; I was so thankful for the privacy but also extremely nervous as we had never been alone together for more than a few moments.
Having climbed the steps to the porch that wrapped around the small cabin, Declan led me to a chair and told me that I could have a seat if I liked. I could hear the nervousness in his voice, which I oddly found comforting because I was nervous to. Slowly I sat down in the chair, trying to adjust my skirt around me so that I didn’t look like a ruffled mess. Even this proved to be a harder task than I had thought it would be; mainly because, no matter which way I fidgeted with the light material, it felt as if it was lying against my legs in all the wrong places. The sound of a chair being dragged across the porch made me stop fidgeting.
The noise stopped a few inches from where I sat. “I am sitting in front of you Mina,” Declan announced. I nodded my head, still too nervous to say anything, and hoping that he would lead the conversation. As if he had heard me he started speaking. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you.” As I felt him place his hand in mine the familiar warmth began to spread through my body. I wanted to tell him not to blame himself but he wouldn’t let me get the words out as he leaned towards me and softly whispered, “No-one will ever hurt you again! I won’t let it happen!” And for the first time in days I felt safe, which was enough to settle my nervousness.
Looking in the direction of his voice I whispered, “Kiss me.” It was a simple request but when his lips touched mine it was anything but simple as he wrapped his arms around my neck and pulled me deep into his embrace. Standing up together I wrapped my arms around his waist as he held me. Not too tight, but tight enough to let me know that he was there and that he wasn’t going anywhere. We stood like that for what seemed like several minutes, locked in each other’s arms and in that moment I didn’t care that the weight of the world seemed to be on my shoulders, or that I might never see again. His love was all it took to show me that everything felt as if this was how it was supposed to be.
Eventually he raised my chin up with his hand so that my eyes were looking into his, or at least I hoped they were. “You are beautiful,” he said. There was so much compassion in his words that my eyes turned towards the floor as knew I had to say what was on my mind; I also knew that with him I could say anything.
“I don’t know if I will ever be able to see again. Everyone thinks I’m crazy, but I know who I saw and I know that this is not the end. He will be back.” I whispered the words, trying to keep the whimper from my voice.
Declan stood still holding me in his arms. He was silent for a few seconds and I was hoping he was processing what I had said, instead of finding a way to tell me it was impossible for my late father to have come back from the dead and stab me. But he didn’t; he simply said, “I believe you and the others will too. They are just letting their fear overtake their emotions, give them time.” Then he kissed me on the top of my head and helped me to sit back down in the chair again.
Strangely I hadn’t noticed before but he seemed somehow different, appearing so much wiser and more sure of himself than he had been before. Suddenly I felt horrible as it finally hit me that I had been so caught up in myself I had forgotten to ask him how he was, and how the time after his animal ritual had gone.
“How are you feeling?” I asked, still feeling bad for being so selfish.
“I am better now that you are here,” he said, “But my animal ritual did take a big toll on me. I wasn’t expecting to learn about all the things I was shown. My mind feels years older but my body has never felt younger.” He paused as the memories flooded into his mind. “Mina,” he continued excitedly, “It was the most painful thing that has ever happened to me, yet it was the greatest gift. I have heard people talk about it and figured that maybe they were exaggerating but it’s beyond words to describe the experience of it all.” He was so filled with excitement and happiness that I let him continue without interruption. “Believe it or not, I can now see miles farther than I have ever have before. I could hear you and your family coming here when you were only half-way down the path. I haven’t been able to transform yet, but in two days I get to fly! Can you imagine that?” he asked, sounding more enthralled then I had ever heard him before.
I shook my head. “No. I can’t imagine that but it sounds so wonderful!” I replied, relieved and glad that he was so happy.
“I hear it will be your animal ceremony in a few weeks, as well as Maggie’s party! That is really sweet what you are planning on doing for her,” he responded, surprising me that he knew so much. ‘But then again, my father had been whispering to him for what seemed like forever,’ I thought.
“Have you decided on your animal yet?” he surprised me by asking.
I thought about it for a few moments. “I was thinking that maybe a fox would be a great animal for me,” I told him, remembering the feeling I had when I had watched the fox run out of the warehouse; and then again the image on the ring I had given Declan. Somehow, it seemed like a sign.
He cleared his throat and somehow I could tell what he was thinking, even though I knew he would never say it for fear of hurting me so I said it myself in order to clear the air, “What good is an animal spirit to me when I am blind?”
“Mina!” he said sharply right after I had said it. “That is no way to think. A fox is a wise choice, it fits you very well.” I plastered a smile across my face, dropping the topic, even though it was wearing on my heart as I thought that I would also probably never become queen. After all how could I possibly save people from danger if I couldn’t even see it coming?
