‘And he taught you?’
‘Everything. For a couple of years I was a deckhand but then he had a contact and I headed north and worked on the icebreakers and had the best time. It was good money and it sorted out my head. These ships are so powerful they ride over the ice at speed, crushing it. It is magnificent but away from the ice, because of the hull, they are not so stable...’
‘I want to go on an icebreaker.’
‘You would...’ He paused and then smiled at the thought of it. ‘The power, the size, the speed... Sometimes you look behind at the path you’ve made and you are on the biggest, most powerful vessel and yet you are tiny. Even now, I love my time on them.’
‘Is it lonely?’
‘No, there are movies, meals together, it’s a different life, and then there is time alone when you want it. Anyway, after my time on the icebreakers I headed back to Vladivostok and met again with Yuri.’
‘How old were you then?’
‘Twenty.’
She couldn’t believe all he had done at such a young age.
‘Then the real work started. I started to study for exams. Fourth mate, third mate, you have to have three hundred and sixty-five days at sea for each. Yuri taught me everything—I learned about maritime law, payrolls, customs, logging, forms and what a pain stowaways were. I made it to first mate and needed some more sea hours and on-board assessments to apply to be to a captain. I did all that and had just made it to captain when Yuri told me he was dying but he wanted one more voyage.’
‘Did he have family?’
‘He was a widower. He’d never had children. He said I was like a son to him and I considered him my family. I took his surname when I was eighteen.’
She had been right to be fascinated by him, Rachel thought. She could honestly listen to him for ever.
‘That last voyage we drank a lot and spoke a lot and he taught me some more about life. He died where he wanted to and I buried him at sea.’
‘Oh, no.’
‘It was what he wanted,’ Nikolai said. ‘He was a good man. He missed his wife till the day he died and was ready to go. When he passed I found out that the icebreaker contact he’d had was, in fact, one of his employees. He owned two icebreakers as well as the merchant vessel that he died on. He was worth billions. All of it was passed to me.’
Rachel looked at him.
‘He gave me everything.’
‘He loved you like a son,’ Rachel said. ‘Are you glad you didn’t take the jeans?’
Nikolai smiled at her response. ‘I don’t think you realise the money I could have made at that time with them.’
‘But you wanted to work on ships?’
‘From as far back as I can remember it was all I wanted to do. I always thought my father must have been a sailor. I was just born wanting to sail.’
‘Now it’s superyachts.’
‘Mainly,’ Nikolai agreed. ‘But I still work the icebreakers for a couple of months a year. The merchant vessel had to be scrapped. It was the hardest thing ever, she was a beautiful ship... That was when I moved into superyachts. I have three, the one I live on and the other two are for charter.’
‘Do you still miss Yuri?’
‘Very much. He’s the only person I ever told what had happened to me at the orphanage.’
He watched as she blinked.
‘I didn’t want to but I was terrified of being sent back. I told him that I was being bullied but he knew there was more to it than that. He said, “Beris druzhno ne budet gruzno”—if you share the burden it won’t feel so heavy.’
‘Was he right?’
‘Yes,’ Nikolai said. ‘I had so much anger in me and confusion. And he was so together and assured and the burden was so heavy.’
She almost told him, she almost felt she could tell him, but, as open as he was, for Rachel there was a deeper shame. That she must have enjoyed it—after all, she had sometimes come.
No, there were things you could never discuss.
He watched the struggle in her eyes and her mouth open and then close, and he remembered how hard it had been to tell another and he would not push.
Daylight was filtering in and he knew when to leave things.
‘Go to sleep,’ Nikolai said. ‘I need to go and do some work.’
He left her then and she lay in his bed but didn’t sleep for a long time.
Eight more sleeps.
And then he’d be gone.
CHAPTER TEN
THE BLISS OF her own bed wasn’t quite so blissful now.
On Sunday night, after a delicious day, Rachel had been driven home at her request.
She was trying to play it cool as she tried to hold on to a heart that she had always kept locked away.
He would be the one to call her, she decided.
When, though?
And why would she want to get more involved when the simple fact was that he was leaving soon?
There was a knock at the door at ten on the Monday and Rachel was delighted to see a huge floral bouquet and did a little dance when she’d closed the door. With relish she opened the envelope and then sagged.
They were from the dance company, which was lovely, but she wanted them to be from him.
The afternoon and evening was taken up filling in as a dance teacher and just as she collapsed onto the sofa, the second she managed to go sixty seconds without thinking of him, her phone rang.
‘How was it?’
His voice, his lack of introduction made her smile.
‘The truth?’ Rachel checked.
‘Always.’
‘I hated it,’ she admitted. ‘I am so not a natural teacher. Oh, my! First there was the baby class and it was so difficult to get them to focus, even for a minute. Then it was the mature age class. I think I overstretched them...’
He laughed and it felt like velvet in her ear.
