Sarah was mortified. ‘I’m so sorry.’ Sarah wanted to put her arms around Joey. She had to step backwards away from him before her impulse took over and she gave the poor postman the fright of his life. ‘It must be the funeral and all that. It’s making me cry at the drop of a hat.’
‘I’m not embarrassed to say I felt a lump in my throat too.’ Joey said awkwardly. ‘Go on in and have a cup of tea. I know it’s hard for you, here on your own.’ He moved forward as if to pat her arm, but thought better of it and stepped back awkwardly.
‘I’m grand, honestly. Just being silly that’s all. It is hard on my own sometimes, especially after what happened to Rachel. Plus Paul isn’t at home at the moment, so I’m a little bit on edge.’ She admitted and then made a conscious decision to pull herself together. She had a job to do.
‘Do you have any other family, nieces or nephews?’ Sarah continued.
‘I was an only child, so I was. And Mam and Daddy are both dead now, may they Rest in Peace. Sure it’s just me now.’
‘That must be hard for you.’
He looked at Sarah, wondering what her motive was for all of a sudden asking him questions. But he only saw kindness in her face.
‘Ah, I get by. Some weekends are hard but I have Benji. I know a lot of people think I’m soft, but that dog is family to me. I don’t know how he works out the time, but every day when I come home he’s sitting at the window, waiting for me. He’s there every day watching for me to pull into the drive. And you know something, seeing him there each day, well that just makes my day, so it does.’
‘That’s not soft at all. Benji is a lucky dog to have you. ’ Sarah said touching Joey’s hand gently. Tears flooded her eyes again, the relief that Benji was still alive overcoming her.
‘Maybe we’re both lucky. And this job has kept me going all these years too. Meeting lovely people like you every day, well, sure that’s all the company anyone could ask for.’
Sarah gulped. He was such a lovely man, why had she never taken the time to speak to him before today? He was going to be devastated when Benji died. That’s what would cause it. The loneliness would just put him over the edge.
‘Well we’d all be lost without you.’ Sarah said fervently. ‘You’re a great postman.’
‘Thanks.’ Joey said chuffed with himself, with the praise. ‘Better keep going or the rest of my route won’t think the same thing! Have a good day, Sarah. Don’t be worrying about those kids of yours. They’ll be fine. You will too.’ He nodded, almost tipping his forehead as he did and smiled as he walked away.
It was soon time for Sarah to head to work, after dropping the kids to school and Ella to Rita’s. She was finding it really difficult to think about anything except Joey though. There had to be something she could do to help him get through the difficult time he was facing.
Her shift at the boutique she worked in went very quickly, thankfully. Sometimes it dragged but it had been busy all day, with lots of people in looking at the end of season sale rails. Before she knew it she was clocking off, her feet were killing her and it was time to pick up the kids from Rita’s.
‘Time for a cuppa?’ Rita asked, alarmed when she saw how tired Sarah looked. She figured that Sarah would say no, because lately she always did, always rushing. But to her complete surprise, Sarah agreed to come in.
‘How’s that handsome brother of yours?’ Rita asked with a smile as she poured the tea.
‘Big and bold. You know what he’s like.’ Sarah replied smiling.
‘Any sign of him settling down?’
Sarah laughed as she answered, ‘Not James. He’s still playing the field. There’s nobody special at all’.
Taking a sip of her tea, Sarah asked Rita in a whisper, ‘Have you heard from Paul recently?’
Rita started to wipe the counter furiously. She looked agitated by the question.
‘You’ll wear a hole in the counter if you don’t stop.’ Sarah said to her mother-in-law. Rita dropped the cloth and turned to her.
‘He rang yesterday as it happens.’ Rita answered finally. ‘He was asking after the kids and you.’
‘Where is he?’ Sarah answered. ‘It’s been over a month now. I’ve given him as much space as I’m prepared to do. His children need him, now more than ever, what with Rachel Finch and everything. And I need some help financially. I’m struggling.’
Rita was pale. ‘I know. It must be difficult.’ Rita was so embarrassed by her son’s actions. She couldn’t make head or tail of it.
