by Yazz Ustaris
Allegra cleared her throat as she absently traced patterns on the edge of her plate. “The logical thing would’ve been to brush myself off and get back out there to look for more acting roles that I might’ve been suitable for. But it was hard to pick myself up and start over after I read some really bad reviews from a couple of very harsh TV critics. They basically said that I was performing at amateur level and that they highly doubted I’d ever reach the ranks of my famous siblings.
The negativity from my parents didn’t help matters either. They weren’t supportive like some other Hollywood parents are…all they did was compare me to my siblings and ask why I couldn’t be more like my sisters. I felt like I was nothing but a constant disappointment to my parents. The pressure of competing with my brothers and sisters just became too much. Life is so much more stressful when your personal life is always exposed to the public eye. Even people who I thought were my friends, I found out later only used me to get closer to my family. It hurt a lot, and I started wondering what was real and what wasn’t. I couldn’t even keep a boyfriend for longer than a couple of months because in the end, I found out they were only trying to get closer to one of my sisters. It’s devastating to be used like that. After the tabloids started focusing on me and my failed acting/dating attempts, I started to spiral deeper and deeper into depression.”
Everyone was quiet and still as we gave all of our attention to Allegra. I could only imagine how stressful her life had to have been, being constantly in the limelight. I remembered reading a story in a gossip magazine featuring her suicide, but unfortunately I was never able to finish reading the story. I had picked up the magazine in the lobby of my dentist’s office while waiting for the dental hygienist to call me to a back room. It ended up being a very short wait, and I got called back right away.
“One Sunday, my family and I were all having dinner together at my parent’s mansion when the topic inevitably turned to me and the bad reviews I had gotten from Interloper. I felt like everyone was against me. My parents told me I needed to take my acting career more seriously otherwise I’d start tainting the Ames family name. They even went so far as to suggest I take a few more acting classes so that I could get better. I finally got upset and started yelling back, saying that being an actress was never my dream to begin with. I had always wanted to be a singer. My mom just laughed in my face and told me that I didn’t even know how to play any sort of musical instrument, and what did I know about making it in the music industry?”
“Anyways, that was the night of my suicide attempt. I was just so tired of being told I was worthless and that I was a disappointment to the family. I felt that I would’ve been so much happier had I been born to a different family. A normal family where I could be happy working a mediocre job, like being a cashier at a grocery store or something simple like that while I went to college and studied something I actually wanted to spend the rest of my life doing. Then I wouldn’t have to worry about family reputations, or getting rejected at every single casting call I attended. I wouldn’t have to worry about looking over my shoulder because I was being stalked by the paparazzi. I wouldn’t have to put up with the pitying looks from my so called friends.”
Allegra sniffled and wiped her nose with her napkin before saying, “There were paparazzi waiting outside my parent’s mansion when I left that night by the way. Naturally, they were able to snap about a dozen pictures or so as I fled my parent’s house with tears streaming down my face. I’ve been told that one of those snapshots made it on the front page of several gossip magazines once the story of my suicide surfaced. But it was thanks to one of the paparazzi that I’m sitting here before you today. Apparently, one of them followed me all the way home and parked across the street, hoping to snap a few more pictures of me in my distraught condition. I tried to kill myself by carbon monoxide poisoning. I parked in my garage and shut the door, but left the engine running. I was sitting there thinking about how my life was a joke when I eventually lost consciousness. Sergeant Ramsey told me that the paparazzi had seen smoke coming out of the bottom of my garage door, and since my house is gated, nobody could get in. An ambulance was called for me and the next thing I knew, I woke up here on the base.”
“When I was first informed why I was here, I was sooooo angry.” Allegra flicked a rueful grin at me as she continued. “I felt immediate remorse and regretted my actions, but of course it was too late. I couldn’t go back and undo my mistake. Sergeant Ramsey’s team is really good at faking our deaths and covering up the fact that we were secretly whisked away to this secret military base. It took a long time for me to accept the fact that I’m here for good and that I can never go back to my former life, especially since everyone already thinks I’m dead.”
Out of curiosity, I asked Allegra, “Why were you so angry and resistant to the program when you came here? Especially when it doesn’t sound like you’d miss anything from your former life?”
Exhaling on a pent up breath, she explained, “It’s primarily because I was scared and didn’t know what kind of life I would have here. Fear can make you imagine all sorts of sordid scenarios. And to the rest of us here, Sergeant Ramsey is pretty intimidating when you first meet him. It wasn’t until we all saw the interactions between you and Sergeant Ramsey on the live cams that we realized, maybe he isn’t as scary as we were building him up to be in our minds. And maybe life didn’t have to be as hard as we were all afraid it was going to be. The other big reason why I was so resistant to the program is because I was afraid that some people here would recognize me, and that I’d get judged and ostracized for attempting suicide. I figured people wouldn’t understand the reasons why I did it. And I was right… Zima recognized me right away. We got into an altercation and she basically screamed at me saying that I wouldn’t know what true human suffering was. She said that since I’m a celebrity, I wouldn’t know what it feels like to worry and struggle about money on a daily basis. She also mentioned that I had opportunities no one else had to better my life, if I weren’t so lazy.”
