by Jamie Pope
“Because you still love Elijah.”
“Hell, no. I never really loved Elijah. I loved the idea of having a husband. I loved the idea of someone finally taking care of me. I wanted that so bad growing up, and when Elijah came along offering it to me, I jumped on the chance. I don’t want Tanner to have Elijah hurt because I wouldn’t do something that makes him go against everything that he has ever stood for. He’s a good man with strong morals. And Elijah is my mistake to fix. Not his.”
“He would do anything for you. I see it in his eyes.”
“But violence? You’re being crazy. I don’t believe he would ever do it.”
“I think he would get more satisfaction from beating the hell out of him himself.” He shook his head. “He said those pictures of you haunt him at night.”
“He’s never said anything to me.”
“How would you react if he did?”
She opened her mouth to respond, but then snapped it closed. She couldn’t answer that question.
“You’re so goddamn secretive, Nova. You go around letting me think you’re some kind of selfish drama queen. Going out with a different guy every week, when the whole entire time you’ve been in school. Why the hell didn’t you just tell me? I’ve been mad at you before, but this is the worst thing you have ever done.”
“It was none of your business if I went out with a different man every week. I’m an adult. I wasn’t hurting anyone.”
“No, you were taking math classes! And I’m your big brother. I don’t even want Tanner to touch you, and he’s the guy I want for you. Of course I don’t want you dating a dozen different guys.”
“You’re always so quick to think the worst of me.”
“You’re always so quick to let everyone to think the worst of you. Tanner has been schooling me though. He tells me things about you that sound like a completely different person than the little sister I know.”
“He should shut his big mouth.”
“He’s happy. You make him that way. Teo makes him that way. He’s serious about you. I don’t think he’s planning on letting you go.”
She looked out at the ocean before them. Aquinnah was so different from the touristy parts of the Vineyard. There was a rough beauty here. It was even different from where Tanner lived in Chilmark. There were cliffs ahead of them and lush greenness behind them and then there was the ocean and its sweet-flavored air. This felt like home. This was home. There were some days when she couldn’t picture leaving it and there were other days when she wanted to run like hell.
“I’m getting job offers from all over the country,” she admitted to him. “Good ones. Huge ones. I can give my kid the kind of life I always dreamed of giving him. He could go to a fancy private school. To any college he dreamed of. He could make a real go of it.”
“That’s true, and if you want to follow your dreams, I would never say anything to stop you. But if you’re thinking about going for Teo’s sake, don’t. He’s happy here. He’s loved here. Tanner loves him. And if you let Tanner, he could give you both the world.”
“I don’t want Tanner to give me the world. I want to earn the world for myself.”
“Fine. Go out there. Prove yourself. Get a fancy job and show all those people who thought you were trash that you’re not. Do it for Mama. But don’t do it all and sacrifice having love in your life.”
“Who says there’s love?” She tripped over the last word. She was having a hard time denying to herself how she was feeling.
“Don’t, Nova. Don’t deny it with me. Tanner looks at you and sees the future. Why do you think he’s taking you to meet his family?”
“He wants to talk to his mother.”
“He could have gone by himself. He wants them all to know you and your son.”
“Don’t say that! It’s too much pressure.” She dragged her fingers through her hair. “We’re together because we’re in proximity to each other. I’m one of the only single women in the town and he was lonely. I’m the last person he really wants to be with. A divorcée with no high school diploma, a kid, and an ex in prison. He’s worth millions. As soon as I leave here he’ll find another woman. A better woman.”
“He might find another woman, but he won’t find a better woman. You’re right for him.”
“How the hell do you know that?”
“I know because I’m right for Cass. On paper we should never be together. She’s the daughter of a doctor who was born in one of the wealthiest towns in Connecticut. I’m the son of a farmer who could barely read. From Alabama. She’s black. I’m white. But we fit. You and Tanner fit. You’re both misfits in a world that has done nothing but shit on you. But someone or something put you in each other’s paths and you’d be a fool not to realize that what you have is something special. It’s something that can last for a lifetime.”
“Wylie,” she whispered, feeling overwhelmed suddenly. “I never want to get married again. I’m just learning to be a good mother to Teo after almost six years. How can I do it all over again? I see Tanner. I know he wants kids. I know he wants to create a family of his own. He deserves to have a family of his own. I’m just not sure I can be the one to give it to him.”
“Then you better tell him now. Don’t drag this out. Don’t hurt my friend.”
That was the last thing she wanted to do, but she was afraid she wasn’t going to be able to avoid it.
* * *
“This is a hotel room, Mommy?”
Tanner bit back a smile as he saw Teo question his mother with a frown on his face. They had flown down right after Teo had gotten out of school. It was Teo’s first time on an airplane. He had been excited but scared, and as soon as the pilot told them it was okay for them to remove their seat belts, Teo climbed into Tanner’s lap and rested his head on his chest as he looked out of the window. By the time Tanner was Teo’s age, he had been on four continents. He had taken so many things for granted as a child. It was nice seeing something through a non-jaded little boy’s eyes. He wanted to show Teo as much as possible, if Nova would let him.
