Avril’s eyes sparkle with amusement and a little bit of respect. “He hasn’t written you off.”
Letting out a huge sigh of relief, I finally release the death grip my hands had on each other. “Thank God.”
“You may need to grovel,” she suggests.
“Not a problem,” I assure her.
“And you might want to go check into a hotel, get a little bit of sleep first, and perhaps brush your hair a little,” she says, taking me in with a slightly wrinkled nose.
I grin. “Sorry. But I didn’t sleep at all last night. I was too nervous.”
“Don’t be,” she says kindly. “I’m sure it will be fine.”
“Should I just call him or text him, to let him know I’m in town?” I ask.
She shrugs. “He’s at lunch with Dane right now. My husband got tired of him moping around, so he dragged him out of here about an hour ago.”
“Oh,” I say thoughtfully, wondering what that really means. Is Andrew moping because he loves me and he thinks it’s not returned, or because I hurt him immeasurably?
“Dane took him to the Wicked Horse,” Avril says, tone casual.
My entire body jolts when her words register, and I practically screech, “What?”
She gives me a shrug. “Relax. I doubt Andrew went in. It was just Dane’s way of trying to snap him out of his funk. Thought he’d force him to get you out of his head with an afternoon of casual, no-strings sex.”
My mind races over how to process what she’s saying.
These people are nuts, acting like frequenting a sex club is no big deal.
Dane is the weirdest sort of friend.
Avril might very well be fucking with me.
Andrew could be having sex with someone else right this very minute.
But… no!
Avril said Andrew loved me. No matter how tempting that club might be to him, if he truly does, he wouldn’t go in there.
I smooth out my facial features, cough to clear my throat, and give Avril a confident smile. “Andrew can tell me all about his afternoon out with Dane when I see him later.”
Seeming impressed with my reply, she curves her lips upward in a sly smile. “You know… I do believe the two of you are going to have a long and prosperous life together.”
“I think you could be right,” I agree with a mirrored smile. “As long as I can convince Andrew to give me another chance, but that’s all on me.”
And I was pretty sure I could make it happen.
CHAPTER 23
Andrew
Pre-season football sucks, but it’s still a million times better than no football at all. I try to concentrate on what is a tremendously boring game full of third stringers trying to make the final cut.
Finishing off my beer, I heave myself off the couch and head to the kitchen for another. Since my lunch with Dane today, I have finally stopped obsessing about Brynne. It’s been amazing.
It doesn’t mean I’m not thinking about her, and taking everything Dane said very seriously, but for the first time in a long time, my brain seems a bit settled.
Or is it my heart that’s a bit more settled?
Not really sure, but it all centers around hope.
Prior to Dane knocking me out of my self-imposed exile into brokenhearted land, my obsession about Brynne had nothing to do with figuring a way out of said exile. I did nothing but brood, replaying all the ways things went wrong over and over again in my head. I didn’t let myself believe I could do anything to make things right.
Dane gave that back to me today, although I’m not sure I will do anything about it just now. The one thing he had not been able to help me with is my anger toward Brynne for making me doubt my feelings.
Not about her, but about Avril and Dane.
I’m trying to reconcile it—to accept Brynne said things to me from a position of shock and betrayal and that perhaps she didn’t mean the words she used.
Like when she called me a freak.
That one really hurt, and was the source of my insecurities. And like I told Dane, if I were to have some empathy as to where Brynne was coming from and just let that go, then it would feel like I’m letting them down, despite him telling me that wasn’t so.
Still such a fucked-up situation, but now I have more clarity.
I do have hope.
I just have to figure out what to do with it.
The knock on my door is expected, and I bypass the kitchen to answer it. Setting my empty beer bottle on the foyer table, I start to fish my wallet out of my back pocket.
When I open the door expecting the Chinese food delivery guy, I get Brynne instead. I instantly forget the wallet, bringing both hands in front of myself and having to stop from reaching for her. She simply stands there, hesitance written all over her.
She looks amazing, but why wouldn’t she? She still is, and always will be, the most beautiful woman in the world. Despite the fact my brain and heart might still have some hang-ups where she’s concerned, my body has no such problems. My groin tightens, and my blood starts to race.
“Hey,” she says softly, hitching her purse strap onto her shoulder.
“Hey,” I respond… dumbly.
And I just stare at her.
She does the same, but then seems to startle. Beginning to fumble around in her purse, she says, “I brought you something.”
My chest aches when I see the envelope I had mailed to her about six weeks ago with the final annulment documents that I’d asked her to sign. She holds it out to me and I want to slam the door in her face, refusing the fully signed documents that will finally end our marriage.
Not knowing how to react, I bounce my attention from her, to the envelope, then back to her face again. It’s impassive, and I can’t read a damn thing.
Brynne steps forward, shaking the envelope at me. “Take it.”
I do so, reluctantly, and give her a grim nod. “Thanks. I’ll get these filed tomorrow.”
A tiny smile graces her mouth, and I realize Dane must have had everything wrong. There’s no hope to be had here.
Brynne’s lips only curve higher. “You’re not going to be able to do that.”