And then he was silent.
‘What did you do today?’ Rachel asked.
‘Some work, some thinking...’
‘What are you doing now?’
‘Why?’ he asked, and she could not see his smile, but he knew she was waiting for him to suggest something.
‘I’m just wondering.’ Rachel shrugged.
‘I’m watching the sun go down. I need your email address so I can send you the piece you wrote.’
She gave it to him and then attempted more small talk but Nikolai wasn’t very good at that.
He had her email address. It was time to go.
Oh, invite me over, she thought, but refused to say it.
‘Is that someone knocking on your door?’ Nikolai asked.
‘It is.’
‘I’ll let you go, then.’
He rang off.
It was him at the door, she decided. He was playing games and, delighted, she hauled herself off the couch, but instead of Nikolai there stood a man with a package to sign for.
She had no idea what it was, and even less of an idea as she opened the silver bag and there was no card, no note, just a tin...
A massive tin of caviar and a tiny mother-of-pearl spoon!
She broke every rule and rang him straight back.
‘Don’t speak with your mouth full,’ Nikolai said, because she could barely get her thanks out, her mouth was so crammed with caviar.
‘It’s the best present!’ she said. ‘Better than flowers.’
‘To make up for the breakfast I missed,’ he said.
‘Nikolai...’ Yes, she was breaking every rule. ‘When can I see you?’
‘My driver’s outside.’
She practically ran!
It was, without doubt, the most amazing week of her life. Better possibly t
han when she’d played the part of one of the swan princesses, because she was made love to by night and slept by day.
He turned her world upside down and she was dizzy with the excitement of it.
Even teaching difficult four-year-olds was fun with the knowledge that Nikolai’s driver was waiting outside to take her back to his yacht.
She told herself that she didn’t love him.
She insisted all week that it was just some necessary fun, as she did her best to convince herself she was still in control.
She was like a high-class whore and loving it, she thought as she locked up the dance studio on the Friday night and his driver held open the door.
Except this time Nikolai was in the back.
‘I need to pop home.’ Rachel smiled her toothy grin and she told him as they drove that she had an appointment with the dentist on Monday.
And a massage booked for Tuesday.
Distractions were booked in for the whole of next week, in fact.
Because he’d be gone.
‘I shan’t be long,’ she said, and ducked out of the car, but he came with her.
And she was a terrible high-class whore because, and she didn’t quite know how, they ended up chatting in her kitchen.
And when she should have been being wined and dined on his yacht and dancing in the moonlight, they were sitting on the floor of her lounge, eating a spaghetti she had made.
Of course, they ended up in bed, side on and naked, and she could not bear it that soon he would be gone.
She wanted to climb out of his embrace and slap his good-looking cheek, to think that he would leave her in this world without him.
But she didn’t.
‘I’ll go,’ Nikolai offered around one, because he knew she was tired and he did not want her pretending to sleep.
‘Not yet,’ she said, and then went to sit up. ‘Your poor driver...’
‘He’s fine.’ Nikolai laughed and pulled her back in.
‘You can’t just leave him out there.’
‘What are you going to suggest, that he joins us?’
‘No.’
Oh, she loved lying here in her bed in his arms with her head on his chest, stroking his stomach and feeling the warmth from him.
‘Have you spoken to your mother about Sunday?’
Rachel shook her head. ‘I tried but I can’t. She’s very...’ Her nostrils tightened. ‘It’s better not to rock the boat.’
‘What happens if you do rock the boat?’
‘She falls apart,’ Rachel said. ‘Spectacularly so. Honestly, she’s always been like it and I think her marriage is on the rocks, so we’re due another drama any time soon.’
‘How long has she been married?’
‘To this one?’ Rachel did a mental check. ‘Three years.’
‘Has she been married many times?’
‘This is her third but there have been loads of boyfriends and...’ Rachel rolled her eyes. ‘I’d better not tell her about you and your billions. No one’s off-limits in my family, no doubt she’d be coming on to you...’
‘She wouldn’t get very far.’
Rachel smiled and her eyes almost closed but she forced them open. The lights were blazing and she knew he liked the dark.
‘I’m going to go,’ he said, because if he didn’t he’d fall asleep soon.
‘Stay,’ she said, because maybe she could be less scared of the dark with him beside her.
‘Are you sure?’ he checked. ‘I don’t want you faking sleep.’
‘I’m too tired to fake it.’
She felt his soft laugh beneath her cheek but then she remembered that she feared a touch in her sleep even more than the dark and, yes, he had better leave.
Nikolai felt her tears fall on his chest.
‘Go,’ she said.
‘I’m not leaving you crying. I’m going to stay.’
‘I’m worried that if you touch me while I’m asleep, I’ll freak.’
‘Then I won’t touch you.’
He made it seem simple and she remembered his words about sharing the burden and maybe she could tell him. By her admission just now, she almost had.