‘No, you don’t know. It’s not just difficult. I’m broke. I’ve used up all our savings, what little we had left in the account that is! I don’t earn enough at the boutique to support us. Christmas won’t be long coming round – with three kids, I just don’t know how I’m going to do it. I had to say no to Tommy last week when he asked me for new boots for his soccer. He was in tears about it. And Ella is outgrowing all her clothes. I need to buy winter bits for her now.’ Sarah blurted out angrily. She knew it wasn’t Rita’s fault, but she couldn’t help herself feeling angry with her.
Rita picked up her purse and rummaged out a fifty euro note, pushing it into Sarah’s hand. Sarah pushed it back to her immediately and felt bad that she had snapped at her.
‘Rita, I don’t want your money. You’re on a pension and I’ll not take it. But I do want something from you, I need Paul’s number. I don’t believe you when you say you have no idea where he is. It is beyond ridiculous that the only way I have to contact my own husband, the father of my three children, is by email!’
Rita started to cry. ‘I’m not sure where he is. I swear it. He always rings me with his number blocked so I can’t call him back. He won’t tell me where he is or what he’s doing. I begged him yesterday to come home. Honestly Sarah, I begged and begged him.’
Sarah could see how upset Rita was and that she was telling the truth. She had no reason to doubt her. ‘What did he say?’ Sarah asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.
‘He hung up.’ Rita answered quietly. ‘I don’t know where he is but I don’t think he’s coming back anytime soon.’
Sarah fell back into her chair at this last statement. ‘How did he sound?’ she asked desperately. She needed some kind of an explanation as to how or why her husband could just abandon her and the children like this. ‘It’s not good enough. He has responsibilities. I don’t have the luxury of being depressed. I don’t have the bloody time!’ She finished angrily.
Rita reddened a little bit. ‘It’s awful for you. I’m ashamed of him, I really am. I don’t know how he could go off like that, leaving you and the kids behind. You’re a great mother and a great wife. He doesn’t deserve you, he really doesn’t.’
Sarah held her mother-in–law’s hand. She knew that this was hard for her too. She must miss her son, as much as she missed her husband.
Do you miss him though? a tiny thought popped into her head. And she wasn’t even sure if she did truth be told. Paul was rarely at home in the past couple of years. He worked long hours most days. He was rubbish with the practical side of looking after the kids; she wasn’t sure he’d ever given them a bath; he rarely fed or even dressed them. She had often moaned that she felt like she was a single mother long before he’d actually left her.
So what did she actually miss - the idea of having a husband or the physical presence of Paul? Did she even love him anymore? She closed her eyes and pictured his face and realised despite all of his flaws, he was her husband and she loved him and more importantly, the children adored him. She’d just gotten used to doing things on her own she supposed. However Paul working long hours and not being very hands-on at home and Paul disappearing completely into thin air were two different things altogether. Once she found him, she vowed to work harder at being a couple, not just being parents.
She looked at her mother-in-law and asked, ‘Did he say anything about his job? He told me that he was out on sick leave. But surely even when he’s out sick, he should still b
e getting paid? I’ve sent him several emails and got no response. His mobile says that it’s no longer in use. I’m running out of patience, not to mention money.’
‘Sarah, I don’t know how to tell you this, but last night when we spoke, he didn’t sound depressed. He sounded happy. I’m so sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that.’
‘Happy? What is going on with him? Has he left us for good? Does he think that he can just break up a ten year marriage with just a couple of emails?’ Sarah finished in a small voice.
‘I don’t know. I really don’t.’ Rita replied.
‘Listen, if he calls again; tell him I’m not going to row with him. Tell him to call me for the children’s sake, if nothing else.’
Rita nodded. ‘I will; he promised he’d be in touch next week. I’m going to try harder to get a contact number or address. I’ll tell him I’ve been sick and I’m worried if something happens to me, nobody could contact him.’
Sarah got up and gave her mother in law a hug. ‘Thank you for that and for all your help with the children. I’d be lost without you.’ She felt sorry for her all of a sudden. She could tell she was deeply embarrassed by her son, but he was still her son and she missed him too.