I gritted my teeth in anger at Zima’s accusations. What gave her the right to make such opinionated, outlandish claims like that? Staring right at Allegra, I said, “I hope you know that everything that came out of Zima’s mouth was complete bull-pucky, right? I’m sure she’s got a good reason for having such a gargantuan chip on her shoulder, but it’s not right for her to take her anger out on everyone around her. She’s never going to heal emotionally if she insists on keeping that field of negativity around her.”
I saw Marisol and Kyrie nodding their heads in agreement, and Sergeant Kami winked at me in acknowledgement.
“Since we’re having a serious conversation right now, I have a question that I just wanted to ask the rest of you. I wanted to know if you’re all on board for getting additional DNA treatments, or if you need more time to think about it? I understand it’s a big decision, and I don’t want anyone to feel peer-pressured into moving forward in the program if you’re just not ready.” My gaze flitted around the room as I tried to gauge what the others were thinking.
Allegra broke the silence by admitting, “I’ve done a lot of self-growth over the past few months, and I’ve come to accept the fact that I’m here permanently. I don’t want to go back to the way I was when I first arrived here. Watching you on the live cams Teagan, you’ve shown me that there’s nothing to be afraid of and that it’s okay to embrace this new life that we’ve been given.”
I turned my attention to Harper next since she had been fairly quiet and contemplative up until this point. Catching my eye, she smiled tentatively before saying, “I’ve said “goodbye” to my old life a long time ago. I don’t ever want to go back to feeling the way I did before my arrival here. Previously, I was in a very dark place mentally and emotionally, and it took me a few months to snap out of it after I arrived here on the base. That’s when I met Marisol and Kyrie, and I decided I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself once and for all because after seeing t
he way Ruby was, I felt that these girls needed me.” She gestured to Marisol and Kyrie, smiling at them fondly before turning back to me. “I kind of think of them as my adoptive little sisters. And then I made friends with Allegra, and it suddenly became easier to cope with this new life on the base since we had each other to talk to and confide in. Naturally, I’m a little creeped out by the physical changes to our bodies, but so far they seem pretty minimal.”
The expression on Kyrie’s face was so grim when I glanced at her next, I was a little taken aback since it made her look older beyond her years. She licked her lips nervously as all eyes turned to her. “I have things here that I never did at home, especially the feeling of security. I feel loved and accepted here, and being here with all of you guys, I can honestly say that this is the happiest I’ve ever been. Most importantly I feel like I have hope again, and I feel so grateful for it. There was a time when I felt that my life was completely and utterly pointless. It was a terrible feeling, and hopefully I’ll never have to experience it again if I remain in the program with you guys.”
I caught the curious look that was exchanged between Harper and Allegra, and it made me feel that perhaps they didn’t know Kyrie’s story after all. I found it a little puzzling since I assumed that everyone here already knew each other’s personal stories.
Looking towards Marisol, I saw that she had reached for Kyrie’s hand and was grasping it tightly. “I feel exactly the same way that Kyrie does. For once in my life, I feel hope again. Ever since you stood up for me with Ruby, you’ve made me feel important. Like I matter. I didn’t feel like I fit in in my old life, and when I came here…I still felt like an outsider. Like I was a freak. Every day here is still a struggle for me, but I’m getting better and better. My biggest fear is that you and Gideon and Sam will all get your third shots and the rest of us will all get left behind.” Marisol’s lower lip started to quiver, and I was startled that she had been agonizing over the thought of being abandoned.
Pointing my finger at her, I retorted, “What the heck, Marisol? Haven’t you been paying attention to the live cams? I never leave a teammate behind. Period! In the past, when I was done running my miles around the track—did I leave Sam behind to fend for himself? Nope…Gideon and I ran extra laps, just so that Sam didn’t have to run around the track alone. Cuz that’s how we roll. Being in a team means that you never have to be alone again. Got it? You never have to worry about that with me.” I got to my feet and padded around Kyrie, crouching behind Marisol to give her a great big hug from behind.
Not wanting to be left out, Kyrie leaned over and put her arms around the two of us. “Awww… it’s time for a group hug!” I chuckled at Harper’s words and we all laughed as Harper and Allegra hurried over to join the group hug. I smiled at Jamie over the top of Marisol’s head, and laughed outright when I saw that she openly had tears streaming down her face.
“Nurse Jamie… you’re a big ol’ crybaby!” I accused. She just chuckled guiltily as Sergeant Kami leaned over to drape her arm around Jamie’s shoulders.
As we all returned to our original seats, Kyrie said, “I don’t get it. Why are you crying, Nurse Jamie?”
“It’s because I’m happy and relieved that we have your full cooperation for the experiments we have planned. Sergeant Ramsey told us in the beginning, that participants who remained uncooperative would be terminated from the program. You can interpret that however you want, but the bottom line is that none of the military staff here wants it to come down to that.”
Suddenly alarmed, I asked, “What happened to Ruby? Where is she?”
