‘Well done, Mr Tucker!’ The children shouted. Atticus purred weakly. He was pleased for Mr Tucker but all he really cared about was getting to home time. He glanced at the clock. Nearly six. Thank goodness!
Mr Tucker limped across the stage to accept his prize. It was a deluxe spa day at Thumpers’ Traditional Beard Spa. He beamed with pride.
‘Congratulations, Mr Tucker!’ Inspector Cheddar led the final round of applause. ‘And now I’d like to hand over to Mrs Tucker to give out the fancy-dress prizes.’ He stepped away from the microphone.
Suddenly there was a terrible roar from the back of the ballroom. ‘Not so fast, you scurvy landlubbers!’
Atticus looked round.
A huge man dressed all in black stood at the entrance to the ballroom. He wore a long coat, breeches and boots that pulled up over his knees. Beneath his three-pointed hat a mass of curly black hair had been swept into a ponytail. Over one eye he wore an eye patch. But the most striking thing about the newcomer was his beard-jumper. It tumbled around his chin in a thick tangle of wool and bristle so that it appeared as if his very jumper had been knitted from his whiskers (or the other way around).
Atticus stared at him in horror. It had to be him: the only pirate Mr Tucker hadn’t sent an invitation to, the only one who would cause trouble if he turned up uninvited, which he just had.
It was Captain Black Beard-Jumper!
Captain Black Beard-Jumper strode across the ballroom floor towards the stage. The sound of his boots rang around the room like thunderclaps. His face was contorted into an ugly scowl.
The crowd parted in front of him to let him through. Some of the pirates removed their hats and bowed with a flourish as he passed.
Atticus found himself in Callie’s arms. He must have jumped up there without realising. It made him feel a lot safer. He wondered what would happen next.
Captain Black Beard-Jumper leapt on to the stage. He gave another great roar. ‘Think you could hold the World Beard-Jumper Competition without telling me, did you, you bunch of lily-livered sea-dogs?’
Mr Tucker had retreated to the back of the stage. He pulled Mrs Cheddar and the judges under the table. Only Mrs Tucker remained in her place. She had her hands on her hips and was glaring at Mr Tucker. If she didn’t know there was something fishy going on before, Atticus thought resignedly, she definitely knows now.
Inspector Cheddar stared at the pirate in astonishment. ‘Who are you?’ he said.
‘Who am I, you say? WHO AM I? I’ll tell you who I am,’ the pirate roared. ‘I’m Captain Black Beard-Jumper, first pirate of the Seven Seas. Owner of the biggest beard-jumper known to chins.’
Inspector Cheddar looked nonplussed. Then, to Atticus’s amazement, he started to laugh. ‘Oh, I get it,’ he said. ‘Mr Tucker hired you. You’re part of the entertainment.’
‘Dad thinks he’s in fancy dress!’ Michael whispered. ‘He doesn’t realise he’s a real pirate!’
‘What are we going to do?’ Callie squeaked. ‘Atticus, think of something! We’ve got to help Dad!’
Atticus screwed up his eyes and tried to concentrate. But the only thing he could think of was that he wished he hadn’t listened to Mr Tucker. The children had been right about the pirates. They should have told Inspector Cheddar.
‘Ooh aarr!’ Inspector Cheddar shouted. ‘Shiver me timbers! Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!’
‘Are you takin’ the mick out of me, you hornswaggling squiffy?’ Captain Black Beard-Jumper hissed.
‘Oh, this is priceless!’ Inspector Cheddar doubled over with mirth. ‘Come on, Mrs Tucker, give the man his prize for the best pirate costume. He deserves it. He even had me fooled for a minute.’
Black Beard-Jumper’s eyes narrowed. ‘This be no costume, you scallywag. Now get out of my way before I have you flogged. It’s Tucker I want.’
‘Very good!’ Inspector Cheddar sniggered. To Atticus’s horror he reached up and gave Captain Black Beard-Jumper’s ponytail a tug. ‘You even glued on your wig!’
There was a gasp from the pirates. The fishermen made for the exit.
‘Wig, you say? How dare you!’ Black Beard-Jumper thundered. ‘I’ll have your guts for garters.’
‘Ha ha ha!’ Inspector Cheddar wiped tears of laughter from his eyes. ‘I’ll bet you’ve even got a glass eye!’ He pinged Black Beard-Jumper’s eye patch. ‘I knew it!’
Captain Black Beard-Jumper drew his sword from its scabbard and pointed it at Inspector Cheddar.
Atticus covered his eyes with his paws.