‘It’s my pleasure. I look forward to the days that you need me to mind them. I’m lonely here on my own, especially since Thomas died.’ Rita’s husband had been dead for five years now.
Sarah felt her guilt double at that admission. She rarely invited Rita over to her house anymore.
‘You’ll have to come over some weekend for dinner.’ Sarah said kindly.
‘That would be great, love.’ Rita replied with a big smile. ‘I can come anytime.’
‘That’s a plan so. Right, better get these kids home to bed.’ Sarah called out for them and gathered up Ella from her playpen.
‘By the way Sarah, I nearly forgot to tell you, I bumped into Mae Shiggins yesterday, Ruby’s mother – she’s back home!’
‘Goodness, I’ve not spoken to her in years. Since Katie was a toddler I’d say.’ Sarah smiled as she thought of her old friend. There was a time when they had done everything together. She often thought of her and regretted how much they’d drifted apart.
‘You should give her a call.’ Rita urged.
‘Maybe.’ Sarah replied, without any conviction. They’d nothing in common now; she doubted Ruby would even remember her.
Chapter Seven
Sarah picked up the phone to call her brother. ‘Are you working on Saturday afternoon?’ she asked when he answered the phone.
‘Nope, why?’ he answered, curiosity piqued.
‘You’re invited to lunch, so. I’ve asked Rita over and Mary Donegan. Oh, and Joey our postman is coming too.’
‘Whoa there! Rita, I understand. Mary, at a push. But Joey, the postman? What on earth are you doing inviting him for?’ James asked incredulously.
‘It’s a long story. But long story short he’s lonely. So I’ve asked him over for lunch. And Mary is looking to date someone. She told me so on the phone. They’re both roughly the same age. Sure you never know they might even get on.’ Sarah blurted out.
James started to laugh. ‘You’re match-making a woman you barely know with the local postman! Incredible. Only you could come up with a hare-brained scheme like that! Does either of them know what you’re up to?’
‘Erm, yes and no. Mary knows that Joey has been lonely. She knows I’m trying to help him, and she said she’d love to meet him.’ Sarah said. What she didn’t know was that Sarah had hoped they would fall into each other’s arms over the dessert course, declaring undying love. It could happen. Maybe.
‘So why is Rita coming then?’ James added. ‘Is she bringing her son with her by any chance?’ He finished sarcastically.
‘Watch out you could cut yourself, you are so sharp!’ Sarah snapped back. ‘If you must know, Rita has been very supportive. And she’s mortified about Paul. She’s trying her best to help me track him down. She was just delighted to be asked for lunch. She loves spending time with the kids.’
‘So what about this Joey dude. Does he know you’re doing your own version of Take Me Out?’
‘No of course he doesn’t. We’ve been chatting a bit lately and I’ve been telling him how upset the kids are about Rachel Finch. He has a dog called Benji. So I asked him to bring the dog over for the kids to play with as they have been going on and on for ages about getting a dog. It’ll cheer them up and I’ve asked him to talk to them about the responsibilities of owning a puppy. If I do ever get them a dog for Christmas, and that’s a big if, I want to make sure they are on board with every aspect. I clean enough poop every day with Ella’s nappies without adding a puppy into the mix thank you very much!’
‘And he fell for that?’ James said. Sarah could almost see the smirk he’d have on his face.
‘I can be very persuasive, when I want to be. And anyhow, even though I may have an ulterior motive, he’s a nice man. I like him. The kids always have a laugh with him. And you never know. Stranger things have happened; he might just hit it off with Mary!’
What she didn’t add was that she’d had another dream last night and she saw that Benji was going to be knocked down on Saturday. She figured that if Joey was at her house, then his dog would be ok. And if Benji is ok, then Joey couldn’t hurt himself. It was simple really. She instinctively felt that he needed to meet some people; she had deeply felt his isolation in her dream. He needed to get some confidence to get out and have some fun. Mary said she’d be happy to talk to him, try to build his confidence up a bit. It was worth a shot anyhow. She couldn’t just do nothing and wait for him to die.
