Holding On

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Holding On Page 22

by Karen Stivali


  “This is our daughter, Ella,” Marienne said, her hand on Ella’s shoulder.

  Roger bent forward and reached out, his long fingers extended toward her. “How do you do, Ella? It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

  Daniel bristled at the sight of him touching Ella, but he couldn’t keep the other thought out of his mind. This man, this stranger, looked exactly like him. Older, of course, but uncannily like him. The build, the jaw line, the hand. He felt cold from head to toe.

  This really is my father.

  Roger straightened and looked up. His eyes met Daniel’s. His head cocked to the side. It was clear he could see the resemblance too. They approached one another slowly. Roger extended his hand, and Daniel forced himself to take it.

  Roger’s eyes looked directly into his. “Daniel. Good to meet you.”

  Daniel nodded, not trusting his voice. Marienne came up beside him. “Would anyone like a drink before dinner? Wine? Beer? Scotch?”

  “Wine would be lovely,” Roger said.

  “I’ll open a bottle,” Daniel said. He needed to do something, and that seemed as good a distraction as any. Roger followed him and Marienne into the kitchen. Ella scooted past them.

  “Mommy can I make the salad,” she asked.

  “Of course, Sweetie. Wash your hands first.”

  Ella climbed onto her step stool and turned on the water.

  “Is there anything I can do to help?” Roger asked.

  “No, thanks, I don’t think so,” Marienne said. “Do you cook?”

  “Not unless you consider toast and tea cooking, no. But I’m sure I could assist in making a salad, if someone were to give me some pointers.” His eyes crinkled as he smiled at Ella.

  Daniel grabbed the bottle of cabernet and began to twist the corkscrew.

  “Here, Ella.” Marienne rinsed the lettuce then handed her the salad spinner. “Why don’t you rinse. Maybe Mr. Cromwell can cut up the cucumber while you slice the peppers. You can use this.” She placed a dinner knife on the cutting board. Ella cranked the handle and spun the lettuce.

  Daniel poured the wine into three glasses. He waited until Marienne had drained the water from the spinner then handed her one. She met his eyes with a hopeful look. He tried to smile but it didn’t quite work. He set the other glass down next to Roger.

  “Thank you.” Roger cuffed his sleeves, preparing to hack up a cucumber.

  Bile rose in Daniel’s throat. “I can do that.” He picked up the knife and cucumber.

  “I don’t mind,” Roger said.

  “Well I do.” Daniel caught the look Marienne shot him. “Why don’t you have a seat and relax. You must be tired from your drive.” Her expression softened. Daniel closed his eyes and tried to remember to breathe.

  ****

  The meal went as well as could be expected. At least everyone had something to do while they ate. Ella chattered away asking Roger a million questions. What’s it like to live in England? Why do you have a gold pin on your tie? How do you know my Daddy?

  Daniel jumped in and answered that one. “Mr. Cromwell and I knew some of the same people a long time ago.”

  Roger nodded. “Yes. A long time ago. That’s a lovely necklace, Ella.”

  She beamed at him. “Thank you. Daddy gave it to me.”

  Drew awoke from his nap and began to cry. Marienne excused herself to go upstairs and get him. He knew Drew would want to nurse, and she’d be gone for a while. The thought of keeping the conversation going without her was not a pleasant one. “Has everyone finished?” he asked.

  “Yes. Shall I help you clear?” Roger pushed his chair away from the table.

  “I’ve got it, thanks,” Daniel said.

  I don’t need your help. I don’t need anything from you.

  “Do you want to see my dolls?” Ella asked.

  “Why certainly,” Roger said. “If it’s okay with your Dad.” They both looked at Daniel.

  He wanted to say no, but he didn’t. “I suppose that’s all right.”

  Ella grabbed Roger’s hand and pulled him toward the family room. Daniel cleared the table, scraping the remaining food into the trash. He loaded the dishwasher and covered up the leftovers, placing them in the fridge. Ella was still chatting, telling Roger the story of every doll in her collection. Daniel listened for any sign of inappropriate responses, but Roger was nothing but nice. Ella’s giggling tugged at his heartstrings. Why is she so fond of him? He felt like crawling out of his own skin.