‘Wait!’ Mr Tucker crawled out from under the table.
‘Tucker!’ Black Beard-Jumper hissed. ‘Try and steal the prize for the biggest beard-jumper from me, would you? Like you once stole my ship’s cat?’
Atticus’s ears pricked up. Mr Tucker had once stolen Black Beard-Jumper’s ship’s cat? No wonder there was bad blood between them.
‘That was a long time ago,’ Mr Tucker retorted. ‘And Bones didn’t like you anyway. She was glad to come away with me and Fishhook.’
Bones? Atticus had heard of Bones before, although he had never met her. According to Mr Tucker, Bones had saved his life on more than one occasion at sea.
Atticus wasn’t the only one who had heard of Bones. Mrs Tucker pursed her lips. It was obvious to Atticus she was beginning to work things out.
‘Rubbish!’ Captain Black Beard-Jumper shouted. ‘Bones was always loyal to her captain.’
‘It be the pirate code!’ Inspector Cheddar said in a silly voice. ‘That a ship’s cat be loyal to its captain, it do. Ooh aarr.’
Black Beard-Jumper snarled. He turned on Inspector Cheddar and drew back his sword. ‘That’s enough lip from you, matey!’ he yelled. ‘Now prepare to die.’
Atticus could hardly bear to watch.
‘Youze run him through with your sword, Black Beard-Jumper, and youze’ll have me to answer to,’ Mr Tucker shouted.
‘You’ll have to do better than that, Tucker.’ Captain Black Beard-Jumper’s grip tightened on the hilt of his sword. ‘Give me one reason why I shouldn’t.’
‘It’s a double act!’ Inspector Cheddar hooted. ‘Brilliant!’
Mr Tucker hesitated.
‘Well, Tucker …?’ Captain Black Beard-Jumper said. ‘I’m waiting.’
‘Okay, youze wins!’ Mr Tucker sat back with a bump. He started to unscrew his wooden leg.
Callie’s arms tightened around Atticus’s tummy. ‘What’s he doing?’
‘I don’t know,’ Michael stood frozen with fear.
Atticus thought he did. There was only one thing that would stop Captain Black Beard-Jumper running Inspector Cheddar through with his sword. And that thing was Fishhook Frank’s message in a bottle. It must be hidden inside Mr Tucker’s wooden leg!
Atticus watched closely as Mr Tucker upended his leg and gave it a shake. He was right! It was hollow! The message in a bottle rolled on to the stage. Mr Tucker picked it up. He grasped the leg with his free hand and waved it at the Captain. ‘It’s from Fishhook Frank,’ he said. ‘He’s found out where the caarrsket is hidden. You find Fishhook, Black Beard-Jumper, and he’ll take you to it. That’s what you want, isn’t it?’
Low muttering rippled around the ballroom. All the pirates knew what that meant.
‘A casket!’ Inspector Cheddar yelled in his pretend pirate voice. ‘Of treasure, I’ll be bound! Ooh aarr!’
‘Give me the bottle,’ Captain Black Beard-Jumper demanded.
‘Not unless you put your sword away,’ Mr Tucker said. ‘Or I’ll smash it to bits and grind the paper into dust. That way youze’ll never find Fishhook. Or the caarrsket.’ He held the bottle by the stopper against the floor and raised his wooden leg ready to smash it into smithereens.
‘Stop!’ Captain Black Beard-Jumper shouted. ‘All right. Have it your way, Tucker. I promise I won’t kill the bilge rat.’ He replaced the sword in its scabbard and held out his hand. ‘If you give me the bottle.’
‘Phew!’
Inspector Cheddar giggled. ‘You had me worried there for a minute. Not!!’
‘Throw it over,’ Captain Black Beard-Jumper ordered.
Mr Tucker tossed the bottle towards him.
The pirate captain caught it. He held it up and twisted it to and fro between his finger and thumb, examining its contents. ‘The Casket of Desires!’ He grinned. ‘I wonder what I’ll wish for first. Pirate King of the world? Death to everyone who ain’t a pirate?’ He pocketed his prize and turned back to Inspector Cheddar. ‘That reminds me.’ Suddenly his big hairy hand shot out and grabbed Inspector Cheddar by the throat.
Inspector Cheddar’s eyes popped. ‘That’s taking it a bit far!’ he croaked.
‘You promised not to kill him!’ Callie screamed. She put Atticus down and rushed towards the stage.
Atticus rushed after her.
‘I’m not going to kill him,’ Black Beard-Jumper said, without looking away from Inspector Cheddar’s face. ‘I’m going to curse him.’