And maybe, if she was really honest, she was glad of this distraction, as it allowed her to dull the thoughts that were never far away, about Paul. If he loved her, how could he stay away? She didn’t have an answer for that, so turned her attention back to James.
‘Ok, sis, I’ll be there. It should be a laugh anyhow watching you in action! Should I bring my iPod, download the Greatest Love Songs ever from ITunes?’ He teased.
‘Ha Ha, very funny. I’m sure you already have them downloaded, part of your seduction technique when you lure unsuspecting bimbos back to your house!’
‘Ah, you’re only jealous of my Jagger moves!’ James responded with a laugh, then broke into song, “I got moves like Jagger, I got the moves like Jagger!”’
Sarah giggling said, ‘Stop. My ears!’
‘And another thing Cilla, if you’re trying to set me up with Rita, forget it! Grannies are just not my thing!’
‘If it’s got a pulse and it moves it’s your thing!’ Sarah quickly replied laughing. ‘But no, you’re safe enough. Don’t think Rita would ever look at another man after Thomas. She loved him too much.’
‘Thank God for small mercies!’ James answered with a grin. ‘I’ll bring some booze with me. I’ve decided I’m going to stay with you guys for a few nights. I want to go to the funeral anyhow. I’d rather be there just in case anything weird happens.’
Sarah was so relieved to hear that. She could do with his support with the children. ‘That would be great. I’m not looking forward to it. I’m not even sure what exactly I’m to expect and Edward is no help whatsoever. He just says to be prepared. But listen, I’m changing the subject for a minute. I’ve been trying to get hold of Paul and he’s dodging me. Not answering emails or his phone. Can you help me track him down?’
‘At fecking last, sis. I don’t know how you’ve waited this long to be honest, but never mind that now. I’ll track him down, leave it with me.’
‘What are you going to do?’ Sarah asked, intrigued.
‘I’ll start by ringing his boss. They might have a contact number for him. I’m sorry, sis, but I just don’t buy this whole depression story, and it doesn’t sound like the Paul I know. And before you ask, I’ll be discreet. This is the kind of stuff I do in the agency all the time. Don’t worry.’
‘Thanks bro. I owe you.’
It was one of those rare October days where the sun was shining and it was also quite warm. Summer days had often been colder and darker than today was. The kids were out the back playing on their trampoline, Ella was in her Tigger bouncer jumping and down, squealing with delight at how clever she was. Lunch was almost prepared.
Sarah was doing an antipasto for starters, served in a large dish in the centre of the table. She loved serving this kind of food that everyone can just dig into and share. This way they could take as much or as little as they liked. On the platter was Bruschetta Fegatini which consisted of toast – made with Italian style bread – covered with chicken liver pieces sautéed with just a hint of chilli. Carpaccio, wafer thin slices of prime beef, served raw with a dressing of vinaigrette and shavings of fresh Parmesan and Prosciutto, an uncooked, dry-cured ham which was exquisite and would satisfy even the biggest carnivore. Her kids adored this type of food. She also had Cannellini beans and Tuna served with olive oil, lemon juice, and a little sliced onion, with a touch of garlic, salt and pepper. And of course, the old faithful served at every dinner party in their house, garlic bread. Katie was addicted to the stuff and thought it was the height of sophistication to have a starter of garlic bread before any main course. Following the antipasto she was going to serve a Seafood and Chorizo Risotto. She could make risotto with her eyes closed and this recipe was a firm favourite. James adored it and she wanted to give him a little treat. And the added bonus was that Risotto was really inexpensive, but didn’t look it.
She’d prepared most of it, but would actually finish it when everyone had finished their starter. For dessert she had made Banoffi cupcakes. This was often a dessert she made for friends the odd time she entertained. She made her usual cupcakes but added some mashed banana to the mixture instead of fruit or nuts. Then when they were cooked she took the top off the cupcakes making a little hole in the centre of them with her heart shaped cookie cutter. She then poured the Banoffi caramel into the hole, topped this with chopped bananas and some whipped cream. It really was very good and as Mary had said that cupcakes were her favourite, she wanted to surprise her with these.
The Life You Left Page 6