“I have to go and meet my mom and sister for dinner,” he announced, “Would you care to join us?”
More than anything I wanted to spend as much time with him as I could but as I thought back to what had happened at breakfast earlier that morning I remembered how hard something as simple as eating had become for me. “If you don’t mind I think I would like to go see Willow,” surprising myself by saying it. I knew that I owed her a great deal as she had been sleeping on our couch since the day I had been stabbed; thankfully she was now stable and in her own home resting.
If Declan was disappointed he didn’t show it but merely helped me up from the chair and linking his arm into mine slowly led me to Willow’s house. Neither of us said much and I hoped his silence was an excuse for allowing me to concentrate on walking; but something felt wrong. “We are just about there,” he suddenly said sharply.
As we stopped I asked, “What’s wrong with you?”
Letting
go of my arm he said in a stern voice, “You can’t hide behind your blindness forever! You mustn’t let it control your life!” Then he quickly corrected himself and in a more gentle tone said, “Mina you can’t let it control our life.”
His words shocked me. How dare he tell me how I should feel? Stepping away from him I declared angrily, “How dare you! You don’t know what it’s like to have someone who you thought was your father for thirteen years come back and stab you! He left me for dead, like I was nothing to him. Now I cannot see anything or anyone,” and my eyes started filling as I was on the brink of tears.
“You’re right. I don’t know,” he said calmly, “But I do know how it feels to live with self- hatred. You are not the only one with a sad story! I have hated myself ever since my father got killed; he was my hero, and I let him die because I wasn’t there to save him!” Hearing the defeat in his voice hurt me, especially as it felt as if I had caused the return of those dreadful memories for him.
Stepping forward I searched for his hand, but was met with nothing, only silence as he had left me standing there alone. Whatever had happened between us? I just couldn’t believe that he would leave me unprotected, knowing that I couldn’t see my way. As anger filled me I felt as if I wanted to hit him. ‘Love is so confusing,’ I thought, wondering if maybe Willow and everyone else was wrong and that perhaps Declan and I just weren’t meant to be.
All of a sudden I heard a loud scream and smelled burning. Without thinking I ran towards the sounds and somehow bursting in through Willows front door. “Willow,” I screamed as I pulled my shirt up over my face in an effort to protect myself from the smoke. Then I heard footsteps behind me, yet I knew they weren’t Willows; they were too heavy to belong to her. Another scream rendered the air so I raced towards the sound.
“Hello, Mina,” a sickening, familiar voice said. “I see that sadly, you survived your ordeal.” And he made a tisk tisk sound as he clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “Well at least this time you are defenseless.”
Strangely I didn’t care what he was going to do to me; my only worry was with Willow. “Where is she?” I snarled, my angry voice echoing off the walls around us.
Suddenly I heard a small voice call out, Mina, run!” It was Willow.
Staying in my place I followed her voice. Leaning down I finally found her body lying across the floor; she was covered in a warm liquid that I knew instantly it had to be her blood. Standing up I walked to where I felt the figure standing and watching me. “How many more people have to die for me?” I asked, “If I go with you willingly, will you save her?”
There was silence. The man didn’t say anything, as he contemplated my offer, then he said, “Matter of fact I will drop her off at the gate myself. After all you are the one we want!” A sickening feeling filled my stomach almost causing me to vomit. ‘Tonight.’ I thought, ‘I was probably going to die, but at least no-one else would have to suffer because of me.’
The stranger instructed someone to take Willow to the gate and with a loud swoosh he disappeared, although he was back in a matter of seconds saying it had been done! The other man, whom I now recognized as my supposed father, then instructed this man to pick me up and carry me to their safe house. Within the blink of an eye, metaphorically speaking of course, I was in a different house. It smelled of cigarettes and trash, the stale air making me feel queasy. Having arrived I was dropped harshly with a thud onto a cold floor, causing me to scratch my knees against the splintered wood.
Although I was terrified I held back the tears as I wasn’t going to let them see me being vulnerable, as that is what they surely wanted. Reaching behind, I felt the wall so I inched myself backwards until I was pressed close to it as hard as I could. Even though I couldn’t see anything, I thought I would have a better chance of defending myself. At least no-one would be able to grab me from behind, which I knew these cowards would do if they got the chance. Pulling my knees up to my chest I tried to settle my nerves and calm down. If I was going to get out of here alive I knew I had to stay calm; every move I made from now on in had to be well thought out and calculated. Although that might not be enough! It was likely that I was going to die fairly soon. ‘Well,’ I thought, trying to reassure myself, ‘At least I wouldn’t see it coming.’