“This is more than a room, little man,” she said to him. “It’s a suite. Bigger than our entire apartment.”
They were staying in an historic hotel in the Georgetown section of town. Not far from his grandparents’ town house.
“I never stayed in a hotel before,” Teo said more to himself than anyone. “I like it so far.”
“You get your own room,” Tanner told him. “Just right through that door.”
“Can I go look?”
“Of course you can.”
As soon as Teo stepped through the door, Nova slid her hands along Tanner’s cheeks and kissed him gently on the lips. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m a little tired.”
“I meant about being here, but I think you already knew that.”
“I’m fine. I’m half expecting her to bail on this.”
“And if she does?”
“If she does, I’ll have a nice weekend with my family.” Nova looked uneasy for a moment and he knew why. He’d said “family.” He wanted to say that he meant his grandparents, but he hadn’t. Somewhere along the way he had started thinking of Nova and Teo as his family.
“But I thought it was important for you to find out who your biological father is.”
“It is, but there are other ways to find him, and if she won’t tell me, I’m just going to have to do a little digging of my own.”
“I love digging up dirt. Can I help you?” She wrapped her arms around his waist.
“Do you think you have any other choice? No one is better than a woman at digging up dirt.”
“What a sexist thing to say.” She sounded outraged but her lips curled into a smile. He was addicted to that smile, to the sound of her voice, to the way that her body felt pressed against his.
He had been nervous about coming here. There was much about himself he didn’t know and his mother was holding the knowledge prisoner. He was glad
Nova and Teo were with him. Glad he had somebody standing behind him when he felt so isolated in his family for all those years. “Thank you for coming.”
“Don’t thank me. I feel like you’re getting the short end of the stick. I get a weekend in D.C. at a ridiculously expensive hotel and you get a hairdresser with a five-year-old to entertain.”
“He’s easy to please.”
“And the fact that you made him do extra chores around the house this week to earn this trip just about made me swoon.”
“You’re easy to please, too.”
“I’m not and we both know it.” She kissed his throat. “I’m very annoyed that you spent so much money on this suite. We would have been fine in a less luxurious hotel. Hell, we would have been fine in one room with two double beds.”
“Nova, I spent nearly my whole military career, nearly fifteen years at war and in foreign countries, sleeping in the most cramped places with nothing but the smell of other unwashed men. I ate bad food. I roughed it and now I’m home. And I’m treating myself. I got myself a sexy girlfriend and I’m sleeping in a big comfortable room. This has nothing to do with you. The choices I make are selfish and all about me.”
She kissed him along his throat. “You say things like that and it makes think I won’t ever be able to leave you.”
He leaned back and looked down into her eyes. “You’re thinking about leaving.” It wasn’t a question; it was a statement. He knew then that the thought was there in her mind.
Her eyes grew wide for a fraction of a second and then Teo walked back into the room. “My stuff is already in there,” he said, sounding awed. “That man in the uniform must have put it in the room.”
“He did, baby,” Nova said, picking him up. “That’s his job. Are you hungry?”
“Yeah. Where are we going to eat?”
“Anywhere Tanner wants to go. Mommy is paying tonight. Go wash your hands and face before we go.”
She set him down and he scampered away, leaving Nova and Tanner alone once again.
“I’m here, Tanner.” She rested her head on his chest. “I don’t want to leave you. I’ll never want to leave you.”
He believed her, but what she didn’t say was that she wasn’t going to leave. And he wondered if there would ever be anything that he could ever do to change that.
Chapter 15
The next morning they arrived at Tanner’s grandparents’ D.C. townhome for brunch. Nova was once again dazzled by the wealth of this family. The Martha’s Vineyard home was worth millions alone and now this town house in a very posh section of D.C. was worth a fortune. She had never been to brunch before, never even stayed in a hotel before the one she had stayed at in Boston with Tanner. She’d only been to motels that were populated with drug addicts and women who earned their livings with their bodies. Nova was supremely uncomfortable in these rich settings, feeling like she could never get rid of the stink of her childhood. Tanner had tried to assure her every time that she belonged. That she was just like him, but she knew she wasn’t. Tanner was part blue blood, despite his paternity. Despite his time in the service. He had grown up in homes like this, attended functions with the country’s most powerful. He knew which damn fork to use at the table.
But she tried to squelch her nervousness and be present for him. He had been quiet most of last night and all of this morning. She knew he was thinking about seeing his mother again, but she also knew that she had hurt him last night. It was unintentional, a stupid choice of words, but it revealed her thoughts. She had to tell him what was on her mind. The beautiful thing about being with Tanner is that they never talked about them, about where their relationship was ending up. They were just together. It was easy to be with him and that’s how she had gotten in so over her head with him.
They weren’t supposed to be presenting as family. He was just supposed to be a man she dated before she moved away. In her head, she tried to think of him as a lover with whom she could have a relationship through the spring and summer, but in her heart he felt more like a partner she could be with for the rest of her life—and that scared her.
