by Yazz Ustaris
In an attempt to bury the hatchet, I made eye contact with Aidan as he was walking past, and the surprise on his face was comical when I said, “Good luck out there Aidan.” He just stared at me for a moment as if trying to gauge whether or not I was being sincere. Whatever he saw in my eyes must’ve reassured him as he mumbled back, “Thanks.”
Looking up, I saw that Sergeant Ramsey had led the congregation closer to the “bull pens”, and I smiled in greeting when my friends took seats all around me. Kyrie smiled bravely when everyone (except Zima and Leif) cheered for her and wished her good luck. Suddenly, Sergeant Kami came back on the microphone and announced, “Let’s set the clock for five seconds please. Rodeo clowns, at the ready!”
Everything was happening so fast, and I suddenly felt my heart leap in my throat in fear for little Kyrie. She looked so small and cute and totally out of place on that big beast, especially with her pink sneakers and pink raglan shirt with the narwhal on the front. When she glanced again at me for reassurance, I flashed her the thumbs up sign and smiled wide, trying to hide my fear for her welfare. It worked as the look of determination reentered her eyes.
The horn sounded and suddenly the gates were opened, and out darted Kyrie atop Buttcracker. The bull kicked and bucked, jumping high in the air in an effort to dislodge Kyrie’s slight weight. To my surprise, Kyrie started shrieking in laughter as she was spun around and around. Just that fast, it was over, and the buzzer sounded to announce her ride was over. SHE DID IT!!! Getting off the bull was another matter entirely. One rodeo clown yelled at her to let go of the strap, and when she finally summoned the courage to do it, she was bucked off at the next jump and went flying through the air. One of the clowns moved with lightning speed and caught Kyrie before she could hit the ground. The sound of her exhilarated laughter had us all laughing along with her in relief.
Sergeant Ramsey was jumping up and down in excitement, thoroughly enjoying the “show”. Turning to face us, he beamed as he chuckled, “See? Nailed it on the first try!! If she can do it, I know y’all can do it too!” He started clapping and stomping his boots on the bleacher steps as Kyrie came jogging back towards the seating area. The rodeo clowns herded BS back into his pen to await the next rider.
When Kyrie reentered the row of bleachers where I was seated, she ran to me and threw her arms around me in a great big hug, giggling the entire way. “I did it Teagan! Did you see me?” She was grinning from ear to ear, the excitement sparkling clearly in her eyes.
“Good job, sweetheart! I knew you could do it! I’m so proud of you!” Thank God I don’t have to sit through that again. I realized that even though I was practically beside myself with excitement for my own turn, when it came to the others, I would probably be a nervous wreck too. In the short time that I had gotten to know them, I had really come to like and respect the majority of my comrades in the program. And even though I wasn’t close with everyone yet, I still didn’t want to see anybody get hurt. Due to the nature of these trials, it was inevitable that someone at some point was going to suffer an injury. It was why Jamie and Doc Duffy waited on the sidelines with their medical equipment at the ready.
Our attentions all jerked to the side when Sergeant Flynn announced that it was Gabe’s turn to ride. “Set the clock for 8 seconds. Clowns at the ready!” The sound of the horn blared through the arena as the gates opened. Out shot Gabe atop Stomperosa, and once again, everyone shot to their feet as the adrenaline within the arena reached a crescendo. Possibly, it might’ve been due to Gabe’s obvious panic at finding himself atop a real live bull, but he got bucked off at only 3 seconds in. The expression of relief on his face at being safely within the bleachers again was pretty funny, and the other guys couldn’t resist giving him a good-natured ribbing.
When Aidan’s turn came, he looked startled when others started cheering for him too. The positive vibe of sportsmanship reverberated around the tent, and I was gratified when I saw him give a slight nod of acknowledgement before his gate opened. Maybe there’s hope for him after all. The cheering for him was loud because he got bucked off at 7.4 seconds. So close!!