The room was silent and despite my best efforts I couldn’t hear anything. The smell of cigarettes still lingered heavily in the air, making it hard for me to breathe although it seemed to have thinned out a little since we had first arrived. Perhaps this meant I had been left alone. Taking a chance I called out. “Hello?” There was no answer but that didn’t necessarily mean much as they could still be in the room, standing around watching me. I still hadn’t figured out why my eyesight hadn’t returned. It was hell. What I really needed was to have it back just long enough to get out of here, but no matter how hard I begged and pleaded it wouldn’t return. Just as I decided to stand up the door burst opened and just as quickly it closed, was followed by the sound of two loud footsteps walking towards me.
“Well, Well, Well,” I heard a small female voice say. “She doesn’t look so valuable to me,” and she laughed; a harsh laugh. Having stopped just in front of me she leaned over and suddenly grabbed me by my hair demanding that I stand up.
Struggling to get up I hoped she would let go of my hair, but instead she kicked my feet from underneath me, causing me to fall flat on my butt and making me cry out in pain as my back hit the wall behind me. Just as I was going to curl up she grabbed me by my hair again, laughing again but, instead of yelling out and telling me to stand, she just kept tugging harder and harder until I had stood up on my own.
“It should have been me you know?” she snarled at me; as if I was supposed to know what she was talking about. Pulling me closer to her face all I could smell was an overbearing musky perfume that took my breath away. Shoving me back into the wall she placed her elbow to my throat, making it harder for me to breathe and causing me to cough and gasp for air as her elbow dug deeper into my throat.
I was very relieved when I heard a loud and commanding voice behind her yell, “Damn it Kat, let her go!” And she did just that; punching me in the stomach and making me fall to the floor hard. Fearful of saying anything, I knew I wouldn’t take much more of the abuse before I did something stupid, and making her hit me again. Thankfully I heard her footsteps disappear as she made her way back towards the door. Hopefully she was leaving, although this time I didn’t hear the door open so I wondered if she was still in the room. Clenching my fists by my sides I suddenly realized how much I hated being helpless and decided that if I ever got the chance I would kick her ass! To pass the time I kept thinking about Declan’s smiling face and bright eyes. If anything could pull me from this darkness it was him. I was sorry we hadn’t left things that good between us but despite that I still cared for him; he was still the shining light in all my darkness.
I’m not sure how much time has passed but it seems as if it has just crept by. Trying to keep level headed and calm I keep pressing my head and body against the cool wooden planks of the wall. But the longer time passed the more terrified I had become. I miss my family and I hope and pray I will see them again; and soon. The house had grown quiet and I have a feeling I was alone, yet I have no clue how long it’s been. They must have someone guarding the door as they don’t seem the type of people, or whatever they are, to just let me walk right out of the door. Perhaps there’s a chance that they might just underestimate me due to the fact I was blind. If nothing else I have to hold on to that little glimmer of hope, or I will just give in to the despair that is filling every single inch of my body; making me feel sick to my stomach. Ever since I lost my sight I have begun to feel as if I am on a roller coaster ride of emotions. One moment I feel as if I could take on the world, then I feel so defeated that I just want to lie down and stop breathing.
Realizing how drastic those two extremes appear is my strange way of coping with not being able to see. Fin
ally, hoping I was alone, I decided to try and feel my way around the room? Carefully I pushed myself up from the floor but as I stood I felt a little woozy. Placing my arms straight out in front of me I began listening for any indication that there was someone, or something else, in this room other than myself. Carefully I moved around, bumping into a table and chairs and then some sort of sofa or easy-chair and knowing instinctively that I wasn’t locked in some sort of bedroom or basement. Slowly I made my way to the wall; then dragging my fingertips across the wood I felt for a window; my breath catching in my throat when my hand reached the cool glass pane. I wasn’t sure if I could possibly crawl out of it but it did help to confirm my suspicions that I was in a living room, which meant with a few more steps I might find a door.
Taking a deep breath I stumbled my way around the room until I finally reached the door. Slowly I felt for a lock and discovering a chain of some sorts I flicked it out of place. Despite knowing there was the possibility of someone waiting on the other side of the door I still had to take a chance. Sweat beaded my brow as I placed my hand on the door-knob. ‘This is the moment of truth,’ I told myself as I slowly turned the knob. Carefully opening the door I was surprised to be met by a quick and forceful breeze. Taking one step at a time I carefully dragged my feet in order to feel for anything that I could possibly trip over. As I progressed the scent of freshly cut grass and pine needles sailed through the air around me but it was a welcoming aroma; especially after breathing in the nasty stale scent of cigarette smoke. Shuffling my feet further and further across the porch I carefully started to make my way down a small flight of wobbly stairs; or maybe it was just my legs that were wobbly. Whichever it was I knew I had to try and get away from the house as quickly as I could.