  When the last bit of dinner was put away, he headed into the living room.

  Ella had a book open on her lap.

  Roger was seated beside her on the couch. “You read beautifully,” he said.

  “Thank you.”

  Daniel took a seat on the chair across from them, watching Roger’s every move. They both turned at the sound of Marienne coming down the stairs. Roger sat forward, looking toward the doorway. Daniel watched as his eyes lit up when Drew came into sight.

  That’s right. I have a son. And I spend every day with him. Daniel’s heart pounded faster.

  Marienne walked into the room with Drew perched on her hip.

  “Who have we here?” Roger asked, his eyes holding steady on Drew’s face.

  Marienne smiled and kissed the side of Drew’s head. “This is our son, Drew.”

  Roger reached out to touch him, but Daniel stood and stepped in between them. “I’ll take him,” Daniel said, scooping Drew into his arms. “Is everyone ready for coffee and dessert?”

  “I’ll go start the coffeemaker,” Marienne said.

  “Already did,” Daniel said. “I’m sure it’s ready by now.” He wanted to get the evening over with as quickly as possible. He wasn’t sure how many more pleasantries he could exchange without his head exploding.

  Daniel kept Drew on his lap throughout dessert. He fed him bits of arrowroot biscuit. Even Drew seemed enthralled with Roger, watching intently as he spoke. It annoyed Daniel to no end.

  What does everyone find so fascinating about this guy? And when is he going to leave?

  ****

  Marienne had never before seen Daniel decline a slice of chocolate cake. Her plan of having his favorite foods to make him happy had failed. He busied himself with Drew, barely paying attention to Roger. She couldn’t help feeling disappointed. She’d hoped Daniel would have warmed to him faster once they met in person.

  Roger was charming. He was kind and gentle with Ella. He seemed like a very loving man. A lot like Daniel. She had to keep herself from staring at him. The resemblance between them was unmistakable. She knew Daniel had seen it too. The look on his face the moment he laid eyes on Roger had given away exactly what he was thinking—he knew it was true. Roger was most definitely his father.

  Marienne cleared the dessert plates and put the dome over the cake.

  Roger stood up and pushed in his chair. “I think I should head out now.”

  “Do you have to? You’re welcome to stay. I was going to go up and put the kids to bed.” She hoped to leave Daniel and Roger alone so they’d have time to talk. She could see Daniel’s jaw clenched shut. Why can’t he give him a chance?

  “You’re very sweet,” Roger said. “But I don’t wish to overstay my welcome.”

  Daniel said nothing.

  “Can you come back for breakfast?” Marienne asked.

  “Yes, can you?” Ella took his hand.

  Roger smiled down at her. “How about if I take you all out for breakfast. Is there somewhere in town? I don’t want you to feel like you have to wait on me.”

  “The inn where I booked your room serves brunch on the weekends. It’s very nice. We could meet you there.” Marienne looked at Daniel, hoping he’d say something. He swayed, holding Drew, but stayed silent.

  Roger glanced back and forth between them. “I’ll see if I can get us a reservation. I’ll ask when I check in. If that’s all right with you.” He turned to Daniel.

  Daniel nodded. “That would be fine. Though it�
��s crowded on weekends, they may not have a table.”

  Marienne took a deep breath. “Well if it’s a problem we’ll try someplace else. There are lots of restaurants around.”

  Roger smiled. “I’ll ring you in the morning and let you know if I had any luck. In the meantime thank you so much for this evening. Everything was absolutely wonderful.” He leaned in and kissed Marienne on the cheek then grabbed his jacket. “It was a pleasure meeting all of you.”

  Marienne took Drew from Daniel’s arms. “Come on, Ella, let’s go upstairs to get ready for bed. Say good night to Mr. Cromwell.”

  “Good night,” Ella said.

  Roger crouched down next to her. “Good night, Ella, it was lovely to meet you.”

  Ella leaned forward and gave him a hug.