And so she asked him something.
‘Were you scared to run away?’
‘I was more scared to stay, I guess. I just packed a bag and wrote a note and ran...’
‘And they thought you’d died.’
‘I ran down to the river. I wanted to get to the train station. I saw some youths fighting. One was pushed in and they all ran off. I was going to jump in, I dropped my bag and jacket but then someone stopped me. He said it was too late, and that if I went in there would two bodies. I knew he was right and I could hear sirens too. I didn’t want the authorities to catch me so I ran again. I want to find out who he was.’
‘You shall.’
Tell me, Nikolai thought, but when she said nothing, he revealed a little more in the hope she might open up.
‘I took with me a ship I had spent years building...’
‘Libby told me you built a ship from matchsticks.’
‘Do you and Libby and talk about everything?’
‘Not everything.’
‘What don’t you talk about?’
Rachel lay there and he tried again to get her to open up. ‘You know the sexy book Daniil spoke about at the reception? I took that too.’
‘Why?’
‘To remind myself I liked women. These people mess with your head, Rachel.’
‘Well, not for long,’ she responded. ‘You sorted yourself out.’
He had, she hadn’t.
The difference between herself and Nikolai was that he had done something about it. He’d had the guts to run away, and had left a note to protect others, when all she had done was lie there and pretend to be asleep.
No, she couldn’t tell him.
Anyway, soon he’d be gone.
She felt his hand on her arm and he kissed the top of her head, and she lay in the light and listened to the sound of his breathing even out into sleep.
And she almost did the same but then a voice of the past popped into her head.
‘You love it, don’t you?’
Rachel could almost hear the voice of yesterday and feel her own shock and confusion that a man she loathed could bring her to orgasm. She went to sit up but Nikolai’s arm was heavy over her so she lay there, catching her breath, feeling the soft stroke of his hand on her arm until, for the first time in her life, she slept with a man.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
TWO MORE NIGHTS.
Only it wasn’t the happy countdown to Christmas or other such things, it was the appalling realisation, when she awoke, that in two more nights he’d be gone.
He had promised her just a week and that had seemed a good deal at the time.
Except she felt, as she lay there, as if she was adrift in the South China Sea and that pirates had invaded and captured her heart, her mind and a love she’d never thought she had to give.
He was stretching beside her and so sexy that she was happy he took up way more than half the bed.
‘What’s for breakfast?’ he asked, and had she ever woken in bed with a man before and he had said that, she’d have given some smart retort, but instead she laughed.
‘Caviar.’
She was on her second tin!
‘Just tea for me.’
She had to climb over him to get out and she nearly didn’t make it as they shared a lovely kiss with her sitting on his chest.
‘Three sugars.’
‘You’re such a chauvinist,’ Rachel said. ‘Why don’t you make the drink?’
‘We’re in your home,’ Nikolai pointed o
ut.
‘Oh, and when we’re on your yacht you have it served.’
‘Feel free to use the galley when you’re there if you prefer.’
And she would not be needy, she decided as she dunked his teabag, except she had to know and so as she walked back into the bedroom she asked him his plans.
‘So where are you off to on Monday?’
‘France,’ he answered.
‘You can go and see Anya perform,’ Rachel said, doing her best to keep her voice light, but he shook his head.
‘It doesn’t open there for another month, I’ll be long gone from France by then.’
She’d asked about his leaving and he’d told her.
And it hurt.
Nikolai sat up and took the cup and tried not to notice the disappointment in her eyes. He read her more easily than he had ever read anybody else.
They had agreed to one night and then they had agreed to a week. He had been upfront from the start.
So too had she.
But for Rachel things had changed.
‘I’m going to have to kick you out soon.’ Rachel did her best to keep her voice light. ‘I’m getting my hair done at nine.’
‘That’s right, you have your leaving party today.’
‘No,’ Rachel said. ‘I get my hair done every week. I hate washing it myself. There—another little thing about me you didn’t know.’
There was a dig there, a small reference to last night, and he guessed she was embarrassed at having told him she feared a touch in the night.
He was wrong.
Rachel was cross with herself for trusting herself to a man who, in around forty-eight hours from now, was going to shatter her heart.
The phone rang and it was her mother. He drank his tea and listened to a one-sided conversation. ‘Mum, Libby’s baby is getting christened tomorrow and I—’ There was a pause. ‘I never said that I wasn’t coming to the wedding but I was thinking, maybe if I just came to the reception...’ And then there was a very long pause and he closed his eyes as Rachel gave in. ‘It’s fine, don’t worry...’
It was painful to listen to such an assertive woman relent but it was not for him to say anything. Nikolai had no family and he certainly wasn’t about to advise Rachel on hers.
She came back into the bedroom as he finished dressing.
Billionaire Without a Past (Irresistible Russian Tycoons) Page 11