At the mention of the word curse, the pirates stampeded towards the door. They pushed and shoved their way out.
‘Okay, show’s over!’ Inspector Cheddar gasped. ‘Time to go home!’
Callie clambered on to the stage. Atticus leapt up behind her. He had to protect Callie from Black Beard-Jumper, whatever happened.
‘Callie!’ Mrs Cheddar screeched. ‘No!’
‘Stay away, Callie!’ Mr Tucker shouted, trying to stand up on his good leg ‘Edna! Do something!’
Mrs Tucker had already left her chair. She had a determined look on her face. Atticus could see from her expression that she knew this was for real.
‘Sorry, Callie, but you’re not going near that pirate.’ Mrs Tucker grabbed Callie. She sidestepped Captain Black Beard-Jumper and pushed Callie towards her mum. Mrs Cheddar pulled Callie under the table and hugged her. Mrs Tucker dropped to her hands and knees.
Atticus ran towards Black Beard-Jumper, snarling. Callie might be safe but he still had to do something to help Inspector Cheddar.
Captain Black Beard-Jumper pulled back a boot and aimed a kick in his direction.
Atticus dodged. The boot whistled past his whiskers. He turned round, ready for another charge.
‘No, Atticus.’ Atticus felt Mrs Tucker grab him by the scruff of the neck and bundle him up. She shuffled back to the table on her knees and held him close. ‘There’s nothing you can do,’ she whispered. ‘It’s too late.’
Captain Black Beard-Jumper drew Inspector Cheddar towards him so that their eyes were level. ‘By the power invested in me as the greatest pirate on the Seven Seas with the biggest beard-jumper known to chins,’ he hissed, ‘I hereby mark you for death on the thirteenth day of the seventh month at sunset.’ He dropped Inspector Cheddar and nudged him with his boot. ‘That’ll teach you to pull my ponytail.’ He leapt off the stage and strode out of the hall.
Atticus listened as the echo of the Captain’s boots receded down the passageway.
The front door banged.
There was silence. Everyone had gone, except the Cheddars, the Tuckers and Atticus.
Mr Tucker started to crawl towards the steps that led down from the stage.
‘Where do you think you’re going?’ Mrs Tucker stood over him. ‘Well, Herman? What do you have to say for yourself? You’ve got a lot of explaining to do.’
Atticus sat in a big leather chair in the Police Commissioner’s enormous office at Scotland Yard. All four Cheddars were there. So were Mr and Mrs Tucker. Atticus felt miserable. No one had paid him any attention in the car on the way there from Littleton-on-Sea. In fact no one had paid him any attention at all since the disastrous events at Toffly Hall. There had been no sardines. And the only cat food left in the cupboard at home was a box of dried pellets that tasted like cardboard and smelt like mummified rabbit poo. They were all too worried about Inspector Cheddar to think about him.
Atticus couldn’t blame them. He was worried too.
‘Bad business this, Cheddar,’ the Police Commissioner said.
‘Yes, sir.’ Inspector Cheddar looked dazed.
‘I should tell you that the PM and the Queen have both asked to be kept informed,’ the Police Commissioner said.
Atticus felt even more miserable. The Queen knew about this?! Her Majesty used to be his friend. He couldn’t imagine that she would be very impressed with him now.
‘Any sign of the black spot, Cheddar?’ the Police Commissioner enquired sympathetically.
‘No, not yet.’ Inspector Cheddar examined his hands. ‘Although I do have a verruca on my right foot. I think I got it when I took the children swimming.’
There was a knock at the door.
A tall man in a smart uniform came in.
‘This is Commander Whale,’ the Police Commissioner introduced him. ‘From the Royal Navy. I believe he has news for us.’
‘Captain Black Beard-Jumper’s ship, the Golden Doubloon, was sighted a couple of days ago heading towards a group of islands off the coast of Indonesia called the Moluccas,’ the Commander said. ‘Unfortunately my men lost him. The waters around there are extremely treacherous for naval vessels. Our ships are too big. There’s only one way to get close to some of those islands. And that’s with an old-fashioned sailing boat.’
‘Thank you, Commander.’ The Police Commissioner turned to Mr Tucker. ‘Mr Tucker,’ he said gravely, ‘I understand from your wife Agent Whelk that you used to be a pirate.’
‘Aye,’ Mr Tucker said tersely.
Mrs Tucker had forced the whole story out of him. It turned out that both he and Fishhook Frank had once sailed with Captain Black Beard-Jumper on his pirate ship, the Golden Doubloon.