The names for Round 2 were called in order of Gideon, Zima, and Marisol bringing up the rear. Gideon was pumped up for his ride and hardly needed any encouragement. Nevertheless, as he was passing by to approach the bull pen, I reached out and squeezed his shoulder in a show of support as I murmured, “You got this!” The clock was set for 15 seconds, and everyone held their breath as they watched Gideon on the arena floor atop Buttcracker. His muscles flexed as he seemed to effortlessly manipulate his body to sway with the movements of the bull’s bucking. His ride was truly a beauty to watch.
When the buzzer rang signaling that the 15 seconds was up, everyone cheered wildly. As he climbed back into the bleachers and approached where I stood with Kyrie and Sam, his smile practically lit up the entire room. Catching my eye, he held out his arms as he joked, “Do I get a hug too?” Because he asked so cutely, and partly because I didn’t want his feelings to get hurt, I reached up to give him a hug but squealed with surprise when he lifted me off the ground and twirled me around.
My eyes met everyone else’s over Gideon’s shoulder, as they watched the entertainment that Gideon was ignorantly providing. I felt my cheeks burn when Gideon lingered with his hug much longer than was necessary. Swatting at his shoulder, I said, “Alright, time’s up. Hugs should only be three Mississippi’s in length.” Sam rolled his eyes at me as he snorted in amusement.
Laughing in exhilaration as he released me, he commented, “Whew! What a total rush!”
We all heard Logan in the background as he mumbled teasingly, “Are you referring to the bull ride or the hug?” Sergeant Ramsey tried to muffle his laughter but was unsuccessful, and his shoulders shook with his mirth. In an effort to get everyone’s attention off me and back onto the arena floor, I said, “Come on guys, get your heads in the game. It’s Zima’s turn.”
The clock was reset for 8 seconds, and everyone turned their attention back to the next ride. I felt bad for Zima because although she tried to hide it, she was even more terrified of the bull ride than Gabe was. It was obvious in the way her eyes were bugging out of their sockets, and how her upper body was trembling in fear. Her ride was over before it even began and she got bucked off at 1.5 seconds.
Everyone turned their attention to the last bull in Round 2 to where Marisol sat atop Thundershanks. Earlier, I had heard Kyrie giving Marisol the same exact pep talk I had given her, and I saw that Marisol had put on a brave face. Catching our eye, she smiled and flashed us a thumbs up sign. The gates opened as the horn sounded to begin her round, and as the bull made the first two jumps, to my horror, I saw that the latch hadn’t been properly secured from the previous ride, and Stomperosa had just gotten loose.
As if in slow motion, I saw all the rodeo clowns converge on Stomperosa in a desperate effort to herd him back into his pen before he collided with Thundershanks. Understandably, Marisol panicked when she saw the second bull in the arena headed her way, and her grip on the strap loosened. I knew in that moment that Marisol was at serious risk for injury since she was unprotected and vulnerable without anyone to assist her.
Without giving it another thought, I flew past Sergeant Ramsey in a blur of movement, and was up and over the railing before anyone could stop me. My main priority was getting to Marisol. I saw her get bucked off of Thundershanks, and she flew upside down in the air as the enraged bull suddenly pivoted and charged for Marisol’s exposed belly.
Putting on an extra burst of speed, I caught Marisol around the waist before she could hit the ground, and swung her around in a big arc in an effort to fling her up and off to the side, out of the direct path of the bull. I was thankful that her light weight made it possible for me to toss her a few feet away from me. I saw in my peripheral that one of the clowns had caught Marisol and had carried her to the safety of the bleachers where Jamie and Doc Duffy were located.
Of course, that left
me vulnerable and I dodged quickly to the opposite side in a tuck-and-roll maneuver to hurriedly get out of the path of the bull. I could practically feel the heat of Thundershanks’ malodorous breath on the back of my neck. In the background, I suddenly heard people frantically screaming my name from multiple directions, but I couldn’t pay attention to them at the moment because I wasn’t in the clear yet.