He was not in her plans. Love was not in her plans. And yet it was right there in her face, making her want to throw away all she had worked for during the past four years, all that she had dreamed about for herself when she started on this career path.
She rested her head against his arm as they waited in the foyer of the house after the housekeeper admitted them. They had dressed up for the occasion. Teo was in a soft blue blazer with a white button-down shirt, camel colored pants, and the most perfect plaid bow tie she had ever seen. Tanner nearly matched him. He didn’t wear a tie and kept a few buttons open at the neck, which she liked.
Nova wore a formfitting white top and a floral printed midi skirt. Her hair was up in a sleek ponytail. It was far from what she normally wore. It was sweet and she liked it more than she thought she would. She still kept her lips red. It was part of her identity now. Tanner was right to push her away from wearing another color. She could still remember the first time she painted her lips red. She felt powerful. She felt sexy. She felt like a woman in charge of her own body for the first time in her life. Wearing it daily reminded her of that. Being with Tanner taught her a lot about herself.
She leaned up and kissed his cheek. Her arm looped tightly in his. Even Teo seemed to sense that there was something off in him. He came over and wrapped his arms around Tanner’s leg and rested his head on his thigh.
Tanner lifted him into his arms and kissed the side of his face twice. It made Nova feel dizzy. This man had shown much more love to her son than his own father had. “What’s the matter, kid?”
“Are we going to meet the president?”
“You’ll have to settle for a senator.” Senator Edmonds came from down the hallway with an apron tied around him. “Hello, my young friend. Do you remember me?”
“You’re the captain.” Teo lifted his head off Tanner’s shoulder. “It’s nice to see you again.”
“What good manners you have.” The senator took Teo from Tanner. “A sign that your mother is doing a great job with you.”
“She tries real hard, sir.”
“I’m sure she does.” He walked over to her and kissed her cheek. “Hello, Nova. You are looking too beautiful to grace us with your presence. My grandson is going to have to take you out and show these stuffy Washington insiders how it’s done.”
“Hello, Senator. It’s good to see you again.”
“Call me Bryce.” A very beautiful, very proper woman walked into the room. “Mariam look who has returned.” Tanner’s grandmother had shockingly white hair and dark brows. Her features were refined. She held herself with dignity. She looked as if she could eat nails for breakfast all the time, but she smiled so warmly at Tanner, Nova liked her immediately.
“My boy.” She kissed both his cheeks. “You look so handsome. I thought I would never see the day. You’re also on time, which is something you never were when you were a teenager.”
“You can thank Nova for that. She was up at six-thirty making sure we were all dressed.”
“Ah, Nova. So you’re the woman my husband is so taken with. He’s right. You certainly are striking in person. And you do good work. I have heard nothing but wonderful things about you. If you ever decide to move to the D.C. area, you would have a hundred women waiting for an appointment for your services.”
“I have been offered a job here, Mrs. Edmonds. As the head stylist at the Ian Michael Studio.”
“And about a hundred other places I’m sure.” She nodded knowingly.
“Yes, ma’am. It’s so nice to meet you. Tanner has nothing but wonderful things to say about you.”
“Thank you, dear.” She turned to her husband who was still holding Teo. “You must be Teo. You’re the young man who we are going to take on a battleship today. My husband has been going on about it for weeks. He has wanted another boy in the family to show off all his ships to.”
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“What about Mr. Tanner?”
“He’s too old now. Young men are the best to show them to. You’re very handsome, Teo.”
“Thank you. My mommy says so, too.”
Mrs. Edmonds’s face bloomed into a smile. Teo had the effect on a lot of women. “Come into the dining room. We’ve been preparing a feast for you.” She looked back at Tanner. “Your mother is here. She’s still upstairs getting ready. She’s brought her new beau with her.”
Tanner simply nodded and Nova could feel his body getting tighter. She slipped her hand into his. He squeezed it and led the way to the formal dining room. There was a maid there, complete in a uniform and white apron.
Nova felt odd see her. Nova worked in the service industry. She had scrubbed toilets in a motel when she first arrived in Florida, before she got hired in the diner. It was strange to be on the other side being served.
Even though they were now seated, Tanner still held her hand. He was always in tune with her moods and he looked into her eyes with curiosity. This trip wasn’t about her, so she just leaned over to kiss his lips. She knew as soon as she had done it that it was the wrong thing to do in this setting. These people didn’t do public displays of affection, but Tanner didn’t seem to mind. He placed his hand on her cheek, his kiss lingering far longer than it should. It was just a little while ago she didn’t want him to kiss her when they weren’t in her bedroom, but now she was the one doing the kissing.
“Well, hello there.” Nova pulled away and looked up to see a woman who looked very much like Mrs. Edmonds. “You must be Nova.” The woman gave her a critical, but not necessarily judgmental once-over. “From what I hear, the entire beauty industry is buzzing about you. I can see that you are aptly named. A star becoming brighter before it fades . . .” She trailed off. “Well, let’s hope the second part of the definition doesn’t apply to you.”
“Actually, I’m Native American. For us it means ‘chases butterflies.’”
“Really?” Tanner asked her, smiling.
“Really.” She smiled back.