  Marienne looked at Daniel. His nostrils flared but he stayed quiet. “Come on, Sweetie,” she said. “Time for bed. Daniel, please give Roger directions to the Hanover Inn, I never remember the names of the side streets.” She tried to listen to their conversation as she got the kids into their pajamas but all she could hear were muffled voices. As she settled Drew into his crib, she heard the front door click shut.

  The lights downstairs flashed off and Daniel climbed the stairs. He walked straight to their room without stopping and closed the bedroom door. She could hear the faint whir of the shower through the walls.

  Good. Maybe that will help him calm down.

  Marienne rubbed Drew’s back until she felt his breathing slow. She wanted to make certain he was asleep to increase the odds that she could talk with Daniel without being interrupted. She made sure the monitor was on and tiptoed out of his room, closing the door behind her.

  Their bedroom door squeaked as she opened it and she froze, listening to see if Drew had awakened, but he remained quiet. She breathed a sigh of relief and closed the door behind her, turning the lock. Daniel came out of the bathroom wearing a t-shirt and boxers, his hair was damp and falling in his face. He looked irresistibly handsome, but absolutely miserable.

  He stopped when he saw her, his eyes defiant.

  She wasn’t sure what to say. “Was it as awful as you thought it would be?”

  “Worse,” he said, his accent far more prominent than usual.

  “Oh come on. It wasn’t that bad.” She pulled her dress off. She could tell he noticed, but he turned away, busying himself with his alarm clock. “You could have made it easier, you know. You weren’t exactly welcoming.” She took off her stockings, laying them on top of the hamper.

  Daniel furrowed his brow. “What do you mean?” She saw his eyes rake over her, but again he looked away, sitting down on the bed with a huff.

  “Daniel, you did everything short of peeing a big circle around me and the kids. Every time Roger so much as looked at any of us you glared at him. You spent the entire evening claiming your territory.”

  “Well this is my house, and you’re my family.” Daniel attempted to sound angry, but the pain in his voice was all Marienne heard. He lay back against the pillow and put his arm across his eyes.

  Marienne sat down on the bed, scooting her butt against him until he moved over enough that she could sit facing him. “I’m sorry,” she said. “You’re right. This is your house. And we are a family.” She ran her hand over his arm. “But he’s your family too.”

  Daniel groaned and rubbed both hands over his face. “I know.” His fingers raked through his hair. He reached out and touched her thigh, his fingertips rubbing against her. “I’m sorry if I acted like a jerk. Why is this so hard?”

  She leaned forward and placed her head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, and she could feel him starting to relax. He kissed the top of her head, nestling his nose in her hair. She swung her leg over him, straddling him, and sat upright. He responded, swelling beneath her. She rocked against him, moving a hand up to his face. He closed his eyes as she ran her fingers through his still damp hair.

  “I love you,” she said.

  He opened his eyes and looked at her. “I love you too.”

  She bent forward and kissed him. His hands wove into her hair then trailed down her back. He unhooked her bra, slipping it down over her arms. Her breasts dragged against his chest as they moved together. She kissed her way down his chest, shimmying down the length of his legs. He moaned as she took him in her mouth. She stroked with one hand while the other played up and down his chest. Her fingertips grazed his sandpapery jaw and he turned his head, sucking a finger into his mouth.

  To her surprise she felt him pulling her up.

  “Stop,” he said.

  He’s stopping me? She rolled her tongue faster and he groaned but he said it again. “Stop.”

  She lifted her head, bewildered. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing’s wrong.” He sat up and took her face in his hands. He kissed her, hard, lowering her onto her back as he climbed on top of her. “I’m just claiming my territory.” He smiled as he moved against her. “If that’s okay with you.”

  “I’m already yours.” She wiggled her underwear out of their way.

  He dragged himself back and forth, teasing her until she couldn’t stand it anymore. She reached her hand between them. His heat burned against her fingers, and she slipped him inside her.

  ****

  “Oh God,” he said. He sank into her body, feeling her contract around him. He kissed his way from her neck to her mouth. She tasted like wine and chocolate. He couldn’t get enough. His fingers laced into hers, and he moved them up over her head. All the thoughts in his head fell away, all that was left was Marienne.