Holding out her hands as if to placate me, Jamie explained, “Calm down. We still have hope for her. Currently, Ruby is undergoing hypnotherapy to find out why she’s so hateful towards Marisol. With enough sessions, we’re hoping that we can get down to the root of the problem so that we can begin behavior modification therapy. In the worst case scenario, she’ll be terminated from this program. She can never go back to her old life in the real world. I hope you all realize that none of you can.”
I simply nodded my head in understanding. I truly hoped that behavioral modification would work on her because she was way too young to be such a hateful, raging bitch. There was just no cause for it. Besides, I sincerely believed that everyone deserved a second chance. It was just a shame that Ruby was blowing hers. The mood in the room suddenly turned ominous as I’m sure we all started wondering the same thing; what did it mean to be terminated? Would they finish the job we all started and take away this life they had given us? Or would we be entered into a different type of program and experimented on until our bodies couldn’t handle the stress of change anymore?
One thing was for damn sure—I decided right then and there that I would try my hardest not to get terminated from the program. I rather liked my new life here on the base, and the new extended family that came along with it. Seeking to banish the dark thoughts from my mind, I decided to change the topic to one I had originally wanted to discuss in the first place.
“So…new topic change!” My smile was bright and cheery as I looked around the room. “Let’s talk about this Friday’s test already!!” Naturally, since I wanted answers, I began an obnoxious chant that the other girls quickly picked up on in hopes that our chaperones would buckle under the pressure and spill the beans regarding this Friday’s plans for us.
“Details! Details! Details! Details!” We pumped our fists in the air as we half-laughed, half-chanted until finally Sergeant Kami raised her hands in the air, signaling for quiet as she struggled to keep a straight face. Shaking her head at me, she sighed, “Teagan….you’re a bad influence on the others.”
Pleased, I gave her my most charming smile. “Why, thank you!”
Jamie snorted, and started to choke on the gummy bears she had just popped in her mouth. I reached over and gave her a couple of good thumps on the back, laughing at her as I did so. Once she got her breath back, I shot a sheepish look at Sergeant Kami. “It’s okay, I know the Heimlich. Although—-I wouldn’t put it past one of the guys watching the monitors to come rushing in here so they could give her mouth-to-mouth.” I waggled my eyebrows at Jamie as everyone else erupted in laughter.
“Oh geez! I forgot all about the monitors!” Harper took her towel and wrapped it around her body so that it covered her from chest to upper thigh. I just laughed as I shook my head at her.
Turning my attention back to Sergeant Kami, I stated, “Come on already! I won’t be swayed! I’m tenacious like that. Can’t you give us just a little hint?”
“Hmm… let me see if I can shed some light on the test without giving it away.” There was a brief pause as she folded her arms across her chest and thought about it. You could hear a pin drop in the sudden quiet, I was sure. Finally she said, “It’s kind of like a test of physical endurance. You’ll be tested on upper body strength and balance. For some of you, it’ll be a test of courage. For the majority of you, it will be a test of perseverance because you might not pass the test on the first try, but we will give you the opportunity to re-test every Friday until you do pass.”
What the heck. It was like a riddle. I felt my brow furrow as I pondered Sergeant Kami’s cryptic clues. A quick glance around the room showed I wasn’t the only one confused. I chewed on my lower lip for a second before blurting out, “How bout another clue?”
There was no hesitation on Sergeant Kami’s part when she answered, “No.”
“Oh, come on!” I needled.
“Nope!”
“POOP!” I swore.
Kyrie giggled at me as she echoed, “Poop?”
“The ‘s’ word is a swear word and since you’re here, I have to improvise.” I explained offhandedly.
There was another brief pause before what I said finally registered to Marisol, and she threw back her head and let loose great peals of laughter. Her laughter was contagious, and we all started laughing along with her.
“You don’t understand what a sacri
fice it is though,” I complained. “The ‘s’ word has always been my favorite swear word.” Oh well. I knew it was a bad habit to cuss in front of the young ones, but at least I could still cuss up a storm in my head.
As the laughter died down, I said, “Okay! Topic change! What should we talk about next?”
Harper, Allegra, Marisol, and Kyrie all grinned impishly at each other before turning their sights on me. All at once, they chorused, “Boys!!!”
18
Oh yeah… Isn’t this the whole reason why you wanted Girls Night in the first place, Teagan? However, looking around at all the grinning faces aimed my way, I couldn’t help but feel slightly alarmed. Especially when they continued to smirk knowingly at me, as if they knew some big juicy secret that I didn’t. Even Jamie and Sergeant Kami were beaming at me like a couple of goobers.
When I couldn’t stand it anymore, I finally mumbled, “What?!”
“Pfft! What do you mean, what? Let’s talk about guys already! You get the ball rolling, Teagan!” Harper, the most boy-crazy of the bunch, was smiling so big I swear the guys watching the monitors would know exactly what we were talking about, even without being able to listen in. Knowing part of the dilemma, Jamie finally took pity on me and decided to fill the girls in on Sergeant Quartermaine’s secret unit. She even went so far as to explain how I had run into two of the guys the other night when I was on my way back to my room for the night.