That shocks me, and I open my mouth to ask why, but the elevator doors open and the delivery dude exits. He looks down at a piece of paper in his hand, over to the number of my condo in brass lettering beside my door, and then to me. “Mr. Collings?”
“Yeah,” I mutter, hurriedly fishing out the forgotten wallet and opening it. Brynne steps aside to make room for him, and I pull out some cash. We make the exchange—food for money—and I tell him, “The extra is for you.”
“Thanks, man,” he says, eyeing me and Brynne. I’m guessing he senses the awkwardness in the air. He bobs his head, then jets back to the elevator.
My eyes slide to Brynne as I hold up the brown bag that contains beef and broccoli along with some egg drop soup. “Hungry?”
“Actually, no,” she says grimly. “My stomach is too nervous to eat.”
Stepping back from the doorway, I motion with my head for her to come in. “Well, come on in anyway. We can talk, and you can tell me why I can’t file these documents.”
I close the door behind Brynne after she enters, then head into the kitchen to put the food on the counter. I use the few moments to brace for whatever it is she has to say. Since she won’t sign the documents, I’m assuming she must want something—probably money. I knew I should have gotten her to sign a post-nup the way Dane had suggested.
When I join her in the living room, I find her staring at my desk, my computer screen in particular.
There’s a hole in the center where I’d punched it after she walked out on me two months ago. I haven’t replaced it yet, mainly because I sort of like the reminder of what less than full transparency gets people in life.
“So what’s wrong with the documents?” I ask, still clutching the envelope.
She shrugs. “Open them and see for yourself.”
&
nbsp; I start to get annoyed, not enjoying the fact she’s making this into a game, but I oblige her. Opening it, I peer inside, stunned to find nothing but a huge pile of shredded paper.
My head snaps up, and my mouth drops open. She gives me a timid smile. “I didn’t find them to my liking.”
“So you shredded them?” I ask, feeling that sensation of hope returning right to the center of my chest.
“If I had to admit it,” she says coyly. “I really liked being married to you.”
Fuck, I like the sound of that, but an overwhelming sense of caution hits me. I set the envelope down on an end table. “What does that really mean, Brynne? The last I seem to remember, you felt betrayed by me… and that’s not overly conducive to a strong marriage.”
Her expression saddens, and her eyes get shiny with wetness. “I’m sorry, Andrew. Yes, I felt betrayed and that made me say some really awful stuff. And honestly… at the time, I probably meant what I said. But that’s because it was fueled by anger and all of these terrible feelings I had for Jesse. It got jumbled up inside me, and I wasn’t able to see things clearly.”
Damn, I want to believe her. I really, really do.
She takes my silence as the reticence it actually is to accept what she’s saying, so she continues. “You tried to tell me that day. You tried to explain you and Jesse were nothing alike. Why I couldn’t accept it right then and there speaks only to my own weaknesses, and it doesn’t mean anything more. And you may not believe this, but not long after I left, I knew I was wrong to compare you to him.”
“Then why are you just now telling me this?” I ask.
“Because even though I knew you were a good man, and your situation was different, I still couldn’t wrap my head around the knowledge of what you did or why. It confused me, and it made me feel… inadequate for you.”
“Brynne, no!” I exclaim. “Never that.”
She smiles again, but it doesn’t reach her eyes, which are now brimming over with tears. “Again, that’s my weakness, not yours, and that made me just hold all that shit against you. I was mired in it. Then I started working, and I used it as an escape to try to forget about things, but that didn’t really work. I couldn’t stop thinking about you, doubting every bit of the horrible thoughts I was having, but getting no clear understanding as to how to fix it all.”
“I wish I had known,” I tell her gently. “We could have talked.”
“You tried, though. You reached out to me all those times, and I shut you out. Avril tried, too, but after all that pain and confusion, I just wasn’t prepared to feel even more terrible about myself by admitting I was completely wrong about everything.”
I want to take her in my arms right this minute.
Kiss her and tell her she needs to let every bit of that go, but inherently, I know that’s actually what she’s doing. She’s standing before me, laying her heart out there, and showing me she’s purging it all away.
“What changed?” I ask.
She gives a mirthless laugh. “That idiot Jesse. I got my second month’s severance from him and I stared at that check, hating what it represented. The power he still held over me. Every single negative feeling I had about you came from my deep-seated feelings about him. And I just knew I had to cut it out, so I went to his house at two AM this morning, and I handed him the check back.”
I suppress a laugh, imagining what Jesse must have thought about that.
“And you know what I told him?” she asks hesitantly.
“What?”
“I told him that I wished him well in life,” she says breathlessly. “And I meant it, Andrew. I let him go. I let the bad go, and when I turned around and walked away, I was able to see everything clearly. I peeled the nastiness of Jesse away, and all I saw was the goodness of you before me. I knew I had to get it back, so I packed a bag, got in my car, and drove all night to get here.”
My mouth drops open at this revelation. That she forgave Jesse—I think—and cleared away the negativity to put us back on track. “But… why are you just showing up now? Surely you got here earlier today.”
“I went to Caterva, but kept chickening out to go in and see you. I finally went in to see Avril. We had a good talk. I owed her an apology for all the nasty things I thought about her, anyway.”