  Her breasts swelled against him, her hips lifted to him, he wanted to stay with her like this forever. He felt her starting to shake and he released her hands, concentrating on his movements inside her. Her fingers quivered along his back. He focused on kissing her, his tongue circling hers as he moved in and out of her. She pulled her face away, groaning his name into his chest.

  He waited until she caught her breath then started to move again. He slipped one arm beneath her and rolled them onto their side, careful not to slip out of her. She hitched her leg up over his hip and gasped as he thrust into her. He moved slowly, hearing her breath intake with each stroke. She arched her neck and he kissed her throat, holding the small of her back to keep her steady. The soft moans rolled out of her as he felt her tensing again. He held her closer as he ground against her. He couldn’t seem to get far enough inside her. Her body vibrated all around him as she came again pulling at him. He couldn’t wait any longer. He kissed her as he throbbed inside her. Exhaustion overwhelmed him. He closed his eyes feeling her breath puff hot against his neck. I love you. Before he could get the words out of his mouth, he was asleep.

  Chapter Forty-Three

  Daniel awoke to the feel of Drew’s spit-covered hand tapping his cheek. He opened his eyes and saw Drew smiling at him. His hand moved straight to Daniel’s mouth and he stuck two fingers in, tugging at his lip, giggling. Daniel kissed his pudgy arm and rubbed his back. “Good morning, little man.”

  Drew gurgled and bounced, waving his Paddington bear around.

  Daniel yawned. “Where’s your mum?”

  Marienne stepped out of the bathroom, brushing her hair. “I’m right here.” She bent and gave Daniel a quick kiss.

  She wore black pants and a red shirt he’d never seen before. Beautiful.

  Daniel sat up, rubbing his eyes. “You’re already dressed.”

  “Yes, you slept through everything this morning, including the phone ringing. We’re due for brunch in about forty-five minutes.”

  Daniel closed his eyes. He’d forgotten about brunch. More Roger. He felt Marienne reach over and lift Drew off the bed. She rubbed Daniel’s arm. “I’m going to get the kids ready to go. Meet us downstairs in half an hour, okay?”

  “Yes.” Daniel looked up into her steady eyes. She gave him an encouraging smile and squeezed his hand. He nodded. “I’ll be down in a bit.”

  ****<
br />
  At brunch Daniel managed to make small talk, mostly about work and the university. When they finished eating, they strolled down South Main Street, browsing in a few shops. Marienne seemed enthralled with Roger’s extensive knowledge about antiques. Daniel tried to concentrate on keeping Ella from dropping anything breakable.

  When Drew became fussy Marienne tried to get him to sleep in his stroller, but he couldn’t seem to get settled.

  Marienne picked Drew up. “I’m sorry, I think we’re going to have to head home for nap time.”

  “No worries,” Roger said. “I’m delighted you were all able to make it to brunch.” He walked them to their car.

  “Would you like to come back to the house with us?” she asked.

  “Actually,” Roger said. “I was rather hoping Daniel could stay and chat a while. I could drop you off at home when I head back to Boston.” Roger turned to Daniel, looking hopeful.

  “Sure,” Marienne said. “I can take the kids home. You two stay and catch up.” She buckled Drew into his car seat.

  Daniel folded the stroller and shoved it in the hatch. I can’t believe she just did that. His hands felt unreasonably cold given the temperature of the day.

  “See you at home.” Marienne leaned up and kissed Daniel. She squeezed his arm in what he imagined was meant to be a reassuring gesture. It wasn’t, at all.

  Roger kissed Marienne’s cheek and she gave him a hug. Daniel shifted uncomfortably.

  “I hope we’ll see you again.” Marienne’s gaze drifted between Roger’s and Daniel’s.

  “I hope so too,” Roger said.

  Daniel watched as the car drove away, leaving him alone on the sidewalk with Roger.

  Roger turned to Daniel. “Would you like to get a drink?”

  “Aren’t you driving in a little while?”

  “I was referring to tea. I see there’s a café on the corner.”

  “Fine,” Daniel said. They walked in silence down the street.

  They took a seat at the small table by the front window. It was set apart from all the other diners. The waitress came right over.

  Daniel ordered Earl grey and Roger said. “Same for me.”

 

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