“If you want me to I’ll buy a whole new wardrobe.”
He was saying and doing everything right tonight. It almost made her nervous. “Not necessary since I prefer you out of clothes the most.”
His body stilled. “That kind of talk is going to test my vow not to touch you tonight.”
“You already did.” No way did he forget that so soon.
He dropped his hands to her waist. The hold was loose and casual. Not like a few minutes ago when his hands and mouth explored. “You know exactly what I mean.”
“Like when you hold my hands above my head.” She raised her arms just to entice him a bit. “Or when we put those ties to good use.”
He visibly swallowed. “Much more of this talk and I’m going to have to go walk in the rain for a few minutes to cool off.”
“No need.”
“I want to carry you to bed. Sweet damn, I want to. But I promised you I’d win you back and I already went further than I meant to.” He shook his head. “But, damn, I can’t stop wanting you.”
That pleased her far more than it should. “Good answer.”
His expression turned serious. “But I need you to know this isn’t just about sex.”
Her heart did a flip. The stupid thing.
“What is it about, then?” Her hands rested against his chest and she didn’t make a move to increase the touch.
“I’m hoping we can figure that out together.” His thumb moved on her stomach. “If you’ll give me a chance.”
It’s as if he paid someone to write him the right lines. He delivered every word to perfection. Not too practiced but heartfelt. She had no idea what to think. He had her brain misfiring and her insides tumbling.
She went with skepticism because before he knocked on the door she’d planned to go with goodbye. “That’s a good line.”
He didn’t get angry. Didn’t even stiffen. “It’s the truth.”
She stepped back because she needed space. Touching him made it too easy to forgive him. She wanted to pretend he meant nothing, but the reality was he’d started to mean everything.
“Now what?” she asked, half dreading the answer.
“I leave.”
Not the response she wanted. “Okay.”
He smiled. That had to be number five or six by now. “But I come back at another time.”
“Okay.” She had no idea what to say, so she kept going with that.
His fingertips skimmed her cheek. “Because I need you to know I will.”
Another perfect comment. One more and the wall she’d erected against him would crumble. It was swaying already.
But the timing and the hard sell didn’t quite make sense to her. “You’re working very hard for something we can’t define and that may never happen.”
“You’re worth it.”
Her mouth dropped open and a tiny sigh escaped. “You’ve never said that before.”
“Then you’re right. I am a dumbass.” He kissed her as he said it. Short and so desperately sweet.
“I’m not going to argue with that.” Her voice sounded breathy. Now wasn’t that embarrassing. “Any chance I can convince you to stay and share dinner?”
“You’d be okay with that?”
Since he brought enough food for a group, she wanted to say yes. That and in general she just wanted to say yes. Still, there were ground rules, and since they weren’t hers, she needed to double check. “It sounds as if you might need to use the bathroom first. You know, wash your hands. But you can stay so long as you’re hands-off, okay?”
“Right. Bathroom and no touching.” This kiss landed on her cheek. The wink came next. “For now.”
Chapter Eight
Walker stepped into the kitchen at Shadow Hill the next morning with a sense that he had turned some sort of corner with Mallory. Times like these, when he let hope in, he tended to get kicked in the ass.
He could hear Declan and Callen working outside. They shouted to each other as saws and other tools buzzed to life. The rain had cleared and they’d rushed out to do some work on what was once a caretaker’s cottage and would likely serve as a guesthouse at some point.
Walker didn’t know the details or completely understand what the house plans were. He’d limited communication with the Hanover brothers to grunts and head nods to avoid a massive blowup.
When they left or huddled in one room, as they tended to do, he spent time looking around the house. When he agreed to stay here, he’d expected to use the time to search. But a hard hunt didn’t appeal to him.
And if caught, Mallory would kill him. Grace and Leah would likely join in. Sophie was the only one who seemed poised to allow him a strike or two.
Laugher snagged his attention. He looked out the window over the sink. Declan and Callen worked together while Beck watched. For some reason that made Walker smile.
“Beck is an expert at getting out of hard labor. He can do it. I think he just likes to show he doesn’t have to.”
Walker closed his eyes at the sound of Kim Hanover’s voice behind him. The woman was his kryptonite. He could maintain separation from the rest of them. But her, with her soft yet firm voice and stray touches on the arm or shoulder as she passed by him tested his ability to stay disconnected.
He glanced over his shoulder and saw her headed straight for him. “That probably makes him the smartest of your sons.”
She joined Walker in front of the sink. Stood shoulder to shoulder with him, close to even. She was a tall and striking woman with short brown hair. Beck looked the most like her, but there was something about her personality that reminded Walker of Declan.
“All of my boys have strengths and weaknesses.” She shook her head with a smile as Declan and Callen stared at something on the cottage’s porch and started arguing over it.
“It’s probably better if I don’t respond to that.” Walker envied the easy camaraderie Callen shared with Beck and Declan. Walker had never experienced that.
She turned to face Walker. “Still angry?”
He had no idea how she could ask that or think the wounds had healed. “About what in particular?”