I felt the bull nudge my ankle, and in the next second, to my shock I was flying through the air. The wind was painfully knocked out of me when my ribs connected with the top of Thundershanks’ head, and I started to feel sick from the frenzy with which the bull turned and bucked. A quick glance down showed that one of my shoelaces was caught in the bull’s horns, and no matter how hard I jerked my leg, I couldn’t get it free. Seriously? I’m getting taken down because of my shoelace? So embarrassing…
The bull was spinning in circles so fast that I became really dizzy, but still, I was able to see that most of the sergeants and all three rodeo clowns were now on the arena floor with me. Belatedly, I wondered how much trouble I was going to be in for interfering with Marisol’s ride, but in good conscience there was no way I could’ve just sat there and not done anything to help. It wasn’t in my nature to be passive when danger was present.
On the next turn, Thundershanks tossed his head back and finally I was free…but not clear. Since I had been tossed like a ragdoll and was momentarily airborne, I couldn’t do anything to stop the events that took place next. With me now clearly in his sights, the bull tossed his head again and I felt nauseous from the pain as I took another brutal hit to my already sore ribs. Lightheaded, I tried desperately not to black out from the agony as I landed hard in the dirt on my back. Not done with me yet, I saw a pair of angry hooves coming down to stomp on top of me, and in a last ditch effort to protect my ribs, I curled onto my side and felt a pain so excruciating that I did pray to pass out just to escape it.
21
Before Thundershanks got the chance to trample me a second time, I felt a pair of hands hook beneath my armpits and quickly but gently drag me several feet away out of the bull’s path. I remained curled on my side, wheezing and gasping for breath. Every breath I tried to take was agony, and I was helpless to stop the tears that flowed down my face. DAMN, this hurts! I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to do the mind-over-matter thing, mentally telling myself that the pain wasn’t really there and that it was all a part of my imagination. The problem with that plan, is that it really freakin’ hurt. “Ouuuuccchh…” I moaned breathlessly.
I felt a gloved fingertip trace my tear-stained cheek in a soft caress, as I heard someone say, “Hang in there Teagan. Fight through it. You’re gonna be okay.” I think I was starting to get delirious from my pain because I could’ve sworn that I recognized that deep voice. A plaintive whine sounded in my ear just before I felt the gentle lap of Mercer’s tongue. Intuitively, he knew his master was in trouble but didn’t know how to help. What a sweet puppy.
In the next moment, I heard more footsteps running a direct path to me, and out of the jumble of exclamations and terrified sobbing came Jamie’s tender voice. “Teagan…can you hear me? We’re going to have to move you to Medical, but first we need to put you on the stretcher. This is going to hurt.”
I could only nod my head in a jerky movement, afraid to speak due to the wet rattle I kept hearing in my chest every time I tried to take a breath. That couldn’t be good. I trusted the military staff to take care of me – to take care of all of us and I’d agree to do just about anything right now if only they’d stop the pain. Multiple hands gripped me gently beneath my arms in preparation to move my upper half on top of the stretcher, but as soon as I felt hands touch my right leg, I let out a loud gasp, shuddering in pain. That was the last thing I remembered before passing out in sweet, merciful oblivion.
I had no idea how long I had been unconscious, but it was difficult for me to tell when I was awake or dreaming since I couldn’t open my eyes. My eyelids felt so heavy, it was almost as if they were glued shut or something. There were moments where I was positive I was awake and lucid, because I could hear distinct voices having one-sided conversations with me.
I remembered hearing Sam and Gideon as they came by to visit. A gentle hand was clutching each of mine as I sensed they sat on either side of my bed. “You were so brave, Teagan, rushing to Marisol’s rescue the way you did without a single thought to your own safety.” Sam’s sweet voice was filled with sadness as I felt him tracing patterns on the back of my hand. “Your fearlessness is one of the traits that I admire the most about you. I’m so sorry that I wasn’t brave enough to run out there to help you, Teagan. You should never have gotten hurt. I hate that I was frozen with fear.”
Oh Sam…when I wake up and get out of this bed, I’m gonna kick your ass for always blaming yourself for things you have no control of.
“Come on, Sam. Don’t put all the blame on your shoulders. None of us could’ve gone to help her even if we’d wanted to. I tried, remember? After she ran into the arena, Sergeant Ramsey ordered us all to stay put … or else.”
“Since when has that ever stopped Teagan from doing what’s right? She needed our help and we failed her, Gideon.”