‘And that you know this Fishhook Frank fellow.’
‘Aye!’
‘And that it was originally your idea not to inform the authorities that Toffly Hall would be seething with pirates during the World Beard-Jumper Competition.’
‘Aye!!’
‘And that if we don’t get to the Casket of Desires before Captain Black Beard-Jumper does, then we face possible world domination by pirates.’
‘All right, don’t rub it in!’ Mr Tucker grumbled.
‘Serves you right!’ Mrs Tucker muttered. ‘You should have told me about those pirates in the first place.’
‘It was Atticus,’ Mr Tucker protested. ‘He was fine with it! You ask the children.’
What? Atticus was startled. He wasn’t fine with it! He just didn’t know what to do. He’d never had to make an important police-catting decision like that on his own before. He hoped that wasn’t what Michael and Callie thought.
‘And on top of that,’ the Police Commissioner went on, ‘Inspector Cheddar has been cursed with the mark of the black spot which basically means he’s going to die in …’ The Police Commissioner consulted his calendar … ‘eight days. That’s your fault too, right?’
‘AYE!’ Mr Tucker exploded.
‘There must be a cure for the curse,’ Mrs Cheddar said bravely. ‘Isn’t there?’ She held the children’s hands tightly.
‘Well, Herman, is there? You’re the expert!’ Mrs Tucker snapped. ‘You’re the one who knows all about pirate lore.’
Mr Tucker looked sheepish ‘There’s only one way to lift the curse,’ he said eventually. ‘And that’s for us to find the caarrsket and for Inspector Cheddar to summon the mermaid and make a wish.’
‘What happens if we can’t find it?’ It was Inspector Cheddar who spoke. ‘Only I wouldn’t mind knowing, as it’s my life on the line. If that’s all right with you, Atticus,’ he added bitterly.
Atticus’s ears drooped. Inspector Cheddar blamed him too!
‘First youze get the sweats,’ Mr Tucker said gloomily. ‘Then youze get the scabs. After that youze get the sickness, then youze get the squirts. Then comes the scratchin’, the lumps, the bumps and the camel humps. After that your hair drops out and your eyes combust. Then …’
‘Shut up, Herman!’ Mrs Tucker said. ‘You’re
upsetting the children.’ She leaned forward. ‘It seems to me there’s only one thing to do. We’ve got to find that casket before Black Beard-Jumper does.’
‘That’s what I’s been saying all along!’ Mr Tucker protested. ‘Haven’t I, Atticus?’
Atticus ignored him. Mr Tucker couldn’t tell tales on him one minute and be nice to him the next.
‘I agree,’ the Police Commissioner said. ‘And fortunately for you, Inspector Cheddar, Mr Tucker, with his pirating experience, is uniquely placed to help us.’
‘Hooray!’ said Inspector Cheddar sarcastically. ‘Lucky me!’
‘Look, I’s sorry for what happened,’ Mr Tucker mumbled. ‘But the Police Commissioner’s right. I can help. I think I knows where Fishhook be marooned. There was a map on the back of the message.’
Atticus recalled the mass of squiggly lines and jumbled numbers. He remembered thinking at the time that if anyone knew what it meant, Mr Tucker would.
‘I’s been there with Frank, see?’ Mr Tucker continued. ‘When we was lookin’ for the caarrsket the laarrst time around: that’s where we camped before we started our voyage. Fishhook must have gone looking for the caarrsket again, then got himself into trouble and ended up marooned back there.’
‘Well that’s a start,’ the Police Commissioner said. ‘Commander?’
‘We can have a ship ready in one of the Moluccan ports in a day or so,’ the Commander said. ‘Mr Tucker just needs to put together a crew.’ He turned to Mr Tucker. ‘The Navy will fly you out there. If you’re quick, you might still beat Black Beard-Jumper to the island to rescue Fishhook Frank. It’s possible he may be able to lead you to the casket. What happens after that …’ he shrugged … ‘I can’t say.’
There was silence in the room. Atticus was thinking about Mr Tucker’s story; about the poor hunted mermaid; about the legendary sea creatures that guarded her; and about what happened to Mr Tucker’s leg when he went in search of the casket the first time. Even supposing they did get to the casket before Black Beard-Jumper did, would they be able to save Inspector Cheddar? What if the mermaid didn’t wake up? What if she had gone? What if they didn’t get there in time? Inspector Cheddar only had eight days to live.
Atticus Claw Goes Ashore Page 4