She treated him to a small sigh. One that suggested he was being difficult and her patience was running out. “Your family situation.”
He didn’t actually have one of those. Both of his parents were dead and his life wasn’t exactly motoring on cruise control right now. “That’s a tame way of saying it.”
Her smile was more sad than amused. “What words should I use?”
“Look, Kim . . .” He called her that because she’d told him to. Still it felt wrong. They weren’t friends or close. They certainly weren’t related and didn’t have any ties to each other.
In his mind he’d actually lumped her in with Charlie and the rest of them and hated her for most of his life. Not that it was easy to do now that he’d met her. She had this calming Zen quality to her. She watched and listened. He’d also seen her flip to mother mode when her sons’ arguing clearly bugged her.
“Hello?” She put a hand on his elbow. “You’re just standing there.”
Always touching. This family argued, talked, played and touched. It freaked him the fuck out.
She continued to stare at him but he’d lost the thread of the conversation. “What?”
“You were about to say something then stopped.”
He couldn’t call up the words now. Probably a good thing. “I was just coming in here to get coffee.”
The rest of his plans centered on calling Mallory to see if he could convince her to meet him at the diner for breakfast. Not exactly a tough Monday morning.
Kim headed for the coffeepot. “I can make you something.”
Last thing Walker wanted was for this woman to wait on him. Nothing motherly or kind. Nothing at all. “Not necessary.”
“Do you want something to eat?” She put her hand on the refrigerator handle.
The churning in his gut wouldn’t slow down. “No.�
��
She looked so hopeful. So genuine. “Are you sure?”
He hated that because it made him feel like a jackass for not just accepting her. But he couldn’t.
With one hand in the air and the other clamped around the edge of the counter, he cut it all off. “Stop.”
“Excuse me?”
He put his hands on his hips. Then at his sides. Nothing felt right.
A headache smacked into him out of nowhere. A steady pounding that mimicked his heartbeat. “You aren’t my mother.”
Her smile fell. “I never pretended to be.”
“No, you did that to Callen.”
Everything stopped. Walker could have sworn even the air stopped circulating. The clock, the refrigerator, all the creaks and groans of a big old house. They ceased while he stood there, locked in a staring contest with a woman he really had no right hurting.
The back door swung open and Callen stepped in, bringing a cool breeze with him. Kim’s hands shook.
Forget feeling like a jackass. Right there he stepped over the line and turned into one.
It took Callen all of two seconds to figure out he’d walked into a battle scene. He shifted until he stood right next to his mother with his shoulder angled in front of her as if to protect her. “What’s going on in here?”
Kim’s smile returned. This time it didn’t meet her eyes.
She rubbed a hand over Callen’s back. “Walker is making sure I understand I mean nothing to him.”
The words sliced through him. From the fury washing over Callen, an actual knife wound was looking like a real possibility.
Walker rushed to set the record straight. “I didn’t say that.”
Not exactly that. Shit, had he really said that?
Kim stepped out from behind Callen and leveled Walker with a commanding gaze. One that said her age and her size wouldn’t mean anything if she wanted to take on a male in the room. “I did not give birth to you, but I won’t be disrespected.”
“What the hell did you say?” Callen took a threatening step in Walker’s direction.
His mom grabbed him and pulled him back. “Callen, it’s fine.”
“No, it’s not.”
It really wasn’t. Walker landed the verbal blow more out of habit than anything. She couldn’t be faulted for taking in one kid that wasn’t hers. Maybe it was too much to ask for her to be saddled with two.
From everything he’d learned about the first few years of his life, Walker knew Kim was really young when she married Charlie and took on the job of raising Callen. At least one of them made it out.
“I know you’re furious. You have all this rage and think you have the sole right to feel misused and forgotten.” Kim’s voice built, growing louder and steadier with each word. “But, honestly? Get in line.”
She dropped the verbal hammer and the ground shook. At least it felt that way to him. She didn’t tell him he was being pathetic but the thought was implied.
Jesus, this entire family refused to see what happened. They didn’t understand how his life had been so different from theirs. “You think being part of a family was worse than what happened to me? Charlie forgot me. He pretended I didn’t exist.”
“You were better off,” Callen said.
Rage went wild inside Walker. This asinine belief Callen carried about having it so hard unleashed Walker’s temper every time. It barreled through him until his muscles shook and his back teeth snapped together. “You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”
“Never having any money or food. Having the police hound us and victims threaten to destroy us.” Callen counted the sins on his fingers. “Does that sound like a good time to you?”
Walker blocked it all. He would not let the fact they struggled matter to him. “Regardless of what you say I’m not going to feel sorry for you.”
“That goes both ways.” Kim’s comment came out with a snap, short and clear. “You want everyone to recognize how hard it was for you, fine. But you were not alone in having a tough time. I assure you.”
They’d launched into a shouting match now. Anger pulsed in the air and tension pounded the walls. Neither Kim nor Callen looked ready to back down. No, they stood like fighters and batted down every word he said.