“She didn’t tell me,” I murmur with a bit of annoyance.
“I asked her not to,” she says, coming to Avril’s defense.
I nod, immediately forgiving Avril for keeping this from me while respecting Brynne for protecting her from my anger. But still…
“I’m not really sure what you’re saying, Brynne. I can’t tell if you’re being tongue in cheek when you say you like being my wife, and I’m not quite sure what it means that you’ve finally released Jesse. So spell it out for me.”
My heart thuds as Brynne crosses the room, letting her purse slide from her shoulder without any thought. When she reaches me, she takes my hands in hers. The feel of her skin makes me a little dizzy. “You want me to spell it out?”
I nod silently.
“I love you, Andrew. I never stopped. I hope you never stopped loving me, but if you did, I want the chance to earn it back. You told me something once… you told me that I knew my heart, and I needed to listen to it. And you’re right. It’s been speaking to me the entire time, even if my brain got in the way. And so I’m here because my heart is telling me that we belong together, and I want to make this work.”
My hands reflexively squeeze against hers, but my smile is hesitant. “I believe you. And you don’t know how glad I am to hear you say those things. But putting everything you’ve just said aside, you had some pretty strong feelings about what I did with Avril and Dane.”
“Yes,” she breathes out. “I did.”
“Had I known back then when I entered into that sexual relationship with them, that I’d one day meet you and it would hurt you and ruin my chances with you, I would have said ‘no’ to them. I would have picked you over Dane and Avril, any day, all day. Forever.”
Her smile is thin. “I wouldn’t change a thing about you, Andrew. Or about your past.”
“I’m glad to hear you say that,” I say truthfully. “Because while I would absolutely take advantage of a twenty-twenty hindsight in this instance, the one thing I will never do is regret what I did with them—not even for you. It’s a part of me. It’s an experience that, while not conventional or sustainable, is one I will treasure. I hold it close in my heart, and I’m not letting that go… even if it ruins a future with you.”
“I’d never ask that of you,” she says, her hands now squeezing onto mine tightly. She leans toward me, tilts her chin, and locks her eyes with mine. “I was wrong to judge you for that. Wrong to call you a freak. I’ve searched my soul, Andrew, and I have come to realize that what you had with Avril and Dane was born of love and respect. It wasn’t just to get your rocks off, and you didn’t do it for an adrenaline rush. I also know you witnessed something amazing during that experience—your two best friends falling in love. I believe you when say it’s a cherished experience, and I will never, ever take that away from you. I swear it. And well, if you don’t believe me, you’re just going to have to give me the time to prove it to you. I’ll eventually show you that it will never come between us and what we feel for each other. I’ll make you trust me in that respect again.”
Now this… this was what I needed to hear. That one last little thing that threatened to pull me away from Brynne for good. It was something of myself I could never give up, because what I had with Avril and Dane is a tiny bit responsible for the man I am today. And the man I am today loves Brynne that much more deeply because of the beauty I experienced with them.
The mere fact she has recognized it, and has given me the impunity to hang on to those memories, is more than I thought I’d ever get from her.
The impulse to kiss her is too strong, and I’ve never been one to deny myself pleasure. I pull her into me, then crush my mouth
down onto hers. Brynne’s arms wrap around my neck, holding me close to her, and she kisses me back like a woman who is madly in love and has just found out her man loves her back.
Without reserve.
“Say you forgive me,” she mumbles into my mouth. I suck those words down, bringing my hands to her ass so I can pull her in tighter to me.
“You’re forgiven, Brynne,” I murmur as I move my mouth to her neck. She moans, and my cock thickens against her belly.
“Say you love me,” she whispers, her voice catching a bit when I sink my teeth into the soft skin just above her collarbone.
“I love you. My wife.”
She laughs. “I like that.”
Lifting my head, I solemnly ask, “Will you marry me? I mean, I want it for real.”
She shakes her head, and my stomach doesn’t have time to drop because her smile is bright and joyful. “We already have it for real. And besides… I had the most beautiful wedding and wedding night a woman could ever want. I wouldn’t change a single thing, unless, of course, you still want that post-nup. I’ll sign it.”
My hand pulls away and comes down on her ass, a stinging slap of chastisement. She yelps and thrusts her hips into mine, causing my dick to swell even more.
“If I ever hear you mention that post-nup again, I’m going to rain fire down on your ass, you hear me?” I glare so she understands I’m never talking about that again.
She merely grins at me impishly, telling me she very much liked that slap. “We’ll see.”
“Yes, we will,” I mutter before kissing her possessively.
EPILOGUE
Brynne
The door opens, and Andrew calls out, “Honey… I’m home.”
My pussy clenches with desire. Andrew’s been gone to the East Coast on business for four days, and I’ve missed him terribly.
It was easy enough settling into my new life with him. I was able to give two weeks’ notice to my boss, who wished me well and promised me a good reference when I moved to Vegas permanently. I’ve been here for almost a month now, but I haven’t applied for a new job since I’m still waiting for a Nevada dental license. It’s been a nightmare obtaining everything they need, much of which has to be certified, but I’ll hopefully have the new one soon.
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