A deep sigh escaped Gideon before I felt my right hand being raised and a gentle kiss was pressed to the back of it. “Teagan is kindhearted. I’m sure she’ll forgive us Sam. In the future, we’ll do a better job of protecting her, okay?”
There was a brief moment of silence before Gideon blurted out, “I love you Teagan.”
A loud gasp sounded from Sam’s side of the bed. “You can’t say that! That’s cheating! You have to wait until she’s awake before you can say the “L” word! Tsk! Geez…don’t you know anything?”
Oh wow. Well, it’s not like you didn’t see this coming, Teagan. I would’ve laughed outright at Sam’s reaction to Gideon’s declaration if I had been able to. He was definitely right though. Telling someone you loved them didn’t count if that person wasn’t conscious to hear your confession. As I lay there replaying Gideon’s words in my mind, I couldn’t deny that a warm feeling was starting to spread through my chest. Could it be possible? Did he really love me, or did he just think he loved me?
As I pondered it, softly in my ear I heard Gideon’s doleful plea. “Come back to us, Teagan. I know it’s painful, but you have to fight your way out of it. Come back…”
I don’t know how much time passed after that visit, but I became aware of other people’s comings and goings. A gentle caress of my cheek here… the tender press of lips to my forehead there…it all became a haze of confusion in the far recesses of my mind as one day blurred into another.
Even though I knew I should’ve woken up by now, I wasn’t yet ready to leave the warm, secure haven where I was currently resting. It was peaceful here. There was no pain here. What could it possibly hurt to rest just a little while longer?
And then out of the darkness, I heard a sweet voice weeping my name. “Wake up, Teagan! Please wake up! Just open your eyes and tell us that you’re going to be okay.” I felt wetness falling onto the back of my left hand which was being held in a vice-like grip. Recognizing Kyrie’s voice, I felt remorse that she was crying over me.
On my other side, I heard Marisol’s wavering voice as she attempted to choke back her own sobs. “Teagan, you have to get better soon. It was you who saved me from my own darkness. You can’t just come here and make me care about my life again, only to abandon me. I know that it’s my fault that you’re injured, because you saved me from getting hurt by Thundershanks, but Kyrie and I need you.” I felt my right hand being lifted, and a gentle kiss was pressed reverently on the back of it.
I lay there helplessly, listening to the sound of their combined hysterics, wondering if something had happened recently while I was recuperating to cause this sudden surge of emotional distress. Listening intently, I surmised that it was a few more minutes before Kyrie’s cries finally quieted down to a few sniffles. She
released a pent up sigh before I felt her stroking the back of my hand, trying to wipe the moisture of her fallen tears away.
“Since Nurse Jamie and Sergeant Kami said that you might be able to hear us, I want to tell you my story. Then maybe, you’ll decide that you want to wake up. Maybe you’ll come back to us if you understand why we need you so much.”
Perking up, I listened intently to Kyrie’s voice. I had been beyond curious about Kyrie’s circumstances ever since I had met her. I didn’t feel like she belonged here, primarily because of her age, but also because she had such a sweet disposition and was well-liked amongst all her peers. The thought of her purposely harming herself was inconceivable to my mind. With a slight catch to her voice, she began to tell me her personal story.
“My parents were high school sweethearts and my mom was really young when she got pregnant with me. She was only 15. Her parents, and her boyfriend’s parents, tried to talk sense into them to give me up for adoption but my mom wanted to keep me. I think in her head, it was a way to trap my dad into staying with her. When they both turned 18, they moved in together in a little apartment with me…and that’s when things started to get bad, I suppose. They started to grow apart, and they were angry all the time because taking care of a toddler when you’re a teenager yourself is a very hard job. They were forced to grow up too fast.
Shortly after I turned 6 years old, my dad left my mom for another woman. They never got married after all, so in the end, he felt free to leave since there was nothing to tie him down. In the beginning, my dad was a great dad and I was allowed to spend a couple of weekends with him every month. But when he finally got married and his wife became pregnant with their first child, my dad’s visits grew farther and farther apart. My mom made it difficult for him to visit me because she was angry and bitter that he got his “happily ever after”, while she got stuck being a single mom with a child that she hadn’t really wanted in the first place.