Let them team up. He’d been alone for a long damn time and certainly didn’t need his mommy fighting his battles. “I don’t want your pity or sympathy or whatever you call it.”
“Good because you don’t have either.” Kim broke away from Callen’s protection and ventured closer to Walker. “But we are empathetic. We know what it’s like to get chewed up and tossed away by Charlie Hanover.”
Walker’s heart rate soared until he could barely hear her words. “Right.”
“The difference is, Walker, we’ve let it go, or at least we’ve tried to, and moved on.”
In other words, she thought this was all his fault. No fucking way could he accept that. “So have I.”
“Says the disgraced FBI agent on a mission to throw me in jail for nothing,” Callen said under his breath.
That was exactly what Walker needed. A reminder of why he hated Callen so much.
Inhaling as he fought to bring his temper back under control, Walker made a new plan. “I’m going to leave for the rest of the day.” Which would include a stop at the Severn Motel because staying here was no longer an option.
“There’s no need. I’m going out. You can have the kitchen back.” Kim stared him down. “Just know I’m not ready to give up on you. When you’re ready to have an adult conversation about Charlie, let me know.”
“Sure.” He waved her off because it was easier than dealing with what she said. Because the offer sounded sincere, and if it was then he was an even bigger dick than Callen thought.
She waited until she got to the doorway before turning around again. “And Walker? Come around soon, or Mallory, who is a lovely, vibrant, beautiful woman, will move on. She’s too smart not to.”
***
Callen had to count backwards from ten to keep from shoving Walker’s head into the refrigerator. The urge to pound the guy burned strong.
If Walker wanted to go after him, fine. Callen could take it. He’d hit back. He’d fight dirty. He could land both verbal and actual punches, if needed. Callen didn’t care that Walker carried a gun or had all that training. Street smarts and a strong survival instinct would win the day. Callen had no worries about that.
But his mother was a different story. She’d been shit on by everyone from the time she met Charlie at nineteen until now and had somehow come out stronger and smarter. Callen silently admitted that he’d played a large role in making the last few months of her life hell.
When he found out she was not his biological mother and never told him, he lost his mind. His world collapsed as he thought the one good thing in his life had been an illusion. Because if his gene pool consisted of Charlie and some poor woman he stuck in a mental institution to die, Callen didn’t see how he had any hope. And with a baby on the way his desperation only grew.
But Callen understood the truth now. Family wasn’t about who gave birth to you. It was about who stayed and supported you. Who put in the long hours and grieved. That was Kim. His mother. The woman Walker just attacked and if it happened again the guy would be sleeping under his car.
Walker stared at him.
Callen glared right back.
He finally wrangled his fury enough to speak but even then the words came out harshly. “Okay, one house rule that maybe wasn’t clear before now: do not ever be a dick to my mother.”
Walker leaned against the sink with his arms crossed in front of him. “She’s not really your mother.”
The guy just didn’t fucking stop. He poked and lashed out. Callen was two seconds from taking him down.
“She raised me.” His voice vibrated from the force of trying to keep it steady. “She stuck around and sacrificed and cried when Charlie took me away. If that’s not a
mother I don’t know what the hell is.”
After a few seconds of tense silence Walker’s shoulders fell and he started nodding. “Right. I get it.”
Callen had no idea what the hell that meant. “Do you?”
“I didn’t mean to tick her off or insult her.” All the anger had left Walker’s voice. The stern frown and legs-apart battle stance eased. “Really. That was out of line.”
It looked like whatever was knocking around inside of him calmed, and if Callen was right, that look in Walker’s eyes might be contrition. Better be.
Callen took a place on one side of the butcher block. “You may not believe it but she wants to help.”
“Do what?”
Jesus, the confusion was right there in the guy’s voice. Callen wondered if he should punch him just to wake him up. “Fix you, you dumbass.”
“I’m fine.” Walker said the phrase for about the millionth time but he didn’t move. Didn’t blink.
“Really? You’re thirty-five, sleeping on a sofa bed, trying to win back a woman you screwed over and on the verge of losing your job.” That all sounded pretty shitty to Callen and he knew shitty. He’d lived from paycheck to paycheck, skipped meals because he didn’t have money and slept in his car for weeks. He knew all about paying dues and being on the wrong side of luck. “As far as I can tell, life isn’t working for you right now.”
“Maybe if I learned a different skill growing up. Like stealing.” There was no fire in Walker’s voice. He actually smiled as he said the words. “How is that working out for you?”
Callen debated telling Walker the truth. Letting him know once and for all how Charlie had used him as bait for his cons. How when he got old enough, Callen ran. “You think that’s a shot? Like, I can’t take name-calling?”
“I’m not convinced you have a conscience.”
He was dead-ass wrong on that score. “Instead of assuming you could get to know me.”
“Why did you really invite me here?”
A fair question, but one Callen wasn’t quite ready to answer. Bringing Walker into their confidence put them all at risk. Threatened the bit of stability they’d all finally found. “To help.”
Too Far Gone Page 9